


The Convenience Store.

by valerian_valentine



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Blood, Blood and Gore, Body Horror, Comedy, Comfort, Crying, Cryptozoology, Dark Comedy, Demons, Ghosts, Gore, Horror, M/M, Nightmare Fuel, Nightmares, Paranormal, Slow Burn, Suicide, Violence, but no one actually dies, puke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:40:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 28
Words: 131,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22944916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valerian_valentine/pseuds/valerian_valentine
Summary: Karkat gets a job at a convenience store. His new coworker is kind of suspicious and he wonders who their boss is but he needs the cash.
Relationships: Dave Strider & Karkat Vantas, Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 675
Kudos: 539





	1. Well, that's not normal.

**Author's Note:**

> :)

Karkat adjusted his appearance for the hundredth time in the little vanity mirror behind his sun visor. He knew there was no reason to be this worried about his appearance, he was going to work at a convenience store for fucks sake, he was probably going to be the best dressed person there but he was always anxious about his appearance. He wanted to look his best all the time and if he didn’t look good, what was the point of going out?

He couldn't do anything to hide the dark circles under his eyes or his acne but at least his hair wasn’t looking like fucking mess… except it was. Okay, maybe he should just go home and never go near this fucking place ever again. That would be okay, right? Just leave and never come back?

No no, he needed the money and this place.. Well, he needed the money and he wouldn’t have to interact with a lot of people here which is good. He could do this. He didn’t look horrendous, he wasn’t going to be judged, he was just going to go in and.. Do the thing. Do his job. Be a normal, functioning human being. Right. He could do that. He could be a normal, functioning human being. That is something he could do. Just.. Walk in and get to work.

He took a big, deep breath to steady himself before he opened his car door and got out, walking up to the doors. The automatic doors slid open with a soft ‘ding’ to tell the other workers someone was there. There was already a guy standing behind the counter, watching something on his phone. He couldn’t tell if the guy was looking at him or not, shades hiding his eyes.

“Excuse me?” Karkat asked, forcing his voice to be deep and steady. He could do this. This was fine. This guy wasn't that scary, he was just some loser who also needed the cash.

The guy sighed and put his phone down before standing up straight, looking right at Karkat with complete disinterest. “You're the new guy, right? Go ‘head and go to the back and clock in and shit. I already did most of what had to be done so you can just chill behind the counter with me ‘less you wanna deep clean the entire store for some reason.” The guy explained, talking with a slight twang in his voice. “To be honest, I wouldn’t suggest deep cleanin’ anythin’ here. Might find somethin’ you weren't supposed to ever see or you might just find something gross as shit. ‘Sides, you’re hard work could get ruined in two fuckin’ seconds sense this place is a rest stop for dirt and germs everywhere, come one, come all, come see our fucking gross as fuck bathrooms, honestly, shit is stuff of nightmares. Sometimes literally, depends on the day of the week. Sometimes, the stuff of nightmares is just chilling in front of you and you gotta be like, woah, hey man, this looks like a job for someone else-” Karkat stopped listening at this point. The guy, Dave as it said on his name tag, just seemed to be talking to himself now.

Karkat slowly walked to the back of the store, waiting for ‘Dave’ to stop talking or at least acknowledge the fact that he was leaving. He didn’t. He just.. Kept talking. He was rambling on and on about ‘dimension glue’ or something, Karkat wasn’t paying attention anymore and he wasn't sure he wanted to pay attention.

The back of the store was just as grimy as the front, with the same fluorescent lights buzzing above his head and the same weird stains and the same sticky floor. Every time he lifted his foot, the disgusting noise of it unsticking would be heard. He was going to have to burn these shoes later..

He opened the ‘employees only’ door and walked in, feeling an immediate sense of extreme anxiety as he did, like he was having a panic attack. The hairs on the back of his neck stood straight up and his brain screamed at him to leave, telling him this wasn't right and that he shouldn't be there. It was the same feeling as sneaking into someone's private space, the feeling of not belonging. He ignored the feeling, brushing it off as a regular anxiety feeling, moving forward. He needed to clock in and get his name tag. He was going to get this paycheck. He was going to be okay.

As he walked into the dimly lit room, he automatically started regretting everything that led up to this point. The feelings of anxiety just worsened as he actually went into the room but he suppressed it as he clocked in as quickly as he could then slipped on his name tag, walking out quickly as the feeling of being trapped started becoming too much. There wasn’t any sort of note from the manager or anything in there which he was kind of grateful for. He did not want to spend another second in that room, it freaked him out immensely for some reason.

He made sure his name tag was on correctly before going back out to the front of the store, the feeling of anxiety slowly fading as he got further from the room. “So… What exactly am I supposed to do? There wasn’t really a note from the manager or anything.” He questioned the only other worker there. Dave seemed.. Chill. Tall and skinny, definitely a weirdo. But a weirdo who seemed to mind his own business which Karkat could appreciate. 

“Hm?” Dave looked up from his phone, his expression completely neutral. Karkat wasn't even sure his face moved unless he was talking. Maybe he had a lot of botox injections in his face or something. Probably not sense he really didn’t look like the type of guy to do that stuff, let alone be able to afford it.

“Oh, uh..” Dave continued, standing up straight and stretching. “Yeah, I’ll show you ‘round the store n shit. We won’t really be doing much ‘sides cleaning up random messes, ringing up customers and not dying.” He joked.. At least, Karkat hoped this guy was joking about that last part. It was kind of hard to tell. “So, follow me, I guess.” Dave mumbled and moved out from behind the counter, walking down what seemed to be the chip aisle.

“The boss doesn't really have us restock the shelves a lot so you won't have to worry about what goes where but when we do have to stock it up, there's a floor plan behind the register you can look at and a more specific floor plan in the break room but the break room is.. Freaky. Always check ID when people buy alcohol and shit, judge teenagers on their snack choices and avoid mysterious people. Don’t be nosy, don’t ask people how their day is going, don’t do nothin’ besides say hello and tell ‘em their total.” Dave rambled, making weird hand gestures while he spoke and walked through the aisles, occasionally kicking something out of the way. 

He went to the back and opened a different ‘Employees only’ door that Karkat didn't see earlier. Inside was a couple of boxes, pallets, food and drinks along with some dingy looking cleaning supplies and monitor displaying what seemed like live footage from the cameras around the shop. It was small and dark in there, with a single door that looked like it led outside. Karkat didn’t know why but he really hoped they didn't have to go through that door. “This is the backrooms. You can get behind the freezers here and it's where we keep supplies. Tape, tools, weapons, you name it, it's back here. We also use this way to take out the trash but I don’t feel like going all the way back there right now. The mess disappoints me. We always lock the back door behind us unless we feel like fighting the hobos and rats that sneak in, I mean, I dunno what you’re into dude. Could enjoy getting rabies from weirdos, that's none of my business. Anyway, cleaning supplies are back there too but I suggest not going back here without telling another worker, aka me. It just feels freaky.” Dave seemed to finish and turned to face Karkat. “Questions, comments, concerns, cornflakes?” He asked, crossing his arms.

“Uhh..” Karkat felt more confused than before. “There’s rats and hobos around here…?” He decided to ask first, frowning. “Why not just call a pest company or the cops? Seems like a safety hazard.”

Dave just grinned and snapped his fingers, pointing a finger gun at him. His teeth were weirdly white and a bit crooked. “Excellent question. We don’t call anyone here. No cops, no pest control, no nothing. Don’t even call the manager. Never invite someone to come here over the phone, ever. If you need a ride.. Don’t. If you wait long enough, whatever is wrong with your car will stop. Really, calling people is a bad idea.” Dave ‘explained’. Was this motherfucker going to kill him or something?

“.. Okay. Um. Sure, yeah, okay. Why shouldn’t we call anyone..?” He questioned, on guard now. Well, if he got murdered, then he got murdered. 

“Hard to explain and I’m kinda realizing how sus that was but I swear, it's not for the reasons you think. I’ve called cops after… Unfortunate accidents here and they just don’t help. They’ll just make the situation a lot worse, blame you, make you feel like shit then leave you to clean up the mess. It sucked.” Dave tried explaining again, now leaning against the freezer door, probably smudging it.

“Oh. Okay.” Karkat relaxed a bit. He could deal with cops being incompetent, he dealt with that almost monthly. “So.. Where’s the owner or manager or something? Are we the only people here?” He questioned, following Dave back to the counter.

“Yup. I mean, unless you count the feelings as employees, then we’re fully fucking staffed and then some.”

Karkat stiffened up, his mind immediately going to the feeling he got in the break room. “Feelings? The fuck do you mean?” He slipped up on the ‘no cursing’ thing but Dave didn’t seem like a snitch.

“You went to the break room, right? To get ya name tag?” Dave asked, sitting down in the spinny chair behind the counter. “Did you.. Not get that freaky feeling? Or do you always get super pale and panicky lookin’ when you go into a room by yourself?” He sarcastically asked, a big grin on his face. “The feeling of foreboding, horrible disaster on the horizon, is always in random places ‘round here. For example, the back. The outside back, I should say. Always have a horrible feeling when I stay back there for longer than I need to. You’ll get used to that feeling after a few days.. Or quit. Or turn to drugs, or be dead.” Dave shrugged, acting nonchalant and ignoring Karkat's slightly terrified and confused look.

“.. Okay then.” Karkat managed to choke out, not wanting to question this psycho any more. He just wanted to get this job done and go home to his nice, soft bed and with no sticky tiles or mysterious stains or psychos.

“Yeah. So, feel free to chill out, watch some Netflix or Youtube or somethin’. That’s what I’m doing. Also, you can get a free slushie if you want but don’t take more than three a day. Boss hates that and you don’t want the boss to hate you.” Dave warned before slipping some headphones on and returning to whatever video he was watching on his phone.

This guy was definitely going to murder him.

The day moved by slowly, the occasionally ding from the front door randomly opening but no one ever came in. Dave’s explanation was ‘ghosts’ and not much else so Karkat chalked it up to some sort of wind or mechanical error or trash floating by. Ghosts aren't real after all.

Currently, Karkat was mopping the tiny men's bathroom with only three stalls and three urinals, trying to ignore all the germs in there. There were mysterious stains all along the walls and floor, shockingly dirty sinks, the occasional pen graffiti that was too smudged for Karkat to decipher correctly and the occasional wad of paper towels that never seemed to be there until Karkat turned around. So, it was shockingly normal for a convenience store bathroom given all the mysterious things his new coworker said.

As Karkat was mopping and trying to get the second mysterious stain out of the floor, the toilet at the very end of the line started bubbling. It was slow and he brushed it off as some sort of auditory hallucination at first but the bubbling started becoming more and more frequent, the sound disturbingly similar to a mud bubble popping or water boiling.

He sighed, hoping it was just his imagination and went down the line of stalls, opening the empty stall door that was not closed earlier. He peered into the toilet and froze up when he saw bubbles of blood rising to the surface and slowly filling the dirty toilet but the bubbles soon sped up as Karkat just stood there. Karkat starred at the rapidly filling bowl in disbelief for a few more seconds, in shock before he remembered that that wasn't normal and he should get someone else to check this out to make sure he wasn't going crazy.

He dropped his mop and quickly made his way to the door, yanking at the handle, panic filling him when the door didn’t open. He tried pushing, pulling and even ramming into the door with his shoulder after a few minutes but nothing worked, it felt like someone was holding him in and keeping him captive. The sound of boiling water soon filled the bathroom as the other two toilets started bubbling and filling with blood, beginning to overflow, subsequently filling Karkat with fear.

“Dave?! This isn’t fucking funny, let me out!” He yelled and pounded on the door, looking behind himself as the morbid human curiosity to look at disturbing things took over.

At the same time,

The toilets exploded.

Karkat luckily had just enough time to shut his mouth and eyes before blood shot out everywhere, splattering and splashing all the along the walls and filling the air with a horrible, gag inducing smell that was akin to feces and, well, blood. The sound was awful and would give Karkat nightmares for years to come, noises of something wet and fleshy hitting the walls filling the contaminated air.

Once every single inch of the bathroom was drenched in blood, the noises stopped and got replaced with dripping and the occasional sound of something wetly hitting the ground. Karkat stood there, trembling like a leaf in the wind, knowing he was covered head to toe in blood and… chunky bits that he couldn’t identify with his eyes squeezed shut. His gag reflex tried to activate multiple times but Karkat forced the feeling down, manning up and opening his eyes, hoping he would just wake up in his bedroom with his alarm going off to notify him that he was late to work.

Instead, he was still in the bathroom which was now covered in dark red blood and.. Bits. Bits of flesh, he assumed but honestly, he wasn’t so sure. His mind was blank, still trying to process what just happened.. Until the smell hit him full in the face. Rotting blood, sewerage and blood made him automatically throw up on the spot, hunched over with his arms pressed against his stomach as his legs desperately tried to keep him up right and away from the bloody, squishy ground. The contents of his stomach hit the floor with a splash, mixing with the blood and bits, making the smell in there even worse.

He gagged a couple more times before his stomach was completely empty, his body trembling as he stood up straight, his head swimming from all the abuse. He barely even noticed the tears streaming down his face or the saliva/stomach acid combo dripping down his chin.

The door opened behind him, helping him slowly return to reality. “Oh. Yikes.” Dave’s voice echoed off the walls, sounding just as monotone as ever. “Yeah, okay buddy, let's get you cleaned up.”


	2. Explanations are good.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave explains some things, Karkat is kinda in shock.

Karkat stared at his coworker, pissed off and confused as all hell. “I’m sorry, fucking  _ what? _ ” He asked again, disbelief evident in his tone and facial expression.

“This place is a pitstop for ghosts, ghouls, goblins, cryptids, murderers, horrorterrors, anything and everything paranormal. Think SCP foundation shit. Pretty sure I’ve seen some of those fucks ‘round here before. But, like I said, don’t sweat it ‘cause the boss will protect us. I think. I dunno, haven’t died yet.” Dave shrugged and leaned back in his chair, manspreading while he did so. His sleeves were rolled up and his clothes were damp and he smelled like bleach from cleaning the bathrooms. 

Karkat pulled the towel tighter against his body, squinting at Dave. “Okay then, how do you fucking explain the toilets exploding with blood? Huh? The fuck was that shit? A ghost?” He demanded, trying to explain this shit to himself rationally. Ghosts weren’t real, demons weren't real, ghouls weren't real, whatever the fuck the SCP foundation was wasn't fucking real.

“It was blood  _ and  _ guts. Or feces. Didn’t figure it out. But yeah, that happened to me on my first day too. Next time the toilet starts bubbling, just yell at it like a disappointed mom and it'll stop.” Dave shrugged again, sniffing. “You look pale a fuck again. Chill out dude, just don’t freak out about it.” He explained like it was easy to not freak out after you just got splashed with blood.

“Don’t freak out?! DON’T FREAK OUT?! I just fucking got exploded on by a fucking toilet!! I fucking puked my god damned guts out from the mere fucking smell of that shit and you’re telling me not to  _ freak out?! _ ” He yelled, standing up. “I just got fucking covered in fucking blood and possibly fucking feces, you don’t fucking get to tell me when to not freak the fuck out! What the fuck dude, how the fuck are you so calm?!” He demanded, stomping his foot on the sticky floor for emphasis.

“Drugs and previous trauma with a dash of dissociation.” Dave replied, flinching slightly when Karkat stood up. “I’m good at just.. Turning my brain off when freaky shit happens. Years of desensitization does wonders for the human body. Listen, sit back down and just breathe. It was just blood and some bits, nothing serious. Breathe.” He reassured him, putting his hands up in a calming gesture.

Karkat counted to ten in his head before he slowly sat down, forcing himself to take deep breaths. It was just blood and bits of.. Whatever. Nothing serious. “How do you know these things? How long have you been working here?” He asked, silently cursing himself for his shaky voice.

“Years, man. Just take a moment, chill. I did my own research into this shit because I’m not a complete dumbass. This stuff isn’t just random with no explanation, things happen for a reason. They just so happen to enjoy happening here. These things won’t hurt you as long as you don;t hurt them, that's the law of the land, dude. Paranormal shit happens here all the fucking time, you’ll just get used to it.” Dave tried explaining, still spouting out nonsense.

“I…. Ghosts aren’t real… This stuff isn’t real.” Karkat tried rationalizing, pulling his knees up to his chest, trying to curl up into a small ball so he could just disappear and never return.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, dude. You can always quit but you’ll forget everything that’s happened here and you’ll never know about the scary shit that hangs out around here.” Dave got up and stretched, reaching for the ceiling, causing his joints to pop and crack. He seemed satisfied with this and held a hand out to Karkat, a goofy smile on his face. “So, you wanna keep working here or do you wanna quit?” He asked

The entire situation felt foreboding and oddly cryptic but.. 

He grabbed Dave's hand, glaring at him. “Fuck you, I'm not quitting because of some small little thing.” He grumbled, squeezing his hand a bit too tightly. He was always a sucker for cliches.

Daves smile widened and he yanked Karkats hand up and down dramatically. “Great! I have a whole fucking notebook you can read! It’s basically just the ins and outs of this shithole and how to, well, not fucking die or get traumatized for the rest of your life, probably. I mean, you’re probably already traumatized, I mean, who the fuck isn’t these days? Too many straight, white, cis dudes, I’m tellin’ ya.. Anyway! Lemme grab my notebook!” Dave gushed, letting go of his hand and rushing behind the counter, grabbing something from under it. When he returned, he was holding a couple of beat up notebooks in his hands, grinning from ear to ear. Karkat could already tell this was not going to be short.

Dave sat right back down in his chair across from Karkat and started flipping through a couple of the pages. “Let’s see.. Where should we start… Ah, dumpster demons! The little shits who wreck our dumpster fucking constantly, searching for trash and shit. When you hear the trashcans being moved around, do not fucking investigate. Just don’t. If you decide to check the security cams, don’t move them or zoom or anything, that’ll attract their attention and you’ll be fucked, trust me. I once spent the whole shift just hiding from the fuckers. Now, there are different types of dumpster demons, most are actually just your regular ghouls and goblins but they always hang out by the dumpster, hence the name. I’ve seen tons of shit back there, some I can’t even describe but it’s always freaky. Think.. Uh, this guy.” Dave flipped the notebook so Karkat could see, showing him a page with the title ‘Skinwalker’.

“Don’t say it’s name, that’ll summon the fucker. Or so I’ve heard. I’ve been too chicken shit to say it because they always wreck my shit and freak me out. They’re primarily from Native American culture and, dude, these fucks freak me out. They’ll dig through the trash and try calling to me, luring me, it’ll mess you up. I read up on then and, turns out, they can take on animal forms but you’ll fucking know one when you see one, trust me. Just leave them to dig through the trash and do not exit the store until you are sure they are gone.” He explained, tapping his foot rapidly like the memory scared him.

“I’ve heard of them, my uh.. My friend is Native..” Karkat mumbled, remembering the stories Terezi told him. That shit still gave him nightmares.

“Sweet. Anyway, we also have demons and shit. These fucks will bang on the trashcans, throw trash everywhere, make the most unholy screeches and, well, try to lure you outside, much like the.. Other guy.” Dave rambled, flipping the pages in his notebook to a different page. This one had multiple pictures of different grotesque looking.. Demons. That was the only way they could be described. “These fucks? Hate them. Sometimes, they’ll try provoking you but you should never, fucking EVER open the doors for them. Never. Whenever they come around, I sit with the cameras and drink slushies. Just to piss around with them. The protocol with them is just avoidance. Don’t interact with them, don’t provoke them. They’re like.. Low on the food chain of paranormal shit so don’t worry too much.” He rambled, looking at Karkat now. “Got that?”

“Yeah, yeah, shit.. How’d you even get these pictures?” Karkat questioned and reached out for the notebook, getting a closer look at the pictures when Dave just handed it to him.

“I always have a camera on me so I can photograph weird shit. Unfortunately, a lot of my cameras get fucking destroyed due to radiation from different things but the boss tends to bump up my pay whenever that happens. I think he knows I enjoy photographing the cryptids.” Dave shrugged, watching Karkat looking at his notebook. “I think they’re neat, I dunno.”

“Huh. Like someone who enjoys roller coasters, I guess.. What about the customers? Do they see the paranormal shit?” Karkat asked, lightly touching a photo of a demon without eyes or cheeks, staring right at the camera.

“The customers can’t see any paranormal shit that goes down and they tend to be the paranormal shit. I’ve had ghosts just straight up walk in here to buy their pack of cigs or somethin’. What you do is never give your name, never ask any questions outside of normal customer service shit, never pry, just leave them be. I tried prying a dude who was crying in the corner and..” Dave trailed off with a shudder, obviously disturbed. “It was bad. He freaked me out to no end. So, don’t question the customers.”

“Gotcha. How about I just fucking kill myself and end this fucking misery? God, what the fuck did I get myself into, the fuck is this shit.. You’re fucking freaky, Dave. Normal people don’t fucking enjoy cryptids. Normal people would see this shit and leave, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Karkat demanded answers, glaring at his coworker. This was freaky shit.

Dave just shrugged and crossed his arms, his notebooks balanced in his lap. “They can’t hit me harder than my dad, so.” He ‘explained’, giving Karkat a completely straight face. “Bro, I’ve seen worse shit. Besides, I’ve never been hurt without revenge before. The boss protects us in exchange for work.. Kinda. I’ve been scratched before and thrown against walls but my dads done worse to me so I ain’t got nothing to lose.”

Karkat frowned and stopped glaring, going into Protective Friend mode. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know..” He mumbled, not really sure what to say to that. What does someone say to that shit? ‘Sorry your dad was shitty?’

“Nah, don’t sweat it. I’m…. I’m safe now. I live by myself, is what I’m saying. Well, not by myself, I live with my little brother, so uh yeah. I’m no longer around that motherfucker even though I sometimes miss him and it’s really difficult caring for a kid all by myself but, hey, it’s whatever. I wanna stop talking about it, can you just make me stop talking because I’m about to tell you my whole life story here-”

“Dave, stop talking. Tell me about some other things around here. Mind if I look?” Karkat asked, lightly lifting up a page in the notebook, asking if he could look through it. He wanted to see more, his natural human curiosity starting to take over.

Dave clamped his mouth shut and nodded, leaning forward so he could look at what page Karkat was on. “I’ve seen so much shit here. I’ve heard a lot too. A lot of stuff here is just hearing things. Screams, screeches, pipes, the ground shifting, my own organs, the screams of the damned, stuff like that. Easily drowned out by some sick podcasts. Um.. I like seeing the horrorterrors sometimes. They’re… Spooky but comforting sometimes. It’s weird hearing them whisper and shit. Uh, anyway, I’ve been in a PT situation before. I was transferred to another dimension where I was in this endless hallway, going through an endless loop that seemed to explain more and more about the universe as I walked. As far as I could tell, I was one of the few sane people there. The boss, luckily, saved me.. I think. All I know is that when I returned, it was morning and I had a lot of extra cash and a strong feeling I could take a few days off to recover. I.. I cried a lot.” He rambled, staring off into space as Karkat looked through the notebook. Karkat wasn’t even sure he was aware he was talking.

“Think that’ll happen to me..?” Karkat asked quietly, mildly scared. He couldn’t imagine doing this shit all alone, Dave must’ve been going insane by himself. He kinda felt bad for the guy.. A shitty dad and now this?   
“Oh. Yeah, probably. It comes with the job but you earn a lot of money and it’s fun working here. The boss doesn't really care what you do as long as you aren't a greedy little shit. Three free drinks, three free snacks minimum. Break time whenever the store is empty, clean up whatever mess you make, the general shit.” Dave seemed to come back to reality and actually looked at Karkat's face, expressionless.

“Who is our boss? Is he some sort of entity like them or an actual human?” Karkat asked. He knows he’s spoken to their boss at least once but he couldn’t remember the interaction at all..

“I dunno? I think he’s the space between worlds. You know, like when you’re asleep and don’t dream. You know  _ something  _ happened, you just don’t know what. He’s just… void. Or something similar to void. He exists and I know he does, I just can’t remember them or what they sound like. All I know is that he enjoys being referred to with they them and he him pronouns and enjoys it when you bring them things. Like, anything. He gets happy as fuck.” Dave smiled, the light reflecting on his shades so Karkat could see his eyes.

“Oh. Sweet, good to fucking know.” Karkat commented, leaning back to get away from Dave, continuing to look through the notebook. This was some crazy shit..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to send asks to my tumblr valerian-valentine-2 !


	3. Death Worm.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat meets a strange, wormy monster and Dave continues to be Dave!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> small TW: fear, vomit, blood, intestine mention, the usual.

Karkat sat in his car, staring at himself in the smudged mirror. Why did he come back? Dave gave him an out, he should’ve taken it. He could’ve just forgotten everything and never return but no, he was determined to be a fucking dumbass and get money because capitalism was a thing… Okay fine, he also couldn’t stand the thought of Dave working there all by himself, facing those horrors everyday without someone there to help him! Something told him that Dave was reaching his breaking point with all these monsters, no matter how interesting he found them. Experiencing shit like this on the daily would fuck anyone up, Karkat was surprised he lasted this long without having an obvious break.

Karkat sighed, rubbing his face, probably clogging his pores in the process.. He didn’t sleep again last night and it showed on his face, the dark bags under his eyes more prominent. He was really hoping Dave wouldn’t notice and if he did, he wouldn’t say shit. Karkat got enough shit about his appearance from himself. He pulled his keys out of the ignition and closed his small vanity mirror, once again trying to ignore his own wretched appearance. If he stared at himself too long, he’d just end up more upset and probably never end up going inside.

He got out of his car and closed the door, taking a mental note of the beat up truck a few spaces down. Must’ve been Dave’s truck. It was covered in scratches and the back left mirror had a big crack in it but otherwise, it seemed fine. Karkat suspected he didn’t have enough money to repair it.

He made his way inside, the automatic doors sliding apart and dinging loudly to alert Dave of his presence. Just like last time, Dave was leaning on the counter, watching something on his phone. Honestly, what was he always doing on his phone? Whatever Karkat wasn’t going to ask out of fear. He had a sneaking suspicion that Dave would tell him the truth and he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear the truth.

He walked into the sticky and grimy convenience store, already tired and sick of work. “Hey Dave?” He asked, staring at the break room door where he’d have to clock in. He was dreading having to go in there and he was planning on using Dave for motivation.

“Yeah, wassup?” Dave questioned, looking up from his phone, standing up straight. He was a tall dude despite being hunched over all the time. Fucker had terrible posture.

“Remind me how much I need this money.” He requested, his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. He knew the creepy and foreboding presence from yesterday would still be in that room and he really,  _ really,  _ needed to clock in but he also really didn’t want to go through that shit again.

“You really fucking need this money, dude. It’ll be quick, in and out. Just fucking run for it, bro. You’ve got this. Ain’t nothin’ gonna hurt you in there.” Dave told him, probably smiling at how much of a pussy Karkat was being.

“Right. I need the money. Just in and out, super quick.” Karkat sighed and made his way to the break room door, taking a few seconds before he opened it and rushed in, grabbing his punch card and clocking in. The feeling of being watched was as strong and overwhelming as ever, like someone was watching him do something he shouldn’t or someone spying on him in his own private space. It felt violating and it made all of the hairs on his neck stand up straight, his instincts screaming at him to run and get out of there as fast as possible. It felt impossible to move his legs so he just stood there for a couple seconds, frozen in place as the door started slowly closing, threatening to trap him in there forever.

He finally snapped out of his frozen state and rushed out, shutting the door behind himself. He made sure not to slam it though, fearful of what would happen if he did. He honestly didn’t want to piss off his boss.

There was the sound of clapping and a half assed ‘whoop’, and when Karkat turned around he saw Dave standing behind the counter, grinning ear to ear with smugness and half sarcasm. “Great fucking job, you survived the break room! Now, you just have to get through a couple hours of things that are ten times worse.”

Karkat rolled his eyes and made his way back to the counter, putting on his best glare. “I can still leave, ya know. We’re working here together so there’s no point in being snarky or rude in any other way than playful or friendly. Don’t be a dick, Dave, it’s not very fucking flattering on you.”

Dave flinched and looked away, hunching his shoulders together slightly. He looked extremely guilty, like a child just caught saying something they shouldn’t which was a close description to what was happening. “Sorry dude… Kinda used to being a dickwad to everyone I meet.. I apologize in advance for all my rudeness and straight dickery, I haven’t gotten much real social interaction in a while so I’m not exactly sure how to act sometimes.My default is rudeness and sarcasm.” He explained, his fingers tapping the counter rapidly in a beat.

Karkat frowned a bit, feeling bad for his co worker once again. “Oh.. Sorry. I’ll keep that in mind next time but I won’t refrain from correcting you. I also apologize for my generally rude and surly demeanor. I’m not actually always mad, it’s just my personality and behaviors.” He responded, hoping he wouldn’t be made fun of for his ‘therapist talk’.

Dave, instead, chuckled quietly and nudged him. “Yeah, I figured. I like your angry personality, brings some life in this place. Hey, did you know that fluorescent lights tend to buzz on a frequency that can drive people to insanity if exposed to long enough? That's why office workers are depressed as fuck. Well, that and a fuck ton of other reasons. Spending hours in just artificial light with no windows nearby will fuck with someones head majorly.” He told the ‘fun fact’ gesturing towards the lights above them, tapping his temple as he spoke about insanity.

Karkat furrowed his eyebrows and sighed slowly, shaking his head. “You concern me, Dave.” He notified the blonde, crossing his arms. “Do you have any interests that aren’t creepy or unsettling? Gardening, maybe?”

“Nah, bro. Well… I kinda draw sometimes and make music but even that's unsettling to an outsider. Anyway, I think I got a message from the boss, telling us to…” Dave trailed off, his small movements slowing down tremendously but not stopping.

“Dave..?” Karkat questioned, now tense and on guard. He looked around for the source of the sudden spacing out but couldn’t see anything. “Dave?” He questioned again, waving his hand in front of Dave's face to hopefully gain his attention but that didn’t work. He lightly put his hand on Dave's shoulder and pushed him back with gentle force, making him sit down in the chair behind them. “Dave-”

Dave suddenly startled, looking around quickly and in a slightly confused looking panic. He noticed Karkat and visibly calmed down, relaxing again. “Jesus fucking a nun, sorry.. How much time has passed?” He questioned, rubbing his face slowly.

Karkat checked his phone, noting the time. “Barely a minute or so. Are you okay? Do you need some water?” He questioned, concerned for Dave’s well being. He put his hand on Dave's head, checking for his temperature, looking for signs of a concussion or intoxication.

Dave’s face scrunched up in slight discomfort, like the lights were hurting him. He groaned quietly like he was in pain and shook his head. “I’m okay, I think.. That just happens sometimes when you think too hard about the boss. It’s like they just send your brain to the void for a little while. Shit, as I was saying earlier, the boss wants us to take out the trash and.. Fuck, something about compost and rotten meat? Might want us to throw out rotten stuff, I dunno. Fuck.” He groaned, squeezing his eyes shut tightly behind his shades.

Karkat nodded and blocked the light from Dave's face with his body, still concerned. “Alright, I’ll make sure to do that.. Are you sure you’re okay? Need me to get you anything?” He offered, rubbing Dave’s shoulder to comfort him.

Dave sighed and took a few deep breaths, resting his head against the wall. “Yeah, actually, that would be nice.. A water bottle? Please? I’ll give you some cash to put into the register so it doesn’t count towards your three day drink limit.” He started, reaching towards one of his pockets but Karkat stopped him.

“Dave, that’s fucking stupid. I don’t need cash and I don’t give a flying crap about my three drink a day limit.” He stated, leaving the counter before Dave could protest. He went to the back fridges and looked for the waters, finding them quickly, along with a small worm on the floor, squirming and writhing. Karkat frowned and picked up the small worm after he grabbed a water bottle, carrying them both to Dave. “I found a worm?” He announced, sounding just as confused as he felt.

Dave raised an eyebrow and looked at the worm in Karkat’s hand. “Huh. Cool little guy. Haha, look, he’s dancing.” Dave pointed at the squirming worm, smiling slightly as he ‘danced’. “Go lil’ man, go.” He encouraged.

Karkat snorted and rolled his eyes, handing the cold water bottle over to Dave. “He’s a worm, he doesn’t fucking dance. I’m putting this little shit outside, you stay in that seat so you don’t end up falling on your ass or something like a fucking idiot.” He grumbled, making his way to the front door.

“What are you, my doctor? I mean, I won’t get up if I don’t have to, I’m happy sitting on my ass all day, I mean, if you  _ insist  _ on it then I definitely will, I don’t want to be all disrespectful by ignoring your orders, Captain Karkles, because I am-” Karkat left at this point, ignoring the rest of Dave's rambling which continued even as the doors shut behind him.

He walked over to the nearest patch of grass and dug up the dirt a bit before gently setting the worm down in the cool, damp dirt. The worm seemed to wiggle in appreciation, happy to be well moisturized and surrounded by dirt, the thing it loved..Or ate. He didn’t remember if worms ate dirt or not. He lightly covered the worm with the dug up dirt and stood up, his knees popping. Jeez, he was only twenty two and he already had the knees of an old man.

Karkat sighed and stretched out a bit, appreciating the cool breeze around him, forgetting about all the creatures and horrors Dave told him about. Today was a very nice day and he wasn’t going to let his paranoia ruin it. Shockingly, the gas station was in a nice place.. Kinda. There was the feeling of constant foreboding surrounding them, like a thick smog. Like him and Dave were just waiting for the next disaster to hit them and traumatize them.

He sighed again, staring down the long empty road. He had no idea how Dave managed to stay here for so long. Was he getting paid a lot? Was something keeping him tethered here? It was obvious he didn’t make a lot of money based on his beat up truck, his old phone and worn out clothes. He was pretty sure he’s seen the soles of Dave’s shoes come off if he stood in a sticky spot too long.

As Karkat pondered this, his thoughts swirling around, the horizon seemed to.. Grow taller next to the road. Karkat frowned and watched closely, squinting at the tiny new bump on the horizon. It could have just been a drunk driver that went off road for a bit but they weren’t getting back on the road and the ground started shaking a bit under Karkat's feet, barely noticeable. It must've just been his imagination, he reason, as he watched the little bump on the horizon grow bigger and bigger until he heard it.

The concrete cracking, the sound of roots snapping and earth moving.

He then saw that the ‘bump’ wasn’t a car or a person or even a visible creature. Something was traveling right next to the left side of the road at a rapid rate, tearing up the earth around it as it started heading straight towards their little store.

Karkat's eyes widened and he booked it inside, barely allowing the automatic doors enough time to let him in. Dave was still going on, now talking about dicks but Karkat could barely hear him over the rush of blood in his ears. “Dave!” He shouted, gaining the attention of his coworker who had yet to notice the rapidly increasing vibrations of the floor beneath them.

“Huh?” Dave questioned stupidly, jumping to his feet when he saw Karkat's panicked expression. “What’s going on?” He asked, now looking slightly panicked and concerned. His water bottle, which was sitting on the floor, toppled over and rolled away from the force of the vibrations running through the ground.

Karkat started sputtering, unable to form coherent words through his panic induced state. “Uh- Duh- The um-” He stuttered out, using both hands to point to his left, gesturing where he saw the ‘bump’ travelling. He wasn’t sure what it was but he already knew it must’ve been massive. 

Dave frowned and quickly walked over to the door, peeking outside before immediately turning around, grabbing Karkat and making his way to the back at a rushed pace, his face as white as a sheet as he muttered to himself.

Karkat finally managed to speak, stumbling along after Dave as the vibrations got worse and worse, causing both of their legs to tremble and almost lock up from the sudden unsteady footing. “The fuck is out there?!” He demanded answers, not letting go of Dave, terrified of what would happen if he did. Dave didn’t reply and dragged him into the stock room, slamming the door shut behind them, locking it with the keys. The vibrations got closer and closer, the entire building now shaking with the force. Karkat could hear the concrete cracking around them, the roots breaking, the turf and grass flying.

Karkat didn’t stray far from Dave, following him to the monitors showing them the outside. Dave sat in the chair in front of them, rapidly moving the cameras around so he could see the street which was now being rapidly torn up by the approaching… Creature.

“Dave, what the fuck is that? What is it? Is it going to destroy the store? Oh fuck, oh my god, what the fuck is that?!” Karkat questioned, his legs trembling under him but not form the vibrations. He gripped Dave's shoulders, probably hurting him but neither of them cared at the moment, their eyes glued to the screen, wide in panic.

“I.. I don’t know….” Dave mumbled, sounding just as terrified as Karkat felt. His coworker leaned back a bit, putting his hand over Karkat's, clearly searching for comfort. Karkat got closer until his stomach touched the back of the chair, his arms now holding on to Dave properly, practically hugging him from behind now. It would probably embarrass the two of them if they weren’t scared out of their minds.

They watched as the ground across the street broke open and revealed a dark red, squirming mass. It was massive, probably five feet around and several feet tall with no eyes, just bumps and three pincers around its ‘mouth’, or what could be assumed was its mouth. Upon closer inspection, Karkat slowly realized that it wasn’t naturally red. It was covered in blood and chunks of earth, causing Karkat to gag. It looked horrendous, like a giant intestine got loose and decided to wreak havoc.

But, the worst was yet to come. Karkat clung to Dave and Dave clung to Karkat as they watched the monster open its mouth through the camera feed, exposing several things that couldn’t be described as fangs. They were teeth. Hundreds of sharp, pointy teeth but they weren’t fangs, no blunted tip. These were like spikes, horrible and plentiful. It was like staring into the mouth of a leech. But it got even worse. Yellow, steaming liquid started slowly dripping out of its mouth before it spewed at the building, the smell hitting Karkat full on. It was horrible, like it truly was a big intestine.

Karkat gagged again and pulled his shirt up to cover his mouth, his eyes watering from the horrible, vomit inducing smell.

Dave’s cheeks puffed out as he gagged, covering his mouth quickly and moving over to the corner where the cleaning supplies were so he could vomit into a bucket. Karkat rushed over to help him, holding his hair out of his face and rubbing his back to comfort him. The smell, luckily, didn’t last very long but the sounds of it hitting the building continued, making Karkat hunch his shoulders to cover his ears. The sound of the hot liquid hitting their store was not pleasant and made Karkat want to start crying.

Dave lifted his head up, spit dripping down his chin in a disgusting way but Karkat went ahead and handed him a paper towel, wanting to help him out. “Thanks..” Dave mumbled, taking a paper towel and wiping his face before blowing his nose. “Fuck, ow… I think I got stomach acid in my sinuses..” He groaned in pain, his voice now rough and raw. Karkat would have thought it was hot but given the circumstances, he couldn’t even think about anything other than the giant worm looking thing outside.

“At least your sinuses will be really clean..?” Karkat tried helping, watching Dave toss the dirty paper towel into a corner.

“Gee, thanks for the silver lining, Karkles.. Fuck, what the ever loving fuck is this thing? Do you think it’s gonna come inside?” Dave questioned, looking over at Karkat with a scared look. He was pale and terrified, seeking comfort from his coworker.

Karkat glanced at the monitors, stiffening up when he saw that the monitors connected to the cameras at the front of the store displayed a single box with ‘NO SIGNAL’ written across it. “I.. I don’t think it’ll come inside. I think it’s going to fucking destroy this place.” He whispered, looking back at Dave, staring at his own reflection in Dave’s shades. His own face looked just as terrified as he felt, his pupils turned into pinpoints. Tears streamed steadily down his own face, looking like they were barely present. He didn’t even notice he was crying.

He brought his attention back to Dave's face and noticed how similar it looked to his own. He couldn’t help but pull Dave closer, hugging him tightly to comfort both of them. Dave's arms slowly wrapped around his waist, hugging him back just as tight as he buried his face into Karkat's chest like it would hide him from the monster outside. Karkat rested his cheek against the top of Dave's head, rubbing his back gently and slowly. The faint thought of how amazing it was that humans clung to each other like this, despite not knowing each other well, in times of extreme terror and distress. Karkat's tears got into Dave’s hair, probably ruining its style but neither of them cared. They clung to each other like it was the end of the world, no sound coming from either of them until everything just… Stopped.

Karkat blinked a few times, feeling disoriented, like he just woke up from a ‘short’ nap in the middle of the day and it was suddenly dark outside. Karkat frowned and looked around, taking in his surroundings. He was laying on the ground outside, his face directed towards the sky. It was dusk, the sun setting slowly on the horizon and turning the clouds beautiful variations of pink and orange.

“Holy shit..” He heard a breathless voice right beside him and looked over, his mind still foggy. Dave laid next to him, his shades sitting on his chest, his face directed towards the sky with an expression of wonder, amazement and extreme relief. Dave slowly turned to face Karkat and slowly grinned before he burst out laughing, rolling away from Karkat while holding his stomach.

Karkat frowned and was ripped away from his peaceful thoughts, glaring at the culprit who ruined his good vibes. He sat up and crossed his arms, now upset. “What?!” He demanded, watching Dave laugh his ass off.

“We’re fucking alive!! Holy shit dude, we’re fucking alive!” Dave whooped and hollered, kicking his legs in the air like a fucking child. His shades fell to the ground as Dave rolled around, probably getting extremely dirty.

Karkat rolled his eyes and got up but Dave’s joy was infectious and he started laughing with him, holding his stomach as he laughed, loud and carefree. They were alive. The ground around them was sturdy and stable, showing no signs of the previous monster attack. The adrenaline crash sent waves and waves of dopamine coursing through their heads, giving them something akin to a high. 

The two laughed until their stomachs hurt, at which point Karkat helped pull Dave off the ground and handed him his shades, the two of them still giggling occasionally. They stood in front of each other, holding hands and giggling for a good minute before Karkat frowned, realizing the gaps in his memory. “Wait, what happened to the worm?” He questioned and turned around towards the other side of the street, all signs of the previous terror gone. He let go of Dave's hands and turned towards the store, yellow liquid nowhere to be seen.

Dave simply shrugged instead of panicking, adjusting his shades. “Boss must’ve taken care of it. He can do some wacky fucking shit. It would explain the gaps and the sudden waking up out here but eh. I suggest not questioning it. I have a feeling that we’re both going to get bonuses soon for our troubles, so that’s a fucking plus.” He rambled before noticing the sky darkening. “Ah shit, I gotta get home, the lil man is going to be so pissed at me. See you next shift, Karkles!” Dave started jogging towards his beat up truck, ignoring Karkat’s confused gesturing.

“You’re just going to fucking leave me here after that shit?!” Karkat yelled at Dave, flipping him off as he drove away, almost throwing a rock at his truck when he got a kiss blown at him in return.

Karkat's face was flushed and hot as he made his way to his own car, exhausted and ready to go to bed. He hoped he could actually sleep tonight.. He sighed, unlocking his car before getting in, putting his hands on the steering wheel before thunking his head on it. This was a fucking roller coaster of a job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! sorry i havent updated this in a while, i had family things going on!  
> also, my tumblr account got terminated which is really sucky but i made a new account! valerian-valentine-2 ! very creative, i know ;)  
> follow me on there to see updates on fics and other things!


	4. Tunnel Monster of Cabbagetown.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave and Karkat encounter a hole.

Karkat glared at himself in the small cosmetic mirror behind his sun visor. This was starting to become routine. Drive to work, park, spend ten minutes staring at himself, do nothing about his appearance then feel shitty. He always felt shitty when he had to go out. The bags under his eyes gave him a bruised look, his skin always seemed to get oily yet dry, his hair was insane and tangled, his teeth still a bit yellow and crooked.. This was just stupid. He needed to get over himself, for fucks sake. He has always been ugly, why couldn’t he just accept it and stop trying to look decent? He’d just end up feeling worse in the end.

He sighed to himself, feeling bad for the guy in the mirror. He looked so tired and worn out. He was pretty sure he was getting wrinkles from all the stress his new job was giving him but he knew those wrinkles weren’t actually there. He was just imagining them.. Or everyone was too cowardly to point them out. Probably scared he was going to throw a bitch fit or something like that, fucking cowards.

He rolled his eyes at the thought, looked himself over one more time then got out of his car, feeling exhausted before he even stepped through the front doors. Dave was there before him, his car parked in front of the store as per usual but he decided not to question that. He really didn’t want to know more of Dave's personal life, it would be best to keep their relationship professional with a dash of coming together in scary ass times.

His face heated up as he remembered the events of yesterday, humiliation washing over him. He could barely believe he held Dave like that… Like they were best friends or something. He seriously hoped Dave didn't bring it up, he couldn't face any sort of humiliation like that today. He sighed and walked into the store, the ding of the doors opening alerting Dave he was there. When he didn’t see his coworker behind the counter, he frowned and felt a sense of foreboding dread. Dave always sat behind the counter to greet him, why wasn’t he there today?

“Dave?” He called out, setting his bag behind the counter. He had decided to bring some things with him to entertain him while he was there but he was starting to regret that already. He slowly made his way to the back, looking around for the tall blonde he had grown familiar with. Maybe he was just taking out the trash..?

He opened the Employees Only door and shuddered as the feeling of unease washed over him again. He really hoped he could get used to that soon, he was getting tired of the extreme anxiety that came with clocking in. He quickly made his way inside the small room and clocked in, shivering as the phantom feeling of bugs or hands crawling over him started. He hated feeling this watched, this… Scared. It freaked him out, as always, but it was amplified by the fact Dave wasn’t out there to comfort him when he left the room. It gave him a sense of isolation, like a child being scared and alone..

He shook his head and practically ran out once he was finished clocking in, the door inches away from closing on him once again. He was going to end up beating the crap out of that door some day.. He closed the door behind himself and looked around, sighing. Dave was still nowhere to be seen.

“Dave?! Where the fuck is your dumb ass?!” He shouted, sighing again when there was no answer. This was stupid. He should just look at the cameras for the little bastard, see where the fuck he was. He made his way to the backrooms, his ears straining for any sort of noise that could notify him where Dave was. He was honestly starting to get a bit freaked out at this point, what if Dave got taken by something? What if those.. Skinsomethings took him? Or lured him away? What if he just.. Died? Or worse?

He felt his pace speed up as he made his way to the backrooms and opened the door, feeling a wave of relief wash over him when he saw Dave standing there. “Dave, what the fuck-” He froze when he saw what Dave was standing in front of.

A hole in the floor. A perfect circle, maybe five or so feet wide but Karkat didn't really want to get too close to it, the age old anxiety of someone pushing him into it creeping up on him and forcing him to stay back

“Dave?” He questioned, slowly moving to stand behind Dave, peering at the hole from behind him. Dave was just standing there, holding a cup of coffee and a red vape pen, staring into the hole.

“Yeah?” Dave answered monotonously, sipping his coffee. It looked cold.

“The fuck is this?”

“A hole.”

Karkat rolled his eyes and huffed. “I know it's a hole, why is it here?”

“I dunno.”

“Wha-” Karkat stared at him incredulously. “How- What do you mean you don’t know?! Did it just appear?! And where the fuck is our security system??” He questioned, finally noticing the lack of monitors.

“In the hole.” Dave replied, shrugging before he took a hit from his vape pen, smoke soon spilling out of his mouth and filling the air with a surprisingly nice cinnamon apple scent.

“Wha- Dave, are you fucking stupid? How did the fucking system get in the hole? Was the hole fucking here when you got here?!”

Dave took a long, slow sip of his coffee, taking his sweet time swallowing it before shrugging. “I dunno. It was just…. Here. I tried covering it with the monitoring table but it fell in the hole.”

Karkat leaned forward and looked into the hole, frowning. “How deep is the hole?” He questioned.

Dave shrugged and took another hit from his vape pen with a frustratingly calm air around him. Karkat huffed and grabbed Dave’s dumb vape, tossing it down the hole. There was a moment of silence before the sound of it hitting dirt broke it.

Dave sniffed and sighed, his breath smelling like apple cider. “That was my only vape. Now it’s gone forever.” He said mournfully, looking down in the hole with a sad look like Karkat just threw his pet puppy in there.

Karkat rolled his eyes and sighed. “Fucking dumbass. Well, what the fuck are we supposed to do? There’s just this big ass hole. It could be the gates to hell or some.. Weird fucking portal.” Karkat paused, tensing. “Do…. Do you think it’s the worm…?” He questioned, gaining Dave's attention quickly.

“Hell nah, that worm couldn’t fit through there… Right? I mean, it seemed pretty huge and I'm sure the boss took care of it… Right..?” Dave questioned nervously, his cool facade breaking at the mention of the worm. So, it was just as scary as Karkat thought. Good to know Dave could actually feel fear and that the worm wasn’t just some wild dream. Also good to know his fear of the worm was shared.

“I’m pretty sure.. I mean, there were no cracks in the road or anything, that must mean they got rid of it..” Karkat speculated nervously, leaning over further so he could see further into the hole. It seemed like a normal hole in the ground but the sides were completely smooth, like they were patted down by a machine. He felt Dave's hand grab his to keep him from falling in. He mumbled a thanks and made sure Dave was holding on tight before he leaned in just a bit more but Dave pulled him back before he could get a better look. Karkat stumbled a bit at the sudden weight change and flinched when he felt Dave's hand wrap around his bicep to steady him.

“Ground could break away, can’t risk you falling in without proper equipment.” Dave explained, looking at Karkat blankly, his hand still wrapped tightly around his bicep, like he was almost scared to let go. His coffee cup was set down on the ground next to the hole, abandoned in favor of keeping Karkat from falling down the hole.

“Thanks, I guess. Fuck… It didn’t sound like a long way down. Do we have any flashlights here?” He questioned, looking around the room spotting what seemed like an emergency backpack. “In there?” He asked, nodding towards the bag.

Dave let go of his arm and shuffled around the hole, grabbing the backpack from its corner. “Yeah, I’ve got like…. A powerful flashlight in here and some other things. I just started bringing a basic survival kit once I started working here.” He explained and walked back to Karkat, riffling through it. “Here we go.” He pulled out a big, heavy looking flashlight and tossed the bag aside before shining the flashlight down the hole. It was definitely bright.

Karkat instinctively stepped back behind Dave and tried to shield himself behind his coworker, peering down the hole with him. The walls were flat and smooth the entire way down and boy was it a long way down. Maybe twenty feet? Thirty? He wasn’t sure but it was deep and scary. It took a sharp right turn at the bottom, revealing the legs of their table sticking out. Dave’s vape pen rested at the bottom, gleaming under the bright light. Dave sighed loudly next to him, sounding distraught and stoic at the same time.

“My vape….. You have to get it. It’s your dumb fault it’s down there.” Dave suddenly declared and looked Karkat dead in the eyes, looking absolutely certain that Karkat would agree.

Karkat looked at him like he was completely insane. “Absolutely fucking not? I don’t know what’s down there! You can buy yourself a new vape pen or, hey, quit vaping! Listen, that shit belongs to the hole now and I’m not going down there.” He protested, crossing his arms. “If someone is going down there, it’s either you or the both of us.”

Dave stared at him for a few seconds before shaking his head. “One of us has to stay up here just in case shit goes bad and the other person needs help. Plus, I can easily lift you and I can pull you out of there if worse comes to worse.” He tried reasoning, mirroring Karkat's pose.

Karkat frowned, his eyebrows knitting together. “Compromise. We’ll both go down there. We can attach some rope or something to something strong then we can use that to climb out. We’ll grab your vape pen, maybe see if we can grab some of the monitors then leave. In and out.”

Dave sighed and peered down the hole, looking mournful while he bit his lower lip. It already looked chapped and a bit sore but Karkat didn’t comment on that. Everyone had their nervous habits. “Fine. I’ve got some rope in the emergency bag and we’ll tie it to….” Dave looked around for something solid and sturdy, eyes landing on the door. “The door. Tie it to the doorknob, lock the door and go down. I should have enough rope for that.” He mumbled and grabbed his bag, going through it.

Karkat sighed and grabbed Dave's cup of coffee, setting it aside so it wouldn’t spill. It was cold and looked like it was full of sugar and milk but hey, Karkat wouldn’t judge. He preferred his caffeine to be full of sugar or served cold. He grabbed Dave's discarded flashlight and shined it down the hole, getting on his knees to see better. He twisted his head around and peered down the end of the hole, trying to see what was down there besides their stuff. He could see the table that looked a little bit worse for wear but they could fix it easily but other than that, the hole kept him from seeing more.

“You know,” Dave’s voice startled him out of his thoughts, causing him to jump a bit and look behind himself where Dave was standing. “You always look like shit but you have a nice ass. Tell us, how do you do it?” He questioned in a fake reporter voice, a grin slowly spreading across his face as Karkat's face flushed.

Karkat got up quickly and faced him, his hands clenched by his sides. “I’m going to rip your spine out with my teeth then hang you with it.” He threatened, glaring at him with a look that could kill.

Dave’s smile just widened. “Spicy. You ready to jump down there or do you need a few minutes to deepen the bags under your eyes? Seriously, I always think you use makeup or some shit just to define them. There’s no way your eye bags are that defined.” He joked and tossed the rope down the hole, watching it drop down. It swayed along the smooth wall, the end dangling just a foot above the floor. “Do you go swimming on the first date? Because, really, I’m sure other people are worried about that shit being makeup too. How much black eyeliner and eyeshadow do you use to achieve that look? I bet you had the I’m an insomniac phase but you could only stay up past three am before crashing.” Dave rambled, his words having no real bite behind them. It was like he was trying to be friends but Karkat still got pissed at him.

“I’m actually a chronic insomniac. I have to take medicine for it.” He grumbled, crossing his arms. “Go down the fucking hole, I don’t trust you to go second.”

Dave shrugged and sat down next to the hole, his legs hanging off the ledge. He grabbed the rope before slowly scooching down, clinging to the rope tightly when he finally got in the hole. He looked a bit genuinely scared but he didn’t pause as he started inching down the rope, focused on the bottom of the hole.

Karkat suddenly felt nervous, regretting this idea greatly. Why was he such a dumbass sometimes? He sighed and sat down next to the hole, his legs hanging off the ledge. “Um.. I’m gonna go down once you reach the bottom, so our combined weight doesn't snap the rope.” He made up an excuse, flinching at the glare Dave shot up at him.

“Karkat, dude, if you end up abandoning me, I will hunt you down.” He threatened, his normally even tone replaced with paranoia and aggression. “But, that does sound like a good idea.” He admitted before continuing to scoot down, eventually just jumping down once he got close enough to the bottom. He grabbed his vape pen and lightly kicked the table, looking around the hole. He looked up and gave Karkat a thumbs up before taking another hit from his vape pen, somehow looking more obnoxious than usual.

Karkat slowly made his way to the rope, clinging to it as he climbed down. The walls still seemed to be made of dirt and crumbled a bit when Karkat touched it, easily moldable. Dave already made a few dents in the wall with his feet, ruining its smooth image. “Dave? How’s it looking down there?” He questioned, his voice echoing slightly. It freaked him out and made him question just how deep the hole was.

“Uhh…. Dirty.” Dave called out and snickered at his own pun. “Seems safe, I guess. I don’t see or hear anything suspicious but the walls are super smooth. Our shit seems safe, shockingly.”

Karkat sighed with relief and continued scooting down, ignoring the way the rope started to dig into his hands. He eventually jumped down once he was about a foot or two above the floor, grunting when he hit the bottom. He almost fell over but steadied himself at the last second, looking around. The tunnel at the bottom seemed to stretch for a good while before curving down, going further into the earth. Like Dave said, the walls were smooth and flat, almost like a machine dug this out. “Holy shit…” He mumbled as he took a few steps forward, the table blocking a good portion of the tunnel. It really was a sort of small tunnel, only five feet tall or so, which would make it difficult for Dave to wonder down there. It was almost.. Mesmerizing how smooth everything was, like it was unnatural or something out of a computer simulation.

“Bro? Dude, hey, snap out of it.” Dave’s hand wrapped around his bicep again and pulled him close, startling Karkat out of his thoughts.

“Huh?” Karkat questioned and frowned, looking up at Dave, feeling dazed and confused. He leaned against Dave for support, his head feeling heavy. They were a right in the middle of their junk, the two of them having to twist awkwardly to get good footing.

“You were walking down the tunnel without me. You looked kinda hypnotized, dude. You okay?” Dave asked, gently holding Karkats face in his hands, examining him closely. “Hey, look at me. C’mon. What's my name and where are we?”

Karkat frowned and squeezed his eyes shut for a few seconds to help himself focus. “You’re Dave and we’re at work but right now, we decided to be dumb and jump down a hole to get your stupid vape pen. Who the fuck vapes nowadays? Seriously?” He complained and smacked Dave's arms, pushing him away. “Fuck off, I’m fine, you drug loving prick hound.” He grumbled, looking down the tunnel again. “I was just looking.”

Dave frowned and sighed, rolling his eyes. “Dude, you looked ready to bolt down there like there were some hot singles in your area down there. I think we should just leave and forget this pl-” Before Dave could finish, the sound of a hurt kitten echoed from down the tunnel, filling Karkat with sympathy and the need to protect it.

Karkat automatically started climbing over their monitoring system and table, dodging the wires and screens, overcome with the urge to help the hurting animal.

“Karkat! Fucking- You are such a fucking idiot, don’t fucking go down there!” Dave started following him, hitting his head on the ceiling a couple times and tripping over the table and wires a couple times. “That could have just been a fucking recording, it could be something that's just trying to lure you down there!”

“But we- we have to help it!” Karkat responded, shining the flashlight down the tunnel as he hurried down, leaving footprints in the soft dirt. The sound of Dave's frustrated groan echoed down but Karkat ignored it, following the sound of the hurt kitten. He ran down the tunnel, sliding down the downward curve, skidding to a halt at the bottom when he saw a……  _ Thing _ . He barely even budged when Dave ran right into his back, not taking his eyes off the  _ thing _ in front of them. It looked like a.. Monkey of sorts. Four maybe three feet tall, glowing slanted eyes, grey fur, large teeth that looked like it could go straight through his skull.

Dave was frozen right behind him, his hand gripping Karkats shoulder. The three of them were frozen, staring at each other. The monkey  _ thing  _ was crouched over a pile of meat that was oozing with blood or some red liquid. The sight horrified him, it made him want to puke or run or fight. He didn’t know, he just wanted it gone. He wanted to turn around and run.

He heard Dave’s clothes rustling behind him and there was a quiet  _ click  _ followed by a flash and the monkey suddenly screamed at them, the noise echoing loudly throughout the tunnel. Karkat turned around and ran, startled out of his paralyzed state, bolting down the tunnel with Dave right next to him. They ran as fast as they could, kicking up dirt as they went, blood pounding. They practically hurled themselves over the pile of their stuff, the sound of that thing following them right on their tail giving them both rushes of adrenaline to make them go faster. Karkat looked back at the tunnel, screaming in fear when he saw the thing running at them full speed, steps behind them.

He yelped when Dave grabbed him and yanked him up, shoving him towards the rope. He quickly started climbing, adrenaline and fear making him yank himself up and out of the hole in what felt like seconds. He climbed out and rolled to the side before grabbing the rope and yanking it, pulling Dave up. It was difficult and it hurt his arms but he needed to help him.

Dave emerged from the hole and stumbled to his feet, grabbing Karkats wrist before running out of the backroom, slamming the door shut behind them, locking it with the keys in his pocket. He jumped when the thing slammed itself against the door a second later, backing away from the door, panting heavily.

Karkat held Dave's hand in an iron grip, shaking as they backed away together, the door shaking as the thing slammed itself against it over and over again, making horrible screeching noises before it started… talking in a shockingly human like voice. No hissing, no growling, nothing to make it sound inhuman.

“GO AWAY, GO AWAY!” It screeched, making both of them cower away, eyes not leaving the door until the banging and screaming settled. They waited for what seemed like an eternity before they both relaxed slowly, still on high alert for a solid minute before completely relaxing, the two sighing with relief.

The peace lasted about two seconds before Karkat punched Dave in the side, furious at him for endangering their lives. “What the FUCK is wrong with you?!” He yelled, smacking Dave's arm a couple of times but didn’t let go of his hand, still too scared to do so.

Dave flinched and lifted his hands to shield himself, a small smile on his face. “I wanted to take a couple photos! Did you see that ugly motherfucker? I wanted to get a good look at him later, I didn’t expect him to fucking rage!” He defended himself, quietly laughing. He eventually just let go of Karkats hand and grabbed both of his wrists to get him to stop hitting, his grip shockingly strong but gentle. “I have no fucking clue what that thing was and I one hundred percent plan on finding out.”

Karkat huffed and rolled his eyes before glaring up at Dave, trying to ignore his small grin. He looked… Kinda cute with that expression. Like a little kid who knew he was about to get in trouble but was too curious to stop. “If we see that thing again, I’m going to kick you in the shins so it eats you instead of me.” He threatened, shaking his head as Dave let go of his wrists and quickly ran to get his journal full of freaky horror shit. Why did he let himself get dragged into this shit?

“Thank’s Karks! This’ll help us in the future, I promise! We just gotta document some basic shit. Holy shit, this is so cool! Did you see his fangs? Did you see how small he was? I think he was probably, like, four feet tall! What do you think? Honestly, I was really focusing on not banging my head so I couldn’t get a really good look.” Dave rambled as he grabbed his stuff, quickly coming back with a bounce in his step, ignoring Karkat’s nervous and apprehensive look.

“Yes, Dave, I was fucking there with you. Jesus Christ fucking a god damn slimy taint, let’s just get this shit over with!” He complained, grabbing a bottle of beer from the fridges as a weapon. 

Dave paused and stared at him for a moment before tossing him a confused smile. “Where do you come up with that shit?” He questioned rhetorically, putting his hand flat against the door before slowly unlocking it. Karkat stayed silent and watched him closely, gripping the beer bottle tight as Dave slowly opened the door and peered inside. His anxiety was all over the place, telling him to just leave the store and go home but something made him want to help Dave, to get this information.

Dave gave Karkat a small nod before he slowly opened the door wider and snuck in silently. For such a tall guy, he was so quiet. Dave looked around the room some more before waving Karkat in, his posture relaxing. “I think it left…” He whispered and slowly shuffled near the hole, quickly moving back once he peered down there, looking scared. Karkat gripped his beer bottle and held it up, ready for a fight, watching Dave closely for instructions.

Dave glanced at Karkat before slowly peering over the edge again, relaxing once more. “I think it died from drinking my coffee..” He whispered and gestured for Karkat to come closer, not looking away from the Hole.

Karkat followed the instruction and stood next to Dave, peering down the hole. At the bottom, the creature laid on its stomach, Dave’s now empty coffee cup next to it. It didn’t seem to be breathing which was good. Karkat slowly relaxed and sighed, lowering the beer bottle. “Fucking creepy nut monster..” He murmured, watching the thing as Dave began collecting his things.

“Hole ‘bout five feet wide, a perfect circle, completely smooth walls but easily disturbed. Twenty, twenty five feet deep, made of soft dirt. No roots or protrusions the entire way down, takes a sharp right turn at the bottom. Turn leads to a tunnel around five feet tall, maybe more than that,” Dave was mumbling to himself as he wrote things down in his notebook, obviously delighted by this new discovery.

Karkat sighed and grabbed Dave's emergency backpack, slinging it over his shoulder before grabbing Dave's elbow and leading him out of the room before he ended up getting himself hurt. “You’re a fucking idiot…” Karkat grumbled to himself, closing the door behind them. He held his hand out to Dave, making a ‘give it here’ gesture. Dave didn’t even look up from his notebook, handing Karkat the key while he continued to mumble, making his way to the counter to supposedly hang out there.

Karkat rolled his eyes and locked the door, putting the key in his pocket and setting the beer bottle back in the fridge it belonged in. He shuffled his way to the counter, the floors still strangely sticky and annoying. He plopped the emergency backpack next to his own backpack and sat down in one of the two chairs back there, staring at Dave who was sitting next to him, rapidly tapping his foot while he wrote down information and muttered to himself. This was his coworker now. This is how shit was going to be.

Fuck he hated his job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember, my new blog is valerian-valentine-2 so check me out on there, ask me questions, etc!


	5. Tunnels.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave and Karkat decide to explore The Hole and boy do they regret it!

Karkat glared at his reflection, tired eyes staring back at him. This was getting to be a part of his work ritual. Glare at his reflection, hate himself, then go inside and try to survive the many horrors of this place. He had actually managed to get some sleep last night but he kept waking up from nightmares of getting lost in tunnels, getting eaten alive, being tricked and fooled by a mystery creature, the usual. He had woken up frustrated with himself, scared and shockingly cold.

He sighed and shook his head, getting out of his car with a huff. He stretched before nudging his car door shut with his foot, locking the car before making his way to the front doors, kicking a rock on his way there. Dave’s truck was still parked in the parking lot, as per usual. It was almost like he never left this weird place, which was impossible and illogical. There was no way Dave would be able to stand living here. Karkat shook his head, dismissing the dumb thought as he walked into the store, the doors dinging to alert others of his presence.

“I honestly don’t care, pussy is pussy.” A teenage girl with neon pink hair told a teenage boy with blond hair who was sitting on the counter, drinking an orange slushie. The two teenagers looked over at Karkat in slight surprise, staring at him with wide eyes. The boy wore… ‘Bold’ anime style sunglasses and kinda reminded him of someone.

Karkat stared at the two teens, eyes wide with surprise. What the fuck kind of conversation did he walk into? Why were these teens talking about pussy??

He managed to break out of his paralyzed state when he realized Dave could help him and slowly started shuffling around the teens, keeping an eye on them as he made his way to the Employee’s Only door. The teenagers watched him like hawks, never breaking eye contact and moving with a weird sort of… Synchronization that convinced him these were paranormal teenagers that could probably bite off his head in one go or some shit.

Once he got to the Employees Only door, he quickly turned around and went inside, not daring to shut the door behind him. He had a feeling those two kids wouldn’t even try to follow him in there. He clocked in, ignored the weird shadow creature in the corner, ignored the almost paralyzing anxiety he felt and left the room, making eye contact with the teenagers once again as the door slowly closed behind him. They hadn’t moved an inch and Karkat was sure they weren’t breathing. He started slowly shuffling his way to the backrooms, not breaking eye contact as he moved. He did not trust these two. They only moved their heads so they could maintain eye contact with him, their eyes probably leeching off his soul. Creepy motherfuckers.

He found the doorknob to the backrooms and quickly opened it, running inside and slamming the door shut behind him. “Dave, there’s teenagers out there talking about pussy.”

Dave looked up from his spot next to the hole that was still there, notebook in his lap. Karkat’s words got to Dave slowly but when they did, he grinned. “There’s- What?” Dave asked, laughing quietly at the ridiculousness of Karkats statement.

“There’s teenagers out there, talking about pussy and being threatening. Do something about it.” Karkat demanded, crossing his arms. “Why is the hole still fucking here?”

Dave got up and stretched, his hands touching the ceiling. “Oh, those are my teenagers, they’re chill. I dunno why the hole is still here, I think we have to go down it and find out what’s keeping it here.” He ‘explained’ like going down the dark and dangerous hole was a good, sane and safe idea. He closed his notebook and walked right past Karkat, ignoring his frustrated whispers of ‘don’t fucking go out there!’

“Hey, guys, stop talking about pussy, you’re freaking out my coworker.” Dave said as he made his way to the counter, ignoring the fact Karkat was practically cowering behind him.

The girl with neon hair smiled and jumped up and down, her eyes shining and her curly hair bouncing. “ _ That's  _ your coworker?!” She squeaked out and bounced over, shoving her hand in front of Karkat. “My name is Roxy!! That’s Dirk, my cousin!” She told him happily, pointing towards the glaring child on the counter.

Karkat felt overwhelmed by her energy but shook her hand anyway, trying to seem casual. “I’m Karkat. Uh, Dave, why the fu- frick did you bring  _ children  _ here?” He hissed to his coworker, trying not to swear in front of the kids. Were they old enough to hear swear words?? They looked pretty young..

Dave shrugged and sat next to the small blond kid and it suddenly clicked. ‘Dirk’ reminded him of Dave. Holy shit. Except.. Dirk was very much not albino. “Dirk and Rox like coming here and if I don’t bring them regularly, the boss gets upset. They looooove Roxy and if I bring Roxy, I gotta bring Dirk. Them's the rules. You can swear in front of them too, don’t worry, they won’t snitch.” Dave explained and took Dirks slushie, stealing a sip which angered the teen who hit Dave's arm. Dave seemed completely unaffected.

“Isn’t it a bit… Dangerous for them to be here? I mean, he looks twelve and-” Karkat got interrupted by Dirk who shot him a killer glare.

“I’m sixteen.” Dirk stated with such maliciousness that he sounded like some old, bitter prince or something.

Karkat’s eyes widened in surprise and he glanced over at Dave before frowning. “Are you…. Sure..?” He slowly asked, highly doubting that this kid was sixteen. He was, like, five two at best.

Dave snorted and put his elbow on Dirk's head, ruining his pointy hairstyle. “He’s short cause of developmental issues and such, don’t sweat it. The two of them are perfectly safe here, they can easily defend themselves and they’re the only people I know who can go into the Employee’s Only room without crapping their pants in fear and the boss can easily protect them in there, so they're pretty safe.” He rambled, occasionally stealing sips of Dirks orange slushie.

Roxy smiled proudly, holding her hands behind her back. “The boss likes me because I’m suuuuper nice!” She bragged, glancing at Karkat for any sort of impressed expression. He faked one just to boost her ego.

“The boss likes you cause you bring him shit.” Dirk muttered pessimistically, hopping off the counter so Dave couldn’t get to his drink. The kid was a good few inches shorter than Karkat which was kinda funny. Okay, it was really funny. But it was kinda hard to see how Dave and Dirk were related, they looked fairly different aside from their sunglasses and poker faces.

“Nah, I’m pretty sure everyone just likes Roxy. Welp, Karkat n I are gonna go investigate the mysterious hole in our backrooms, see if we can make it go away.” He hopped off the counter and turned Karkat around, leading him to the backrooms by his shoulders.

“Just say you’re gonna fuck.” Dirk requested and smirked when Karkat turned around to glare at him. Before Karkat could chew the brat out, Dave interrupted him.

“If we don’t come back by nightfall, assume we’re dead and ask the boss to call y’all an uber!” Dave reminded them, dragging Karkat into the backrooms before shutting the door behind himself, blocking them from the teens.

Karkat glared at the door, seething. “When we get back, I’m going to murder your little brother in cold blood. I am going to toss him into the forest for the whatever the fucks to eat him or skin him or whatever the fuck they do!” He shouted, turning his hateful glare towards Dave who was obviously trying not to laugh.

“Chill, dude, he’s just a kid and he takes extreme pleasure from angering people. He’s a bit of an incel but that’s fine, I still love him.” Dave joked and grabbed the emergency backpack, pulling the rope out of it. “Aight, so, as far as I can tell, the dick monkey that attacked us is severely allergic to caffeine or something so I have a canister of the stuff with me, made exactly like the shit I had on me yesterday, so, if we run into those fucks, we’ll be fucking golden. Now, we’re looking for some sort of… Thing to destroy the hole, so keep an eye out for that and,” Dave suddenly put his hands on Karkats shoulders and looked him directly in the eyes, dead serious, “Do not leave each other's sight. We have to stay within arms reach of each other at all times in case some shit happens. Got it?” Dave squeezed his shoulders slightly for emphasis, his intensity slightly scaring him.

“Yeah, jeez, fuck off. I got it. Like a kid in a glass store, stay close to each other.” He grumbled and crossed his arms to try and put some distance between them, kinda uncomfortable with how close he was. He could smell his weird apple cider vape flavor this close and it wasn’t unpleasant, just weird.

Dave hesitated for half a second longer than he needed before pulling away, tying the rope to the doorknob just like last time. “Alright. You go down first this time, see if you can see any weird shit or something. Our monitors aren’t down there anymore but there’s no tracks around there so the boss must’ve teleported it away or some shit.” He mumbled, tossing the rope down the hole once it was secured.

Karkat sighed and sat next to the hole, letting his legs dangle off the edge. “You  _ sure  _ it’s safe down there..?” Karkat questioned, leaning forward a bit, peering down the hole. It looked just as terrifying as last time, the indents in the walls and the scuffle in the dirt from their running still there. He grabbed the rope with his hands before slowly sliding down the hole, planting his feet firmly against the wall before he started ‘walking’ down, keeping an eye on the bottom. There were significant chunks taken out of the wall from their scramble to get out but, luckily, they made excellent foot holds.

Karkat soon jumped off the rope and landed right on his feet, his knees bending only slightly. Better than last time. But, he soon realized their crucial mistake. “Dave!!” He shouted up the hole, glaring at Dave who was leaning over the edge to look at him.

“Yeah?!” Dave shouted back, putting one hand by his mouth to ‘help’ his voice carry down.

“You forgot to give me a FUCKING FLASHLIGHT!!” Karkat shouted back, hoping Dave could sense how pissed he was from all the way up there. He couldn’t see shit down there, everything down the tunnel completely pitch black. Dave disappeared for a few seconds before reappearing, tossing a small black cylinder down the hole. Karkat quickly stepped out of the way and let it fall, watching it land with a loud thunk, leaving an indent in the ground.

“DAVE YOU ARE SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT!” He shouted as he grabbed the flashlight, turning it on and shining it down the tunnel. It was bright and illuminated everything until the tunnel curved down. There were still footprints from their mad dash to get away from the dick monkey thing. It was only slightly disturbing.

“Are we good?!” Dave’s voice echoed down the hole, snapping Karkat out of his thoughts. He quickly scanned the tunnel for anything creepy before he decided to respond, looking up at Dave who had the emergency backpack around his shoulders.

“WE’RE FUCKING GOOD!” He shouted back, giving him a thumbs up. He watched Dave awkwardly shuffle around to get a good grip on the rope before he started his descent, making sure Dave wasn’t going to fall before he looked back down the tunnel, watching for any sort of movement. It looks deserted and empty, no noises or anything. That should have reassured him but it just made him nervous and paranoid, scared something was just stalking them, waiting for the right moment to strike. He shook his head to get rid of the intrusive thoughts, glaring down the tunnel like he was challenging it to throw its worst at him.

There was a thump in the dirt next to him, startling him and making him jump a bit before he realized it was just Dave who had a huge grin on his face. “Well? Let’s get going!” He chirped excitedly and started down the tunnel, hitting his head in the exact same spot he did before.

Karkat sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. This was going to be a difficult journey. “Dave, that is literally the exact same spot you hit your head on last time.” He grumbled, walking past Dave and down the tunnel, ignoring his groans of pain.

“What? How’d you know? Are you keeping some sort of record of where I hit my head?” Dave pouted, quickly catching up to him, hunching over a bit so he wouldn’t hit his head again.

“There’s an indent in the ceiling from last time.” He stated the obvious, not hesitating in the slightest. Sometimes he was convinced Dave had brain damage from all the times he hit his head on shit.

“Oh….” Dave mumbled dejectedly, like he was hoping that Karkat had an actual record of all the places Dave hit his head. Dave got over his disappointment quickly and walked right next to Karkat, his hands wrapped around the straps of the backpack, making him look like a little kid.

Karkat rolled his eyes and ignored Dave, focusing on where he was walking. He really didn’t want to slip unexpectedly or suddenly step on some _ thing _ . He listened to Dave whistle to himself as he continued to walk, shuffling down the steep curve that led deep into the tunnel. There was a good, solid minute of silence before Dave broke it.

“Why do you always look like shit?” He bluntly asked, the question startling Karkat a bit. He didn’t sound like he was trying to hurt Karkats feelings or anything, he sounded genuinely curious.

“Uhh…” Karkat glanced at his coworker before quickly looking away, his intense and curious stare freaking him out. “Genetics..? I dunno. Sheesh, what the fuck is wrong with you? You don’t just ask people stuff like that just like how I don’t ask why Dirk is a person of color and you aren’t. It’s just invasive.” He grumbled, clenching the flashlight tighter, feeling uncomfortable.

“Different moms.” Dave answered and sniffed, shrugging. “My mom was albino, therefore, so am I. It’s also why I wear shades, my eyes are hella light sensitive. Meanwhile, Dirk’s mom was black and our dad is asain so he’s a mix. Long story short, we get weird looks in the grocery store and he thinks he never has to put on sunscreen.” Dave chuckled quietly and nudged Karkat with his elbow. “You got any siblings? I feel like I tell you everything about my life and I know nothing ‘bout you besides the fact you have insomnia and anger issues.”

Karkat huffed and glared at him. “I don’t have anger issues! I just don’t let people like you walk all over me!” He shouted, turning back to the tunnel so at least one of them was watching where they were going. There were a couple seconds of silence, Daves burning into the side of his head while he waited for a question. Karkat sighed dramatically and kicked the dirt before he spoke again. “I have a brother. He’s a dickwad and would like to go my entire life without ever speaking to him again. He’s a super, mega Christian and was the main source of my problems for most of my life and my dad did nothing about it. Can’t exactly blame him but it’s fucking whatever, I just get panicked every time I ever see anything God related, it’s fucking fine, I guess. Not like I was gonna join a church or something, that shit always freaked me out, way too.. Submissive for my tastes, I fucking guess. What about you? Any secret religious trauma you’re hiding from me?” He asked kind of aggressively, flinching at the tone of his own voice but Dave didn’t seem to react so he didn’t say anything.

“Hmm… Nah, just the usual abusive dad and inability to socialize properly due to very limited social interaction as a child and as an adult. In fact, I think you’re the first real person I’ve interacted with outside of-”

Karkat tuned Dave out, freezing when he saw a door in front of them. “Dave.” He mumbled and grabbed Dave's hand, gripping it tightly to keep him from getting any closer to the door.

“Huh?” Dave questioned stupidly and jumped when he noticed the door, hitting his head on the ceiling again. “Ow! Fuck!” He swore and rubbed his head, little bits of dirt falling out of his hair. “Why the fuck is there a door down here?”

Karkat didn’t let go of Dave's hand, too scared to let go. “I don’t fucking know, you turd box! Lets just fucking go before a bunch of those fucking dick monkeys charge out and eat us alive!” He hissed and tried pulling Dave away, huffing when Dave didn’t move.

“No way! I didn’t come all the way down here just to chicken out like a smart person in the beginning of a fucking horror movie. C’mon, do I  _ look  _ like I’d make any sort of smart decision in my life?” Dave gestured towards himself and let go of Karkat's hand, moving towards the mysterious door. Karkat didn’t know why but he felt a strong sense of betrayal and hurt the second their hands separated. “Let's go in! We have plenty of supplies to last us a while, we’ll be fine!” Dave reassured him and put his hand on the heavy looking door, grinning from ear to ear.

Karkat felt panicked, quickly rushing forward to stop him. “Dave, don’t be a fucking idi-!” Before he could finish his sentence, Dave pushed the door open right as Karkat ran into him, causing them both to tumble inside.

Karkat braced himself for impact and grunted when he landed on top of Dave who gave a pathetic squeak at the sudden weight on his back. They both cursed and swore, shoving and pushing at each other like children before they finally stood up to see where the fuck they were.

They stared at the view around them, both stunned into silence with dropped jaws. They looked around in disbelief, confused and amazed, staring in silence before Dave broke it.

“Why the fuck are we in Ikea?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> check out my tumblr valerian-valentine-2 ! ask me questions or just leave me a nice comment!


	6. 3008

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave and Karkat walk through the infinikea.

Karkat stared at the rows and rows of desks and tables in disbelief. Words written in something that vaguely looked like Swedish but.. Not quite. The words seemed to change every time he looked away but only slightly. It was like his memory just… Erased the word every time he looked away, making it seem new every time he looked back. It was disorientating and creepy, everything seeming…. Artificial, like it was all trying way too hard to make everything seem homely and normal, human and natural. His heart raced and his mind screamed at him to leave but when he turned around, there were just more desks and chairs. It was the exact same view as the last time he turned around and it would continue being the same fucking view every time he turned around. The door was gone. Completely fucking gone. They were trapped there, stuck together in an abandoned IKEA.

Dave rolled in front of him, sitting in some stupid looking rolling office chair. At least one of them was having fun. The chair had the usual tag on it, saying its name and price. MILLBERGET or something. 69.99$. Typical.

“Yo. Karkat. Snap out of it, I’ve been talking to you for like……. Thirty seconds.” Dave interrupted his thoughts and spun around in his chair before scooting closer, looking absolutely ridiculous with his stupid long legs scooting him around.

“Dave, you look fucking ridiculous.” He voiced his thoughts out loud and crossed his arms, glaring at his coworker. How could Dave act so.. Casual and normal when they were literally fucking lost in IKEA? I- fucking-KEA. No door, no people, no music, no nothing. The only sound was their own breathing and the annoying ringing in Karkats ears, the usual ringing noise when there was no noise to focus on.

“Thank you.” Dave said with a grin and hopped out of his chair, looking around. “Well. Let’s try to find an exit, I guess.” He suggested, taking another good look around before looking down at Karkat, smiling but there was something… Serious on his face. “C’mon, we’ll follow the yellow arrows and try to find our way out.” He attempted to sound cheerful but Karkat could see his anxiety, his worries.

Karkat sighed. Dave was right, they should get going and walk around, try to find resources and an exit. “Alright.. Are we still sticking in each other's sight?” He asked, trying to sound annoyed but he wanted to know what Dave thought. Dave was the expert here and whatever he said goes. Karkat also desperately needed someone to tell him what to do, tell him how to react, tell him where to go and when because he was extremely freaked out and felt like crying.

Dave’s smile widened in a ‘I know you’re going to hate this’ way. “Nope! We’re holding hands and not going further than arms length from each other unless we’re running from something. This is an unknown environment and we can’t risk getting seperated.” Dave explained before grabbing Karkats hand and began walking along the yellow arrows path, a smile on his face but Karkat could already see that it was fake. Dave was probably just as scared as he was, maybe more sense he couldn’t easily get back to Dirk and Roxy and probably won’t be able to contact them for a couple of days, at best.

Karkat followed Dave though, no protests leaving his mouth. He knew better than to fight with Dave this early on. If they fought, they would be screwed and probably end up splitting up or something and that would ruin their chances of survival immensely. If TV has taught him anything, it was to never,  _ ever _ split up in times like these.. Unless you  _ wanted  _ to get viciously murdered for an audience's enjoyment.

As they walked, Karkat felt like he was going insane. No noise besides their footsteps, their breathing and Dave's quiet mumbling, the yellow arrows seemed to be scattered at random and there was just.. Nothing. No people, no sign of life, nothing. It scared him. Genuinely scared him. They went through a few sections as they walked, starting with offices, then they got to kitchen where Dave proceeded to roleplay some sort of weird thing where he was trying to see Karkat a house, then living rooms where Dave built a pillow fort, then bedrooms where Dave tried to lay ‘sexily’ across a bed but ended up getting hit in the face by a mysterious projectile pillow that just so happen to come from Karkats direction, then kids rooms. Currently, Dave was exploring and having fun in the kids section, a huge grin on his face as he held a sort of dinosaur shaped pillow.

“Karkles, this place is genuinely kinda fun. C’mon, brighten up!” He tried tempting him into going on some sort of rampage but Karkat just stared at him blankly, glaring at him. This was stupid.

“This is stupid.” Karkat voiced his thoughts once again and sighed when Dave just shrugged and jumped on a small kids bed, bouncing up and down on it, making Karkat worry he was going to break it.

“Oh, c’mon! We’ll find an exit eventually, we might as well have fun while we’re here.” Dave pointed out and suddenly sat down on the bed, bouncing a bit when his butt hit the mattress. “Ya know, I think you’re hiding like a huuuge stick up your ass. Just fucking massive, like a fucking tree. That’s why you hate fun. No fun Karkat, doesn’t want anyone to have any fun when they’re in IKEA.” Dave rambled and got up, returning to Karkat's side and grabbing his hand. They had kept up their rule on not straying away from each other and when they weren’t holding hands, they were either standing right in front of each other or holding onto some other limb. They were both scared of getting separated and it showed. Not that Karkat minded the hand holding, he quite enjoyed it. Dave’s hands were callused and warm against his own, giving him a sense of safety. The nervous palm sweat was a bit gross though but he decided not to mention it just in case he was the one with the sweaty palms.

“Dave, don’t act like a fucking child.” Karkat grumbled and started walking along the yellow arrows again, squeezing Dave's hand to signal that they were moving again. Dave followed him obediently, not letting go of his dinosaur pillow. It was kinda nice to see him jumping around and acting so happy, like he was a little kid. It was nice seeing him so happy and carefree, even if they were in a very dangerous situation.

Dave suddenly gasped, snapping him out of his thoughts and let go of his hand, going straight to a weird little kid tunnel that had plastic, colorful strips in front of it. Dave looked fully intent on walking through it but before he could, Karkat grabbed the back of his shirt and yanked him back, wrapping his arms around his waist to keep him firmly in place. “No.” Was all Karkat could say, his eyes wide and fearful. He couldn’t let his view of Dave get obstructed, no matter what, he just couldn’t let that fucking happen.

Dave seemed to notice his anxiety after a minute of just awkwardly standing there in confusion and wrapped his arms around Karkat, gently squeezing him in a sorta awkward, way too intimate hug. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have ran off like that. I’ll ask next time.” He whispered quietly and rubbed Karkat's back, resting his chin on Karkat's head. “I’m not gonna run away.”

Karkat didn’t even look at Dave, staring at the small tunnel like it threatened to murder his family in front of him. He was terrified of losing Dave in this place, he didn’t know how he’d survive without him. He’d go insane in minutes!

“Don’t you ever fucking do that shit again or else I’m tying us together with the weird fucking shit they have here.” He threatened and took a deep breath, trying to relax his racing heart. He was genuinely scared of losing Dave. He felt like his pet almost just ran out the door in the middle of a thunderstorm.. Or something.

“I won’t. I swear. If I do that again, I’ll help you tie our waists together so I physically can’t run off without you.” Dave semi joked and squeezed Karkat again before slowly letting go, not taking his hands off of him to further reassure him that he wasn’t going to run away.

Karkat slowly let go but immediately grabbed Dave’s hand, not wanting to risk getting separated again. “You’re a tone deaf cock hammer for giving me that fucking heart attack and I’m going to kick your fucking ass the second we’re out of here.” He threatened and glared up at his coworker, ignoring the tears stinging his eyes. He didn’t know why he was getting so emotional but he fucking was and if Dave was going to make fun of it, then fine.

Dave snorted and shrugged. “Okay, pompous cock nazi. I’ll let you kick my ass if you kiss it afterwards.” Dave teased and made a kissy face, squeaking when Karkat pinched his sides, his smile turning into a pout. “Bitch!”

Karkat rolled his eyes and gripped Dave's hand, following the yellow arrows once again but this time he suppressed the urge to smile, not wanting Dave to see how much he was enjoying their casual banter.

It seemed they walked for miles, the arrows never stopping or leading to an exit. They at least found a nice comfortable bedroom section. They found a ‘honeymoon’ style bedroom which Dave insisted on camping out in, mumbling something about how his eyes were hurting from the harsh light and Karkat didn’t even bother protesting. The lights around the fake bedroom were soft and warm, helping Karkat's own headache. He didn’t even care about the heart shaped pillows on the bed or the fake roses or the fake TV at the foot of the bed. He didn’t care how intimate it was, he was too tired to care.

Dave looked just as exhausted as he felt and flopped right on the bed the second he got close enough, luckily landing on his back. Dave slowly took his shades off and set them aside before kicking off his shoes and-

Fuck.

Karkat felt goosebumps rise along his arms when he saw Dave's eyes. They.. They looked terrifying. Pink and red like they were infected and bleeding, his pupils were barely even black. It filled Karkat with a sense of fear, like seeing someone who was extremely underweight or someone who was obviously sick. That bone deep cold, the instinct that was screaming at him to help, telling him it wasn’t normal, telling him to  _ fix  _ Dave.

Those sickening eyes slowly landed on him and he stiffened up, unable to move or apologize or look away. It was like watching cars crash into each other, seeing the glass go flying everywhere..

“Dude. Listen, I might be fucking blind as shit without my shades, but I can still see the fact you look like a huge pervert just fuckin’ standing there. The fuck you gonna do, pin me down and kill me? Actually, you should do that, that’d be fucking hot.” Dave grinned. He looked.. Blind, almost. His eyes weren’t focused, they seemed.. Cloudy. 

Karkat finally snapped out of it and cleared his throat, sitting next to Dave on the bed. “Right. Sorry. Hey uh…. Can I ask you a question?” He asked quietly, taking his shoes off and setting them next to the bed. Despite being in a cryptic, dangerous IKEA, he wasn’t going to lay in bed with fucking shoes on.

“Only if I get to ask you a question.” Dave replied smoothly and tucked his arms behind his head, closing his eyes. His entire body visibly relaxed, his joints popping from the sudden release in pressure and stress. It was concerning, everything he did was concerning. He looked so.. Tired and human. Like an adult and not just a teenager.

“Yeah, you can ask me whatever, I guess.” Karkat mumbled and brought his knees to his chest, unable to relax in this intimate setting. The soft lights, the comfortable blankets, the fluffy pillows, the secluded feeling, all of that did nothing to relax him. All he could think about was his stupid romcoms and those dumb cliches. ‘Oh, we meant to get two beds but there was a mix up at the desk so we got upgraded to a honeymoon suite because the management thought we were a couple but we were too tired to refuse them or get a new room so now we’re sitting awkwardly in the honeymoon bed’ fucking dumb tropes.

“How well can you see..?” Karkat finally asked, his voice barely above a whisper. Now that they were being quiet, it was hard to stop. 

Dave opened one eye and glanced at Karkat before closing his eye and humming. “Not well at all. I am legally not allowed to drive without my shades and.. Here.” Dave opened his eyes and looked over at him. His eyes felt like Medusa’s, turning him to stone from just one look.

“Put your hand in front of your face and move it away until it's out of focus.” Dave said, rolling over so he was laying on his side, his cheek smushing against the silk pillowcase. 

Karkat frowned but did what he was told. He moved his hand away as far as it would go before looking back down at Dave, feeling guilty when he saw his tired expression. “It didn’t get blurry..” He mumbled and curled in on himself further, crossing his arms.

Dave nodded and held his hand out in front of his face, inches away. “In focus.” He commented before he moved it away two, maybe three inches. “Out of focus, blurry. That’s how shitty my vision is. I can still see shapes and shit but not nearly well enough to defend myself. That’s why I depend on my hearing and shit…” Dave ended his sentence with a sigh and closed his eyes, flopping his hand down. He looked so.. Exhausted.

Karkat sighed when he heard Dave’s soft breathing slow down and deepen less than a minute later, signalling that Dave had completely passed out. Now it was just Karkat's turn. Shit. He jumped when the lights suddenly turned off and a voice through a speaker told him it was closing time and to leave the store. The fuck-

Realization suddenly punched Karkat right in the dick. This was.. This was that dumb fucking SCP story, the infinite IKEA. Oh shit, oh fuck. They were fucked. Karkat looked around, his eyes straining in the dark, the ringing in his ears deafening. The only other sound was Dave's soft breathing and occasional nasal squeak like a kitten imitation of snoring but Karkat wasn’t even focused on that cute shit right now, he was focused on staying alert, making sure those.. Monsters didn’t find them. They.. They should hide. They weren’t secluded enough.

He gently put his hand on Dave's shoulder and nudged him, feeling guilty about waking him up but he had to, they had to make it out alive. Dave had a child, for fucksake. “Dave, we’re in danger.” He whispered quietly, jumping when Dave sat up suddenly, his hand gripping Karkats in an iron like hold. It kinda hurt but the feeling of security helped Karkat calm down.

Dave didn’t even ask questions or say a word as he slowly got out of bed and grabbed the emergency backpack, quietly rummaging through it before he pulled out a… Glasses case..? Karkat frowned and watched as Dave opened it, putting on the big, thick, dorky framed glasses, replacing their place in the case with his shades. He slowly put the case back and picked up the backpack, standing slowly. He looked around carefully before he gestured for Karkat to get up and come over, the lack of light making it impossible to tell what his expression was.

Karkat got out of bed quietly and slipped on his shoes, moving over to Dave's side of the bed. He got in close, his mouth brushing against Dave's ear as he spoke. “We need to hide, closet?” He whispered the question, pointing to the walk in closet that was nearby. He ignored the way Dave shivered, focusing instead on his nod and his footsteps towards the closet, following his exact movements.

Not so shockingly, they got to the closet quickly and without death so, that was a fucking plus. Karkat nearly collapsed the second the door closed and made sure it was semi secure there before he actually collapsed, curling up in a ball purely out of habit. Dave laid down next to him, shivering for a few seconds before he relaxed and rolled over onto his stomach, sighing. “I’m sorry but could you take the first.. Three hours? Just stay awake and watch out for shit, okay? I’m just so exhausted, I think I’m gonna fuckin’...” Dave’s speech went down the drain and he quietly mumbled nonsense to himself until he was completely out again, making those weird kitten snorts.

Karkat didn’t mind, he wasn’t that tired. He wouldn’t be able to sleep any way, even if he wanted to. The only way he could sleep comfortably was by stripping down, wearing nothing but an oversized shirt, have his room be freezing cold with the bathroom light on in the hallway, all of his pillows fluffed a very specific way and either have zero noise outside of his fan or listen to ASMR shit. Even then, he’d only get a good sleep if he was lucky.

Besides, there was no way in hell he would be able to sleep after a scare like that. He just hoped those…. Creatures wouldn’t be there in the morning. Karkat sighed silently and got comfortable, sitting up to stare at the door before he started wracking his brain for the information behind the infinIKEA. Guess having an interest in SCP shit was finally paying off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is going to involve a bit of gore + weird cryptid stores invading peoples dreams! don't worry, you'll be able to skip it if need be :)


	7. Gore.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave has a wet nightmare and Karkat wonders why Dave won't look him in the eye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW!!  
> there is some extreme gore along with noncon in this chapter! To skip it, go past the ---- spaces and italic text, this will not affect your enjoyment of the story. Please, skip this part if you even think you might have to.

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_ You’re at the old apartment. It’s just as lonely and empty as you left it but maybe three times dirtier. There’s dried blood stains on the walls, stains in the carpet and everything just seemed too dark, like it was all covered in a layer of dirt. _

_ You don’t know why you’re here but it was an emergency. A big one. Someone is hurt and you have to help them but you don’t know who it is or where they are. You walk around, desperately searching for the injured person, feeling dizzy but… Good. Really good, a pleasant buzz going through your body but it didn’t do anything besides slightly curb your anxiety, letting you take your time. _

_ You knew this was just a dream but it felt real. Everything looked the exact same as last time you were here besides the dirt and mess… Also, the disturbingly long hallway that morphed into an office building style hallway. You follow it, curious but on edge. Why were you here? This looked like a horror game, like something was going to jump out at any second. That didn’t concern you as much as you would have assumed it would. _

_ “Hello?” You call out, looking around. You knew that was a stupid thing to do but you couldn’t exactly control your actions properly, only able to walk where you wanted to but ven then you seemed to follow where ever the dream wanted you to go. _

_ You heard a cry of your name in a familiar voice, the voice sounding pained and hurt. You quickly started searching for the person, dread chasing you and nipping at your heels as you tried to find the person, now terrified and concerned.  _

_ You found him. _

_ Karkat. _

_ He had his back resting against your bed. You were in your room. He smirked at you, getting blood in his mouth and you watched as it spread quickly, getting into the spaces between his teeth in a sickening way but it wasn’t the first time you saw something like that. _

_ “Dave….” He moaned out in a honey sweet voice. You looked at his face and felt ice cold when you saw his right eye missing, blood slowly leaking out of it in waves. Waves and waves thick blood, just flowing down the side of his face in a slow manner. There was blood all over his right side and both of his hands, on the floor, on the wall, the blood… The blood was everywhere. _

_ “Davey, please, I need you to plug the hole…” He moaned out again, sounding like an amateur porn star. He was desperate and breathy, soon beginning to slowly crawl towards you on all fours, not breaking eye contact with you. His other eye was normal, the regular deep brown color he was used to but his pupils were blown wide from adrenaline, maybe? _

_ You can’t move. _

_ Karkat can. _

_ You can’t speak. _

_ Karkat can. _

_ Karkat is in front of you now, on his knees right in front of your crotch. He looks.. Terrifying and beautiful. You can only watch in terror as he slowly starts pulling down your pants, kissing your stomach while he did so. _

_ “Please, Dave, I need to plug the hole… It won’t stop bleeding until we plug it…” He whispered and smiled when he saw your briefs, licking the bulge there before taking them off. You knew what he was going to do, you wanted to scream and tell him to stop but your voice wasn’t working. _

_ He stuck two fingers in his eye socket and thrusted them in and out, disgusting squishing and spurting noises following it. You felt like puking as he slowly pulled his fingers back out and gently started stroking your dick with his wet, bloody fingers. It felt amazing, you despised the fact it felt amazing. You wanted to beg him to stop, scream at him, tell him he didn’t have to do this but the only thing that came out was hoarse moans and barely there whispers of protest. _

_ Karkat eyed your growing erection with a hungry look which would have been hot if this was just a regular wet dream but instead, it made you sick. Genuinely sick. Karkat was your friend and you couldn’t move or help him and there was too much blood, it was getting everywhere. It was all over your dick and your thighs, a couple of hand prints on your hips bones and stomach. It looked disgusting against your pale, ghostly skin. _

_ Karkat leaned forward and aimed your dick at his eye socket, making you finally start crying. You felt the tears stream down your face and you felt the hot, wet, squishy inside of Karkat's skull slowly encase your dick. You could look away, watching as he slowly moved his head forward, moaning quickly and shuddering when it was fully seated in his skull, a squirt of blood coming out. He looked up at you with his one eye and gave you a lustful look, playing to your fantasies and preferences. _

_ It felt good. It felt good and he looked good and it just made you disgusted, sickened with yourself and your own mind. How could you? Why would you do this to him? Karkat is your friend and here you are, slowly moving your hips in and out of his eye socket, making more blood spill out, gushing around your dick. It felt incredible and you were already so close, you just couldn’t help it. You choked out a sob as you pulled out and slammed back in, shuddering when you heard the squelch and Karkat's loud, pleasure filled moan. He sounded beautiful. _

_ You continued to slam into his skull, sobbing and moaning as you practically humped it, cumming inside his skull with a scream of agony and pleasure, sobbing louder when you felt his eye socket convulse around your dick, milking what if could from it and gushing blood on your dick. Karkat was limp. _

  
  
  
  


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Karkat slowly peeked out of the closet, searching for the staff, his heart pounding in his chest. The lights turned back on around an hour ago, signalling that the workers should be tame now but that didn’t curb Karkat’s anxiety. He had stayed up all night, listening to their voices telling him it was closing time, he was sure it was driving him crazy. He was debating waking Dave up when the lights came back on and he heard the footsteps of the staff slowly shuffle away, probably going to some breakroom or something. He sat back and sighed, relaxing. They were safe.

He jumped when he heard shuffling behind him and relaxed when he saw it was just Dave, beginning to wake up. He had tears on his face that Karkat must’ve failed to notice before which just made him feel like a complete ass. “Hey, you okay..?” He asked quietly and frowned when Dave gave him a terrified look, holding his hands up in a placating manner to show he wasn’t going to hurt him.

Dave stared at him for a few seconds before looking away, clearing his throat as he quickly grabbed the emergency backpack, looking through it for his sunglasses, avoiding eye contact. “Y-Yeah, just a bad nightmare. Hey, can you step outside for a moment? I just need a few seconds of privacy, ya know.” Dave laughed nervously and put his shades on quickly, poking his eye with one of the arms accidentally, causing him to swear quietly.

“Uh, okay, but I’m gonna leave the door propped open. Just, cause, you know.” Karkat explained and got up. He didn’t trust doors anymore, especially not doors in this place. For all he knew, he could shut a door and that room would cease to exist. He left the closet and kept it open just a crack, moving away from the door so he couldn’t see through the small crack, letting Dave have his own privacy. He wondered why he seemed so worked up and paranoid.. Probably a bad dream or something. Hopefully just a bad dream and not some… Nightmareish fever dream caused by the unseen and unknown forces that ruled this place.

He kinda felt bad, just leaving Dave in there when he was in clear distress but Karkat had a strong feeling that his presence was not going to be helpful, nor would it be welcomed. He had a lot of experiences with nightmares himself, he could understand the need to be alone and process what went down in one's mind. It could be overwhelming and distressing.

Karkat shook his head  and looked around the place, searching for any signs of movement. The honeymoon style bed was still messed up from their sudden haste to get the fuck out but it seemed like the staff hadn’t noticed that which was good. He assumed they didn’t have any brain function other than ‘kill those who stay past closing, defend self’ which was both relieving and disturbing. He had heard of this place from a dumb website he visited often when he was an edgy teen but he never thought this place actually existed.

It scared him. What else was out there, lurking, waiting to attack them? Dave had mentioned something about the SCP foundation but he thought he had been joking. He thought… He thought all of these things were fake, they were just stories used to scare others and have a good laugh about later. Like, really, an infinite IKEA? That had to be a joke, it must’ve just been a big joke! No one went into IKEA and never returned, well, he had never  _ heard _ of that happening… Because it wasn’t supposed to. This stuff wasn’t supposed to be happening, it was  _ supposed  _ to be some stupid scary stories!

Karkat took a slow, deep breath. Lots of things weren’t supposed to be real, and yet they were. This breakdown was bound to happen anyway, might as well just… Suppress it until they got out of there. When they got out, Karkat could scream and cry as much as he wanted to then quit. What if he quit right now? Would he appear in his bedroom, normal and sane? Would he forget about all this? Why wasn’t their boss there to save them? Why? Why weren’t they getting help?

Karkat slowly sunk to his knees and pressed his head against the wall, staring up at the fluorescent lights that buzzed above them quietly. This was all just bullshit. It wasn’t fair, why wasn’t anyone there to help them? This was all just…. He was scared and confused. He felt like a dumb animal being cornered by unknown entities, knowing they were going to hurt him.

He jumped and snapped out of his thoughts when Dave emerged from the closet and he quickly got up, collecting himself. They would be dead before nighttime if he had a breakdown now. “Hey, how you feeling?” He asked quietly, looking at Dave with a concerned look.

Dave stiffened up when he heard Karkat speak and looked away from his coworker, holding the emergency backpack tightly. “Fine. Let’s um… Find an exit.” He mumbled quietly and began walking, not even touching Karkat. In fact, he was actively avoiding any sort of contact. Oh  **hell** no.

Karkat huffed and grabbed Dave's hand, refusing to even risk losing him. “Listen, I don’t know what the fuck is going on with you, but either we hold hands or I find some rope and tie our fucking legs together, got it?” He hissed out and held Dave's hand tightly, silently daring him to let go and see what fucking happens.

Dave looked terrified but he nodded curtly and continued walking, his hand almost limp in Karkat's like that would limit the amount of contact. Also, his hand was very sweaty. Really sweaty, it was nasty. But, Karkat wasn’t going to complain or bitch or even tease him, getting the feeling that this wasn’t the time to strengthen friendship bonds.

Okay, the silence was getting to him a little bit. The complete lack of Dave’s voice was driving him up the wall and making him go crazy. He used to wait for the day Dave just finally shut up but now that it was here, he was regretting it so much. It was so… Quiet. Dave didn’t try to engage in conversation or commentary and the most reaction he got out of Dave was when they were disagreeing on which direction to go. That was two fucking hours ago and Dave didn’t even talk then! He just nodded like some…. Some…. Dumbass!!

Karkat finally got sick of it and stood in front of Dave, glaring up at him and just felt more rage when Dave reacted with nothing but tilting his head down slightly so he could keep Karkat in view.

“What is your  **problem** ?!” Karkat shouted and pointed his finger at Dave's chest, poking him a bit harshly. “You haven’t been fucking talking and you just- you just-” Karkat groaned with frustration, unable to organize his words in his head. “You’re acting like a- a  _ robot _ ! Lifeless and fucking unhelpful as shit! Why did you get so fucking scared in the closet, huh?! You looked like a fucking rabbit and I was a fucking toddler on Easter! Why are you so scared?! Did I do something?! Did you have a nightmare?! Whatever it was, get the fuck over it! We aren’t getting out of here unless we cooperate and  _ TALK  _ with each other! None of this stoic, I’m too fucking cool to experience something as plebeian as EMOTIONS!” Karkat shouted, venting his rage and frustration. He knew it wasn’t fair, Dave was, quite literally, doing nothing but this situation was stressful and it made his temper as short and as thin as hair on a bald guy's head.

“I had a dream about you.” Dave suddenly blurted, his face flushing red like he was caught with a porno mag but his expression was confused and scared but not at Karkat. It was like he was scared of himself.

“Oh.” Karkat’s rage diminished quickly and he frowned, his eyebrows furrowing. “So what, you had a fucking wet dream about me? That’s fucking normal you fucking idiot-”

“No! I mean, well, technically yes but it was more of….. A wet nightmare. Think Saw but porn and…..” Dave gagged but luckily, didn’t throw up, looking away. “Disgusting.” He mumbled, staring at an oddly decorated chair with an embarrassed and terrified look.

“Okay…” Karkat started slowly, relaxing. Whatever he dreamed about was clearly affecting him pretty heavily and if he didn’t get it off his chest now, he may end up getting distracted and risking their chances of survival. “Well, tell me about it. You don’t have to say the gory details, just the gist of it. That might help.” He said quietly,trying to sound gentle and comforting.

Dave sighed and shivered as he seemed to remember the gory details of his dream. “You had no eye and made me stick my dick in your eye socket.” He whispered before gagging again, letting go of Karkat's hand to cover his mouth and hold his stomach.

Karkat stared at Dave with wide eyes, shocked he’d ever even think of such a horrific dream but he forced himself to remember that people can’t control what they dream of, not fully. Dream Dave wasn’t real Dave and dream Karkat wasn’t real Karkat. He took a deep breath and gently hugged Dave, relaxing when Dave immediately clung to him, his coworker shaking a bit in his arm. “It’s okay, it was just a nightmare…” He whispered, gently rubbing Dave's back in a comforting manner.

Dave sniffled above him and squeezed him, obviously trying not to cry but Karkat decided not to mention that. For Dave's sake. “Fuck, it was so fucking gross and disturbing and fuck…. I’m sorry..” Dave whispered, slowly pulling away from the hug but immediately grabbed Karkat's hand, seeming okay with touching him now.

“Don’t be, you didn’t purposely dream of… That. You didn’t have control over it so it’s not your fault. You’re a good person Dave, even good people have bad thoughts. Just.. Don’t let that get in our way while we’re here, okay? When we leave, you can be as distant as you want but here, we need to stick together no matter what.” Karkat explained and held Dave's hand tightly, looking up at him determinedly. Dave would never hurt him like that and he knew it. Dave was a good guy, just a good guy with really disturbing dreams.

Dave smiled down at him hesitantly which was a good sign. “Thank you Karkat.. Jesus, you’r like the best fucking coworker ever.. But I hope you’re ready for me to talk your fucking ears off, it was sooo fucking hard to just not talk. I mean, I have so much to talk about! Did you know that spiders molt? Like, fucking shed their weird skin or whatever it is and just.. Leave it behind! Like cicadas! Isn’t that fucking creepy? I also really want some potato salad, I am starving but I am craving, specifically, potato salad. Good shit, maybe some french fries or mashed potatoes.. I really just want potatoes, like really badly.” Dave started rambling, continuing to walk the walk, holding Karkat's hand tightly.

Okay, he was already starting to regret confronting him on why he was so quiet but… Dave’s voice was nice to listen to. It was soothing and calming in the big, unfamiliar place of IKEA.

“Dave, shut the fuck up about potatoes, you are making me hungry and  _ someone _ only packed shitty granola bars!” He complained and glared at his coworker, huffing when his stomach growled loudly, followed up by Dave's stomach. “Jesus fucking a donkey, when was the last time we ate?” He complained, putting his free hand on his stomach.

Dave shrugged and sighed mournfully when his stomach grumbled again, demanding sustenance. “A day and a half? I dunno, don’t make me think! I’m so fucking hungry, it’s not even funny.” Dave complained and leaned on Karkat, pouting more before he grinned. “So, how long till you think we’re resorting to cannibalism?” He asked jokingly.

“Ten minutes if you don’t get those fucking granola bars out.” Karkat growled and stifled a laugh as Dave frantically pulled off the backpack and dug through it, searching for their emergency food. God, he was such an idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a quick summery of Dave's dream: He fucks an eye socket.


	8. Fake Taxi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave and Karkat escape IKEA but how?

Karkat sat in a white tent, so white it was almost blinding. He was flanked by two guards in such heavy armour he couldn’t tell their genders or if they were even human, which seemed kinda unfair. They seemed to know everything about Karkat, yet he had nothing on them.

A doctor sat on the other side of the plastic, white table in front of him, sitting in a metal chair that looked like it was spiked to the dirt. They wore a white coat that matched the tent and they had a metal clipboard that had multiple papers on it, probably telling whoever saw it his entire life story. There was a small recording device in the middle of the table, flashing red, showing it was recording. Karkat just wanted a nap… And his clothes. These weird, white, cotton clothes were too.. Breezy.

“Alright. Mr Vantas, could you tell us everything that happened in SCP three zero zero eight?” The doctor questioned, smiling kindly at Karkat but their eyes didn’t crinkle in the corners. They looked like a plastic doll.

“Uhh… I’m sorry, but where is my coworker? Dave, the guy who ran out with me? I just don’t feel uh… Comfortable without him here. Is he okay?” Karkat questioned and lightly set his hands on the table, moving slowly so the guards next to him didn’t suddenly decide to get trigger happy.

The doctor didn’t stop smiling. “He is secure with us. Please, tell me about your experience in SCP three zero zero eight.” They requested, sounding like a robot that was designed to sound polite and placating. 

Karkat looked around nervously, tense and on edge. He had no idea who these people were or what they wanted, all he knew was that he wanted to go home. “Uhh…. Well, I didn’t see a lot. It was kinda just…. Tame, I guess, compared to other people's experiences. We hid in a closet our first night, to hide from the staff. I didn’t sleep that night. I uh… I could hear the staff, just talking and… chittering to themselves.”

“Chittering?”

“Yeah, like… You know how cats chitter at birds? It was like that but it wasn’t the same. I could tell what they were saying, they were speaking English but.. It felt like they were speaking an entirely different language, one I couldn’t even recognize. They didn’t change what they were saying, just politely asking us to leave, that the store was closing and we needed to get the fuck out. I… It freaked me out, a lot. They didn’t even sound human, not at all. You know how human staff members always sound human? No matter what, they sound human. These… These didn’t. I-I dunno, it just freaked me out… But anyway, we kinda just… Walked. Walked and walked as much as we could, following the arrows and trying to find the exit. It...It was all the same, really. Just display after display. Of course, the displays changed slightly every time we passed them, like the names of things, but it all felt like the same. We found a cafeteria at one point and stocked up on meatballs, food. Basically anything edible we could get our hands on. We hadn’t eaten the day before and it was starting to seriously affect us. I couldn’t fucking turn without spots in my eyes, it was fucking annoying. Well, anyway, we found.. We found other people. Scavengers, I suppose. They were nervous around us because we still had on our work uniforms but they were nice, they talked to us and we shared stories, tips and tricks. They gave us weapons too. Fucking weapons. Knives from the kitchen section, homemade spears and crossbows… It was fucking insane, surreal. I felt like I was dreaming the entire time I was there. You know, night wasn’t the scariest part….” Karkat trailed off, feeling tense. He was talking too much, he felt it.

“What was the scariest part, Mr Vantas?” The doctor asked politely, leaning forward, invested in Karkats story.

Karkat sighed and glanced around before continuing. “Call me Karkat, please. The scariest part was how quiet and abandoned it looked and felt. I mean, you’re fucking surrounded by homely, warm and comforting living rooms but there’s no one there. No one to be seen. It’s… It’s so strange and so fucking hard to describe. It’s like… You know it should be comforting, it should be a safe place but it’s not. It’s too polished, too… Artificial. Like it was trying too hard to give you safety, to make you fucking  _ feel _ safe. Honestly, I would have gone insane without Dave there. He was my only source of comfort, my only other human contact. It just… Fuck, dude, it was fucking horrendous. Horrible, terrifying. I couldn’t even bear the thought of letting Dave out of my sight in there, I…. I just, I just couldn’t. I mean, what if something attacked him? Or what if he went behind a door and appeared in some completely different place? I couldn’t have that. I wouldn’t be alive without him. I…..” Karkat took a slow, shaking breath. “I would have killed myself in an instant without him there.” He whispered and looked up at the doctor, searching for sympathy.

“Thank you, K-”

“Karkat!” A familiar voice gasped out his name, tone full of relief. “Oh fuck dude, this place is fucking insane, how ya doin’? They didn’t hurt you, right?”

Karkat looked up, his entire body relaxing when he saw Dave standing there with a shit eating grin on his face. Before Dave could talk anymore, Karkat ran over and hugged him tightly, probably crushing his ribs in the process but he didn’t care, he just wanted to hold him, wanted to make sure he was real and living.

Dave grunted at the sudden pressure and tensed under him before he awkwardly hugged back, patting Karkats back. “Oh, uh, good to fuckin’ see you too. Jeez, don’t start crying or something, I don’t know how to deal with tears n shit.” Dave mumbled, obviously nervous.

Karkat sniffled and pulled away, not even bothering to hide the tears streaming down his face. “Shut the fuck up, I’m not crying. Where the fuck are we? These motherfuckers refused to tell me anything, it was bullshit! They took my uniform too.” He complained, pinching his shirt in disdain. It was too cold to be wearing lightweight cotton.

Dave looked a bit panicked at Karkats tears but elected to ignore them apparently, simply looking away like Karkat could comfort himself. “We’re, uh, in a private place so to speak. It’s kinda hard to explain sense everything is classified but, yeah, we’re safe and they’re gonna take us to an airport soon.” Dave cleared his throat awkwardly after he finished talking, uncomfortable with Karkat's feelings, the stoic, emotionally constipated motherfucker.

Karkat nodded and wiped away his tears, knowing it would only make him look shittier. He managed to glance into a mirror earlier and he decided he should probably crawl into a hole at the earliest opportunity and live as the mole rat he looked like and was supposedly destined to be. He noticed the normal clothes that Dave had on and frowned, looking at the doctor who was rapidly writing things down. “Hey, why does Dave get normal fucking clothes? That's not fair.” He complained, a bit pissy.

Dave grinned down at him, looking mischievous. “Cause you look better in those clothes than I do. You look kinda like a porn star and honestly, when the light hits you juuuust right, you can kinda see through it and honestly, not a bad view-” Karkat grabbed Dave's throat, glaring up at him.

“Either you shut up or I crush your windpipe. Don’t test me, I know how to do it.” He threatened and rolled his eyes. “You can’t fucking see through my fucking clothes, you fucking asshole, god damn…. Bitching fuckernut.” He grumbled, letting go of Daves throat, ignoring his loud coughing. “When do we get to leave and when do I get some fucking clothes?” He asked the doctor, crossing his arms.

The doctor jumped a bit when Karkat addressed them and they cleared their throat. “Uh, we still have to finish this, um, interview.” The doctor said nervously, showing actual human emotion.

  
  


Karkat sat in a car, feeling dazed. Last thing he knew, he was choking Dave and that was it, just…. Blankness after that. Now, he was sitting in a car, wearing a blindfold with his arms tied behind his back. He felt.. Relaxed and sleepy. The rocking of the car was so relaxing too, making him even sleepier.

“Ughh… I’ve always wondered how the Sex Bus got their people, at least now I know. I always thought this was how it would end, ya know. Being fucked to death. I’d be excellent for porn, honestly, I’m pretty attractive and I don’t have a bad coc-”

“Oh god.” Karkat groaned and rolled his eyes behind his blindfold, pissed off already. Did they really go through the trouble of blindfolding them but not fucking gagging them? Seriously? “Shut the fuck up, Dave, this isn’t the fake taxi shit.” He complained and heard shuffling, like Dave was looking for him.

“Karkles? Where are you? Ha, how do you know what fake taxi is?” Dave asked smugly, probably smirking under the fucking burlap bag on his head or something. 

“What are you, fucking twelve? Everyone watches porn at this fucking point! Are you blindfolded too? Where the fuck are we?” Karkat questioned and yelped when something suddenly hit him, like a body or something. Jesus, he fucking hating this place.

“Karkat!” Dave chirped right next to Karkats ear, leaning heavily on him. “Hey buddy! Fuck, I have no fucking idea where the hell we are. Do you think they’re gonna let us stop for bathroom breaks? Oh, are we allowed to have snacks? Cause as much as I love meatballs, I’m like, starving for some real junk food. I have been fucking craving potatoes and like, potato chips and fuckin’... Hot cheetos. I am so,  _ so _ hungry, holy shit.” Dave rambled, still leaning on Karkat and probably making weird facial expressions or something.

“Holy shit, shut the fuck up before I eat you.”

“Ha, kinky- Ouch!” Dave yelped when Karkat shoved him harshly. “You are so mean, Karkles! God, I was just bonding with my bro! Jeez… I wasn’t lying, I’m starving and I really have to pee. Hey! Uh, people supposedly driving this car!” Dave called out, wiggling around. “Hey! Can we fucking stop for snacks or something?” 

Karkat rolled his eyes and sighed. “Jesus, Dave, they aren’t gonna let us stop for snacks so stop talking about it, you’re making me fucking hungry as all hell.”

There was a moment of sweet, blissful silence before Dave ruined it. “Are they gonna kill us? Do you think we’re being kidnapped? Are they taking us to a pig farm? You know, pigs eat the entire body, bones and all but they don’t eat the teeth.” Dave said matter of factly, leaning on Karkat again.

“If they kill us, I want to go out first. I’m fucking tired of you talking and talking and talking, it’s like you only ever fucking talk, you fucking dumbass!” Karkat shouted at the heavy body next to him, hoping he made Dave flinch or at least made his ears ring.

“Well, sorry that I’m trying to lighten the mood! It’s not my fault we’re probably either going to get fucked or killed! Or both, ya know, I’m not gonna judge. I love a good fuck and sudden death, that’s just good American fun. You really gotta get that tree outta your ass, Karkat. Lighten up! This could be fun! At least we’re not in IKEA anymore.”

Karkat sighed and shook his head. “Dave, listen. We really bonded in IKEA. We really became very close friends and it opened up many possibilities of us growing closer, becoming very good friends, perhaps even growing from this experience… AND THEN YOU FUCKING OPENED YOUR MOUTH AGAIN!”

“Nah nah nah, I’m Kaaarkat, I like yelling at Dave because I have repressed homosexual feeeeelings for him! I like swearing and being a big butt and being mean to Dave because Dave is so awesome and handsome and I just wanna have awesome gay sex with him!” Dave mocked in a nasally voice, wiggling next to him, probably making weird and wild gestures.

“Oh, you wanna play this game? You wanna fucking play this game, Dave? Oh, look at me, I’m Dave! I’m  _ sooooo _ cool, I’m so cool I don’t even have feelings! I repress everything so much I could make a gay mormon jealous! Bluh bluh, I’m Dave, I wear shades indoors, I vape and smoke weed, I’m so cool! I like trying to flirt with Karkat and playing it off as a joke because I have major daddy issues and can’t admit my feelings about anything without fear of being made fun of!” Karkat mocked him, making his voice deeper. There was a long, almost painful moment of silence before Karkat spoke up again. “Yeah, I went too far with that one, sorry.”

“Yeah, you really got too intense. Going for the throat with my daddy issues. Ouch, man. That really hurt.” Dave tried to lighten the mood again but Karkat knew he was actually hurt by his words but before he could apologize again, the car stopped and a door opened.

“Hey, what’s going o- FUCK!” Dave swore next to him and there was the sound of scrambling around before Karkat blindfold was torn off by some unknown person.

At first, it was too bright to tell where they were but his eyes adjusted quickly, showing him his surroundings painted in bright sunlight. Dave was squirming on the floor of the van next to him, hands over his eyes as he swore. Karkat gently put a hand on his shoulder to stabilize him, comfort him before he looked around. There were two people in plain clothes standing there, staring at them with unamused expressions. Behind them, there was what looked to be an airport drop off zone or something. There were people saying teary goodbyes, some people rushing in and hoping they weren’t late, there were families running around with tired and scared looking children.

“Uhhh….. Why are we he- Hey!” Karkat shouted in protest when he was grabbed and thrown out of the van along with Dave, both of them grunting and groaning at the sudden hard concrete under them. Something thunked next to Karkat's face and the van drove off, leaving them alone in front of an airport. Karkat slowly got up and sighed before he felt adrenaline and panic rush through his veins. Dave didn’t have his shades on.

“Hold on Dave, I’ll find ‘em.” He reassured his coworker before shooting up and looking for their emergency bag. Their bag was thrown next to them, sitting next to a suitcase that was probably full of their stuff. He grabbed the bag before he could investigate the other bag and dug through it, grabbing the glasses case and snapping it open, taking the sunglasses out and gently putting them in Dave's hand.

He watched as Dave quickly put the shades on, his face scrunching up like he was trying to protect himself from the sunlight with just his facial expression. “You okay..?” He asked quietly, gently putting a hand on Dave's shoulder and blocking the sun with his body.

“Yeah, just… Gonna have a headache for the rest of the day.” Dave mumbled and slowly sat up, looking around at their surroundings, his hand holding Karkat's bicep for support. Karkat also suspected he was just grabbing it to feel his muscles. “So… No murder or fucking? Damn.” Dave swore quietly, rubbing his forehead before he looked at his palm, grimacing at the scratched skin. “Motherfuckers couldn’t’ve kicked us out a bit more nicely? My poor palms are skinned, Karkat! I look like a hoodlum, this is unacceptable. I’m suing them for reckless endangerment, psychological damage and overall bitchiness.” Dave dramatically complained as Karkat grabbed the suitcase, looking it over.

It was a simple black suitcase, nothing making it different to the hundreds of black suitcases out there. There were two flight tickets on top of it, both in Dave’s and Karkat’s names which slightly pissed him off. “Economy? Are they fucking with us? I think we deserve first class after that terrible fucking experience. Dave, you sue them for not providing us with good service too.”

Dave gasped dramatically and snatched a plane ticket out of Karkat's hands. “Economy?! Blasphemy, absolute slander to our name. I’m suing them for this shit too. It's okay, I’ll win, I’m white passing.” Dave grinned and hopped up, stretching out after their time scrunched up in a van.

Karkat rolled his eyes and got up too, stretching next to Dave, his joints popping and creaking in protest. “Yeah, but can you pass a urine test and do you have more money than them? Otherwise, you're just gonna be labelled as some white trailer trash or some kid who went astray on his promising path due to weed addiction.” Karkat grumbled, tilting his head to the side and popping his neck before he grabbed their suitcases handle, glaring at the airport entrance. “Guess we should go in before we end up missing our flight or something.”

“You really need to learn how to have fun, Karkat. I’m pretty sure the stick up your ass is starting to plant roots and grow leaves.”

“I will choke you again, Dave, do not test me.”

“Ooh, kink- ACK!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this isn't very... Story building or good! Not much horror in this chapter but I'll explain some things in the next chapter! thank you all for following along!


	9. Señor Snuggles the third, Bane of Arthropods.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat and Dave get to experience the horrors of the airport!

Karkat nearly moaned when he sank his teeth into a greasy, carb loaded burger that was less than mediocre at best but right now, it tasted like Jesus just came in his fucking mouth. Hours and hours without food, possibly days, left his taste buds weak and sensitive to anything with flavor and right now, this disgusting artificial meal was his heaven.

Dave actually moaned beside him and leaned his head back, looking up at the ceiling. “Dear  _ god _ , this is the best fuckin’ shit I have ever fuckin’ tasted.” He groaned before taking another bite, looking over at Karkat with his cheeks stuffed to the brim with the grease fest, his complexion already looking a lot better. Before they managed to get real sustenance, Dave looked seconds away from passing out, his pale skin even paler than usual and his movements shaky. But, Karkat ignored Dave for now and simply focused on stuffing his face, alternating from his diet coke and his burger, his taste buds having a fucking flavor fest, a full trip, all expense paid trip to flavor town.

Karkat finished his burger in record time and took a breather, resting his forehead on the back on his hand, smiling just a bit. “Holy shit.” He chuckled, his stomach finally grateful to have something besides protein bars and meatballs. He felt better, less woozy, more awake. That caffeine was hitting him hard and fast, making him feel a million times better.

Dave snorted, almost done with his fries already. Weird bastard had a huge ass mouth and zero patience but Karkat couldn’t judge him for that, he was practically devouring everything he could get his grubby little hands on. “Bro, you fuckin’ said it. Shit, this is like… Fucking heaven on my taste buds. There’s like a little party going on in my mouth, a full on fucking rager, it’s the fuckin’ shit, everyone’s invited, there’s so many STD’s and drugs going around that no one knows which way is up and which way is down and there’s a huge orgy in my stomach that I guarantee you will turn into a vile screaming match between peeps but right now, everyone is just making love and lovin’ life.” Dave rambled as he stuffed his face with fries, somehow able to talk without choking but he spat food everywhere, not even looking like he gave a single fuck.

Karkat rolled his eyes, a smile on his face. “Shut the fuck up, how the hell can you talk like that? Jesus, you’re fuckin’ ridiculous.” He chuckled and sighed, sipping his soda to get the texture out of his mouth. He hated the look, smell and texture of the food. The beef felt grainy and plastic-y, like he was eating soft, shredded plastic, the lettuce and cheese tasted just as fake as the beef, just mushier like it was chewed by someone else before slapped onto his plate. The bun just looked straight up sad and unappetizing but he ignored those thoughts and feelings as he ate his own fries, ignoring the grease that was practically dripping off of them. The texture was like.. Puke. Hot, soft and squishy. It kinda burned his mouth and made him kinda disgusted but he couldn’t even bother entertaining the thought of not eating, he was too hungry to think about that, his mind clouded but happy. 

He sat back in his chair when he was done, pleased to hell and back, finally feeling satisfied and full on something other than stupid fucking meatballs. He knew his stomach was going to make him regret all the shit food but right now he couldn’t care less about his inevitable violently explosive bowel wars, all he cared about was how happy he felt. He honestly hasn’t felt this happy in…. Ages. Days? Months? Who fucking knew! He was just going to enjoy it before the inevitable crash.

Dave sighed happily next to him, mimicking his pose but more dramatically, his long limbs splaying out almost everywhere. “Mother Fucking Teresa.” He sighed out, grinning to himself, his one perfectly white clothes now littered with dots and stains from various odd airport things. “Dude, I’m gonna be completely honest with you..” He looked over at Karkat, still grinning ear to ear, looking peaceful. “I  _ just  _ jizzed in my pants. This? This moment right here? Beats all the other orgasms I have ever had. Holy  _ fuck,  _ dude.” He said earnestly, his smiling making his cheeks turn pink and his skin fold. It was a nice sight. So nice, Karkat smiled at him instead of pushing away, chuckling quietly.

“Dude, I have to tell you something.” Karkat started, leaning a bit closer, his cotton clothes sliding along the plastic booth easily. “I totally fuckin’ believe you. That was the best meal I have ever had.” He said honestly before forcing his aching legs to lift his body up, his sore hands gathering up their trash. “C’mon, we gotta get to our gate so we don’t miss the flight.”

Dave’s face was flushed and he stared after Karkat with a slightly disappointed look before he snapped out of it, hopping up to help out, his eyes occasionally glancing over at Karkat which he found.. Odd.

Karkat sat in the uncomfortable waiting chairs, trying to ignore the uneasy feeling he had. Everyone had uneasy feelings at airports, airports were fucking terrifying places of unimaginable terrors but Karkat was thinking about other unimaginable terrors. Who were the people interviewing him? How did he get there? How did they get him? What kind of horrors did they witness and/or know? Would they have killed him if it weren’t for Dave? Would they have made him forget about that place? Everything was blurry, like it was from a dream. There was suddenly a weight on his shoulder and blonde, greasy, smelly hair tickling his nose and ear. “Strider, you need a shower. Like, in the next fucking hour.” He complained but didn’t shove him away, knowing his hair probably didn’t smell any better.

Dave hummed in response, his eyes shut behind his glasses. “Wanna flip a coin on who gets first dibs on the hotel shower?” He asked, mumbling. How was he so tired already?   
Karkat frowned and tilted his head awkwardly so he could look down at him properly, ignoring the grumbles of protest and Dave's pouts. “Hotel? The fuck do you mean?” He asked, anxiety eating away at him. “Dave. Are we not going straight home?”

Dave slowly sat up straight, wincing, pain painting his face. The two were achey as all hell and in any other situation, Karkat would’ve let Dave cuddle right the fuck up but this was important. “Nah, they always book a hotel room on our way home. They hook us up with a mediocre hotel, one where we might not get murdered and get some hella nice showers but that’s one of the few luxuries they give us besides paying for our snacks. Just gotta use the special ‘I was severely traumatized by a government foundation that hosts some of the world's worst monsters but they rely on us to keep the peace and I will quit if I don’t get some free shit’ card and boom, vending machines are mysteriously malfunctioning and giving us free snackies.” Dave mumbled his way through the explanation, obviously tired and in need of a well deserved nap but anxiety kept both of them from sleeping.

“Oh. That… Shit.” Karkat sighed, beginning to tap his foot as he looked around the airport gate, eyes skimming over people. He felt exposed, too out in the open despite it being day time. He had the weird urge to get up and find a place to sleep for the night, some place easy to barricade and hide in, hide from the staff. He jumped when he felt a cold hand slide against his arm, moving in what was supposed to be a comforting motion. He whipped his head to look down at the hand, his heart beating rapidly in his chest, yelling at him to find shelter.

Dave’s cold hands gently rubbed Karkat's arm, providing him with a familiar comfort. They still had each other. “It’s okay. We’ll be on a plane soon.” He whispered and moved his hand down, gently tracing shapes along Karkat's warmer, flatter looking hand before intertwining their fingers, making Karkat's shoulders relax. Holding Dave’s hand was now a comfort to him, lowering his heart rate and making his muscles unclench. Dave, a guy he met not even a whole month ago, a guy he knew barely anything about but also too much, was now a comforting presence, a person who understood him on a level no one else could. Wasn’t that a crazy thought?

Dave is scared of airplanes.

That is something Karkat _just_ found out. Ain’t that fun? Learn something new everyday. But, Karkat could not appreciate this fun fact due to the fact Dave’s nails were digging into his arm like he would get brutally murdered in front of the love of his life if he even thought about loosening his grip. Karkat was pretty sure it was taking all of Dave's strength not to break skin while the rest of his body focused on not freaking the fuck out. His face was pale, his eyes kept darting back and forth, his chest was rapidly rising and falling and his leg was bouncing so much that Karkat was sure it was going to shake the plane.

“Dave, fuck, relax. You literally just fought the worlds scariest shit and you’re scared of a fucking plane?” He tried to ask jokingly but the look he got in return told him that Dave was less than amused. It was… Weird, seeing him a bit angry and genuinely afraid, reminding him vaguely of the day they saw the worm. Karkat practically shrank under Dave's gaze and gently patted Dave's hand, rubbing the tensed joints and muscles soothingly with the pad of his thumb, trying to help. “Sorry….” He mumbled his apology, trying not to feel hurt with Dave’s lack of response. The poor guy was probably terrified and here Karkat was, making fun of him like a big ol’ douchebag of a guy.

“Hey, take a deep breath. What are you scared of happening?” He asked Dave quietly, ignoring the safety instructions, practically knowing the whole speech by heart at this point. He knew Dave was a pretty logical guy despite all his crazy theories and ramblings, he wouldn’t be scared of something that didn’t have the possibility of happening.

“D-Diving. Crashing.” Dave managed to whisper, scooting closer to Karkat, moving the arm rest in between them back so he could feel Karkat right against his side, probably taking comfort in his warmth and the feel of another human being.

“Ah. That’s a common fear but not so much a common occurrence but don’t worry, if it does happen, we have safety precautions to make sure we survive a crash as best we can.” He tried reassuring him, not quite understanding the type of fear Dave had. He was trying his hardest to comfort Dave, even putting his not clawed arm around Dave’s shoulders to pull him closer into a hug, to give him comfort but it only managed to relax Dave’s tense muscles a fraction.

“Not scared of death, scared of falling.” Dave quietly explained and managed to shove his head on to Karkat’s shoulder, nearly cuddling him at this point. “I just… I don’t trust them to do their jobs right. I-I can’t see them or control them and it’s driving me nuts.”

Karkat nodded, gently squeezing Dave. “That’s okay, I understand that feeling, but there’s so many hoops these pilots have to jump through just to be able to touch the planes steering wheel or whatever the fuck goes on over there. They have to go through so many regulations and procedures that there is little to no chance they fuck us over. If they do end up fucking us, I give you permission to eat my body when we get stranded on a deserted island.” He tried joking again, feeling his own anxiety chill when he saw Dave’s tiny smile.

“You promise?” Dave asked quietly, looking up at him with a scared look. It was crazy how that was one of the expressions he saw most often with Dave. The pale face, wide eyes behind thick shades, the air feeling like it was vibrating around him.

“I promise. Cross my heart and everything, we won’t get hu-” Karkat got cut off by Dave gripping his arm tightly again as the plane just started to take off, the engines roaring and the plane wiggling a bit, making Karkat’s stomach drop.

Dave started scrambling a bit before he found a complimentary, shitty blanket and quickly unfolded it, wrapping it around himself as he brought his knees up to his chest, his long limbs struggling to be contained in the tiny, uncomfortable chair but boy was Dave fucking trying.

Karkat couldn’t help the sigh of relief when Dave let go of his arm, the pain still there but less sharp. His arm had red crescent moon shaped dents from Dave’s nails, the skin around the marks red and probably bruised from how hard Dave was gripping him. “Fuck, hey, Dave, it’s okay. Deep breath, this is the hard part. This right here is the hard part, you just have to breathe and get through it.” He tried reassuring him, wrapping his arm around Dave’s shoulder. “You need a distraction?” He asked and sighed when Dave rapidly nodded, his blonde head almost a blur of confirmation. 

“Well… Fuck, where do I even fucking begin? That.. Place was scary as all hell, right? I mean, the staff just… Something about them was too familiar, too human yet too abnormal to be human. Honestly, it was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life…. But do you remember when we found Señor Cuddles, third of his name, Bane of Arthropods? Remember that? You just wouldn’t stop talking as him and making up a backstory, I was so close to just murdering you but.. It was funny as fuck. An entomologist hellbent on destroying the entire population of spiders due to the fact his father was murdered by one and he caught his wife sleeping with one, the poor guy. You remember that? He skipped town, found himself in a bar and swore he would eliminate all spiders. His favorite drink was chocolate milk with a splash of vanilla, neat, with a little heart drawn on the napkin which is obviously the most badass drink you can order in a bar. Then, he went on a Breaking Bad style rampage, destroying all in his path, killing every spider he saw, even the babies.. He was a cold blooded killer with a soft spot for Grimy Flavortown Concrete, his partner with all the street smarts, who could sniff out a spider from ten miles away. Remember the adventures they went on? So many cool things. Hiding in the closets in a spider nest, Grimy Flavortown Concrete getting caught by the spiders and almost killed but luckily, Señor Snuggles saved him because he is just that fucking cool.” Karkat rambled, speaking quietly to relax Dave and to prevent someone else from hearing his ridiculous dialogue. “Grimy helped Señor Snuggles with his trust issues, helped him learn how to love again. Then we spent two fucking hours debating on whether Señor Snuggles was Grimy’s father figure or if they were going to bang-”

“They were gonna bang.” Dave interrupted, not even moving from his cuddling position under Karkats arm, his legs contorted weirdly but at least he seemed comfortable.

“We aren’t fucking doing this again Dave, they were father and son! You know what, we aren’t going to argue about this right now, okay? I am absolutely appalled you would ruin such a sweet story with some nasty shit like that. They were like father and son.  _ Anyway, _ ” Karkat continued, retelling the adventures of Señor Snuggles the third, Bane of Arthropods, and Grimy Flavortown Concrete, noticing some… similarities between the fictional story and their most recent traumatic event but he chalked it up to Dave using that as a way to cope. Just make it sound like a fun little story that sounded intense but wasn’t actually scary. Karkat actually got invested in his own retelling of the cute yet violent story, barely even noticing when Dave fell asleep on his shoulder.

Karkat looked down at his coworker when he heard a small squeak of a snore, frowning when he noticed he was fast asleep. He was kind of upset that Dave fell asleep in the middle of his dramatic storytelling but he couldn’t get too mad, Dave was probably exhausted from the running, constant fear and sudden environment changes they experienced. Speaking of exhaustion, Karkat was pretty tired himself, his eyelids starting to feel heavy and difficult to manage. Three days of little to no sleep was finally catching up to him, his body demanding he rest before it shut down. This was a safe place, right? They were up in the air, safe from harm, safe from the staff…

But what if he woke up in the open, back in that godforsaken hellhole? Surrounded by staff members and forced to watch Dave get torn apart slowly because Karkat was foolish enough to let his guard down. Karkat’s anxiety and fear only allowed him to stay awake for so long before he was dozing off, his head falling right on Dave’s, neither of them even bothering to scoot away from each other or wake up. It had been such a long, harrowing few days for the both of them, the poor souls.

Hopefully they would get a good night's rest at their hotel.


	10. 4:03 AM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave and Karkat are tired and finally get some rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> inspired by this story! https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/dlk100/ive_been_flying_for_almost_thirty_hours_and_the/?st=k269q0gn&sh=f6440917  
> TW: suicide

Dave was jerked awake by sudden turbulence, severe enough to make the lights flicker. At least, he assumed the lights flickered, he wasn’t exactly paying attention and was pretty disorientated along with terrified. The sudden rocking around made him sick, anxiety swelling up in his chest that made him feel horrible, his stomach turning in knots like that would fucking help. He looked around with a frown, surprised no one else woke up and quickly checked his phone. 4:03AM... Fuck this shit.

“This is exactly why I hate fuckin’ planes…” He grumbled and jumped when Karkat touched his arm, looking at him with a terrified look. He forced himself to relax, assuring himself that Karkat wasn’t lucid like him, thank fuck. That had been one of his biggest fears getting on this plane.

“Woah, relax. Were you saying something?” Karkat asked sleepily, his eyes barely able to stay open. He looked so sleepy and his bushy eyebrows furrowed like they were trying to shade his eyes from the lights.

Dave smiled nervously at him, trying to push down his anxiety, just bottle it up and toss it into the ocean. “Nothing, go back to sleep. It wasn’t important.” He reassured him, keeping his voice down so the flight attendants wouldn’t hear him. Not yet, he couldn’t attract their attention yet. He knew they already knew he was awake, that he was there but he didn’t need to cause a ruckus just yet. He watched as Karkat nodded, leaning back on the window and falling back asleep. He looked so peaceful and kind… Karkat was handsome when he was asleep. He wasn’t the most attractive man he’s ever seen but boy did he have a nice face. Deep, beautiful eyes, soft and round cheeks, full and soft looking lips, always clean shaven, little curls of hair occasionally bouncing in his face..

Dave shook his head and sighed, getting up. This wasn’t the time to think about macking on Karkat's pretty face, now was the time to get the hell out. There was a crying flight attendant right there, serving someone who barely seemed there, clearly not lucid like he was. He needed to find out if he was the only one left alive or not, not find out if Karkat's lips were as soft as they looked. 

See, this is why he hated flying. First time doing this was traumatizing enough, he couldn’t go through with a fucking fifth time. It was scary every single time, gave him nightmares for weeks, sometimes months. First time he had to do this, it was two months of nightmares. Nightmares of waking up on a plane, the time 4:03AM, with crying flight attendants surrounding him, telling him to please remain seated, they would land in one hour. He remembered the night he spent watching the clock, unable to even consider sleep until the time showed him 4:30AM, well past the horror inducing 4:03. Sometimes he still couldn’t sleep until the clock showed him his safe number, reassuring him he wasn’t waking up on a plane but that was only on bad days. He was just grateful Karkat didn’t wake up with him.

Dave went around the cabin, looking for anyone that seemed lucid and scared. Most everyone was either asleep or didn’t pay attention to him, showing him they were all perfectly fine. This was perfectly fine, it was just him, thank god. He couldn’t deal with someone else right now. Now came the particularly bad part..

He made his way to the emergency exit and opened the door. “Hello old friend.” He mumbled, staring into the abyss of darkness, the only thing below being a dark and murky ocean. It looked strangely inviting, like a cold ass pool in winter that you couldn’t help but jump into. It felt horrible, as always, his mind screaming at him to turn away and not do it, every single one of his survival instincts yelling at him to turn back, to run back to Karkat and into the safety of his arms.

Instead, he jumped before anyone could stop him, the rushing wind around his face taking all of the air out of his lungs, leaving him nothing. He fell and fell and fell in complete silence, no screaming or anything as tears streamed past him, his eyes blurry and dry while his limbs ached, everything feeling like he was being frozen in time just falling infinitely until his body finally hit the cold, almost black water, killing him in almost an instant. Almost. He still felt the pain of it all, the pain of his bones breaking and his skin burning like he landed on concrete instead of water. He felt it all, his skin being ripped open, bones shattering in every part of his body. He should be used to this by now, the pain of killing himself, flinging his body into the ocean but he wasn’t. Didn’t get used to it even though it was the fifth time and probably wouldn’t get used to it even if it was the hundredth time.

He really, really hated flying.

  
  


Karkat jumped when Dave got startled awake, flinching when Dave’s foot hit the chair in front of them harshly, probably bruising his toes. “Woah, relax-”

“Don’t finish that sentence.” Dave grumbled, holding his foot in pain. He looked pissed off but somehow relieved, leaving Karkat baffled.

“Uhh… Okay? Fuck, you okay? Did you have a nightmare?” He asked quietly, gently putting his hand on Dave's shoulder, trying to comfort him. His own heart was pounding a bit with fear. “Did you… Go somewhere..?” He asked slowly, paranoid that Dave somehow wound up back in that wretched IKEA without actually disappearing.

Dave looked over at him, giving him an expression that told him ‘You have no idea what I’ve been through’, a type of sorrow in his face that made Karkat feel like shit for asking but it melted into a sort of fondness that got him a bit flustered, weak in the knees as his heart squeezed.

“I’m okay Karkat, just got a bit startled.” He said quietly, giving him a tired smile before squeezing his hand tightly. He looked so tired, so worn out.

Karkat slowly nodded and leaned in closer so no one could hear him. “Are we safe?” He whispered the question, staring straight into Dave’s eyes, or, at least, where he assumed Dave’s eyes were. He, of course, was going to ask Dave thousands of questions after they got to their hotel room but he needed to know if he should be ready for a horrifying monster to pop out at any second or not.

Dave just chuckled and rested his head on Karkat's shoulder, sounding like he had centuries of burdens laying on his shoulders. “We’ll, we’re never truly safe on a plane. This shit is a fucking death trap.” He said cynically, gripping Karkat's hand tightly when the plane shook a bit, clearly nervous.

Karkat nodded and rested his head on Dave's to provide a bit of comfort, his eyebrows knit together in confusion. Was Dave really okay or was he just pretending to be okay for Karkat's sake? What if that wasn’t the real Dave? What if it was just some monster or demon that possessed him and was going to kill Karkat violently in his sleep? What if it was a demon that was going to kill Dirk and Roxy or make the plane crash? What if Dave really did return to IKEA and found something horrible out? Something that Karkat couldn’t know?

The thoughts swarmed around his head rapidly, making him feel nauseated but he held the feeling in, trying to look brave for Dave's sake. Maybe that's what Dave was doing… Looking brave so Karkat wouldn’t worry. Ha, jokes on him, Karkat had anxiety and was going to worry no matter what fucking happened because he was just so fucking cool like that.

Karkat followed Dave closely when they landed, unwilling to let him out of his sight and he knew Dave felt the same way if the way he held his hand in an iron like grip was anything to go by. They didn’t even stop to get some food despite both of their stomachs rumbling. They needed to get to the hotel as fast as they could before they made any other decision. 

He knew people looked at them weirdly and even saw a couple of people try to sneakily photograph Dave but neither of them cared at this point. Oh wow, two guys holding hands and one of them is albino while the other looks like a fucking raccoon? It's just like in my yaois! Fucking fujoshi motherfuckers, disgusting greasy ass looking nobodies-

“Karkat.” Dave's voice brought him back to the present, making him realize he was holding Dave's hand too tightly. “Bro, you look like a savage raccoon. Like a mama raccoon and we just found her babies, better fuckin’ run cause she is out for blood, gonna fuckin’ eat us alive lookin’ headass-”

“Dave, shut the fuck up.” He grumbled, loosening his grip on Dave's hand as they exited the airport, bags in tow. “Pissed cause people keep taking pictures of you.” He sighed, straightening his posture so he didn’t look like a gremlin as much. He hated the fact people just stared and took pictures like Dave was some statue instead of an actual human being.

“Eh, don’t worry ‘bout it. Foundation tends to delete all photos of me and deliver some sort of amnesic that makes them forget me, makes me turn into another face in the crowd. Or, maybe that's the boss doing that? I can’t quite remember myself but it’s whatever.” Dave explained, shrugging as a black van pulled up in front of them. It had tinted windows that were impossible to see through and there was barely a spec of dust on it.

Before Karkat could ask what was going on, Dave yanked him into the van and shut the door behind them, making Karkat drag their bags along with him. The man sitting in the driver's seat started driving off, not even greeting them as he drove. At least, Karkat assumed they were a he but the longer he looked at the driver, the harder it got to figure out their gender so he stopped trying. It didn’t matter. “Dave, I assume this is some sort of foundation thing and you aren’t suddenly kidnapping me for no fucking reason?”

Dave smiled, not even buckling his seat belt. “Foundation always has someone drive us to the hotel. Can’t have me blabbering to some taxi driver which has happened once so now they just don’t trust me to ride around by myself after experiencing some SCP shit… That they know of.” He explained, sounding a bit proud of himself as he leaned back in his seat, yawning. “So, who’s showering first when we get to the room?”

“You can go first. I’m showering then taking a nice, long bath and not leaving till my entire hand is all shriveled up.” He said, stretching as much as he could in the confined space. “I’ll order some room service while you’re in. That or go to the vending machines.” He mumbled, starting to feel the exhaustion hit him. He only slept an hour on the plane and it was light, disturbed multiple times by random noises. He needed to get to sleep as soon as he could before he started hallucinating again. He was not in the mood to deal with shadow monsters.

Not so shockingly, the hotel wasn’t the best. Not a complete shit hole, they had a nice little water fountain and some lemon water for guests, the staff was nice too. It was their room that was the worst part.

“Oh hell no.” Karkat swore the second he saw the bed. “What is this, a fucking fanfic? Why the fuck is there only one bed? Don’t give me the shit about how the hotel is full and they only had this room left because I’m pretty sure there’s ten other people here and around one hundred fucking rooms so why the FUCK is there one bed?” He ranted, throwing their stuff down and kicked the bed like this was it’s fault.

Dave sighed as he closed the door behind himself, locking it before he took off his shirt. “Dude, they probably assumed it was just going to be me here. No more angry Karkitty rants, I’m fucking exhausted.” He mumbled as he made his way into the bathroom. “One of us can sleep on the floor, chill!” He called out, the sound of the shower starting following up his sentence.

Karkat sighed and grabbed their suitcase, laying it down on the bed and opened it, glaring at the clothes inside. “At least they had the decency to give us normal clothes..” He grumbled as he pulled out what looked like pajamas for Dave, laying them out so he had easy access to it once he was out of the shower. He also pulled out some pajamas for himself, laying them on the uncomfortable looking chair in the corner before he got into bed, his suddenly aching joints singing like angels the second he laid down in the soft, comfortable bed. He was exhausted, his bones feeling like cement while his blood felt like it was full of wet stuffed animals and his muscles were jelly. He wanted to fall asleep right there and then but he just… Couldn’t. It almost frustrated him to the point of tears but he forced himself to simply get up. He needed to get snacks.

Dave poked his head out of the bathroom, naked from the neck down, his lower half hiding behind the door thankfully. “Dr Pepper, Doritos and Goldfish please! You know what, bring me one of everythin’ they got in those vendin’ machines.” He drawled, tossing Karkat the key that supposedly gave them free food. Karkat didn’t even bother to catch it, letting it hit his arm. “I’ll be out ‘round the time you get back!” He said as he retreated back into the bathroom, obviously hesitating before he closed the door just a bit, leaving it open just a crack. Good to know Karkat wasn’t the only one still terrified of being separated by closed doors.

Karkat forced himself to get up, groaning as he did so, grabbing the key as he shuffled his way out of the room. He froze when he realized he was going to have to close the door. What if Dave wasn’t there when he opened it? What if Dave needed help or what if there would be an entirely different room in there when he came back? He couldn’t even bring himself to close the door fully, propping it open with the door latch. No one would notice anyway, it was fine. If someone came in or something, well, that was better than Dave not being there when he came back.

Karkat walked down the silent hall, feeling paranoid and nervous. He didn’t even notice as he sped up, nearly breaking out in a full sprint as he reached the vending machines, his heart pounding in his chest. He didn’t know why he was so anxious and terrified, he just… He couldn’t leave Dave alone. Just having him out of sight made him worry. He quickly shoved the key into one of the vending machines locks, surprised when it opened the machine, granting him access to everything. He quickly grabbed every snack he could get his hands on before someone noticed he was practically stealing. Well, not practically, this was actually stealing. Genuine stealing, just with someone else's tools. He shoved the door closed the second his arms were full and he couldn’t carry any more. He stuffed some snacks in his pockets so he had a free hand to carry a Dr Pepper for Dave. He grabbed a Diet Coke for himself, slowly beginning to smile.

He turned to the room, waddling like a satisfied penguin that just caught itself a fat ass fish. Opening the door was easy, a simple nudge of his foot and he was in but he froze in his tracks for just a microsecond when he saw Dave standing over the bed, shirtless and wet. He had a towel around his waist, luckily. Karkat really did not want to see some weird albino dick today.

He walked right in, dumping the snacks on the bed before he set their drinks on the nightstand, his exhaustion subsided for now. “Got everything I could carry. We can get more drinks later.” He said quietly, grabbing a bag of pretzels and peanut butter cups, taking them with him to the bathroom. He was gonna eat that shit while he took a nice, long, hot bath. “How's the water pressure?” He questioned, setting his snacks on the counter as he started getting undressed, sighing with relief as the air hit his dirty skin.

“It's heavenly but I think that’s just cause I haven’t showered in days.” Dave answered, probably digging around through the snacks. “You’re the fucking best.” He chuckled, followed up by the noise of him ripping a bag open.

Karkat rolled his eyes, leaving the door open just a crack as he got into the shower, unable to stop the moan from leaving his mouth as the hot water immediately soothed his aching muscles and gross, dirty skin. Dave was right, it did feel like heaven, the water droplets hitting his scalp in an almost massage like way. He stood under the stream of water for a good while, just letting the sweat wash off of his skin. It smelled nice in there, the soaps they had out actually smelling good. He felt like he was in heaven, the steamy air filling his brain with a pleasant fog, the water washing away all of his anxieties and trauma, finally just relaxing him. He grabbed the shampoo from the corner, pouring it into his hand. Dave already used half the bottle, Karkat squeezing out the rest. He couldn’t help but smile as he washed and lathered the shampoo into his greasy hair, slowly washing the grime out. It felt euphoric to wash the sweat and grime out of his hair, practically feel it all washing down his body and into the drain. He actually groaned in relief as he washed out the shampoo, feeling cleaner than ever. He knew this would cause hell for his curls but it was better than nothing. He grabbed the conditioner after all the shampoo was washed out and squirted as much as he could into his hand before slapping it on his mop of hair, chuckling to himself. He couldn’t help it, he felt.. Amazing. Like he was a child again, cleaning himself off after playing all day.

He massaged the condition into his hair before he grabbed the soap bar, wrapping it in a small hand cloth before he started washing himself, sighing as his muscles finally got the attention they deserved. He could barely remember his last shower, how it never felt this good. He was never going to take a good, hot shower for granted ever again. This felt better than sex, better than anything.

When he was done, he was cleaner than a whistle and had no energy left to take a bath. He shuffled his way back to the bedroom, quietly chewing on his pretzels, his towel wrapped firmly around his waist. His eyes wouldn’t open all the way, his exhaustion weighing them down.

“Hey Karkitty.” Dave mumbled from the bed, surrounded by half empty snack bags. “Saved you half of everything.”

Karkat smiled, setting his pretzels and peanut butter cups on the nightstand, grabbing his clothes and getting dressed quickly, not even bothering to hide behind his towel anymore. He was too exhausted and he was sure Dave was too given the fact he didn’t even have a shirt on and was starfishing on the bed. He sat next to Dave and grabbed his Diet Coke, taking a long, slow sip before laying back, his spine popping once or twice. “Motherfucker…” He whispered, closing his eyes finally.

Dave hummed in agreement, slowly sitting up. He only moved a few feet to turn off the light before he flopped back down on the bed, setting his sunglasses on the nightstand. “Dude, I was gonna joke around n ask you if you if you were jerking off in there ‘cause ya kept moaning but like… I fucking… I know it feels  _ just that good _ .” He whispered, his cheek smushed up against the pillow, his eyes closed thankfully. Karkat couldn’t see his freaky eyes again, not right them. “It was kinda hot hearing you like that.. Kinda hoping you.. Were… Jacking it..” He trailed off, finally falling asleep, his stomach rising and falling slowly.

Karkat flushed but ignored Dave's statement, chalking it up to some sort of exhaustion fueled lie or something like that. That was a thing, right? Right? There was no way Dave was actually- Karkat shook his head, stopping the thought in its tracks. He couldn’t deal with that right now, he was so exhausted, he didn’t even want to think right then. Instead, he drank his soda, ate his pretzels then crawled under the covers with Dave, snuggling up to him before passing out, holding his hand as he slept.


	11. Corpse Juice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave and Karkat have to leave the hotel early due to unforeseen circumstances

Karkat woke up to a hand in his face, tugging at his cheeks and trying to get into his mouth which was… Very weird, sense his hands were both tucked against his chest although he didn’t really question it much due to the fact he was half asleep and his brain was working at half power. He wasn’t even sure what time it was or where he even was, too exhausted to even think-

.

.

.

_ Why  _ **_was_ ** _ there a hand in his mouth that tasted strangely like Doritos? _

Karkat’s eyes snapped open and he rolled over, looking at the mess of a blond man next to him who had a mildly confused look on their face as they grabbed at his face, trying to figure out what the fuck it was while half asleep. Karkat rolled his eyes and sighed, moving Dave’s hand away and gently kissed the palm of it out of habit before he got up, stretching his arms up over his head, his back popping almost grotesquely. He smacked his lips together, scowling at the horrible taste, like someone dipped cotton balls in Dorito dust then left it out in the sun for twelve days then shoved it in his mouth while he was six days without water. So, bad. A very bad taste.

He grabbed his empty diet coke bottle, taking it to the bathroom with him to fill it with water. He set the empty plastic bottle in the sink before he took a piss, tired and sleepy, his eyelids feeling…. Crusty. Like they were glued shut in his sleep but with really shitty glue so now his eyelids were just kinda sticky and were picking up lint and stuff. He had no idea what he was thinking about or what kind of analogy that was but at least he thought it made sense and that’s all that mattered at the moment. He zipped his pants back up, flushed the toilet, washed his hands then the empty bottle and filled it up with water so he could drink from that throughout the day. He shuffled out of the bathroom and yawned, looking around their bedroom which seemed normal enough, exactly how it was when he fell asleep which was… Shockingly, that left him feeling uneasy. Normalcy now gave him a sense of uneasy, anxiety, foreboding. It was sad to think about but he didn’t think about it long, not wanting to contemplate it any longer. It was too early for him to think about this dumb fucking shit.

He drank a bit of his water, setting it back on his side of the bed as he gathered up their trash and almost empty snack bags. He smiled when he realized Dave actually left him half of every single snack just in case he wanted something, his chest filling with an oddly warm feeling. It was… oddly sweet and childish, in a silly sort of way, like when a child kissed your ‘owies’ because that's what their parents did and they wanted to make you feel better. He rolled up the half empty snack bags to save them for later, setting them on his dresser so Dave wouldn’t spill any more chips and such on the bed, carrying the empty bags to their small trash can. It kinda looked nice outside… Maybe he’d go stand outside for just a few seconds, to help wake himself up.

He nodded to himself, liking the idea and grabbed his shoes, slipping them on before he shuffled to the front door, opening it and got greeted by the sight of a huge bubble on the ceiling, barely held together by the shitty paint but that soon changed. The bubble burst and out splashed dark red and brown water that smelled horrible and made him gag, the liquid splashing his shoes and getting on the bottom of his pants... Well. He turned around and closed the door, locking the door behind himself before he took off his shoes and pants, tossing them into the bathroom and he went back to their bed, crawling back in, deciding that was it for today and he was just going to go back to sleep.

“Dave. Dave, wake the fuck up. Dave, hotels haunted.” He told his coworker, his voice deep and scratchy from not talking.

Dave groaned in response and rolled onto his back, yawning. “What..?” He murmured, half asleep, his eyes not even open yet.

“Get the fuck up, hotels haunted.”

Dave hummed and took a deep breath before slowly sitting up, stretching his arms up over his head. He must’ve taken his shirt off in the middle of the night, exposing his pale back that had a few red scratch marks that were definitely not made by Dave.

“Bro, the fuck do you mean, hotels haunted?” Dave questioned, frowning at Karkat, his eyes still closed.

“Hotels fucking haunted, what don’t you fucking understand? I just got corpse juice all over my fucking shoes from the fucking ceiling bubble, this shit is haunted. Need me to fucking spell it out? H-A-U-N-T--”

“I get it, I get it, I get it, fuck, damn, alright we’ll get fucking going. You are so fucking bratty in the mornings, next time I’m requesting different fucking rooms.” Dave grumbled, grabbing his shades from the nightstand and putting them on, flushing a bright red when he saw Karkat not wearing any pants. “Well, hello there to you too.”

Karkat rolled his eyes and grabbed the blankets, pulling them up to his chin. “Oh, fuck you, Mr Shirtless. You fucking look like cooked rice, carb filled motherfucker. I only took off my pants because it had corpse juice on it so go fucking take care of it.” He hissed, glaring at him, enjoying the warmth of the bed.

Dave raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms. “You saying that because I got monolids? You racist motherfucker.” He shook his head disapprovingly. “Here I was, thinking you were better than that. Shame, Karkat. Shame.”

“I’m going to beat your ass.”

“I’ll enjoy it, bet. I’ve got mommy issues and daddy issues, you can’t do shit to me that I won’t get off on.”

“.... I’m proud of you.”

Dave stared down at him for a solid thirty seconds before getting up, nodding. “Alright, you got me there. That was a low blow, Vantas, it was practically a fucking hate crime.”

Karkat got comfortable under the covers, getting right in the middle of the bed now that Dave wasn’t in it. “Mhm, I’m soooo mean, now go fix the fucking hotel so I can get some more sleep.”

“Alright but I expect a kiss for my heroic efforts, you whore.” Dave complained, putting on a shirt before he went to the front door, opening it. Karkat listened as Dave quickly shut the front door and came back, crawling back into bed, snuggling up to Karkat. “Hotel gave us a complimentary murderer.”

Karkat raised an eyebrow, scooting over so he could get his spot back. “A complimentary murderer? Fucking- Let me see this dumb fucking shit.” He grumbled, getting out of bed and grabbed their makeshift baseball bat from IKEA furniture that was hiding in Dave's emergency backpack. He went to the front door, peeked out of the peephole before slowly opening it, peeking his head out.

At the end of the hallway stood a tall, skinny looking man covered in blood. His fists were particularly bloody, dripping with the stuff as he slowly started walking forward, bright blue eyes trained on Karkat.

“Dave, pack up our shit, we’re leaving.” He sighed, slamming the door shut and locking it before he went to their bags, grabbing a pair of pants and shoved it on so he wouldn’t be running around in just his fucking underwear. Dave groaned from the bed and started to complain but Karkat ignored him, going to the bathroom and got his shoes on, gagging when they squelched from being soaked in corpse juice.

“I fucking hate fighting actual shit, it’s so fucking exhausting.” Dave complained as he packed their bags, shoving their snacks into his backpack to save them for later. “Hand me the bat, I’ll take care of him, you hold our bags. I’ll fight him and you run for the stairs, got it?”

Karkat frowned, looking at Dave with a glare. “I’m not leaving you to deal with him by yourself.” He grabbed the hotel's complementary bath supplies, shoving them in their suitcase, just in case.

“Alright! Fine! Don’t feel like arguing this early. You go for his back, I go for his front.” Dave told him, handing him their suitcase and backpack, hand on the doorknob. “You rea-” He gagged, turning away from Karkat. “Oh my god.”

“Yeah! I fucking told you, fucking corpse juice! Jesus fucking christ, lets just do this shit.” Karkat grumbled, unlocking and opening the door. He picked up their suitcase and took big steps around the corpse juice puddle, the murderer a lot closer to their door now, still walking slowly. Thank fuck for long, foreboding hallways and idiots.

Dave exited right after him, closing their door and stepped around the puddle as well, keeping an eye on the man slowly making his way towards them. “Look at this fucking idiot, bet he has no fucking idea what he’s doing. What, your wife disagree with you again, huh? Your favorite team lose their dumb fucking game??” Dave jeered, holding their makeshift bat up before he was suddenly just… Gone.

Karkat frowned, his eyes unable to process how fast Dave moved as he whacked the guy, sending him crumbling to his knees in about a minute, maybe less. Before Karkat could get a word out, Dave stomped on his neck, a sick crunching noise filling the silence.

“..... Not the most disturbing thing I’ve witnessed.” Karkat grumbled, rolling their suitcase down the hall. “Hey, at least your guardian abusing you for years is useful for something.” He tried being optimistic, walking with Dave down the hall.

“Yeah, remind me to write the motherfucker a thank you letter that makes it really seem like I’ve turned into a serial killer.” Dave joked, putting his arm on Karkats shoulder just for fun. The two of them both knew they would have panic attacks and breakdowns about what just transpired later but for now, they would just joke about it.

Karkat stiffened up, walking faster when he heard more sickening cracks and crunches behind them along with groaning, already getting the feeling that the guy did not stay down. “Time to move!” He urged, yanking open the stairwell door.

Dave grabbed their suitcase and just picked it up before he quickly started descending the stairs, a ‘fuck this’ look on his face. “Hell fucking nah, I ain’t ready for the zombie apocalypse, I went through that shit once and I ain’t doin’ it again.”

Karkat frowned, shutting the door behind them and locked it with the ‘magic key’ the foundation gave them, bolting after Dave. “The fuck you mean you went through a zombie apocalypse?!” He yelled, his eyes widening. “Are you fucking telling me I’m gonna have to go through that shit at some fucking point?! Are you fucking kidding me Dave, oh my fucking god!”

“Don’t fucking blame me, you shit, I was just fucking saying that I’ve been through that shit once and I’m not doing it again! It smelled  _ so bad _ !” He complained, almost ramming into the concrete wall from how fast he was running.   
“Of fucking course it smelled bad, it was the fucking zombie apocalypse!” Karkat rolled his eyes, ignoring the way their voices echoed loudly. The other guests could just fucking deal with this shit. He jumped and couldn’t help but look behind them when he heard glass breaking, his eyes widening when he realized the previously dead man had broken through the door. He squeaked, letting Dave yank him back into running, following closely. “Do you think there's more of them?”

“Fucking probably! I don’t fucking know Karkat, I’m not an expert!” Dave reached the bottom first, opening the door for Karkat and shoving him through, closing the door behind them and sighed when he saw a ghost looking person at the end of the hall, blocking their path to the lobby. “You have to be shitting me.”

Karkat sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “This is fucking bullshit! We went through a fucking demonic IKEA, we went through that whole shit with the foundation, we had to ride on a fucking AIRPLANE, I’m not letting some dumb fucking ghost get in my way!” He shouted, stomping up to the ghost. “Listen,-”

Instead of listening, the ghost screeched loud enough to make Karkats ears ring and launched itself at him, digging its long, dirty nails into his arm when he raised it to defend him.

“HEY!” He shouted, quickly taking off his shoe with one hand, hitting the ghost right on the neck. “Fuck you, fucking slutty, ducknosed looking, Mike Wazowski motherfucking bitch!” He kept hitting her over and over until she let go, hissing at him before slowly fading away. Karkat hissed right back, holding his shoe tightly just in case she came back.

Dave walked up behind him, grinning. “I have never been more hard in my entire life.”

Karkat rolled his eyes and grabbed Dave's arm, leading him into the lobby. “I’m going to beat you next, fucking blond bastard.” He grumbled, storming right out of the building before they could even check out. “We’re renting a car and we’re driving home, I’m tired of this shit!”

“Woah, kitty got claws! Chill bro, we have time.” Dave reassured him, adjusting his sunglasses that he must’ve put on when they were leaving. “But bro, seeing you fight off an angry ghost or ghoul or whatever with nothing but your shoe was like, the hottest thing I have ever seen and I am rocking a huge fucking boner right now, like, unironically, I  _ will _ get jerking it to that-”

“Dave, shut the fuck up before I crawl now your throat  _ and scratch _ .”

Dave eyebrows rose and he grinned. “Hot. Lets go find a fucking Starbucks or some cafe or something, I am dying for-...” Dave froze when he saw Karkats arm, his face going pale. “You’re bleeding.” He whispered, seemingly in complete shock.

Karkat frowned and looked down at his arm, wincing when he saw the damage. “It’s not bad, probably just need some bandaids.” He tried to reassure Dave but before he knew it, he was being led down the street by Dave, held tightly against him. “Uh, I’m fi-”

“We need to get a first aid kit, ASAP.” Dave interrupted, looking around frantically before he pulled out his phone and started googling where the nearest CVS was, his arm wrapped tightly around Karkats shoulders.

“Hey, relax, it doesn’t even hurt that much.” Karkat tried to calm him down, sighing when he realized he was being ignored, Dave hyper fixating on where to get supplies to help him. He knew Dave got nervous when people were injured but he didn’t think it would be this bad. Dave looked like he was about to launch into a full panic attack and it was making him worry but before Karkat could comfort Dave, he was being dragged around again, being led to the nearest pharmacy.

“They have some first aid kids here, I’ll grab it and pay while you wait in the bathrooms, okay? Fuck, you’re gonna be okay Karkat, you’re gonna be okay.” Dave started mumbling, repeating different versions of ‘you’ll be okay’ while he speedwalked to the CVS.

Karkat raised an eyebrow as he watched Dave unpacked fifteen different first aid kits plus gauze packets. “Dave, I really don’t think this is necessary…”

“Karkat, you’re fucking bleeding out! Of course this is necessary!” Dave practically squeaked out, his voice rising in pitch as he panicked more and more. He opened a bottle of hydrogen peroxide, ripping the safety seal off before he gently held Karkats injured arm, holding it over the sink before he started slowly pouring the liquid over the wound, a single tear streaming down his face. “You’re gonna be okay.. Fuck, this is my fault, I shouldn’t have let you go fight her-”

“Dave, I’m fine. Take a deep breath and just relax, we won’t get anywhere if you panic right now.” He comforted, gently pouting his non-injured hand on Dave’s shoulder. “You didn’t do anything wrong, it’s okay. You’re a good guy, this was all just an accident.” The wound fizzed and bubbled as it killed off the bacteria, cleaning his arm effectively. 

Dave took a deep breath as he was told and poured more of the hydrogen peroxide on his arm before he grabbed the paper towels, gently wiping away the access and gagged when blood seeped through the paper, getting on Dave;s hand.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, deep breaths, you’re okay. It’s just red food coloring, think of it like that. Just red food coloring and I had a weird accident with a cake.” Karkat tried to help him, smiling hesitantly as Dave tossed the paper towel away and started wrapping his arm up in gauze, his touches gently and soft. His arm hurt and stung but he didn’t say a word, not wanting to make Dave cry.

“You caught a cake sleeping with your wife so you had to do what you had to do..” Dave mumbled to himself, tucking the end of the gauze in before he slowly relaxed but the relaxation only lasted one second before Dave ran to the toilet, falling to his knees and puking in it, his little body shaking.

Karkat sighed and followed him, getting behind him and gently took his sunglasses off so they didn’t fall in, rubbing his back in comforting circles. “There we go, that’s it, just let it out.” He murmured, running his hand through Dave’s hair to comfort him. “You’re so brave and tough for helping me, thank you, you did such a good job.”

Dave finished throwing up, still shaking a bit as he sat back, the toilet flushing automatically. He just grabbed a piece of toilet paper and wiped his mouth before he rested his head on the base of Karkat's stomach, silently begging for comfort, his eyes closed to protect him from the harsh lighting.

Karkat smiled, gently playing with Dave's hair for a good while before he helped him stand up, gently holding his face in his hands, the stall keeping them close together. “There we go, there’s bravey Davey!” He praised, wiping away Dave's tears, holding back a chuckle when he sniffled pathetically.

“My everything hurts…” Dave mumbled, leaning into Karkat's touch, letting him put his shades back on his face. “Blood is so gross..”

“I know but you’re so brave for helping me. Let's get our stuff and we can go find a rental place, how about that? Or we can find some place that serves apple pie.”

Dave immediately perked up when Karkat mentioned apple pie, smiling a tiny bit. “I could go for some apple pie.”

“Yeah, I noticed because you wouldn’t stop talking about it for three fucking days. C’mon, let's get going.” He teased, shuffling out of the stall, holding Dave's hand despite the fact it was just touching the gross toilet.


	12. Wal-Mart.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave and Karkat go to Wal-Mart but not without some good ol' suspense and paranoia.

Karkat was learning a lot about himself today. He learned that he hated car dealerships, he learned that he was very much allergic to whatever kind of fake ass chemical they put on the air fresheners, he learned that he could kill a man if he really wanted to, and he learned that Dave was very good at talking.

Now, he knew Dave talked a lot. Dave never stopped talking, he would even mumble in his sleep sometimes, it was fucking annoying as hell. What he didn’t know was that Dave could actually say shit of value and fucking manipulate people into giving them whatever the fuck they wanted. Dave had razzled and dazzled the sleazy salesman into giving them a rental for fifty percent off all because he put on a southern accent and was polite. Jesus, the things you can accomplish when you’re white passing. Of course, Karkat had to play along with Daves little gambit, smiling and joking with them but overall he just had to stay quiet which he fucking hated but its what got them the fucking car so he couldn’t complain much.

Unfortunately, neither him nor Dave knew anything about cars besides the absolute basic ‘cars use engines to go vroom vroom’ and ‘there are many different types of cars’ but that was about it. Luckily, Dave’s confidence and accent managed to convince everyone, even Karkat, that he was practically an expert on cars and could build one from scratch if he really wanted to so they managed not to get swindled. Hopefully, they still didn’t know crap about cars. They rolled out of there in a nice looking truck that had plenty of space to carry their crap… Which, to be honest, wasn’t a lot of stuff. Just their suitcase and emergency backpack, both stuffed with clothes and food but the truck was nice, easy to get into and it had great air conditioning.

So, there Karkat sat, on the weird kind of fuzzy seat, his inner ear itching along with some spot down his throat, listening to some news recording on the radio while Dave drove the car, neither of them really paying attention.

“So……” Dave started, drumming his fingers on the wheel, not even glancing at Karkat.

“So.” Karkat replied, letting out a quiet sigh. “How the fuck did you manage to practically seduce that fucking sleaze bag?” He finally asked, crossing his arms, ignoring the pain that shot up his arm from the movement and relaxed when he felt the weird tension in the air dissipate. 

“Oh thank god you asked, I thought you were mad at me or something. Listen my dude, you can get so fucking far when you throw on a good Texan accent, let me tell you. I’ve gotten out of so many tickets like that, people just fucking love it when you have a funky accent and sound polite. See, saying yes sir and no sir without an accent sounds weird and robotic but throw on some bullshit cheeriness and that accent and you’ll be rolling in bitches. “ Dave started rambling, occasionally making a gesture or two with his hands but mostly kept them on the wheel, thank fuck.

“So, you just… Be polite, throw on an accent and you get whatever you want?”

“And be good at lying, be charming and be white passing. It doesn’t work that well when you have darker skin but it can still work depending on where you are. Listen, no one ever thinks the white, Texan dude is gonna be a dickwad when they’re also white. They always think I have the same political values, the same ideals, the same opinions as they do but just fucking wait till they realize I’m half Asian, suuuuper bisexual and think anarchy is the way to go.” He explained, giving Karkat an almost blinding smile. Dave looked…. Kind of nice when he was genuinely smiling.

“You’re an anarchist?” Karkat questioned, uncrossing his arms so he could stop stretching his wound but he only succeeded in mildly soothing the pain so he ignored it all. He’d want to hear this.

“Yeah! Well, if there’s riots or anything any time soon, I think anarchy is the way to go. If it’s a debate on whether to fix the government or tear it all down, I say tear it down, start from scratch. I mean, it was all made by some racist old dudes that owned slaves, it’s time for a change. But let's not talk about politics, that always gets depressing. Let's just agree that every human being deserves rights.” Dave nodded like he was agreeing with himself, eyes focused on the road.

“Of course. Let’s change the subject before we end up fucking fighting or getting upset. Um… Should we stop somewhere soon? Go to the bathroom, stock up on real food, maybe grab some actual clothes? I’m not sure how much cash I have left but if we get to an ATM I can stock up on that. I’m pretty sure there’s a Wal-Mart nearby, we can get me some new shoes too.” He suggested, looking down at his bare feet. They had cleaned most of the corpse juice off of his shoes by the time they got to the car dealership but the second they got the car, Karkat had just thrown them away. They were good shoes, lasted him a while but there was no way he would ever wear them again. 

Dave nodded, turning on his turn signal. “Fuckin’ bet, my dude. Pull that sweet, sweet phone out and find out where the fuck we are going because holy shit I cannot read these signs.”

Karkat rolled his eyes but pulled out his phone anyway, pulling up google maps and looking up the nearest place that could give them food and clothes. They should get a couple water bottles too, just to be safe. The store was only two miles away and they were already heading in the right direction, lucky them. “Turn right up here then go straight till you see it. So, what’s our game plan when we get there?” He asked, a bit nervous. He really didn’t want to split up, he couldn’t handle it at the hotel and he most certainly couldn’t handle it at a fucking Wal-Mart.

“Stick together. Clothes first then food. We get you some new pants, shoes, and get the both of us some jackets just in case we get caught in something bad. Grab some food, preferably canned food and don’t leave each others fucking sight. I am not going into another department store by myself, okay? Listen, Wal-Mart is just a bit too close to IKEA for my liking and I will break your ankles if you think about leaving me in that hellhole, got it?” Dave looked anxious at the thought of losing Karkat, his fingers drumming the steering wheel rapidly.

Karkat nodded, feeling a lot more reassured with his own worries now that he knew Dave shared them. It was always a lot nicer to be paranoid with a buddy rather than just yourself. “I won’t leave you as long as you don’t leave me. So, we stick together, go to the clothes section first, find whatever we need, get some food, get the hell out of there. We can do that. That’s nothing, we’ve got this.” He tried to seem reassuring but it just felt like foreshadowing.

Wal-Mart is scary. It’s huge, somehow there’s always a crowd but it feels empty in certain spots, everything feels kind of humid, everyone is grumpy and in a hurry, and there were mysterious stains… Everywhere. The ceiling, the tile, even the fucking shelves. It didn’t feel disgusting, just… Creepy and strange. Like at any moment, something was going to happen.

Karkat held Dave’s hand tightly as they navigated the store, making it seem like they were just standing really close instead of holding hands because he honestly could not deal with someone judging them about that today, and he kept as close as he could. He felt like throwing up, the high ceiling and tile floor reminding him too much of that IKEA. He knew the two companies were miles apart from each other aesthetic and product wise but he couldn’t help the sense of anxiety and  _ fear _ creeping up his back. He was checking his shoulder every two seconds, checking to make sure it was still light outside, jumping every time he heard someone use their customer service voice, keeping his eyes on the lights and the time. He was terrified and paranoid, every shadow looking like one of those monsters, every bright blue color making him tense, every yellow streak making him want to find shelter. He felt like a fucking prey animal being hunted. Dave probably wasn’t any better, judging by the way he had a stoic face and an iron tight grip on Karkats hand. Anyone would have dismissed Dave as some douchebag trying to look cool and stoic but Karkat could tell he was freaking out just as much, if not more, than he was. It was kind of… Odd that he saw Dave’s panicked expressions more than he saw his relaxed ones. It made his heart clench a bit with some sort of emotion he couldn’t place but it was definitely a sad emotion.

Karkat quickly walked through the aisles and aisles of racks holding so many fucking shoes. They needed to get him some shoes and quick, before people started realizing Karkat wasn’t wearing any. He had uncuffed his pants to hopefully hide his bare feet but that wouldn’t be a good cover for long since, well, his bare feet got exposed every time he took a step and he couldn’t exactly shuffle around.

“What size are you?” Dave questioned, scanning the place for some regular shoes, standing on his tip toes and tilting his head up to look over the racks, probably searching for something that could at least protect Karkat’s feet from the pavement.

“Fuck, uhh….. Eleven, I think? It’s been a long fucking while since I got myself some new shoes.” He grumbled, leading Dave over to the tennis shoes. He grabbed the cheapest pair he could find, held it next to his foot and nodded. “These should fit.” 

Dave raised an eyebrow when he saw the horrendous design. It wasn’t that bad, just black on black but it did look like shit with its weird, useless hexagonal shapes placed randomly on the top part. “Do me a favor and burn those when we get home.” He made a face like he was going to gag, glaring at the footwear like it called his mother a bitch.

Karkat rolled his eyes, grabbing a pack of socks as well, just in case they suddenly ran out. “I’ll send you footage of me throwing them into a fire.” He grumbled, putting their shit in their cart. The cart was squeaky and couldn’t turn properly but he didn’t give two shits, he just needed to get his shit and get out. 

The two coworkers made their way to the mens section of clothing, sticking as close as they could without getting in each other's way. Karkat was sure they looked like shoplifters or drug addicts but this was fucking Wal-Mart, everyone looked like a shoplifting addict.

As Dave browsed the different pants, Karkat kept an eye out for any staff members that might have somehow followed them through the IKEA door without their knowledge. “We’ll have to get you a changing room.” Dave spoke up, sounding almost sad that Karkat would have to leave his sight. “Just to make sure these will fit you.” He sorted through the different types of pants, grabbing a couple for Karkat to try on as well as a pair of shorts that would definitely have half his ass hanging out.

“Just grab some fuckin’ jeans, Dave. I’m not gonna go into some fucking changing room, that shit is probably nasty, there’s gonna be like…. Condoms and shit everywhere. Not like shit as in stuff, I mean literal shit. This is Wal-Mart.” He grumbled but the second Dave gave him that stupid worrying look and made his bottom lip quiver, he knew he was going into a changing room no matter what because, apparently, he was a fucking sucker. Well, shit. You learn something new every day. 

He sighed and grabbed three pants from Dave’s growing pile, glaring at him as he did so. “I’ll try these on then we’re getting some jackets, getting our food then leaving.” He scowled, ignoring the way his face heated up when he saw Dave’s beaming face.

“Sweet! I’ll sit in the changing room with you just so-”

Karkat felt his face heat up more and he glared up at Dave. “Shut the fuck up! You can sit and wait  _ outside _ like a fucking normal person.” He practically growled at his coworker, stomping off to the changing rooms before Dave could protest. The assistant gestured to an empty stall and Karkat nodded a thanks before walking right in, closing and locking the door behind himself so Dave wouldn’t just stroll in. That guy was getting too fucking chummy and causal around him.

There was a cheap mirror in the corner with bright light bulbs surrounding it that was supposed to cast Karkat in a flattering light but it just made him look like an angry ghoul. His eye bags were worse than ever, his crows feet were particularly prominent, his cheeks were red and his hair looked like a frizzy rats nest. Surprisingly, he felt… Relaxed. Like he was finally getting some alone time after days of not having it which was exactly what was happening. He slowly moved towards the mirror, looking at himself with only ‘mild’ disdain. His shirt had a few specks of the corpse juice on it but it could be easily ignored, his teeth were stained and yellow, his cheeks were red and puffy (probably from the air freshener, NOT from Dave), his hair was unbelievably damaged and his nose looked greasier than a pizza topped with ravioli that was soaked in cheese then dipped in bacon grease. He unbutton his pants and slipped them off, gently folding them and setting them on the bench.

He hated the body standing in front of him. He had bruises on his knees, his hips and his thighs from getting hit with furniture and falling while running. His stomach looked weird as well, bloated like a corpse but he also looked skinnier. Rundown. Like he was absorbing all the light in the room rather than reflecting it. He was unhealthy, exhausted and his body reflected that. He had bruises on his stomach, a few cuts here and there from knives pointed in the wrong direction, he had acne on his back and all along his face, he was getting fairly scruffy now that he hasn’t shaved in a couple of days. He needed a haircut too… He needed to crawl into a hole and hide from the world is what he needed to do, fuck he looked like a damn goblin and not just a quirky teen calling themselves a goblin because they stay up late and have a bit of acne and niche interests, but like an actual goblin, like he was going to try and buy these clothes using sticks and maybe a single gold shingle just for fucking fun.

He sighed, accepting his goblin fate and grabbed the pants Dave wanted him to try on, slipping them on quickly. They were tight around his thighs and ass but at least there was plenty of room for his dick. It kind of squished his belly but he didn’t give a shit. It fit, that's all that mattered. He took off the pants, folded them neatly and put on the other pair, scowling at himself when it fell right off his hips. So. Not going with that one. He stepped out of it, grabbed it, folded it up and set it aside. If the last pair fit just right, he was going to burn this place to the ground for doing a classic Goldilocks shenanigan on him.

As he put on the pants, he started making plans for arson. The pair fit just right, a little bit loose around his ass which he liked merely because it would disappoint Dave. He took off the pants quickly, put on his regular pants and grabbed the pairs that fit with one arm, the one that didn’t in the other. He took one last look at himself in the mirror.

As always, he looked awful. Tired was the main word that came to mind. But, he shook his head and walked out of the stall, leaving the urge to analyze every flaw he had behind to jump him later.

Dave looked up the second the stall door open and stood quickly, looking relieved. “They fit?” He asked, practically buzzing with energy like someone who poured crack into a Four Loko.

“These two did, yeah..” Karkat was a bit concerned as to why Dave seemed to be freaking out but he didn’t question it, knowing better than to ask questions like that in public. He put the pants that fit in their cart and set the pants that didn’t fit in the pile next to the attendant. 

He followed Dave’s lead to the food section of the store, sticking close. He felt himself fall into the usual ‘routine’ they had when they were in IKEA. One person leading, the other person scanning their surroundings. Karkat started noticing that Dave was sticking with their old tactics, sticking close to the walls and shelves, keeping an eye on the lights and faltering every time the intercom came on. Karkat, on the other hand, was searching for shelter even though he knew they wouldn’t need it. He was just humoring the thought, yeah, definitely not encouraging his paranoia. He could easily barricade them in the bathrooms or in the pharmacy, it would take minutes and there would be some sort of weapon in the pharmacy. Needles, maybe some blunt objects…

“Karks?” Daves quiet voice pulled him out of his thoughts, forcing him to realize that he was practically huddled up against Dave's side, clinging to him like a child. He quickly pulled away but not far, still holding Dave's shirt in his fist.

“Sorry. Thinking of a… Place for the night.” He tried explaining, scanning the area. Not a lot of people near them but not enough to get too relaxed about their language. Who fucking knew what would happen if they just spoke about what happened to them right in public! Someone would probably call the fucking cops because- Wait, never mind, it’s Wal-Mart.

Dave nodded, grabbing a few cans of vegetables off a tall shelf. “Pharmacy, right?” He whispered the question, looking around suspiciously before he pushed the cart forward, scanning the shelves for more useful food, grabbing some different canned soups and such with his weird long arms.

Karkat nodded, sticking close, not daring to get out of arm's length of him. He felt like a scared child but his fear made him not give a shit about that right now. He just wanted to get the fuck out of there and to the safety of their car before something went to shit or they got attacked or they fucking ended up in that damned IKEA again. He might, honestly, kill himself if he had to go back to that fucking place again. It had been too much. Way too much.

“We’re going to self check out and we’re ditching.” Dave grabbed Karkat's hand and quickly started leading him to the checkouts, dodging other customers like he was a fucking pro. His grip was tight and sweaty but Karkat didn’t care, he was beyond used to Dave’s sweaty hands at this point. He tried to keep up, having to do that weird half jog just to keep up with Dave’s long ass legs, the tall fucker. Dave pulled up to the self checkout and got to the spot closest to the exit, quickly scanning their items.

“Are we okay?” Karkat asked in a whisper, bagging their items with ease. He was worried about Dave's sudden rush to get the fuck out but he wasn’t exactly complaining, he wanted to get the fuck out too but he was just worried that Dave saw something or someone.

“Paranoid.” Dave mumbled in response like that answered all of Karkat's questions which it… Kinda did but still, he needed more than a one word response. Although, he’d berate Dave about that later, now he needed to get the fuck out before Dave ended up just leaving him.

They practically ran out of the store together, shoved their things in their car, put the shopping cart back then got into their car and just… Deflated. Karkat stared at the dark, cloudy sky as he quietly panted from the mild running, the relief of getting away from the scary place washing over him. He felt safe in the small, enclosed space, like nothing could ever get him there and even if something wanted to, it would have to try very fucking hard. The anxiety that had been piling and piling up, waiting to top up and give him a panic attack, started slowly seeping out of his veins like cold ice water. He felt like he just jumped into his bed and hid under the warm covers after he thought he was getting chased by monsters. His heart was pounding, his chest felt tight and he felt cold all over but he was safe, finally safe.

Dave was panting next to him, his expression stoic. His hands weren’t shaking, he wasn’t crying, he wasn’t making much noise besides his breathing and his hands didn’t look sweaty. Anyone else would have thought Dave was fine but Karkat knew. He knew that Dave was feeling the same way he did. Safe at last. “I saw your arm and I got scared.” Dave quietly confessed, holding the wheel tightly. “I… I somehow convinced myself that one of those fucking staff members, from IKEA, had attacked you and they were coming for more. I shouldn’t have rushed us, I’m sorry.”

Karkat frowned and looked down at his arm. He had almost completely forgotten about it at this point. It hurt like hell and he was pretty sure he was going to bleed through the gauze but he had just decided to forget it, forcing himself to think it was just a really painful scratch from a cat that would go away in a few minutes. His hand, the one attached to his hurt arm, was shaky and felt… Weird. Like his bones were hollow and vibrating. He hated it, it made him feel like he couldn’t hold something tightly enough. “Well, I’m fine, Dave. I can hardly feel it. Ghost bitch barely gave me a scratch so don’t feel sorry. You were scared and so was I, it was only a matter of time before one of us finally dragged the other out of there.” He shrugged, trying to seem casual and cool but in reality, he was now very much focused on the pain shooting up his arm every time he moved it.

“I, somehow don’t believe you about your arm not hurting, but I’m too mentally tired to argue with you right now so let’s hit the mother fucking road and get the fuck away from these damned department stores.” Dave started up the car, leaning back in his seat as he slowly pulled out of the parking space, double checking that the doors were locked.

Karkat sighed and leaned back in his seat, looking up at the fuzzy roof of the car, letting himself just let go. “We’re never gonna return this thing, huh?”

“Oh fuck no.” Dave chuckled, turning on the radio as he navigated the parking lot. Some absurd screamo music came on, piquing Karkats interest but he was too tired to really think about the odd song choice for a public radio in a small town. He was climbing down from his almost panic attack high, making him exhausted and lethargic.

“Thanks for worrying about me.” He whispered, closing his eyes for a quick nap.

“No problem, darlin’.” Dave’s sweet voice soothed him, helping him relax enough to drift in the land in between sleep and wakefulness. He’d have to thank Dave properly when he got up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! i'm so so sorry this took me so long to get out, thank you all so much for being patient with me!  
> as always, please check out my tumblr valerian-valentine-2 and please leave a comment (or shoot me a message on my blog) if you enjoyed this chapter!  
> i'm also open to constructive criticism!


	13. Vapes, Kisses and Zombies.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave needs his nicotine and Karkat is discovering some new things about himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: graphic description of monsters, wounds, the usual

Karkat woke up to the car screeching to a halt and his body lurching forward in his seat, making pain shoot up his arm in a short, white hot burst that brought tears to his eyes. He opened his eyes to darkness, sitting up quickly, in a panic from the sudden stop. “The fuck is going on?” He questioned but Dave didn’t answer, busy staring at the road with a frozen look of fear, looking like a rabbit staring into the eyes of its killer.

He really didn’t want to but he looked towards the road and had to swallow down a wave of vomit when he saw a combination of bones, joints, skin and fur that couldn’t be described as human or animal or even fucking alien. It looked like someone had severely mutilated several creatures then mashed them all together. It’s elbow was showing through it’s skin, backwards and almost out of its joint. It’s skull wasn’t visible, Karkat wasn’t even sure it had a head. It’s body was fat but it had bones sticking out and deformed, one leg much longer and deformed than the other, skinnier one, it had matted fur that seemed to have maggots crawling through it but in other places it had skin and the rest was hiding out of Karkat’s view which he was undyingly grateful for.

Before Karkat could speak up or process what was going on, Dave put his hand on his seat, put the car in reverse and slammed on the breaks, the tires screeching under the car like it was screaming in fear. Karkat couldn’t take his eyes off the monster in front of them, watching and listening as it’s joints grotesquely popped back into place and its bones crunched into some sort of semblance of normal. It made chirps, clicks and squish noises as it seemed to regenerate into its original form before it was just….. Gone.

Karkat had seen the head though. He had seen it stand to its full height. It had to be at least seven feet, made out of organic parts but it was anything but animal or human. It stood on one, long leg and supported itself with its arm that looked close to becoming completely dislodged at any second. It’s head was barely a head, it looked… It looked like a dog with huge elk antlers that were bright red and shedding, its one eye gleaming in the light while it’s eye socket oozed and pulsed with pus and worms slowly dripping down, flies swarmed its misshapen back, landing on its various open wounds. It moved so fast that Karkat could barely see it but he just knew it ran on it’s knuckles, he fucking knew it and he knew it was going to follow them. 

Dave slammed on the gas again, the thump of his foot connecting with the floor startling Karkat as he lurched forward, the car speeding away from the incident and down the road as fast as it could go. The sudden movements made Karkat nauseated, his head swarming as it replayed the image of that fucking freak over and over again, making it seem worse every time until Karkat couldn’t handle it any more and threw up on the floor of the car, spilling his past six meals which wasn’t saying much. He hadn’t been drinking enough water either, the vomit feeling like chunks coming out of his throat, trying to choke him to death. He gagged a couple of times after he emptied his stomach before he slowly sat up, exhausted and done with the day already.

Dave didn’t say anything or even make a face, his eyes on the road and his foot on the gas. He looked fucking terrified and disturbed but Karkat couldn’t comfort him anytime soon, his own fears and emotions making him want to just fucking quit this stupid job. He had no idea how Dave managed to do this for years.

Karkat woke up to a ray of sunshine hitting his eyes and the smell of his own puke which was a horrible wake up call. He must’ve fallen back asleep at some point but he didn’t fucking care when because his own vomit was burning his nose. “Dave, we have to fucking pull over.” He croaked, his voice hoarse and demonic from the stomach acid scaring it.

Dave seemed to snap out of some sort of daydream and wrinkled his nose at the smell, his face soon scrunching up to show his displeasure. “Yeah, okay, getting that smell out of here is worth the risk of death.” He agreed, pulling into a gas station and quickly pulled up to one of the pumps, getting out the second the key was out.

Karkat got out as well, nearly collapsing on his sore legs. He grunted in pain and slowly limped away from his door, leaving it open so the smell could air out or something. He was sore and in so much pain but at least he was awake.

“Karkat, you go inside and get some shit, I’ll get gas and clean up.” Dave mumbled, looking absolutely exhausted. He was slouching more than usual, his hair was a mess, and he looked two seconds away from laying down and sleeping on the gasoline covered concrete.

Karkat just nodded and stretched, lifting his arms above his head, standing on his tip toes and suddenly felt a lot better as his muscles spasmed just a bit. That was the fucking good stuff. He shuffled his way into the gas station, forcing himself to keep on eye out for that fucking freak they ran into, almost automatically making a beeline for the bathrooms. He needed some alone time and he needed to get the taste of dry vomit out of his mouth.

The bathroom smelled like piss, shit and sex which he should have expected. He grabbed a paper towel and used it to turn on the sink, cupping his hands under the weak stream of water. It was cold and so fucking refreshing as he sipped it out of his hands and swished it around it mouth. He was going to have to apologize to Dave later and offer to drive for a few hours. The poor guy was like a zombie and just seeing him so exhausted made Karkats heart squeeze with sympathy.

He spit the water out, watching it go down the drain and blend with the clear, clean water, almost gagging when he saw how disgusting his spit looked. He washed his mouth out a couple more times before he found himself just standing there, staring at the sink, thinking about nothing in particular. He was exhausted and desperate for alone time. He was honestly not ashamed to admit that the second he was home, he was going to lay in bed and masturbate until he passed out, wake up and get a snack then masturbate ten more times, rinse and repeat until he had to get back to work.

But, unfortunately, he wasn’t going to be able to do anything even remotely close to that until he got back home which he planned on doing as fast as possible. He grabbed a paper towel and dried his hands and mouth before tossing the paper away, leaving the bathroom quickly. The smell of fresh, non disgusting air was a relief as he walked through the aisles, trying to find something they could use. He ended up grabbing a few granola bars, some water bottles and two gatorades, both red flavored. He assumed Dave would enjoy the drink and if he didn’t, well they could just fucking deal with it.

He walked up to the counter, not even blinking when he saw the creepy cashier with blood pooling out of their mouth in waves. “Just this please. Oh, could you also grab me uhh..” Karkat scanned the shelf behind the dying cashier, trying to look for a brand he’s seen Dave use. “Fuck, just get me anything apple flavored, doesn’t matter what the brand is.” He asked politely, handing over the cash. The cashier slowly took Karkat’s cash, dripping blood everywhere as they put it in the register and shuffled around to the wall of nicotine products behind them. They moved clumsily, like a zombie as they grabbed the nearest apple flavored product next to them and tossed it over their shoulder, grunting when said shoulder got dislocated somehow and hung limply by their side.

Karkat, being the good upstanding citizen he was, mumbled a thanks and grabbed his things before quickly leaving, not wanting to deal with paranormal shit any more. Dave was squatting next to the car with his head in his hands, clearly distressed and emotional. He looked kind of like a frog when he was squatting like that, like a very upset and sad frog.

“I brought you nicotine.” Karkat grumbled and handed the small, red box over to Dave who immediately seemed to perk up the second he heard the words ‘nicotine’.

“Oh, fucking sweet! I’ve been having cravings like cra…” Dave stared at the box, his smile fading away. “Karkles…. This is a fucking juul pod. I have never owned a juul in my life. Okay, you know what, fuck this we’re finding the nearest vape store and raiding it because if I have to go one more day without some god damn chemicals inside of my lungs, I’m going to fuck you.” He ranted as he tossed the box into the back of the car, clearly frustrated which was a very new fucking emotion that Karkat didn’t know how to deal with.

“Uh… Alright, I’ll drive, I guess. I also got us water, granola bars and some gatorade- Okay, I can’t just let that go, why would you going through withdrawal make you fuck me? Like, what led you to that? What thought process went through that skull that concluded ‘no drugs, gotta fuck Karkat’? I’m just curious, it seems like a big ass jump in topics.” He rambled, putting the items he bought in the back of the truck, tensing when Dave grabbed his shoulders and turned him around.

“Karkat, I have a blazing headache, I can barely feel my hands right now, I am two seconds away from spilling my guts and I could eat an entire fucking human right so I am not up for these games, little man. If you do not get me some god damn drugs in the next fucking hour, I will fuck you and that is a threat. It will be consensual and sweet and so fucking  _ tender _ that you will cry genuine tears of love and affection and then, you know what I’m gonna do?”

Karkat shook his head rapidly, tense and a bit scared. Dave’s body was inches from his own and he could feel the heat coming off of him, watching a drop of sweat roll down Dave’s forehead.

“I’m going to make you fall in love with me. We’ll go on dates, get married, be happily married for five wonderful years then I will fuck your dad. You hear me? I will do it, it won’t matter if he’s dead by then or not, I will make sweet sweet love to him and I will ensure you walk in on it.” Dave rambled, his eyes wide behind his shades.

Karkat nodded, lightly patting Dave’s hand. “Alright, let’s go get you some drugs, buddy.” He relaxed once Dave moved away and got in the driver's seat, slightly terrified of his co-worker now. Personal note to self, never let Dave go without drugs ever again or he will fuck your dad because why the hell not? The car at least smelled a lot better and the puke was gone which was nice. Dave got in the passenger's seat, quickly buckled up and reached in the back, grabbing every single food item that was in his reach while Karkat started driving, keeping a close eye out for anything that looked even close to a vape shop.

As Karkat drove around, he started noticing more and more people moving around like zombies, people with fatal injuries that definitely shouldn’t be walking around and even one person just dragging themselves along the ground because their legs were completely gone. Dave, however, didn’t notice this very concerning scene because he was a bit too busy sounding like he was going to fuck the Doritos bag that was in his lap, acting and sounding like a starved man with a food fetish.

“Dave, I think-”

Dave glared at him, cutting him off. “If you even suggest going to another town, I will bite your dick off.”

Karkat nodded, locking the doors. “Alrighty then, guess we’re gonna stay in zombie town.” He mumbled before he spotted a smoke shop and pulled into the parking lot. “Here we ar-” Dave was already hopping out of the car and heading inside, leaving Karkat by himself in the zombie infested town. Great. He sighed, parking the car and getting out, quickly catching up to Dave who didn’t even bother holding the door for him

Inside the shop was nothing besides products. There was no other human in there and Karkat assumed that was for the best. It smelled like artificial flavoring and corpses but he assumed that wasn’t uncommon for a smoke shop or at least this one. There was a bit of either blood or shit on the carpet and Karkat really didn’t want to find out which one it was so he waited by the door, watching Dave as he hopped the counter and grabbed what he needed. The shop was small, dingy and had arcade carpeting as well as multiple stains on the floor, ceiling and walls. It held bongs, pipes, and other odd devices that Karkat couldn’t recognize and, quite frankly, didn’t want to learn about. There was a bucket of vape flavor pods, a weird defaced knock off statue of some famous marble sculpture and there were even some posters displaying some very slutty looking women. A fine establishment indeed.

“Dave, let’s get going, this place smells like a fucking night club having sex with an arcade.” He griped, crossing his arms over his chest as he nervously eyed the employees only door that looked a bit suspicious, almost like there were zombies behind it.

“Yeah yeah, let me just find a couple things…. Do you see any employees or signs of human life?” Dave asked, standing in front of a big shelf full of various flavored things, holding a vape…. Box? Devices? Weird smoking machine in his hand.

“Dave, this town is full of zombies, I’m sure it’ll be fine if you steal.” Karkat reassured him, rolling his eyes at Daves ridiculous question. “Just grab whatever you want and lets get the fuck out before we get jumped.”

Dave shrugged, making a pouch with the front of his shirt and started tossing things in it. “Don’t foreshadow, Karkat, it’s overused immensely in the horror genre.” He commented, making his way to the front door with an excessive amount of products and… A porno magazine.

“Breezing over that fourth wall break, why the fuck do you have a porn mag?” Karkat questioned, raising an eyebrow. On the cover was a brunette woman who was wearing a suit that seemed way too tight to be comfortable and it made Karkat want to cringe a bit just thinking about how uncomfortable the lady must be.

“Karkat, I don’t think you want me to answer that question.” Dave grinned, pulling a book seemingly out of his ass. “I found a hentai manga too.” He snickered, looking ridiculously proud of himself.

“Wh- How- Put those back! I will not listen to you talk about porn and hentai for the next ten fucking days and I refuse to be caught dead with that shit in our car!” Karkat scolded, giving Dave a look of disgust at his looting choices.

“Nope, I’m keeping them. You fucking owe me this, you’re the one who broke my fucking vape.” Dave reminded him of the incident, attempting to cross his arms but quickly gave up due to the fact he’d drop everything he was holding if he did. 

Karkat shuddered when he recalled the moment Dave lost his vape. A staff member had been chasing them so Karkat took it out of Dave’s pocket and.. Threw it at them in a moment of blind panic. He remembered the hours Dave spent bitching about it and demanding a funeral service as well as a grave and memorial be built. Instead, they just carved some random shit into a table and called it a day. “Alright but don’t even think about getting horny near me. I can’t fucking deal with that shit today or tomorrow or this month.” He gave up, opening the front door for Dave.

“Thank you! Rip in pieces Apple Blossom.” Dave sighed as he walked through the door, quickly making his way back to the truck, dodging a zombie that tried to grab at him.

Karkat quickly followed, simply walking around the grabby zombie and hopped back in the car, locking the doors the second they were both safely in, jumping when he heard something smack against their trucks side. Instead of looking, Karkat put the key in the ignition and drove off without even putting on his seat belt because he was just a bad boy like that.

Next to him, Dave ripped into the boxes of vape flavors and fiddled with the machine for a while until he brought it up to his lips, inhaled deeply from the tip, making the machine crackle and pop in his hand. Dave held his breath for a couple seconds before slowly exhaling, smoke shooting from his mouth and Karkat couldn’t look away for some reason. The way Dave’s mouth looked just sent shivers down his spine and it entranced him but he quickly remembered he was  _ fucking driving  _ and couldn’t get distracted by boys with mouths. What the fuck was wrong with him???

“Oh my gooood, Karkat, I could kiss you right now.” Dave sighed, thumping his head against the plush car seat.

“Please don’t, I’d rather not get the taste of nicotine stuck in my mouth.” Karkat requested, ignoring the way his mind got stuck on the idea of Dave kissing him. What was  _ wrong  _ with him today?

“Mmm, you suck at getting people to not wanna kiss you so here comes the Dave smooch train, next stop Karkats grumpy face.” Dave said stoically, leaning over while making a kissy face.

Karkat quickly tried to lean away, his face scrunching up like it was trying to get away from Dave as well. “Dave, I’m fucking driving, don’t you dare fucking distract me right now!” He threatened but that didn’t stop Dave from planting a big, wet and weirdly warm kiss on Karkat’s scruffy cheek and making a loud and obnoxious kiss noise as he pulled away.

“MMMMMMMMWAH!” Dave practically fucking shouted, a huge grin on his face. “Bleh, it’s like making out with a bug. You need to shave the second we get home, it’s starting to freak me out a bit and I’m like, ninety percent sure you’re weird masculine man hair cut my lip.” Dave joked, flipping the sun visor down and opened the small mirror to look at his lips. “Oh yeah, definitely cut. Your face is like concrete, dude.”

Karkat felt really, really warm. Like, extremely warm and it was starting to freak him out a bit. Was he sick? Was he dying? Was he turning into a zombie? Did Dave somehow transfer drugs into his system and that’s why his cheek was so tingly?? What the fuck was going on??

“.... Karkat, you good? Did I charm you to death?” Dave tried joking but there was concern laced in his voice, helping Karkat snap out of his thoughts.

“I’m having tummy issues and I don’t wanna talk about it.” He suddenly blurted out, his face flushing as he realized what he just said. Yeah, he was definitely going to have to quit and ditch town, never ever speak to Dave ever again. Maybe he should just kill him, make sure he never repeats this shit to anyone. He could kill Dave, right? Dirk would be fine without his brother, Karkat was fine without a brother for years and look how he turned out.

“Oh. Fucking same dude, those meatballs fucked me up…… I’m changing the subject, this is getting too intimate for me and I really don’t want to talk about our mutual stomach problems ever again so let's just forget this ever happened. Let’s talk about uh, fuck, uh, fucking… Give me a subject, Karkles.”

Karkat relaxed, thankful Dave was feeling just as awkward as he was. “Have you ever gone camping?” He questioned, saying the first question that came to mind.

“Once, willingly. I went to some fucking campsite with Dirk when we were a lot younger and we both hated it immensely. I got a mosquito bite on my dick from jacking it in the woods and some bobcat just fucking watched me jerk it. I mean, I didn’t realize it was there until after I got off but when I did it was just sitting and staring at me and it’s kittens were staring at me so I never went camping ever again.” Dave rambled, making wild hand gestures while he talked. “So, you ever gone camping?”

“I…. No, we can’t just breeze on past that, how the fuck did a mosquito bite your dick when you were jacking off? How did you not notice? I assume you would have fucking felt it.”

“I don’t know, Karkat! It just happened! I was a little preoccupied!”

“Did you apologize to the bobcats? You fucking jacked it in front of their family, I fucking hope you apologized.”

“Of fucking course I apologized- You know what, I don’t like this conversation right now, okay? You’re being so fucking judgmental right now and I am not here for it. I was trying to have a nice conversation with my bro here and you just had to ruin it by judging me! You know what-” Dave continued to ramble on and on about how judgmental Karkat was, not even noticing the huge grin Karkat had on his face.

Karkat was happy. Genuinely happy for the first time in days and it felt good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was fun!! i've been getting antsy from not being able to write some gore!  
> if y'all would like, you can shoot me a message on my tumblr, valerian-valentine-2 to give me constructive criticism, advice or just to chat! feel free to also send me asks about my fics or anything in general, i'm always up for a good conversation!


	14. Russian Punk Bands Are Actually Pretty Cool, Y'all Are Just Judgemental.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat is very concerned for Dave's mental health and they get chased by monsters. What else did you expect?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: suicide mention, gore, mental breakdown, mentions of hallucinations, mentions of child abuse, mentions of manipulation, mentions of using suicide as a manipulation tactic, mention of mental hospital/being forcefully involuntarily admitted, angst

_ Everything is warm. Unbearably warm, like the air was trying to melt you. You’re sweating and panicking, you don’t know where you are but you know it’s dangerous, unsafe. _

_ It's familiar. _

_ Wires running along the floor, taped down sloppily with old duct tape, weapons in the kitchen, smuppets and hats stuffed in odd places, terrifying posters displaying puppets and a vomit of colors that look like something Anne Frank would make if she went into the puppet/rap business. The carpet was disgusting as usual, stained and smushed down from years of walking along it, the cheap fabric smelling like fuel, old blood and mold. _

_ Just being here fills you with the need to hide away, to find some dark place to barricade yourself in like a terrified prey animal hiding from its predator. That’s how you usually felt nowadays, the feeling giving you a sickening sense of familiarity like returning to the place of your biggest trauma. It felt like you were a dumbass rabbit running endless circles while a wolf watched you, toying with you until it finally decided to eat you. Fear did make the meat tender, as  _ **_Bro_ ** _ always said. _

_ You’re filled with familiar fear, one that brings tears to your eyes and makes you watch your step. _

_ Toe, heel, toe, heel, toe, heel, toe, heel. _

_ You hear crying. Quiet sobs and begging. It’s Karkat's voice.  _ **_He’s hurting Karkat._ **

_ You run to  _ **_his_ ** _ room, forgetting to make yourself quiet in the process and you yank the door open, gagging when you see the scene in front of you. _

_ Karkat sat on his knees in front of  _ **_him_ ** _ , blood streaming down from his eye in waves and waves of blood that was slightly congealed. Karkats hands were cut off and cauterized, filling the room with the smell of burned flesh and blood. Karkat's eye was sitting in  _ **_his_ ** _ hand, covered in blood and bits of flesh. As  _ **_he_ ** _ turned to face you, your heart started racing and Karkat cried out for help and- _

  
  


Karkat jumped when Dave suddenly startled awake, frowning and glancing over at his coworker who was clearly distressed. “You good?” He asked, hoping he didn’t have another gory dream again. Just remembering the last one sent goosebumps down Karkats spine.

Dave groaned and slowly sat up, his face scrunching up when the sun hit his face. “Nightmare.” He mumbled, putting his face in his hands so he could properly adjust to the sudden light. The sight made Karkat want to punch him in the face for not buying him any sunscreen while he could.

Right now, they were miles away from anything resembling a town or a village. It was just miles and miles of farmland and dirt but Karkat didn’t really mind. He liked seeing all the different types of flowers and crops even if it was only for a couple seconds and he had enjoyed the silence. Days of hearing almost nothing besides Dave’s voice made him undyingly grateful for the couple hours of silence that came with Dave napping. The poor guy had passed out after he ate and took a couple hits, probably exhausted from all the driving he did. While they were on the road, Karkat saw a couple of…… suspicious things but he didn’t really bother looking too long at them. This was farmland, there was going to be suspicious things everywhere.

“Pull over.” Dave’s voice suddenly cut through his thoughts, startling him a bit and making him frown.

“Uh… Why..?” Karkat questioned, glancing nervously over at Dave who looked tired. Older, almost. His face was finally showing all the trauma and horrible things he went through and it was kind of scaring Karkat a little bit but his gut took over, forcing him to slow down the car simply because Dave asked. Curse him for trusting the suicidal idiot.

Dave hopped out of the car once Karkat stopped the car, not bothering to answer his question. Instead, he walked around the car and stood in front of the miles of corn, staring out into the field in a suspicious way that had Karkat quickly getting out of the car just in case Dave decided to bolt into the field of corn for some reason. He’s seen enough horror movies to know that fields of corn were not to be trusted and neither should flooded basements. He stood next to Dave and looked into the corn stalks, trying to find what Dave was looking at when Dave took a big, deep breath before clenching his fists at his sides and screaming at the top of his lungs, scaring the absolute shit out of Karkat.

He screamed into the air, his voice sounding full of anguish and pure sorrow, the type of sound you’d hear at riots or in a town getting raided. The sound you hear when someones mourning the loss of someone so dear to them, the sound you hear when parents get taken away from their children. Loss, a demand for justice, sorrow.

Dave didn’t stop until he ran out of air, tears streaming down his now red face. He quickly wiped away his tears once he was done, sniffling and yawning from the sudden lack of oxygen to his brain. “Alright, that’s all I needed to do.” He cleared his throat, sniffling again before facing Karkat. “Sorry, I should’ve warned you but I just needed to get that out.”

Karkat slowly nodded, feeling tense and a bit scared. “Alright, I understand.. Dude, when we get home, I’m getting you a therapist because that was not mentally healthy. I mean, screaming is good for you and all but holy mother of god, I thought something was murdering your entire family right in front of you like holy shit, you good?” He questioned, watching Dave closely just to make sure an alien wasn’t going to burst out of his chest at any second.

Dave just laughed at Karkat’s question and wiped some more tears from his eyes, his shades probably hiding the burst blood vessels he had. “Dude, I go through this type of shit every week. I’ve been nearly murdered and actually murdered, I have to go through withdrawal every time this shit happens, I have to run and fight for my life every fucking week and I’ve never gotten a week off from this shit. Ever since I was fucking born, I’ve been fighting to prove myself worthy of living, someone that wouldn’t just be a waste of food and now, with this job… I’m going through that every day even when I thought I was done. I thought that if I ran away from my sick joke of a home, I wouldn’t have to fight any more but now I’m fighting more than ever! Even when I’m fucking sleeping, I’m fighting and being taken advantage of and I’m just……” Dave took a deep breath, running a hand through his hair, a semi crazy smile on his face. Despite his red cheeks, he looked beautiful in this lighting. In another universe, he would’ve gotten famous in an instant. Probably become some hotshot director that made weird ironic movies. “I’m tired, Karkles. I wanna go home and I want to spend the month with my little brother. I want to spend a month without havin’ to go to work or fight for monsters, I want to stop leavin’ Dirk in that fuckin’ house all by himself. I miss seein’ him everyday and I miss sitting on the couch and watching TV and I miss not feelin’ paranoid. I’m always scared, all the damn time! Even when I’m high and drunk off my ass, when I’m so wasted that the floor and the walls switch, I’m still scared somethin’ is comin’ to get me! I’m always feelin’ that impending doom, feelin’ like I’m being hunted. I sleep in my closet most nights, for fucksake! Jesus, I’m constantly just feeling like fuckin’ prey.” Dave rambled, scratching at his scalp and giving Karkat a look that begged for sympathy. This was the most exposed he’d ever seen him and it made him feel protective, he wanted to hug Dave and just hold him close.

“You’re not crazy, Dave.” Karkat reassured him. He could just tell that Dave felt like he was going crazy, he was feeling that too. “After my first shift, I spent the entire night throwing up in my bathroom and showering until my skin was raw and cracked. I had to lock the doors and the windows four times until I just gave up and blocked every available entrance and I fucking live on the fifth floor of an apartment building on a crowded street in the middle of the city. I can’t even imagine having to go through that shit every damn week and by you’re fucking self no less! Dave, I really think you should see a therapist or something. You need it before you….” He trailed off, not wanting to voice the rest of his thought. Karkat had a lot of experience with mentally ill people, hell, he was mentally ill himself! He knew what Dave needed and it was professional help. “Before you get too close to the metaphorical edge.” He said quietly, taking a slow and deep breath to help himself keep calm.

Dave chuckled, giving Karkat a tired look. “Dude, this is a crazily deep conversation for two people who only met, what, a month ago?”

Karkat smiled a bit, feeling his body relax now that Dave seemed to calm down. “Trauma tends to bring people close. Let’s get back in the car and head to the closest town with a motel, we need a day off before we both break down.” He suggested, nodding towards the truck.

Dave grinned. “Oh hell no. I screamed my lungs out, it’s your turn. Go ‘head and yell at the corn, Karkitty. They’re all ears.” He joked, looking smug despite his face still being red from his emotions.

“Did you seriously make a fucking pun?” Karkat raised an eyebrow, facing the field of corn and motherfucker, was it intimidating. Eight feet tall stalks of corn just looming over him. There was just something about it that made him a bit scared about what was lurking in there.. Fuck, no wonder farm people were always weird. 

“Sure did, Karkitty. Go ‘head and scream at the corn, let it absorb your rage. Go on.” Dave goaded him on, grinning wide.

Karkat sighed, taking a deep breath as he mentally hyped himself up. Shockingly, screaming wasn’t so easy when you finally had the opportunity. He delved deep into his endless amounts of rage and sadness, everything that he just stored away inside of him to sit and ferment. How his own brother verbally abused him for years, his father passing away when he was way too young, the hundreds of nights spent crying because he was convinced no one would love him, the hours spent clinging to these perfect little lives in these perfect little worlds of romance, the pushing and shoving from his peers, having to see his best friend hurt himself and other, having to run and fight for his life, having to see Dave cry and break down because some fucking idiot abused him for half his life, he let all those emotions fill up and he just….. Screamed. He could feel those emotions rushing out of him like a flood, getting replaced with empty happiness and a light headed feeling that felt similar to what he assumed a high would feel like. Everything he kept stored deep inside of him just flowed out of him like it was nothing and it felt so good, he felt light and relieved.

Dave whooped and laughed next to him as the air in his lungs slowly ran out until he was standing there, panting heavily, a huge smile on his face that made his cheeks hurt.

“Wooo! Go Vantas!” Dave cheered, hitting him on the back in an encouraging way. “Feels good don’t it?” He leaned against him, grinning like a maniac. “I’m pretty sure there’s a whole fuckin’ science behind why screaming your lungs out feels fucking amazing but science is for fuckin’ nerrrrr….” Dave trailed off, going completely still as he stared into the stalks of corn, looking like a rabbit trying to blend in with its surroundings. 

Karkat instinctively froze as well, staring where Dave was looking. He couldn’t see a thing, nothing besides green leaves and yellow corn until  _ something  _ shifted in the field. It was huge, hiding within the stalks and it seemed to blend in perfectly with its surroundings unless he kept a good eye on it. He took a step back, moving as slowly as he could but the second his foot reconnected with the road, the thing stood up to its full height and screeched like a fucking banshee. He turned around and bolted to the car before it could harm him, yanking the door open and jumping in as the monster chased him and hit the side of the car, nearly tipping it over.

Dave was in the passenger seat before he could get concerned and he slammed on the gas, screaming with Dave as they sped down the road. The thing followed them on its knuckles, determined to catch up to them and probably do something horrible to them and their unfortunately mortal bodies. Karkat glanced in the rearview mirror and immediately regretted it when he saw the monster from yesterday chasing them with a wild look in one of its eyes while its small, deformed leg practically flapped in the wind. “OH MY FUCKING GOD!” Karkat found himself screaming while they ignored the speed limit completely, the speedometer maxing out but the creature didn't slow down. Dave started laughing insanely next to him, his eyebrows drawn together, his face giving him a look of ‘are you fucking seeing this shit?’

The next time Karkat glanced in the rearview mirror, the thing rushed into the field of corn and disappeared completely. He didn’t slow down though, keeping the speed up until Dave’s laughter quieted down into terrified mumbling. As the car slowed down, his stomach stopped tensing and his hands started shaking from gripping the wheel like he’d die if he didn’t, nausea filling his head.

“Oh-ho my god….” Dave whispered, giggling again as he sunk down in his seat, tears streaming down his face again. “Nothing like a good life or death situation to wake you up, huh? Who even needs coffee?” He laughed nervously, his legs shaking from fear. “Holy shit, I’m pretty sure I just pissed my fucking pants but I can’t feel anything past my stomach. Are we dead? Finally? Am I finally fucking dead? God, I hope so I’ve been trying for-”

“Fuck, shut the fuck up Dave, shut the fuck up! No more fucking talking about death o-or our shitty, fucked up lives! No talk of monsters, no nothing! I don’t wanna talk about it!” He shouted, his shoulders shaking as tears threatened to spill again. “I-I’m tired of thinking about it! I don’t even want to think about that shit anymore! Lets just pretend we’re two dudes on a fucking roadtrip and we’re normal and we don’t know shit about monsters or fucking anything terrifying like that! We’re just two normal, neurotypical asshole dudes who don’t have to fucking run for their lives every damn fucking day!”

There was a long moment of silence before Dave mumbled an apology and sat up straight, playing with his hands awkwardly. “So…. Let's talk about normal things, I guess. Um…. Shit, hah, I don’t even fucking know what music you listen to or what you’re fucking favorite genre is. I bet you’re, like, an action movie guy.” Dave tried to converse, his voice shaky.

“Romance.”

Karkat saw Dave frown in the corner of his eye and prepared himself for the teasing. “What?” Dave’s voice was steadier now but full of confusion.

“My favorite genre is romance and I like cheesy, stupid romance music as well as….” Karkat felt his cheeks heat up and cleared his throat awkwardly. “Russian punk music.”

Dave was quiet for a few seconds before laughing, hitting his head on the head of the seat. “Really? Holy shit, that- I would have never guessed! I should’ve known that Mister Grumpy Puss is a huuuge romance nerd! Wait, hold on, did you say Russian punk music?”

“Yes. I like Russian punk and or alternative music, I think it’s very cool and they’re very talented. Hey, stop fuckin’ laughing! Alright, shut up, I bet you fucking listen to only the most underground shit that you don’t even like but you only listen to it because it makes you look cool and you’re the type of person to say that you were into one band  _ before _ it became cool.”

Dave crossed his arms, glaring at him but had a smile on his face. “Ouch! Hitting my younger self right in the nuts, huh? Nah, I listen to mainstream shit nowadays, anythin’ that's popular on social media or, like, funny music. I stopped really caring about my image after I got my job at the store. You know, I used to be the young parent that would put off brand soda in brand name bottles when I hosted parties and I had to cook all the food, put the off brand chips in brand name bags.. Now Dirk doesn’t have parties like that any more and I’m banned from joining the PTA at his school ever again. Turns out, people don’t like it when young albino guys yell at them. I think they were just homophobic.” He joked, grinning at Karkat like he was just waiting for him to burst out laughing. 

“Dave, why-..... I wanna ask but I just know I shoul-” Karkat got interrupted by Dave’s phone vibrating which shocked both of them.

Dave frowned and quickly answered it, greeting the random caller with a slightly confused tone. “Hello..?”

Karkat knew he shouldn’t invade and listen in but he couldn’t help it, he never heard Dave’s phone go off before and he really wanted to know who the hell was calling Dave at this time. Could be a sales call..

“Holy fuck, John! How’re you do-......” Dave shut his mouth and stayed silent for a long time, at least fifteen minutes, looking more and more devastated as the call continued. It made Karkat beyond curious to what was happening, who John was and what they were saying to make Dave so sad looking. “Dude, I….” Dave sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Please, we’re heading home and we’ll be there in a couple of days, I’ll explain everything then. Make sure Dirk drinks at least three glasses of water a day and try to keep his soda intake down to two cans, the kid is addicted to the stuff and also make sure he cleans the cuts on his knees and hands…… Yeah, I know he’s good at hiding injuries, how do you think he developed that talent? Yeah, that's what I thought, okay so, hydrogen peroxide freaks him out so make sure he has his Rainbow Dash stuffie but don’t touch it because that makes him anxious and only use the colored band aids. You hear me? Only the colored ones, those are his favorites, and he’ll try to scratch at his cuts but he won’t notice he’s doing it so  _ kindly _ remind him to stop and that leaving it alone will make them heal faster…….. Dude, he got the bruises and shit from skateboarding because he’s an idiot that thinks his knee pads make him look weird but do not, and I mean  _ do not _ tell the other kids he got those cuts from falling off his skateboard or he will pull your teeth out and make them into earrings for Rox.”

“Now, I’m bringing my co-worker with me so don’t be shocked when we show up. I’ll call you when I get close to town, I just..” Dave looked up at the roof of the car, a tear sliding down his cheek, the good mood being abolished. “I know, I know, I’m so sorry… I… I’ll explain everything, I promise, just…. Please, John… Please, this isn’t what it seems, and yes I do know that's an overused excuse with me and given my history it most likely is exactly what it seems but just, give me like, a week before you call someone. Please?” Dave waited for a long, tense second before sighing with relief, his shoulders relaxing. “Thank you. Thank you, thank you, can you put Dirk on the phone? Please? I gotta let him know I’m okay…. Okay, okay, thank you, you’re the fuckin’ best dude.” He sighed, waiting for a while but seemed to brighten like the sun when Dirk supposedly spoke.

“Dirky! How’s your cut doing? Still hurt? Oh lil man, I’m sorry.” He cooed, fretting over his little brother like he was four instead of sixteen. “I know, it’s weird having other people in the house. You’re in charge, okay? If they start making you feel overwhelmed, you scream and shout and cry and you tell ‘em to fuck off because no one messes with-... Yes, I do know I’m babying you! You are a bab-... Why do you wanna talk with Karkat?!...... Oh my god! You are fucking impossible to deal with, you dick. Don’t even think about bothering him, okay? You ask any personal questions or get him upset and I will be so fucking pissed at you and I’ll tickle you till you puke!” Dave threatened and handed over the phone with a pout on his face.

Karkat chuckled as he took the phone, holding it up to his ear while he drove. “Hi Dirk?” He greeted, a bit confused as to why Dirk would want to talk to him.

“Karkat, get me the fuck out of here. These people are driving me crazy. Uncle John is hovering over me every second, Aunt Rosie won’t stop invading my privacy and I don’t know what kind of drugs Aunt Jadey is on but I don’t want any part of it. Make  _ sure _ Dave gets home soon because holy shit these people are insane and picky and prissy and just… Ugh!” Dirk’s staticy voice rambled on in his ear, reminding him of how pissy he used to be as a teenager.

“Don’t know who those people are but I’m like, fifty percent sure they mean well. I’ll get Dave home soon, I promise, we’re just… Taking a lot of side quests so to speak.”

There was a pause followed by the sound of a door shutting and locking. “Side quests…?” Dirk asked quietly, his voice sounding a lot more concentrated. “Are you two okay? Are… Are the monsters still chasing you…?” His quiet, scared voice made Karkat's heart ache but he couldn’t lie to the kid. He deserved to know the truth.

“We aren’t being chased by anything, destruction just seems to follow us. There’s scary things everywhere but we’re okay, I’m the only one injured. Not badly, just a cut.” He reassured the teen, knowing he wouldn’t care about Karkat's health half as much as he cared about Dave’s. “Dave and I are going to be very  _ very _ tired when we get there, okay? We’ve had a pretty long and grueling… Week? Hell, I have no idea how long we’ve been gone but it’s been a hell of a ride and we’ll most likely pass out the second we get there so don’t be surprised. Dave is okay, I promise, just tired and homesick.”

The mic crackled in his ear as Dirk sighed with relief, the poor kid sounding worried to hell and back. “Make sure he stays that way. Otherwise, I’m gonna beat you the fuck up.” His voice was weak with no malice but a mountain of trust. He couldn’t help but feel a bit honored to have Dirk trust him with his brother's safety, even when they only met for a few minutes.

“I will. Also, listen close kiddo…. If you want to get these people off your back, lie to ‘em. Tell the chick always on your back about fake visions, hallucinations, funky dreams, anything that makes you seem batshit insane, it’ll give her somethin’ to do. Do this to that John too, that’ll get him to leave you alone. I suggest getting closer to this crazy Jade lady though, she sounds cool as shit. The crazy sounding ones are usually the nicest people and you should give her a chance. Also, these people sound like they’re trying to help and I know that's not what you wanna hear but maybe, just maybe, give them a bit of a chance.” He rambled, listening to Dirk start to protest as he lectured him.

“Ugh! You sound like fucking Dave and it’s pissin’ me off, you’re both huge fucking squares. But….. Fucking fine, I’ll hear them out and then I’ll fake going insane so they leave me the fuck alone. Tell Dave he’s a fucking square……” Dirk took a long pause before continuing in a much quieter voice. “And to stay safe and that I love him. B-Bye!” He suddenly hung up, probably embarrassed.

Karkat snorted and handed Dave his phone. “He said to stay safe and that he loves you but I highly doubt he’ll ever admit to that.” He smiled but his smile dropped when he saw Dave giving him a look.

“You told my impressionable baby brother to fake hallucinations to get people to leave him alone?” Dave questioned him judgingly, crossing his arms.

“Uhh…” He felt a wave of embarrassment and guilt wash over him. “It works. I uh…. Did it to my brother when I was younger to get him to stop messing with me. Faked a suicidal breakdown um… Okay, it’s a bit of a long story but after my dad died, I was given to my current mom who uh, isn’t biologically, like, my mom but anyway, I was furious, obviously, I had just lost my dad and I was stuck with a bunch of people I didn’t know and my brother's bullying only got worse so… I semi faked a suicidal breakdown. So bad they called the police and had to restrain me and put me in a mental hospital. I was fine after a few days of working my anger out on the concrete walls but they didn’t let me out until a month later because I was considered a danger to myself and others.” He explained, embarrassed of his past instead of ashamed. “I highly doubt that’ll happen to Dirk but after that, my brother stopped messing with me and anyone at school who fucked with me got serious repercussions. I also learned a lot of things, my new family was a lot nicer and gentle with me and it was… A kinda good experience. You gotta let people know you aren’t afraid to completely break.”

“So, you threatened to kill yourself to get people what you want?” Dave asked, a frown on his face.

“I… No, I…… My brother told me that my dad’s death was my fault and he told me many, many things like that for weeks after his death so I just.. Needed to do something drastic to get him to leave him alone. To show him he was going too far. I mean, he’s still a complete asshole, told me I’m goin’ to hell for kissin’ dudes but now I can just get pissy and he starts backing off.”   
Dave slowly nodded and relaxed. “That’s….. That’s a lot better than what I thought. I mean, it’s a shitty move to pull but that's better than actually cracking. Gotta do something extreme just to get people to back off sometimes, I understand that. My cousin didn’t back off with the therapy shit until I uhhhhhh…… I bit her. Not hard! Not hard, just a good chomp to get her to back off and to be fair! To be fair, we were, like, ten and she wouldn’t stop asking me about my personal life and she wouldn’t stop acting superior so I just. Bit her.” Dave admitted, sounding embarrassed. 

Karat snorted, holding back a laugh. “You got fed up with someone being a bitch so you bit them?” He got an idea and gasped, lightly hitting Dave's arm from his excitement. “Holy shit! Holy shit, were you- were you the fuckin’ kid that hissed at people?! Oh my god, Dave, were you the fuckin’ kid that always hissed at people and bit at them when you got upset? Oh my fucking god, Dave, this is a safe space, you can tell me.” He was trying so hard not to laugh, his shoulders shaking.

Dave clicked his tongue and crossed his arms, glaring at Karkat with a sassy look. “Okay, I am not liking the vibes you are, fuckin’ uh.. Excreting, right now, so Imma need you to tone it the fuck down because you are up to, like, a ten and I need you to be at a one.”

Karkat couldn’t stop the flood of pure, joyous laughter spilling from his mouth, his body shaking while his eyes teared up to the point where he had to stop the car so they didn’t crash and burn. “Oh my god! You were a fuckin’ furry as a kid?! Holy shit, you- Dave, I love you, I think we have bonded a lot and I think we’re very close as human beings, I, personally, feel very-” He snorted as he continued, “emotionally connected with you and I think we are very good friends now but I will  _ never _ let you live this down. This- This is our life now. I will never take you seriously ever again, holy shit, you were a fucking fu-furr-” He couldn’t even finish his sentence before he started cackling, loud and uninhibited.

Today was a whirlwind but he’d do it all over again just to learn that Dave used to be the fucking furry kid that bit and hissed at people.

“Shut up, oh my goooood! I was like, twelve, don’t blame me for the sins of my younger self!” Dave complained, hiding his face in his hands, his ears bright red from embarrassment that Karkat could see even through his teary eyes. He was sure that they both looked like complete and utter idiots but he couldn’t give a single shit, his head full of endorphins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooo, I didn't really read this through properly and it's currently 12am so this might be shitty, it might not be shitty!  
> but despite my better judgement, i'd like it if y'all could give some constructive criticism? or just random criticism, i mean, i bet y'all have a lot of pent up anger and i wanna hear some of that


	15. Important Adult Figures.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Turns out, it's not that good to leave your baby brother alone in a small apartment for weeks on end.

John Egbert was a smart man or at least, he assumed so. He thought he was pretty intelligent, definitely observant. He assumed he was more observant than most people, he was the first to notice the signs of abuse in Dave’s life, he was the first to notice Rose slipping into a bad episode, he’s always the first to notice when Jade was about to pass out and yet, here he stood, seeing an entire side of his best friends life that he never knew.

Apparently, Dave had been leaving Dirk alone in the apartment for weeks, months at a time without any sort of supervision and John had to find out in one of the worst ways possible. Dirk had called Jane while he was in the beginnings of a panic attack because Dave had been gone for two weeks with zero contact and Dirk assumed he ‘was really dead this time’.

Of course, Jane went straight to him and told him everything and the next thing he knew, he was standing in Dave’s apartment, listening to Dirk spill the beans or most of it. He knew the kid was hiding most of the truth, it was so obvious even if Dirk managed to lie with a straight face. 

As Dirk gave him his phone back, his cheeks pink, he contemplated how much he truly knew about Dave and how long had his best friend been lying to him.

“Thank you, Dirk.” He tried to say evenly but he knew his tone came off as pouty despite the fact he was a grown ass man. He heard Dirk mumble a quiet ‘You’re welcome’ before quickly scurrying off to his room for the third time that day, his short legs moving shockingly quick. The kid rarely ever left his room, not even to use the bathroom and it was worrying him. He wanted to help the teen, he wanted to reassure him and tell him everything was okay but he had no fucking clue if everything was actually okay and Dirk seemed to know more than him on this fucking shit.

He was still frustrated with Dave, pissed off and… betrayed, honestly. Why didn’t Dave tell him anything? Why didn’t he trust him? He’s been leaving Dirk alone at home for weeks, sometimes months, and didn’t even fucking call him. He could’ve been there, cooking for the kid, comforting him and taking care of him all this time but no! Dave had to be a fucking dumbass that refused to go to fucking therapy or do something even remotely normal! And having Dave abandon his baby brother was the least of his problems right now, because right now, there were four mentally ill teenagers having their drama fest. 

Teens were honestly terrifying with their fucking drama and ‘back stabbing’ but that wasn’t his fucking business, he wasn’t these kids parents even though he was the only fucking one taking care of them apparently. He had no idea how many times he’s had to fix Jake a couple of frozen, easy to microwave meals because his grandmother was out on another stupid fucking adventure or how many times Roxy called him, her quiet, high pitched voice telling him that Rose was writing her own bible on the walls  _ again _ or kept sobbing in the corner, rambling on and on about doom or some shit.

Or right now, as he made dinner for him and Dirk with what little food Dave had in his shitty excuse of a kitchen. At least there were no shitty Japanese weapons in the fridge this time, just.. Moldy fruit and veggies because the Striders had issues with food. So many fucking issues. He was having to practically hand feed Dirk veggies and protein because the poor boy was obviously not getting enough nutrients. His hair fell out in clumps, his skin was dull and covered in acne, his cuts weren’t healing properly and John was sure he kept scratching at his scabs despite how many times he told the fucker not to but he couldn't be mad at Dirk for very long. Every time he looked at the kids little face, with his chubby cheeks and big nose, he remembered the time he first showed up and Dirk had to sleep in the same room with him for fear of him leaving in the middle of the night which filled John with rage, a rage that he was most definitely taking out on Dave.

He had no idea how Dave could be so negligent of Dirk after the years of being ignored and abused! He just… Didn’t fucking understand! He was beginning to realize that he didn’t understand a lot of things, like why Dave seemed to be in the middle of Question Mark City, next to Fuck-If-We-Knowville and maybe staying at Redacted Motel on Undisclosed Street or why he only had canned food in his house or why this seemed to be an often happenstance for a fucking  _ sixteen year old  _ **_c h i l d._ **

Dave was abused for most of his life and left alone, just like this, so why the fucking fuck was he, maybe, fucking doing the opposite of what he was doing right fucking now? And why was John here, huh? Why wasn’t he just calling child protection services a couple of years too late? Why was he the one cooking and cleaning after Dirk when he had three, perfectly able friends that could be helping him? Or three healthy teenagers that could be supporting their best friend?

Well, his best friends were douchebags, apparently. Dirk seemed to hate Rose for unknown reasons, he avoided the fuck out of Jade and Dave wasn’t even fucking there so it was up to John to take care of a fucking child because, apparently, he was the only adult around there and Dirk’s friends couldn’t help him because they were all too busy pouting in their separate corners because someone said a mean word and blah blah blah FUCK, teens were annoying.

He sighed, forcing himself to take a deep breath as he opened a can of beans, hoping to make something substantial with what little food this kid had. He knew Dave had enough money for more groceries, why wasn’t he using it? Was he still worried about going broke or someone stealing his food? If he found more hidden snacks, he was going to find Dave himself and beat some common sense into him until he no longer had to worry about his mental health.

“Dirk! Bud, could you help with dinner?” He called out to the quiet apartment, almost flinching at how loud his own voice sounded despite the fact he wasn’t even speaking that loud. There was the sound of Dirk's door opening followed up by silence until Dirk seemingly just appeared in the doorway.

“What do you need?” Dirk asked him quietly, looking at him with an impassive and stoic look but John knew the kid was nervous. He always seemed nervous, John was beginning to think he was getting sick and tired of strangers hanging out in his house but that was tough luck.

“Need you, mister, to make guacamole. Don’t worry, it’s just cutting up avocados, mashing them up and adding some spices that I so lovingly bought because your cupboards lack any sort of flavor. Like white bread.” He chuckled at his own joke as he rinsed the canned beans in the sink, watching the brown liquid drain down the sink. “We’re gonna have some soft tacos tonight, you okay with that?”

Dirk nodded curtly and walked over to the counter, picking up the avocados like they were alien lifeforms. “So… How do you cut ‘em?” He asked quietly, looking at John for guidance, clearly on edge.

“Here, I’ll show you how to cut one and you can do the rest.” He flicked the water off his hands, into the sink, before he patted them dry on his jeans, grabbing a butter knife from his bag of silverware he brought from home. He took one of the avocados from Dirk and pulled the ceramic bowl he set aside for guacamole closer. “Watch.” He instructed, stabbing the avocado in the middle before he began cutting it open, Dirks full attention on what he was doing.

He twisted the avocado open once he cut it fully and pulled apart the two halves, showing the green, mushy insides. “So, you just pop out the pit and toss it. You can either cut the green stuff into squares or slices to make everything a bit easier or you can just fold the skin like this..” He folded one half inside out, letting the green mush plop into the bowl. “And there we go! Avocados are very good for us and contain a lot of good oils that our bodies need to make our hair and skin healthy as well as a lot of good fats. They also taste a bit buttery to me so I like putting them on things I’d usually put butter on when I need a fairly plain meal, like…. on toast or a toasted tortilla or cooked rice. It’s very good. Now, once you get all these cut up, add around a teaspoon or two of lemon juice, that keeps it fresh and adds some flavor. Then, you just make it as spicy as you want it to be and feel free to just dip your finger in and taste it as you’re mixing it so you get the right flavor you want. Just wash your hands first.” He lectured, explaining every component he could. He sort of reminded himself of his dad as he spoke, reminding him of all the times dad had him make the simple side dishes for dinner.

Dirk watched him intensely, listening intently as John instructed him, his eyebrows drawn together. “Why does lemon juice keep it fresh…? That doesn’t sound very tasty..” He mumbled, the question making John's heart melt from how innocent it was, taking him back to the good old days when Dave would question everything he was doing while he cooked.

“Well, avocados brown very very quickly which is fine, they’re still edible when they’re a bit brown but some people just don’t want to eat brown guacamole which is also fine. The citric acid in citrus fruits keeps it fresh, delaying the process of browning but only for around a day or so. Like I said, avocados brown very very quickly and there’s only so much we can do to delay it.” He explained cheerily, knowing he must’ve seemed like a huge dork. He just couldn’t help it, he loved teaching others how to cook.

Dirk nodded and took the butter knife, beginning to slice the other half of the avocado into little squares, his eyebrows still furrowed as he thought about things. John just patted Dirks shoulder and went back to his can of beans, pouring them into a pot he brought from home, turning on the stove that was most likely never used. He could feel Dirks eyes boring into his back, the kid probably wanting to ask another question. 

“You can ask me questions, ya know. I like talking.” He reassured the teen, remembering all the times he had to reassure Dave that it was perfectly fine to question things, to ask about things or make requests. Unlike Dave, Dirk wasted no time blurting out his question.

“Where's the ground beef? I thought we were having soft tacos.” He questioned, his tone sounding accusatory.

“I’m vegan and there’s absolutely no way I’m buying ground beef for a human meal, no way. No cause I think meat is murder or anything, but because ground beef is just waaay too greasy for a growing kid like you and it wouldn’t last very long in your fridge. Besides, it just doesn’t add the right amount of flavor to a good soft taco and, for me, it always sits too heavy in my stomach and makes me feel groggy.” He answered, shaking his head as he mixed some cooked rice into the beans, stirring it all together while he hated for it to heat up.

Dirk nodded, cutting open another avocado. “So we’re just gonna have guacamole, beans and rice…? Seems like a pretty boring meal..” He mumbled, staring down at the green mush like he was disappointed. 

“If you ever say I cook a boring meal ever again, I’m finding your brother and smacking some sense into him for not teaching you manners. We’re having salad, vegan tamales, guacamole, beans and rice, plus some vegan kugel I brought from home.” He nearly snorted when he saw Dirks confused expression, waiting for more questions.

“..... Do you mean kegel?” Dirk asked, shocked and confused.

“No. Kugel is basically casserole, it’s usually some sort of starchy thing like noodles or potatoes made with veggies, stuck together with eggs. It’s a traditional Jewish meal, my dad taught me how to make it a while ago, it’s good and you’re eating it, young man.” He pointed his wooden spoon at him, staring at him from over the rim of his glasses even though that made him extremely blurry. “At least three big bites.”

Dirk tensed under John's stare, nodding quickly, the poor boy probably confused as to why he was being threatened with food. “Okay… What’s starch?”

John threw his hands up in the air in disbelief, completely shocked by Dirk's question. “Oy vey! You’re how old? Sixteen? And you don’t know what starch is?! Goodness, I’m going to go insane... Who is teaching you, huh? You know what, we aren’t dealing with that today, tomorrow I’ll go up to your school and give them a piece of my mind. Don’t even know what starch is, jeez, what kinda idiot is letting you just wander around with no real knowledge in that noggin? Oh bubeleh, no one is teachin’ you right!” He ranted, shaking his head as he started stirring the beans and rice again. “Your school is filling your head with nonsense, nothing of importance!”

Dirk frowned, staring at him while he ranted on about how his school was failing him and how he was going to go up to his school and beat some sense into those teachers. “I…. I still don’t know what starch is…” He said quietly, his shoulders hunched.

John huffed. “You know, starch! Like… Noodles, potatoes, just.. Starch! It’s when..” He paused, trying to remember what starch was. “You know, like…. Um… Damn it, what the fuck is starch?” He set his wooden spoon down and pulled his phone out of his pocket, quickly unlocking it to google what the hell starch was.

“I think it might be like heavy foods…? Or things that last long?” Dirk offered, frowning as he thought about it, moving and mushing up the avocados with a fork once he realized he wasn’t in trouble.

“It's…. A chemical? ‘ Starch or amylum is a polymeric carbohydrate consisting of numerous glucose units joined by gly…. cosidic? Bonds. This- oh yikes that’s a big ol word- is produced by most green plants as energy storage’.. So I guess it’s some sort of chemical? That doesn’t sound very right but whatever, it’s a thing that comes in veggies and noodles.” He waved his hand, turning off his phone before he began to stir the pot again. “Science is weird and way too complicated for me.”

“Dave told me you were a scientist!” Dirk accused, his eyebrows furrowing once again and John couldn’t help but think he was going to get wrinkles by age twenty.

“I am! And I still think science is too complicated for me!” He laughed, his eyes crinkling and blurring his vision. “It’s why I work with amphibians and reptiles, those guys are simple and easy to take care of. No complicated mumbo jumbo with those slimy fellas!”

Dirk rolled his eyes. Well, John assumed he was rolling his eyes, he couldn’t see his eyes behind the pointy anime shades. “There're so many complicated things with amphibians and reptiles, they’re complicated beings…. I assume. My friend owns a snake so, um, I assume they’re hard to take care of..”

John shrugged, tasting the mixture of beans and rice before he spoke again. “Not for me but I don’t own any snakes. I own a blue tongued skink! You remember Casey, right? My lil girl?”

“Oh. I thought she died.”

“Th- No! She’s lived a long and happy life, I’ve had her since I was thirteen! I raised her from an egg and she’s been loving life with me ever since! Well, to be fair, you were only… Hmm… Ten or so when you first met her so it makes sense you kind of forgot. But when Dave gets home, remind me, and I’ll bring you over so you can play around with her for a bit. It’s good for kids like you to get some exposure to multiple animals in your life.”

“What do you mean kids like me?” Dirk asked, suddenly much more defensive than he was before.

“Relax. I mean, kids with anxiety. If they don’t get exposed to animals often in a professional, safe environment, they can develop irrational and unhealthy phobias. It’s also good for kids to learn about different animals, specifically how to care for them. I knew this guy once who always got whatever pet he wanted. Tarantula, bearded dragon, anything and he would never research anything about them, just how to get one for cheap. Yeah, he had a mass pet graveyard with around eight cats and a ton of other things. I went over to his place one time and his cat was wheezing and throwing up on the floor because his mom was always diffusing essential oils she made herself. He also got pissed at me for telling him how to properly take care of his animals and to get his current animals to a vet. Apparently, his parents didn’t believe in vets and I still feel sad for any current pets he has.” He rambled, shuddering as he remembered the tiny enclosure he saw that held one obese bearded dragon with an obvious infection in the eye and mouth area. It made his heart ache so much when he first saw it that he cried the second his dad picked him up and he thought about it for weeks afterward.

Dirk slowly nodded and went back to his work, a little bit tense. “Sorry for snapping, I just get defensive…” He mumbled, dripping some lemon juice into the greenish mush.

“Don’t apologize. You were standing up for yourself and I’m proud of you for that.” John smiled at the teenager but his smile quickly dropped when Dirk started sniffling. “Uh oh. You oka-?” He cut himself off when Dirk held his arms out to him, silently requesting a hug. “Oh, bubeleh..” He sighed, quickly going over and hugging the poor boy. It wasn’t long before Dirk was crying silently in his arms, his tiny shoulders shaking as he sobbed. The boy felt like skin and bones in John's arms and it made his heart hurt, a desire to take care of him filling his chest.

“I-It’s just…” Dirk sniffled, his voice high and wet sounding. “And then Jane… and she told you everything….. And Dave still… and there was a big hole…. And it’s just so scary!” Dirk cried brokenly, unable to properly finish his sentences from how overwhelmed he probably was.

“I know, I know, you can just let it all out. You’re a very brave boy for dealing with all of this, you know that? You’re so brave and big and strong, taking care of yourself even when no one’s around. I’m so proud of you-” Dirk sobbed loudly, “for being so brave through all of this and being so nice to me even when you didn’t want to. You’re okay, you’re safe here.” He reassured the sobbing teenager, smiling sympathetically when Dirk hiccuped. 

Dirk cried in his arms for what felt like an hour until he finally started really calming down, pulling away to wipe his tears and snot away with his hoodie sleeve. The poor boy's eyes were red as well as his face, he was warm and probably dehydrated and he looked exhausted but it was obvious he needed that good cry. “I’m dizzy..” Dirk mumbled, his voice still high pitched and nasally sounding.

“Yeah, that’s because you’re dehydrated because you only ever drink energy drinks and sodas.” John lightly teased him while he got a plastic cup from the cupboards, going to the sink to fill it up. “Go get a nice blanket and sit on the couch. I’ll finish up dinner, you pick out a nice movie and I want you drinking at least three good cups of water by the time you go to bed, alright little mister?” He handed the cool water over to Dirk, smiling when all he received was a simple nod and a thank you. He watched Dirk shuffle to his room, a sort of dazed and sleepy look on his face that reminded him of the times he debated him about stupid shit until he was half asleep on his feet and couldn’t fight when John just picked him up and carried him to bed. Shockingly, that technique always worked on Dave too, unless he got him too interested in something.

Dad would be proud of him. He’d be so proud to see him taking care of Dirk and teaching him all that was right, being a kind and loving adult figure in his life even when he felt like throwing a huge hissy fit. He wanted to stomp his feet and scream and cry in rage, in frustration but seeing Dirk so desperate for a proper adult figure made him keep himself in check. He could throw his tantrum later, he needed to be an adult right now. It wasn’t fair but life was hardly ever fair when the Striders were involved. It seemed like bad luck followed the two around, just latching on and sinking into their skin like cigarette smoke, sticking to everything and never leaving even years later.

If Dad saw him now, he’d probably cry and give him a big long speech about how much of a proper man he was growing into and just the thought made a few tears threaten to escape his eyes but instead of giving himself a good cry, he blinked a couple of times and went back to cooking, listening to Dirk shuffle around in his room, searching for a good blanket which reminded him, he needed to get that kid to Target and buy him a couple of nice, soft blankets. Not outrageously expensive and fancy, just something nice for the days he didn’t feel like getting out of bed which John was learning was more often than not. 

Dad would be proud.

  
  


There was a loud thump, followed by a yelp which was followed by silence until Dirk finally called out. “Joooohn, I slipped on my skateboard again! I think I cut myself on my katana!.... Again….”

He was going to murder Dave for buying that child such a death trap and a fucking sword. Who the fuck even buys their baby brother a fucking sword? Idiots. Idiots, that's who.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not 100% happy with this one but hey, at least we got to see some John and Dirk bonding! man, that poor kid :(


	16. Dinosaurs are pretty cool, huh?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave get a turn with the POV, has a flashback, then a crisis, then another crisis. He's fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW; child abuse and child neglect, death threats, suicidal thoughts, vaping

_ Dave was a good kid and he was very smart for his age. At least, that’s what Dad said to him. He was starting to think Dad wasn’t very smart himself because as he stared at the bundle of blankets intensely, he found himself confused as to why the tiny doll was still there, where it was made and what its name was. Maybe Bro’s new friend made it? She did seem like she liked baby dolls, she talked about them a lot. He kinda wondered how she managed to leave such a cool looking doll here, she seemed pretty responsible but she was super upset the last time you saw her. She was crying a lot and even gave him a kiss on his head before telling him to take extra good care of her doll and to make sure Bro didn’t hurt him. _

_ So, here he was. Making sure Bro didn’t hurt the nice lady’s baby doll. This doll was kinda weird, all it did was sleep all day and the lady didn’t even tell him its name! That didn’t seem right, all toys deserved names. That’s how they knew you loved them. The lady might have forgotten that, she did seem pretty upset… _

_ He should give him a name for her. Maybe that’ll make her happy when she comes back! He started pondering, thinking long and hard what kind of person the doll looked like. He’s heard Bro call people a lot of names, maybe he could pick one of those? Hm… _

_ “You look like a Dirk. Bro’s called people that name a lot of times, I think it’s common.” He whispered to the doll and nearly jumped in the air when the doll started making noises. Was it one of those expensive dolls? The ones that opened their eyes and stuff? Before he could really figure things out, the doll started making a funny face and squirming around which was extra weird. He didn’t know dolls could move around! _

_ “Are you a special doll? Are you filled with ghosts? If you have ghosts, you have to tell me because it’s not very nice to just not tell me.” He whispered to the doll, jumping back when it started crying. Dolls could cry? Uh oh.. Bro was gonna be so upset, he hated it when people woke him up. He quickly tried shushing the doll, sticking his skinny arm through the bars of the crib to calm it down, not wanting to disturb Bro. _

_ “Shhh! You’re gonna get me in trouble!” He whispered, glancing towards the door as he tried to desperately comfort the doll. What did dolls need? Well, it looked like a baby doll so maybe it needed baby things..? What did babies need? Babies needed mommies but he didn’t have a mommy, what were you gonna do?! He started frantically walking around the crib, trying to think of someone who could help. John's dad seemed like a really good dad but he was super far away and he had a feeling he just shouldn’t tell him about the baby doll. He did have a neighbor nearby that was super nice to him a lot, maybe she knew how to take care of a baby. Maybe the pretty receptionist downstairs? He gave him free snacks sometimes, maybe he knew how to take care of a baby.. Before he could decide where to take the baby doll, the door opened. _

_ “Crap.” Dave whispered before he quickly stood up straight, looking up at his Bro, waiting for his punishment. “I’m sorry, I tried to get him to quiet down-” _

_ “Shut up.” Bro grumbled, walking over to the crib and Dave felt like he was frozen in place, unable to stop Bro from getting any closer. He gently picked up the baby doll and took it away, telling it to shut the fuck up. Being in Bro’s arms seemed to make Dirk even more upset, the doll now screaming and crying, it’s little arms trapped under it’s bundle of blankets. _

_ Dave followed closely, feeling anxiety and stress rise in his chest while he tried his best to make sure the baby doll was okay. He pinkie promised he’d keep it safe, he couldn’t break that promise! Bro laid the baby down on the counter and started unwrapping it from it’s bundle, complaining about having to change another diaper, complaining about the nice lady that left Dirk here, saying some really, really bad things about her. Saying she was unclean, emotional, didn’t know her place and he was pretty sure Bro was saying a lot of words he shouldn’t be saying. Dave wanted to defend her, tell Bro that she was very nice and very pretty but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Besides, what if Bro punished Dirk instead of him? He wouldn’t be able to handle that! Instead, he tried to think about all the nice things about her. How nice she smelled, how she taught him things, how pretty she was, how her hair kinda looked like a mushroom… She laughed when he told her that and she had a very pretty laugh. Really nice teeth too! She had a gap in between her two front teeth that looked super cool and she could spit water out reallyyyy far with it. Like a water gun! _

_ He missed her. She was cool and nice. He didn’t know why she left her doll behind or why she left at all but he didn’t question it. Maybe she was in the same situation his mama was in. Maybe she just couldn’t keep her baby doll anymore. _

_ “David, shut the fuck up, or I swear to God I will beat your ass black and blue.” Bro threatened, scowling down at Dirk. “Little fucker! You didn’t even fucking shit your pants, why the fuck are you crying?”  _

_ Dave wanted to run out of the bathroom and cry in his closet but he forced his little body to stay put, glaring up at Bro. “He can’t help it! He’s just a doll, he’s doing what he’s supposed to do.” _

_ Bro looked at him, confused before glaring right back and hitting the back of his head. “How fuckin’ stupid can you get, boy? This is a fuckin’ baby, not a doll. Go get the formula from the fridge, I’m gonna teach you how to feed this fucker so I don’t have to. ‘Bout time you started pulling your weight around here.” Bro reminded him of the street dogs sometimes. His teeth always showing, his nose always wrinkled up.. He didn’t like Bro but he liked the street dogs. They taught him that biting made people go away. _

_ He quickly left the bathroom, going to the kitchen to find something that looked like formula. Was formula the baby bottle he’d seen Bro carrying around sometimes? He searched for that, finding it next to the sink but it was empty. Crap. Bro did say the fridge, maybe the formula was in there? What did formula even look like? _

_ He opened the fridge, moving out of the way of the sharp sword that fell out and grabbed something that looked like milk. Babies liked milk, maybe this was the formula? What even was formula? He decided not to question it any longer, scared of making Bro mad so he quickly closed the fridge door and made his way back to the bathroom, his entire body tensing up when he saw Bro’s hand over the babies mouth. _

_ He almost started crying as he handed over the bottle and the thing that looked like milk, sighing with relief when Bro took his hand away from Dirks mouth and opened the baby bottle. Instead of paying attention to Bro, he paid attention to the baby, cooing and wiggling his fingers in front of him. That seemed to calm him down a bit, making Dave smile. _

_ “Dave, stop fucking around. Look. You put the formula in the bottle, see?” Bro asked him condescending, shaking the now full bottle in front of his face. “Then, you lift up the bastard's head and shove the nipple in it’s mouth.” Bro explained, using his big hands to hold up Dirk's head then shoved the end of the bottle into his mouth, forcing Dirk to drink. _

_ “Aren’t you supposed to be gentle…?” He questioned quietly, concerned for the baby. _

_ “Nah, this kid has Strider genes, you can be as mean as you want and he’ll be fuckin’ fine. Now, fucking pay attention. Once the fucker is full, you pat it on it’s back until it burps, okay? It might throw up a bit but that’s fuckin’ fine. Then, you wait a little while and that’s when it shits its pants and you gotta change it’s diaper. You can do that shit by yourself.” Bro explained while Dirk greedily drank from the bottle, his pretty eyes looking around the room curiously. _

_ Dave felt the urge, the need to protect him. He was just a little baby, a soft and squishy little baby, he didn’t deserve to be raised by Bro. Bro was a bad guy. He reached out and gently took the bottle from Bro, supporting Dirk's head with his much smaller hand and smiled when Dirk looked right at him with those big, pretty eyes. _

_ “Ugh, fucking finally. I’m taking a nap and if I hear that little fucker cry again, I’m drowning him.” Bro complained, leaving the bathroom to go take a nap on the futon again. He was weird.  _

_ But, Dave ignored him and gently got Dirk off of the counter, holding him in his arms while he bottle fed him, sitting down on the edge of the bathtub. He was glad Dirk’s crib was in his room, otherwise Bro might hurt him and it’d be harder to protect the little guy who, apparently, was very very hungry. The little guy was chugging as much milk as he could, looking up at Dave with a curious and pleased look. He felt his heart ache when he slowly began to realize he would have to skip a couple more meals now if he wanted to keep Dirk at the really chubby state he was at. _

_ Dirk was super chubby. His cheeks were round, his fingers looked like tiny, lumpy hot dogs, his little feet were super soft and squishy. All of him was soft and squishy, it kind of amazed him. Why was he so soft? Why didn’t he really look like him? While Dave’s skin was white and pink, Dirks was brown and what little hair he had was black and really curly while Dave’s was white and… fluffy. He thought his hair looked like a fluffy dog tail while Dirks was like a natural pillow. Lucky. _

_ They did share some things though. Their eyes, their nose, their overwhelming coolness. They were definitely brothers and the idea of having a new brother made Dave’s heart swell with happiness and joy that he could only express by wiggling his hands and jumping around but he didn’t because he was a responsible kid and he didn’t want to hurt the little, squishy baby in his arms. _

_ “You’re pretty cool. I’m glad your mama trusted me with you.” He whispered, barely able to even hear himself as he spoke, terrified of waking up Bro but he needed to make sure Dirk knew how hella cool he was. “We’re gonna be best friends and we’re gonna be the best brothers ever and one day, when I’m super old, like sixteen, I’ll run away and take you with me and we’ll live somewhere super duper cool. I’ll buy you, like, so many awesome things and I’ll be super rich and we’ll forget all about this dumb place.” He rambled to his new little brother, smiling when he got a quiet, little grunt in response. _

_ Half the bottle was gone at that point and Dirk started pushing it away with his pudgy hands, not wanting any more. What did Bro say to do next? Pat his back? He wasn’t sure if that was something he should actually do or if Bro just assumed hitting worked… So, he set the bottle on the counter and took Dirk to his room which was now their room, he guessed and walked around the small bedroom, holding Dirk up and started patting his back lightly while bouncing a bit, his instincts telling him to. Dirk cooed and made cute baby noises while Dave moved around, grabbing at Daves shades and trying to play with him despite Dave's protest. Yeah, they were definitely gonna be good brothers. _

Dave stared up at the gross motel ceiling as he reminisced about his past, remembering all the nights he spent in gross motels just to get Dirk away from that monster. The nights Dirk spent curled up against his side, shaking from the cold or sweating from the heat, holding his hand so tightly, the tear stains on his shirt the next morning. He was so determined, so protective. He remembered the first time Dirk stole something. A small packet of sunscreen, just for him because he ran out. He remembered crying with Dirk in his arms, the little guy clinging to him so tightly.

He was thankful Karkat was taking so long, otherwise he’d have to cry in the shitty bathroom and he really hated it in there. It smelled like weed and alcohol and he was pretty sure someone woke up in the tub covered in ice more than once. The fact Karkat was gone filled him with anxiety but he needed the alone time, constantly being around Karkat was driving him crazy in more ways than one. He was starting to come to terms with the fact that he may have an itty bitty teeny weeny little tiny miniscule minute microscopic nanoscopic teensy weensy miniature, little puny baby sized… attraction towards his coworker and that was possibly making him a bit flirty. It was barely even noticeable! It’s not like he was thinking about him 24/7, dreaming about him, day dreaming about holding his hand and kissing him, thinking about saving him from horrible monsters like some superhero and getting a thank you kiss, thinking about what would happen if he just… Sat in Karkats lap and kissed him or cuddled him or, like, what if they just.. Appeared in the IKEA again and they got to cuddle in the same bed again in that pretty, warm lighting. 

He also really didn’t fucking want to let Karkat go through that shit again but he just let himself imagine a much more wholesome outcome of them just appearing in IKEA. They could buy some crazy ass furniture together, they could leave funny notes for the human staff, they could have bought so many stuffed animals for Dirk… Fuck, he sounded like a fucking lesbian, imagining his entire life with Karkat, this was so fucking stupid. It was just trauma, he wasn’t actually attracted to him, he just found comfort in him and all those traumatic events just brought them closer together, giving him the illusion that he was in love or something.

Besides, he had a kid at home, he couldn’t afford to have a boyfriend or something and if they did end up dating, that would bring so many new anxieties and it would make their job twenty times more stressful. He just couldn’t risk getting too attached to Karkat, this was all just… Temporary. Karkat was a temporary person in his life. They’d get back home, Karkat would quit and he’d forget… Everything they went through together. Everything. Karkat wouldn’t even remember he existed, he’d forget all about his existence and despite how much that hurt, it was for the best. It was just better for everyone if he didn’t get attached to anyone new otherwise they’d just get hurt or they’d hurt him or Dirk and he just couldn’t risk any of that.

…… But that didn’t mean he had to stop thinking about Karkat. He could spend his free time coming up with these mushy, fluffy scenarios and Karkat would be none the wiser! It’d be absolutely fine, Karkat wouldn’t know what kind of advantage he had over him, even Dirk wouldn’t have to know! It could just be some temporary little bit of entertainment to pass the time!

Fuck, he was screwed. He had a big, massive great mammoth enormous, titanic, gargantuan oversized overgrown stupendous, king sized, monstrous crush on his fucking co worker. God, he was so totally screwed. He couldn’t fucking help it! Karkat was fucking awesome and so fucking cute and he stood up for himself and he was so strong and smart, he was just… Amazing. Yeah, he was being a pain in his ass lately but that was expected, they just spent fucking forever together, getting chased by unimaginably terrifying monster, of course they were going to get a bit pissy with each other! Shit, he needed to just… He needed to get away from these emotions. It felt suffocating, it felt like he was drowning in stupid rose colored glasses but the glasses are shades and heart shaped because he was cool as fuck and fashionable.

He got out of the shitty, disgusting little motel bed and grabbed his vape from the little nightstand. He just needed a couple of hits and these emotions would just… Go away for a little bit. His skin felt itchy with anticipation, his body waiting anxiously for it’s dose of nicotine, his mind practically Pavloved into getting excited every time he picked up his stupid fucking vape. He walked out of the motel room, having the decency to smoke away from their sleeping area and looked around the parking lot for the shitty red truck they were driving. Still not there.

The feeling of Karkats absence was starting to drive him crazy, making him worry about his co-worker, making him want to grab a cab and search the entire little town for him. Instead, he found a bench and sat down, staring out into the parking lot while he took a nice, slow hit from his vape, the crackle making his scalp tingly with happy feelings. He let the smoke fill his lungs as his eyes scanned the parking lot, subconsciously looking for threats or anything cryptic. He felt like shit for letting Karkat get into this life, letting him fucking apply there and even get fucking hired. He should have stopped him, told him to run away and never come back because otherwise he’d spend his life looking over his shoulder constantly, constantly feeling anxious and paranoid. His heart ached as he thought of Karkat going home over his first shift, the image of Karkat crying from the trauma burning in his brain. He wanted to beat himself up for ever letting him step foot inside the fucking store but some, small and selfish part of his mind screamed and cried at the thought of never meeting Karkat, it wanted to grab Karkat and never let him leave his side, he wanted to take him away from all of this stupid fucking supernatural crap and live a peaceful, wholesome life with him. He wanted to go on stupid, cheesy dates and he wanted to worry about Karkat meeting his little brother, not worry about whether or not Karkat was going to be dead next time he saw him. He just wanted to worry about normal, stupid things and not the next trauma he was going to experience.

He felt tears start streaming down his cheeks while the sky darkened, rumbling with thunder. He hated having to constantly feel things, constantly feel like absolute shit, constantly feel like he was a piece of shit for everything he’s ever done. He just wanted to be numb for a few hours, just to give himself a break, hell, he’d fucking settle for ten minutes! He just wanted to relax for once. He wanted to get home and forget about everything that happened, he wanted to sit on the couch and watch cartoons with his baby brother and listen to his stupid teen drama, he wanted to hug his best friends and feel like a family again. 

He slowly blew smoke out his mouth while rain slowly started to fall down from the sky, hitting the metal roof above him in a calming rhythmic manner. He knew he must look pretty pathetic, crying on a bench while vaping but honestly, he couldn’t find himself to give a shit at this point. He was tired and done with this shit, he just needed a break and if that break involved crying on a bench in the rain while vaping then so be it. He could feel himself start to spiral down into self deprecating, suicidal thoughts so he did what he always did when that happened. Repress the absolute shit out of it and think of happy things.

Think of Dirk. Dirk would be fucking devestated if he just disappeared. Yeah, he would probably go to a family that could get him anything he wanted and they wouldn’t have to starve themselves just get him a hot meal but Dirk would be upset, depressed and pissed for such a long time. It wouldn’t be temporary, it wouldn’t last, like, a year, it would last for a fucking life time. The kid never forgave people for abandoning him, he was still pretty sure that he held a grudge against that one kid that lived below them for a while that ratted him out for stealing food. To be fair, that kid was a little shit but it was years ago and he just knew Dirk has not forgiven the little shit. Kid was like a vengeful anime character, never forgave or forgot until there was a big, cool, emotional episode with like, the love of his life or something or maybe a ghost from his past that told him to fucking forgive people like Jesus Christ it was becoming a problem.

What was he on about? Eh, probably not important. He let his mind wonder, thinking about what kind of Magical Girl him and Dirk would be while his red truck pulled into the parking lot, showing a tired and angry looking Karkat in the front seat, the sight making him silently tell his heart to shut the fuck up because if it kept speeding up every time Karkat showed up then they were gonna have some fucking problems.

He wiped away his tears before Karkat could notice and stood up, taking another hit from his vape while he watched Karkat pull into a parking spot, his mouth moving like he was ranting to no one which he probably was. He did that a lot and fuck was it adorable. Just seeing him get all upset and angry looking over stupid things made his heart ache and his cheeks heat up and oh he should probably help Karkat get the food inside. He shoved his vape into his pocket, forcing the nasty smoke out of his lungs and grabbed the collar of his shirt, lifting it up and over his head as a stupid, makeshift umbrella. He quickly made his way over to the truck, grinning dumbly at Karkat who was staring at him like he was the stupidest person in the entire world and he loved it. He loved that look. He waved happily at him, flinching when there was a big clap of thunder followed up by sheets of rain hitting his head nice and hard. He should probably get inside, his shirt starting to get completely soaked.

Karkat grabbed the plastic bags in the passenger seat and opened the door, quickly getting out, the keys jingling in his hand. “Dave, what the FUCK are you doing out here?!” Karkat demanded, his voice loud and clear even though it was raining ass and balls.

“Hi!” He replied cheerfully, unable to stop the stupid greeting from leaving his dumb mouth. He even laughed when Karkat grabbed his arm and practically dragged him inside, god, how fucking stupid could he look? If Karkat did like him back, there was no way it would last long because holy shit, he was so fucking uncool right now. Karkat slammed the door shut behind them and Dave felt the atmosphere get ten times more intimate. The wall of rain surrounding them, hitting the cheap roof combined with the lack of working light bulbs provided an intimate atmosphere that made Dave’s face heat up and his heart move up into his throat. Fuck.

“You look fucking stupid.” And there went the romance of it all. Always trust Karkat to remind him how much of an idiot he was.

“Thank you, I work really hard to maintain my idiotic and ironic appearance. So, what’d you manage to nab? Pop tarts? I’ve been craving the fuck out of poptarts although I also really hope you got some fuckin’ uhhh veggies because my mouth has been randomly bleeding throughout the day and it’s kinda making me concerned that I have scurvy. By the way, what’s scurvy?” He rambled off nervously, taking off his now soaking wet shirt before he started making the room humid. Unfortunately, the room was cold as balls and it made his entire upper half become covered in goosebumps while his nipples looked like they could cut glass. Nice.

“Uhhh…” Karkat cleared his throat, tossing the plastic bags on their bed. Dude probably got lost in his thoughts again. “I got poptarts, some apples, I managed to find you some apple juice too.” He explained, tapping the table while he looked out the window, scanning the parking lot.

“You… okay? Did something follow you?” He asked, feeling a growingly familiar protective feeling envelop him while he came up behind Karkat, looking out the window for anything that could have followed him or hurt him or even threatened him. He wasn’t 100% sure why he always felt so protective of him, normal crushes never really made him feel like that but he brushed the feeling off, focusing on looking for threats.

Karkat tensed next to him, quickly scooching away. “Nah, just wanted to watch the uh, rain. There was this creepy as hell old lady at the store but I think she was just super racist.” He shrugged, his eyes very clearly avoiding him. Weird but not super unusual.

“Haha, yeah, old ladies are creepy as fuck…” Wow, he hated awkward pauses. Like, really hated them. Going on this surprise adventure with Karkat was making him realize this fact over and over again and he was just not bada da da lovin' it, quite frankly. He should probably say something, anything to keep the awkwardness from suffocating them both fuck, think for once in your life Dave, just blurt something out, anything, just fucking say something so Karkat doesn't think you're weird- “Did you know that sharks are technically dinosaurs?” He blurted out, mentally cringing. Way to go dude.

Karkat frowned, now looking right at him. “I- Wha- You know, I should be used to you spewing out bullshit at random ass times but I’m fucking not. How the ever loving fuck are sharks technically dinosaurs? That makes no fucking sense.”

“It’s true! Sharks were around with the dinosaurs, so were crocodiles! You know, they once found a shark that was like, hundreds of years old. Also, the ocean is so big and vast that scientists say we’ve only explored one percent of it, that’s pretty cool. Uh. So. Umm… What’s your favorite dinosaur? I like plesiosaur and microraptor and uh,  mauisaurus. They’re pretty cool, uh, cool dinos…”

Karkat stared at him, looking completely baffled and a bit angry about it. “I… are you… Are you okay? Did something happen while I was gone? Why the fuck are you asking me shit like I’m a fucking preschooler, what the fuck dude.”

Dave frowned, sitting down on their shared bed, letting his hands wander and pick at the shitty covers. “I’m fine, just, like, really like dinosaurs dude…” He mumbled, crossing his legs. God, why did he even bring up dinosaurs? Karkat probably thought he was so weird and crazy or stupid or all of the above and he never going to go on a date with him and he was going to die alone at the hands of some stupid, cryptic mon-

“Trilobite.”

Dave looked up at him, confused for a few seconds. “HWhuat?” He questioned, feeling his cheeks heat up from the stupid way he sounded. 

“You asked what my favorite dinosaur is, it's a trilobite. They’re freaky as fuck and I think they’re pretty fuckin’ cool.” Karkat crossed his arms, sitting down in one of the sticky chairs at the sticky table. 

Dave grinned, feeling his anxiety start slowly melting away. “Really? I would’ve pegged you as a spinosaurus kid.”

“Woah, hey, hold the fuck up here! What fucking makes you think I’m a fucking spinosaurus kid? Those kids are emo little shits that just wanna look scary and edgy!” Karkat defended himself, offended by the notion he even looked like a spinosaurus lover.

“Hey, watch your mouth! I am the dinosaur expert here, mister. All I’m saying is that you kinda seem like a spinosaurus kid but now that I think about it, you do look like a trilobite kid. Kind, caring, pretty accepting but will defend their interests until the day they die. Trilobite kids are hard to come by but they’re passionate and awesome as fuck, violently friendly too. Also, spinosaurus kids aren’t all that bad! A lot of them are assholes but some are pretty okay and grow out of that edgy phase.” Dave rambled, letting himself relax and forget about all the shit he went through. He knew he looked like a huge dork but he just couldn’t stop talking, couldn’t put some ironic spin on things to make him seem cool.

“Huh. You think I’m kind?” Karkat asked, smiling a little bit and Dave felt his heart jump into his throat.

“Yeah, when you stop acting like you have a mesquite branch growing in your ass, you’re pretty cool.” He should have seen the next combination of events coming but he was still shocked when Karkat grabbed the throw pillow from the chair and threw it at him, hitting him right in the face. “Ow! Dude, I’m just being hon- Ow!” He started laughing as Karkat started hitting him over and over again with a different pillow, holding his arms up to shield his face. “You ass!”

“You literally just fuckin’- Oh my god Strider, you are going to GET it!” Karkat climbed up on the bed, repeatedly hitting him with the shitty motel pillow, making him laugh. He managed to wrap his arms around Karkats waist for a second and used gravity to his advantage, falling off the side of the bed with Karkat wrapped up tightly in his arms, the two of them laughing and shoving each other.

“You dick!” Karkat shouted, trying to look mad but he had a huge grin on his face, exposing his crooked teeth that Dave found absolutely adorable.

“Oh shut up, you totally saw that coming!” Dave retorted, quickly getting on top of Karkat and going limp just to inconvenience him. He knew Karkat could easily pick him up and throw him like it was nothing but that didn’t stop him from trying to crush the much bigger guy under his much smaller body.

“Ugh. You are such a fucking dick.” Karkat complained, letting his arms flop to the sides, giving up so easily. “I’m gonna fart on you while you sleep and trap you under the blankets with it.”

“Hot. I’d totally get off on that.”

Karkat groaned and pushed him off, rolling his eyes. “Don’t be gross!”

“You literally JUST threatened to trap me with your stinky farts! How am I the gross one?”

“Because I said so, dickwad. Now, pick me up and carry me to bed like I’m a pretty pretty princess. I’m fucking tired as shit.” Karkat held his arms up, expecting Dave to just pick him up like it was nothing.

“Dude, I would if I could. I am nothing but sticks and rubber bands, crafted by a blind toddler on ecstasy. I guarantee you that I will break something if I even try to attempt to pick you up.”

Karkat glared at him, eyeing his chest and stomach, suddenly making him feel self conscious as shit. “Then what’s all that muscle for if not to carry me to bed?! I’ve seen you fight off things ten times bigger than I am, you can carry me a foot off the ground.”

“Dude, this muscle is all for show and I’m usually ten times faster than the things ten times bigger than you are and, like, two times smarter. Size doesn’t matter, Karkat.”

“Wooooow, okay, you did not just say that to me right now. The guy who is constantly joking about how big _my_ _dick,_ not his dick, _my dick,_ must be just fucking said that size doesn’t matter. Am I dreaming? Did I fucking finally die the second my head hit the floor? Did I die in a fucking car accident and just didn’t notice? I am dead and this is hell. Fuck you.” Karkat crossed his arms, shaking his head disapprovingly.

“Please do.”

“What?”

“Uh. Nothing. What I’m saying is, this muscle is the result of years of running away from big scary monsters and lack of nutrients. I am not built for carrying Karkats.” He put a hand on his chest, trying to look snooty and dramatic.

“How much do you weigh anyways? I could probably fit my hands around your waist. Here, c’mere.” Karkat got up, holding his hand out for Dave to take which he did and nearly got launched into the air from how hard Karkat yanked him up.

“Woah, careful there! I am a delicate-” He got cut off by Karkat squatting in front of him, wrapping his arms around his waist and just lifting him up like he weighed nothing.

“Holy shit, you’re so light! Jesus, how do you just not blow away in the wind? Seriously, one big breeze and you’re out of here.” Karkat joked, spinning around a little bit, walking around their bed while Dave’s heart pounded in his chest, threatening to break something. Well. Apparently, he very much liked it when short guys picked him up. Good to know. Time to carefully gather up that information, put it in a box and store it someplace dark so it could never see the light of day ever again and just never ever think about Karkat picking him up and slamming him against a wall or manhandling him like he was a fucking rag doll. Just. Yeah. Never ever think about those things ever again.

“Dave?” Karkat questioned him in a concerned voice, lightly squeezing him like that would help bring him back to reality.

“Hm. It’s kinda weird how I’m shorter now even though you picked me up. It’s almost like you’re a fuckin’ oompa-” He got the words knocked out of his mouth when Karkat threw him onto the bed. Well, he didn’t actually throw him, he just kinda slammed him down. Much like in Dave’s daydreams. Well. Good to know, good to know.

“That’s what you get, asshole. Don’t call me short or else next time, I’m taking your kidneys.” Dave couldn’t even come up with a proper retort, his mind and heart racing like they were both hopped up on coke and caffeine and MDA all at the same time. Luckily, Karkat didn’t question his sudden silence and went on to turn on the T.V., switching through the channels while Dave had a crisis. This was fine. He was just going to pack all of these feelings up in a tiny little box and throw them into a big fucking safe, lock the safe then bury that safe under ground then surround that ground with a huge wall and military force like it was fucking area 51 then be done with it. Wash his hands of the mess and just forget about this entire situation.

But he couldn't help but feel the phantom feeling of Karkats eyes roaming across his body, taking in every little detail and scar, making his skin tingle with the want to be touched despite the fact that he just covered up his secrets like the government covered up the Kennedy assassination. Did they cover that up? Fuck, he didn't know. Maybe he should look up a couple of conspiracy videos before bed just to make sure he was right. Yeah, that was a good and sane decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think my favorite dinosaur in the plesiosaurus. they're p cool.


	17. Therapy is usually covered by insurance.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John takes care of Dirk and spoils him a lot.

John sat on the couch, staring at Dirk who was pacing around, a deep frown on his face and he couldn’t help but think he was going to get wrinkles by the time he was twenty. The kid really frowned a lot, it was impressive and concerning. He could already hear Dad fussing over the kid, probably telling him to get a drink of water and just relax for the rest of the day.

“Wait, so,” He held up his hand, confused as all hell. “You have… Rules? Dave Strider, my best friend, has… house rules?” He questioned, trying to make sure they were talking about the same person. The same person he’s seen jump fences, spray paint dicks on abandoned building and tell a cop to go fuck himself… Also had house rules. That he followed.

“Yes! Are you always this slow? We have rules and regulations that keep us from dying! It keeps us safe! Oh my God, the second Dave gets home I’m telling him that he should just cut off all contact with you because you are just the slowest person in the entire world AND the most dangerous person! Because you fuckin- You should be thanking me right now. I saved your life!” Dirk rambled, waving his hands around. He was so dramatic.

“You… I was just trying to get into Dave’s room? What, does he have some boogeyman in there? Is it chock full of pranks? Wh- What you’re saying makes no sense, Dirk. It’s a room. A room can’t kill me.” He tried reasoning, leaning in a way he’s seen Dad do a lot. Maybe it was a power pose..?

“You don’t understand! I- Listen, I don’t question the rules, I just follow them. Dave knows what he’s doing, he deals with this crap, like, every day! If he says not to do something, just don’t do it! It’s that simple!”

John slowly nodded, trying to calm the warning sirens going off in his head. “Okay… Why don’t you tell me some of these rules? So I don’t get hurt.” He tried reasoning, watching Dirk continue pacing, messing up his curly organized hair by running his hands through it.

“I…. I guess I should…. Cause you’re like family…” Dirk mumbled, his thick eyebrows furrowing together above his stupid anime shades. “Uhh… Okay. First rule, no shoes in the house. They’re messy. Second rule.. Count every door you see in the morning and at night. If there’s an extra door, don’t go through it no matter what sounds you hear on the other side.”

Okay, jumping right into the deep end.

“Third rule, if you hear sounds in the night, hide in your closet or under the bed because they can’t see you there. Four, don’t leave your room between the times of four and seven am no matter what. Five, never ever go into Dave’s room if he doesn’t invite you in there. Six, be polite to the people you see in the hallways but don’t let them feel welcomed. You have to flash the lights in the bathroom ten times every time you go in there between the hours of eight and ten am to make them disoriented. Always feed the crows at one pm and no later or else. No sleepovers on Sundays, Thursdays or Fridays less you never want to see them again. Umm… Fuck.”

Dirk pulled out his phone, messing around with it for a few seconds before he continued much to John's dismay.

“Don’t go into Dave’s room if the door is closed, no matter what he says or who seems to be on the other side of the door. If you hear someone trying to get through the front door, politely ask them to leave and if they continue trying to get in, make sure the door is locked then hide in the closet. Flowers aren’t allowed inside unless you grew them yourself. When you go into the kitchen for a snack, you have to repeatedly cross the crack between the tile and the carpet until you feel like that's enough or else your snack will be spoiled and give you severe food poisoning. You have to lock your bedroom door at night and ensure it’s locked exactly sixteen times or else they’ll come in and harm you. Never ever use regular salt, always use Himalayan salt and whenever you clean the carpet, you have to put Himalayan salt all over it before vacuuming. Take care of your stuffed animals, they protect us more than you will ever know. Never ever ever open any window when you’re in the house alone but you MUST open a window if you turn on the fans. If you suddenly have a strong attraction to one specific subject then its for a reason and you have to figure out everything you can about that subject so you can defend yourself against the monsters-”

“Stop!” John finally interrupted, standing up. “What is this crap? Are you just pranking me? Because quite frankly, I’m not enjoying it!” He crossed his arms, glaring at the small child in front of him.

Dirk frowned and turned off his phone, crossing his arms as well. “I’m not lying! That’s what Dave tells me! Those are the rules, we have to follow them or else!”

“Or else what, Dirk?” He sighed, watching Dirk sputter and stumble over explanations. “Dirk, you shouldn’t have to deal with all of this… But, someone needs to tell you. Dirk, Dave went through a lot in his life. So much that it traumatized him because your dad was not a good man. He would hurt both of you all the time and I know neither of you enjoy talking about it but I fear we have to now. Dave… Dirk, Dave doesn't always make the most logical decisions and these rules… They soun-”

“No, you- you don’t understand, Uncle John! These protect us! Really, I-I…. It’s true, you just have to believe me!” Dirk asked desperately, his face scrunched up in the same expression Dave made when he was frustrated with someone. “He’s not crazy, this stuff is real!”

John slowly nodded and sighed. What would Dad do? Well, Dad would have taken Dirk and Dave from their father a looong time ago and prevented all of this from happening but he clearly wasn’t as smart as his Dad at the moment. Well, Dad was always understanding when John was scared of his bed…

“Dirk. I don’t believe you but I’ll follow your rules if that makes you comfortable and happy. It’ll take me a little while to get used to it but have some patience, I wasn’t raised like… This.” He smiled, hoping to calm the teen down a little bit and almost jumped right out of his own skin when Dirk started sniffling. 

“I-I’m sorry…” Dirk apologized in a shaky voice, his small shoulders hunching up like he was trying to imitate a turtle retreating back into its shell. Jesus fucking Christ, he was going to murder this child's father.

He opened his arms and smiled when Dirk nearly tackled him into a hug, wrapping his arms around the skinny little guy. He was glad to be a father figure but he shouldn’t have to be Dirks only father figure. He deserved to have a sane, healthy, and accepting dad to be here for him like this and follow these insane rules and even prevent them from being created in the first place! But, the world was not that sweet to the Striders apparently. God, Dirk should be hugging his big brother right now, not his depressed uncle. He needed a stable life, even if it was just for a few days. Maybe he should create a stable life for Dirk, try to bring him as much comfort as he can in the following days.. It would be good, give him a long break before they jumped right back into the craziness of their lives. Yeah, that sounded good.

“Bubeleh, you wanna go to the store with me? Get some ice cream, popcorn and other junk? Anything you want and we’ll have a kinda… Spa week. We can watch all of your favorite movies and I’ll spoil the hell out of you before Dave gets home, huh? You just gotta promise not to tell anyone so they don’t try to spoil our fun.” He suggested, looking down at the mess of curly hair under him. Jesus, it was damaged almost beyond repair and looked.. Drawn, almost. By a white person who didn’t know how to draw natural hair. He was definitely going to have to fix that, no nephew of his was going to run around without proper hair care.

“O-Okay…. Can we go now..? I haven’t been out of the house… In like a week or so.” Dirk sniffled and looked up at him, his anime shades poking his chest a couple of times when he moved his head. 

“Of course! We’re also gonna get a few things for your hair. Listen buddy boo, I love you and I love Dave but I just can’t let any nephew of mine run around with…... “ John paused, trying to find the right words for Dirks hair that wouldn’t make him feel ashamed and also wasn’t racist. “Boy, you have the hair of a white straight guy and I’m sorry but that’s the truth! I cannot allow that, you’re starting to remind me of Jake and boy was that boys hair a MESS! Goodness gracious, I can’t look at that monster any more, it’s physically hurting me. Go get your stuff and we’ll get going, we need to get you some proper hair care products ASAP.” He shook his head, looking at the tight mess. It was fried to hell and back, there were just straight parts hanging around for no reason, the curls weren’t nearly defined enough and it was all just one big.. Mess. He wasn’t an expert in naturally textured hair but he knew damage when he saw it.

He sighed when Dirk raced off to get his things, making his way to the front door. He would have to look up how to take care of Dirks hair, maybe ask Jade… Would that be racist? She was an islander and Dirk was… Not that. But she definitely had thick hair, maybe she would know at least a little bit? He should just call her and ask for tips.

As he grabbed his keys and phone, slipping on his shoes, Dirk just appeared next to him, startling him to hell and back. “Goodness! Motherfucking Christ, fucking devil child, oh my god. How? How do you just do that?”

“Uh. Sorry.” Dirk apologized, frowning once again.

“Don’t be sorry, that is an incredible talent but maybe give me a bit of warning before you just appear again.” He chuckled, patting Dirk's head before he unlocked the door and stepped out. “Okay kiddo, put that phone to good use and write down a list of groceries.”

Dirk nodded, following him closely but jiggled the door handle exactly five times before he started following John down the hall, opening up his phone to start taking down notes.

“Toothpaste, the shit you use is weird and gross. Shampoo, conditioner, face wash, body wash, cleaner, pink salt, potatoes, sunscreen, hair oil, a hair pick, a wide toothed comb, hair trimmers, popcorn, face masks, nail polish..” He glanced at Dirks fingers and cringed. “Nail clippers and an emery board. Oh, some body exfoliant too and lotion.”

“Why do we need all that stuff? I think we look fine, all that stuff is just some fad to make you think you look better.” Dirk shrugged but typed out what John said.

“Uh huh. And who told you that?”

“.... Bro…”

“Your pitiful excuse of a father was and is a cheap whore. He lied like that all the time and you should never trust anything he says, ever. He was and is a bad bad man who wants you to think that washing your ass is gay. He was disgusting, Dirk.” John shuddered, remembering the shit show he saw when he first met their dad. God, that man did not take good care of himself. Dad would have been appalled.

“But… I… Okay..” Dirk mumbled, frowning, staring down at the ground as he walked.

“Don’t stare at the ground, Dirk. Look up in front of you, head up high, chest out. You’re gonna hurt your back if you walk around like that and when you walk with good posture, people take you seriously. Trust me.” He told him, pushing the elevator button. He was glad they finally fixed it. Man, who knew they’d simply fix shit if he just asked politely?

“Why do we need all this stuff though? I don’t need it and this stuff is really expensive..” Dirk mumbled again while he straightened himself out, trying to copy the way John carried himself. 

“It is expensive but you deserve it. You need to learn how to take care of your appearance, it’s very important. Your appearance is how people view you and you really shouldn’t care about what others think, really, but you want to be viewed as someone who takes the extra step to make sure they look nice. It gives you a leg up on people, makes you just a bit more intimidating. Of course, it’s okay to have bad days. I have bad days, everyone has bad days! But you should always try to come back from those back days. Take a week or so off just to take care of yourself, get what you need done.” He explained, stepping into the elevator once it dinged and opened up, pushing the ground floor button.

Dirk slowly nodded, following him closely, still frowning. “So… You wanna look nice so you can be better than people?”

“Glad you understand! Listen Dirky, this is some good advice right here. When people suddenly start accomplishing a whole bunch of shit and bragging about it to you, it means they’re jealous of you and what you accomplish so you know what you do? You get revenge. What's the best kind of revenge?”

“Umm…. Cutting them out of your life..?”

“Absolutely not! What the fuck has Dave been teaching you?” He clicked his tongue, shaking his head. “The best revenge is being better than that person by taking care of yourself and being happy. Do face masks so your skin is glowing brighter than their future, spend a couple minutes on your nails to make them look nice, workout and eat healthy so you can be stronger than them and once you’ve discreetly shoved it in their face that you are happier and healthier than they are, you cut them off from your life but not completely. You still want them to follow you on social media so you can continuously brag about how awesome you’re doing. Honestly, it’s the most satisfying revenge and the best thing to do when you can’t be better than them in time is to pretend like you’re happy for their accomplishments. Don’t give them the satisfaction of thinking you’re affected by what they say, like you’re completely unaware they were even challenging you.”

Dirk stared up at him with wide eyes, following him out of the elevator once the doors opened. “Wow… That’s some freaky sociopathic shit. I like it.” He grinned, his two bottom canines sticking out like an orcs. It was cute and it made him want to coo over him and pinch his chubby little cheeks- Get a hold of yourself Egbert! You don’t want to embarrass him.

“Thank you. As you can probably tell, I’ve spent most of my years being better than everyone at everything and when I can’t be better than them, I pretend like I was never trying to be better than them in the first place. Honestly, it’s a good way to get yourself out of bed in the morning.” He shrugged, taking Dirks hand once they were out of the building. “Okay, hold my hand so I don’t lose you in the crowd.” He advised, keeping close to Dirk.

Dirk nodded and held his hand tightly, having to jog just a tiny bit to keep up with him. Dirk's hand was a bit sticky and sweaty but John didn’t mind too much, Dave’s hands were always suuuper sweaty when they were younger and now but they didn’t hold hands as much as they used to nowadays so he wasn’t very sure how sweaty Dave's hands were. He needed to hold his friends hands more.

  
  


The walk to the parking garage was uneventful and full of him tugging Dirk in random directions to keep him from getting trampled by strangers so there wasn’t really any opportunity to talk. Even through the parking garage, John was having to lightly tug Dirk in the right directions to make sure no cars hit him. He was sure that wouldn’t happen but Dirk was just so small he wasn’t sure if people could see him in front of their big cars.

He unlocked his car and separated from Dirk, going into the driver's seat. His car was neat and clean as usual, smelling like the cookies Dad made him bring over. “Okay kiddo. Feel free to play any type of music you want but keep it low, okay? I gotta focus on driving so we don’t crash.” He buckled up, starting the car while Dirk messed with his air conditioning and radio.

“Wooahhh… You have a fancy car! I mean, bluetooth, seat warmers? Four cup holders?! Are you rich, Uncle John?” Dirk questioned, looking up at him with wide eyes.

He chuckled and shook his head, turning his focus to the car, backing out of their parking space. “No. Upper middle class but definitely not rich. I share a house with a few people and have an outdoor freezer but not extremely rich, I don’t think.”

“Then why do you have a rich person's car?”

“My dad got it for me when I moved out. Now, my dad is very rich and frugal. He can afford so much but he just chooses not to.” He explained, smiling when he saw Dirks amazed look in the corner of his eye. “Goodness, remind me to never take you over to his house. He would spoil the daylights out of you and have you leave with about fifty pounds worth of hot meals in your tiny tum!” 

“Gotcha, pressure you into letting me visit Granpapa Egbert.” Dirk nodded, hooking his phone up to the speakers. John felt his heart squeeze when Dirk said ‘Granpapa Egbert’ and he already knew Dad would have died to hear that, it was just so precious.

“Bubaleh, you could get absolutely anything in the world if you tried.” He chuckled, shaking his head while Dirks music filled the speakers. It sounded nice, a piano intro and a lovely feminine singer. She was definitely doing a good job. The lyrics were a bit sad but fuck was it such a good song. He listened to Dirk sing along, his voice cracking in a few places but he had good breath control and he was harmonizing pretty well, he really had some potential.

The drive to the grocery store was sort of uneventful and was mostly full of Dirks weird choices in music. He never knew there was official My Little Pony music that had its own lore and he definitely didn’t know there were so many Five Nights at Freddy's songs. It was nice listening to Dirk talk on and on about his special interests but man, was he such a nerd about it. He was kind of shocked Dirk wasn’t getting bullied in school, this was definitely hardcore bullying material. Well, Dirk always had Dave on his side and he highly doubted Dave would let anyone ever bully Dirk. That, or the poor kid was getting bullied and just never mentioned it. He really, really hoped it was the first option.

The store was crowded, as usual, which made Dirk suddenly quiet down and cling to him like he was the only bit of light in a dark and damp cave which was a weird yet accurate analogy. Dirk held his hand tightly in his smaller one and when John's hands were occupied with the cart, he held onto his sleeve just to ensure they wouldn’t get separated no matter what happened and John couldn’t help but feel a bit flattered that Dirk trusted him so much.

“Alright bubaleh, where are we going first? I think we need to grab the skincare crap first, get that out of the way and end with browsing the ice cream aisle. What do you say?” John questioned the kid, looking down at him, frowning when he got met with a blank, stoic stare.

“Sure, whatever you wanna do, dude.” Dirk mumbled, shrugging, trying his damnedest to look indifferent and mask up his social anxiety. John knew all the Striders tricks, they couldn’t hide anything from him once they were face to face. Well, given his recent findings, they could hide a great deal from him no matter what.. It kinda hurt, knowing Dave wasn’t telling him important details of his life. It hurt because he felt like he deserved to know, he deserved to be a part of Dave's intimate and domestic life no matter what and it hurt to think that Dave just didn’t trust him with certain information even after all they went through.

But, he shoved these feelings deep down and started walking to the hair care aisle. He could deal with his feelings later, like a mature adult. Dirk followed close as they went down the intimidating aisle and John immediately felt a bit of anger when he saw a bunch of locks and tags on the POC hair care products and not the white people products. Fucking… Idiots. All of them. Instead of being mad, he scanned the shelves and felt himself get lost immediately. 

“Alright, I think we need some backup bubaleh…” He mumbled, pulling out his phone and quickly dialled Jade’s number, hoping to god she was awake this time of day.

“Uncle John!” Jake’s voice greeted him through the phone instead of Jades which he found confusing yet expected.

“Hey Jake! Is Jade asleep again?” He questioned, scanning the products for familiar words.

“Oh. No, she’s out in the garden! Why, do you need her?”

“Not particularly. See, I’m-” Dirk caught his attention, making a cut throat motion like he was trying to tell him something. He frowned and silently mouthed ‘what?’ confused as to what the hell Dirk wanted. Dirk made a couple other gestures and he suddenly got it. Right. He was still in a fight with his friends, probably didn’t want to be mentioned.

“Uncle John?”

“Huh? Oh, sorry, right! Uhhh…. Say, what do you know about curly hair care and maintenance?” There was a pause on the other side of the phone which was quickly followed up by a sigh.

“Are you finally getting Dirk some proper washes? I’ve been telling him for years how damaged his hair is but he never takes my advice. Don’t tell him I know you’re shopping for him or else he won’t use a damn thing you buy him. Now, Dirk has four A hair which means it’s curly in a spiral sort of way and gets pretty thick around the base. You’ll want to get two different conditioners, I’ll text you some brands that are good and get some vitamin E oil. When you get home-” Jake rambled on and on, explaining exactly what he needed to do to get Dirk’s hair back to a healthy state and John tried his best to follow along, nodding despite the fact Jake couldn’t see him. Once Jake was done explaining everything and hung up with some tired sounding goodbyes, he grabbed the products Jake had mentioned and made sure they were the brand Jake enjoyed.

“There’s so much shit… Hey, why’d it take so long for Jake to explain everything? All we needed to know was which brands to get.” Dirk mentioned, poking an orange bottle like it was going to attack him if he left his finger near it too long.

“He assumed I was getting all of this for a friend so he just went ahead and talked about protective hairstyles, how to wash your hair and kinda.. Untangle it while not really hurting you. I dunno, I kinda stopped paying attention.” he lied easily, setting the vitamin E oil gently into their basket. “Thank fuck this aisle is over, this place is disorientating.” He complained, taking Dirk to the skincare aisle. Luckily, he didn’t need to call anyone for this. He grabbed a facial wash, a couple of face masks, a moisturizer, a cleanser, sunscreen, SPF lip balm, acne patches, a packet of face wipes because he knew Dirk wouldn’t always have the energy to wash his face and he went ahead and threw some new body wash in the cart.

Dirk riffled through the stuff, frowning. “This all seems kinda girly..”

John raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms, fixing Dirk with a look. “Yeah? Is that a bad thing? I use a lot of this stuff and my face looks ten times younger than Dave's so, maybe, it's worth it to be a little girly sometimes. C’mon, having good skin and smelling good is a powerful thing to have. You have no idea how many times I’ve gotten a step up on someone simply because I look a bit more attractive than the average straight guy. Why? Because we need to take care of our skin.” He lectured, pointing a stern finger at him. “Now, you’re gonna use that shit and you’re gonna like it, okay? I’m not letting any nephew of mine go around with greasy pores, ya look like a pizza and I am just not having it, sir.”

Dirk smiled just a bit when he was called a pizza and set the face wash down, looking around at the products. “This stuff is confusing.”

“It gets a lot easier once you get the hang of it. Now, go pick out some nail polish. You bite your nails too much and if you keep biting them then you’re gonna have ugly hands and, Dirk, I love you a whole bunch but I just can’t let you go around with ugly hands, bubeleh.” He shook his head, following Dirks excited lead to the nail polish.

He watched as Dirk looked through the many different colors of nail polish, a small smile on his greasy, acne covered face. Man, teenagers were gross. Luckily, there were ways they could fix that up. A face mask here, some acne patches there and Dirk would be the nicest looking kid in school. Well, maybe not the best looking, but the most put together looking and that was more important than being attractive.

He felt that rare moment of true, soft, domestic bliss when Dirk came racing back up to the cart to delicately place some pink, blue and green nail polish into the cart. He’s always wanted this life. Always wanted to have a good relationship with his nieces and nephews, always wanted to take them out shopping so he could spoil them and spend time with them. Now, he only ever spent time with them when they needed a real adult to actually pay attention to them. Only saw Jake when Jade had passed out and he needed someone to help him make dinner, only saw Roxy when Rose was on one of her worse binges and didn’t bring home any food, only saw Jane when she was having issues because apparently that's all he was good for and now, he was only spending time with Dirk because there was no one else there to take care of him. The kid didn’t even have a proper meal in the house, only canned shit and it pissed him off.

Why the fuck couldn’t he have normal relationships with people?

“Uncle John….?” Dirk's quiet voice pierced through his thoughts like a spear through water and he forced his expression to brighten up, giving Dirk a winning smile.

“Sorry! I was just spacing out for a second. Now, let's go grab some junk food, huh? Grab anything you want, don’t be shy! Trust me, I have enough money for a big splurge like this.” He reassured him, pushing the cart towards the food aisles, heading straight for the junk food. Dirk didn’t really seem to be fooled by his fake cheery look but he luckily didn’t say anything about it for the rest of the shopping trip which was very relieving.

John sat on the couch, massaging Dirks scalp with vitamin E oil covering his hands while a show played in front of them. It was My Little Pony which he didn’t exactly mind, it was a fun show but what really disturbed him was Dirk’s conspiracy theories about all the different ponies. Dirks quiet voice rambling on about murder while a bunch of colorful cartoon ponies were worried about cutie marks and apples kinda sent John into some sort of weird meditative state where he had no idea what was happening.

“So, it’s actually based on all of these girls who died in real life-”

John frowned, his hands starting to cramp as he braided Dirks hair. “Okay, wait, hold on. I’m confused. Who’s the orange one again? And why does she like the rainbow one?”

Dirk sighed dramatically, rolling his eyes. “The orange one is Applejack and she likes Rainbow Dash because…. Just look at them! They have so much chemistry, Uncle John! Plus, no one else would be able to handle Rainbow Dash's sass and spunk, only Applejack can handle her and, like, keep her humble! Have you even been paying attention?”

“I’m trying, this is just all very confusing for me!” He complained, tugging on Dirk's hair as he tried to get the braid nice and tight. “Jesus motherfucker, this is fucking hard as shit. Oh my god, I’m never working out ever again, this is the only exercise I’ll ever need for the rest of my life.” He complained more, cracking his knuckles before he continued.

“Um, I can do it myself Uncle John…” Dirk’s voice was quiet and insecure again, making John even more determined to do this by himself. This kid deserved to be spoiled for one day in his little life.

“No no! I can do this, you just hush! Now, you take off that mask and just put it on the coffee table, I’ll throw it away later.” He reassured him, finishing off one of the braids and getting started on another while Dirk removed his sheet mask, setting it on the table.

“Okay, so what did that mask do? My skin just feels… Wet.”

“It’s gonna brighten up that complexion of yours, your skin is dull and lifeless! I’ve seen corpses with more color, bubaleh. I mean, I love you and you are a very beautiful boy but goodness, I keep thinking you’re dead every time I see you nap! Or turned to wax! It is terrifying. So, that mask will help brighten up that cute face so other people can admire it more which is good. Your face is the first thing people see when they look at you, as well as your fashion choices so you gotta make a good first impression, make sure they know what you’re there for. Bubaleh, you better invest some pocket change into a good bat because you’re gonna be beating off girls left and right once we’re done with this lil makeover.” He assured Dirk, frowning when he saw the small teen go rigid. “What’s wrong?”

“Uhh…” Oh. He recognized that look.

“Listen bubaleh, I don’t care what your sexuality is, I still think you’re gonna need to invest in a nice, solid bat because you’re gonna have suitors coming after you left and right! Now, if anyone ever decides not to take your no for an answer, you call me right away and I will be here faster than you can snap your fingers and I’ll be right there for support and anything else you need. God knows you need it! Jesus, how long is Dave gonna be gone? Idiot forgot a whole child in his spontaneous vacation.” He tutted, sitting in the silence for just a little bit before Dirks voice picked up again, barely audible over the TV.

“Am I ugly….?” The tone of Dirks' voice nearly shattered John's heart and he wanted to just hold the child and just take away all of his hurt. A sixteen year old shouldn’t have to deal with an absent brother, a fight with his best friends and self confidence issues all at the same time. It just wasn’t fair.

“Bubaleh…. Bubaleh, listen to me. I am not a liar. I always try to tell the truth.” He leaned down, wrapping his arms around Dirk sort of awkwardly but he didn’t pull away. “You are as beautiful as you could ever be. You know, when people find a crystal in a cave, they don't think it’s ugly now do they? No, they know it only looks like that. It…. Dirk, you have been through so much. It makes sense you don’t always have the energy to brush your teeth or face your face and that causes yellowing, spots, acne, grease buildup, it causes all of these things but that doesn’t mean you’re ugly. You’re absolutely beautiful even when you’re covered from head to toe in sewer water, people just don’t notice it because they’re focusing on all the wrong things because people are stupid sometimes. Bubaleh, you are gorgeous, okay? Don’t ever think otherwise.” He hugged him tightly, ignoring how his back ached from being in the awkward position.

Dirk sniffled quietly next to his ear, putting his skinny hands on top of his arms. “Why are you so nice to me..?”

“Because I love you, Dirk. You’re my family and family never ever hurt each other. Well, that’s not true. Family fights all the time, we get into arguments and we say hurtful things but we always apologize and we always have each other's backs, okay? We love each other unconditionally, even when we’re asses to each other.” He murmured, squeezing his tiny frame.

“But Bro…. If that's how family is supposed to act, why did Bro always hurt us…?”

“Because he is a sad, sad, and lonely old man with nothing but hate in his heart. He may be genuinely nice sometimes, he may be a good guy sometimes but that does not excuse the way he hurt you and Dave. He was and is a sad, lonely, angry old man and I hope you can learn from his many, many mistakes and live your life with love and hope in your heart because you deserve it, Dirky. You’re so brave and I’m so proud of you for making it this far, I really am, I know it was hard-” Dirk started shaking in his arms, crying once again but John didn’t stop talking, “I know how badly you wanted to give up, how badly you just wanted everything to be over but you didn’t end it and I’m so, so proud of you for that. You’re so brave and- and courageous and so tough and strong. I’m so proud of you, bubaleh.”

John held Dirk in his arms for a long time, just holding him and comforting him while he cried for what seemed like the hundredth time that month. The poor child was so overwhelmed and neglected that he seemed to break down at the smallest semblance of comfort or love and it hurt John deep in his chest, right in his heart. It hurt so much to see Dirk hurt like this and he just wanted to take all of that trauma, put it in a ball and just push it on himself. A sixteen year old shouldn’t have to ever feel this way and John was going to make sure Dirk never had to feel anything like this hurt ever again. It wasn’t fair and he didn’t deserve it. He deserved to live life getting upset over stupid teen drama, crying over his favorite shows and hanging out with his brother, for godsake. Not spending his time wondering if Dave was ever going to come home, wondering if anyone was going to buy him food that week, wondering if his friends were going to help him or save him.

He was absolutely going to kill Dave for letting Dirk feel all of this shit by himself. No child ever deserved to go through this hellhole. He didn’t care if Dave was getting chased by some horrifying monsters, he needed to get home right this instant and comfort his little brother before John ended up taking him away to a proper home and getting him a fucking therapist. God damn it, when did his friends get so stupid and irresponsible?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so i hope it wasn't obvious but I have no idea how to take care of curly or textured hair??? i tried my best with this one and it took me around three days so I hope y'all like it!


	18. maggots, teen drama and withheld feelings tend to go hand in hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You'd be shocked at how often maggots, teen drama and withheld feelings go together but where theres drama, theres maggots and slushie machine leeches.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: you guessed it, maggots!, puke, racist/sexist/homophobic ghosts but only implied, Dave Strider being sad, Roxy Lalonde being sad but cute, monsters, fear, teen drama and handling situations badly.

Karkat sat in his car, staring at himself in the small cosmetic mirror in his sun shield as he usually did right before work. He looked like he went through hell and back. Band Aids were scattered randomly on his face, covering small and big cuts he got from his ‘adventures’, his eyes looked dead and the skin around it seemed so delicate like it would bruise from even the softest touch, he was covered in bruises, his hair was dry and dead, his acne was horrible. It was red and angry and covered his entire face, like his body was punishing him for ever getting this stupid fucking job. His eyebrows and facial hair in general was out of control but he couldn’t find the courage to get around a razor blade and he didn’t have the energy to do.. Well, anything. It was a struggle and a half to get out of bed this morning and he was already exhausted despite sleeping ten hours every day for the past two days.

Right. He didn’t have any stupid energy because he just spent the last month being chased around by monsters and getting traumatized. Apparently, their trip to IKEA lasted a lot longer than they thought despite how hard they tried to keep track of the days. He sighed quietly, remembering the day they got back. They looked homeless, beaten to hell and back, exhausted and sick of being around each other but they just couldn’t seem to  _ want _ to leave each other alone but that desire changed the second Dave got to his apartment. He had walked his coworker all the way up there, just to make sure he got there safely and had to witness some…. Family drama. Dirk had nearly toppled Dave over with a hug and a guy stood there, glaring at the two of them like they were the scum of the earth but his face softened when he saw the bad shape they were in.

The guy had ushered Dirk to his room once he hugged Dave long enough then the yelling began. Well… It wasn’t really yelling, more of just loud talking but it startled both of them. This guy, who Karkat had never met, was furious at Dave. Called him irresponsible, compared him to his father, said he didn’t deserve to take care of Dirk if he was just going to disappear for a whole month with almost no effort to contact anyone. He called him insane, an OCD maniac, told him he was going to call CPS if he didn’t explain himself right then and there. Luckily, Karkat left before everything dissolved into chaos and he couldn’t sleep that night or the next, busy worrying about Dave and if he was okay.

On the third day of being home, Dave called and they talked. Turns out, that random guy was his friend who thought he had switched from just nicotine and weed to…. Harder things. Understandable but the reaction was a bit.. Dramatic, in Karkat's opinion. Dave did most of the talking. Told him how Dirk was doing, what went down, how everything was okay, talked about nightmares… They talked about the nightmares for a while. But mostly, they just sat in silence, listening to each other just breathe. It was familiar, calming, it reassured him and helped him feel comforted but the call ended with Dave nervously asking if Karkat would cover his shifts for a month. Obviously, he said yes. He was already regretting saying yes but Dave needed this break. It seemed the poor guy hadn't gotten a proper break in years and he needed to get his shit in order any way, so he needed this.

Besides, Karkat needed to occupy himself so he could stop thinking about the horrors and terrors he went through and avoid his problems like a mature, responsible adult. He focused back on his reflection and grabbed at his face, tugging the skin. He pulled down his cheeks, pinched them, lifted his eyebrows with his fingers, tugged his ears, just trying to feel something other than exhaustion and emptiness. Of course, it didn’t work because that's not how fucking brains work and he had to leave his car before he was late for work. As usual, he looked towards Dave’s parking space. It was weird just seeing it… Empty. It made his heart squeeze with worry and fear. The type of fear you got when you were heading to a party where you didn’t know anybody, or going to a crowded restaurant by yourself. It was the need for something familiar to guide you but Karkat's guide was out of commission, off watching cartoons and resting like he should have been doing years ago.

He unlocked the front doors, swinging the door open and inhaled sharply for a multitude of reasons. A shot of pain went up his injured arm when he opened the door and the inside was almost pitch black despite the sun shining brightly right behind him, not a cloud to block it which was scary as the Devil's anus itself. He relaxed himself and forced his feet to move, stepping inside where a barely noticeable paper waited for him on the front counter. He grabbed it and stepped out, back into the light to read it. It was Dave's handwriting, judging by the all lowercase, red pen, and the fact it was literally signed by Dave. It was just a simple list of things that needed to get done, how to do them and where to get the things to do them. The list was long and detailed and wasn’t finished, promising other parts in each room that needed things done inside. This list was just for the main part of the store and how to get it up and running but it was covered front to back with red ink so Karkat knew he was gonna be busy for a very very long time.

So, he went to work. He found the light switch and turned it on before he clocked in, the energy of the employees only room strangely comforting yet still terrifying as fuck. He found himself not running out but jogging out which was an improvement. He got started on getting the store ready for customers, grabbing the cleaning supplies from the back, getting everything ready before he started his ‘chores’.

First on the list was going to the back and scaring away whatever was back there with only a broom to defend himself. Apparently a bat wouldn’t work, only the broom and it had to be the back one with red ends. It was just starting to get hot outside and Karkat felt a little line of sweat begin to form on his forehead as he went to the back, anxious but ready to defend himself with the shitty broom from some department store.

“Anybody back here?” He called out, making his voice loud and deep so anyone who would be back there would know he wasn’t messing around. He tried to hype himself up as he shuffled towards the dumpster, jumping when he heard some cans move and clank against things. If he could handle getting chased and hunted by various monsters, he could handle this. He took a deep breath, steadying himself before he hit the side of the dumpster with the broom, freezing when something  _ big _ and  _ terrifying _ jumped out. It didn’t stop luckily, it just bolted right into the woods and spread trash everywhere, leaving Karkat to stand there with his heart racing in his throat. As Karkat’s heart slowly decided to settle back into his ribcage and go back to a normal beat and not something from Ayesha Erotica, he got over his panic of actually seeing something and he felt fucking pissed and angry as shit that this shit faced fucker left trash everywhere that he was gonna have to pick up.

“HEY! FUCK YOU!” He shouted into the woods and started picking up the gross, sticky and smelly old trash. There was even a bone with pieces of meat stuck to it but he decided not to look at that little treasure for too long, throwing it back where it came from. It smelled horrible, like someone threw up and left it there for a few weeks in the hot Arizona sun then put it in a fridge with mold after dipping it in a nasty pool and leaving it to mold in a humid car in Texas in July…. Not that he had any experience with that or anything. He headed inside once all of the bits and pieces of nasty trash were picked up, his hands shaking as he set the broom down, checking the list again, finally noticing the fine print next to the list.

‘PS, bring gloves’

OH, HOW FUCKING HELPFUL. He mumbled and cursed to himself, nearly ripping the piece of paper to shreds. Stupid fucking Strider and his stupid fucking hand writing that was impossible to read but before he could call up the criminal he noticed small little movement in the corner of his eye. He turned, confused when there was nothing there but when he looked back at his hands they were covered in maggots. This was going to be a very, very long day.

A few hours had passed and so did ten years of Karkat's life span. Each chore had it’s little monster attached to it or it’s creepy little quirk that left Karkat's heart pounding in his chest and his palms sweaty or on his knees, gagging up his stomach acid into the tiny trash cans they had scattered around for just this type of thing.. The toilets had bubbled when he went in there to clean them and produced a black, slimy substance when he told it to quit that shit which sucked just by itself but nope, this place had to be extra and make the toilet whisper sweet nothings to him while he scrubbed it clean. There were a few bags of different snack foods that broke in his hands to reveal maggots inside that squealed and screamed at him and crawled up his arms at an alarmingly fast pace, a creepy guy stood in the window for a little while but he assumed that was just a normal guy instead of a paranormal one because men just do that sometimes. A little girl appeared in the mirrors and called him different slurs once she realized he wasn’t Dave which was just rude, there was a family of leech monsters living in the soda machines and put up a good fight when he tried to refill it and definitely tore open the wound on his arm again, causing him to black out from the pain and the blood loss. Once he had woken up, a lot of the chores that required a lot of arm work had been finished and his arm had been bandaged up again, much more properly this time and he had this instinctive feeling that the boss had taken mercy on him. Good for him.

So, now, he sat at the front counter and waited for customers but he mostly just played games on his phone. He had fixed himself a cup of hot chocolate mixed with coffee to keep himself awake and warm, the store shockingly cold while it was 90F outside which just seemed suspicious but so were more than half of the things that had happened this day alone. His arm still ached but he ignored it, focusing on his phone as he tried to complete a stupid puzzle that wouldn’t beneifit him in any way whatsoever. Did he really need this job? Like, he could just quit and that would be that! Could just walk out and forget about this place forever, never have to deal with creepy maggots and very racist little ghost girls, could just forget all of the trauma he went through and never have to think or worry about any of this. He wouldn’t have to scrub his skin raw in the shower, he wouldn’t get extreme nausea every few hours, he wouldn’t have to sleep in his closet or under his bed to feel comfortable, he wouldn’t have to deal with any of this. He could find a perfectly normal retail job where people cussed him out and threw shit at him instead of trying to eat him or worse…. Well, depending on where he worked that would still be a possibility. He had the weird feeling that that shit happened at Crackerbarrel a lot. Maybe he was onto something…

He didn’t jump or startle or anything when his phone started buzzing but he did feel more irritation that his stupid puzzle was interrupted. He was starting to get invested in that shit. He checked the caller ID. Oh. Dave. Sweet. He pressed the green button and held his phone up to his ear, already annoyed at his coworker.

“Hey dipshit, next time make ‘P.S. wear gloves’ a bit fucking bigger next time, huh?” He started off the conversation, rolling his eyes when he was greeted by Dave's loud laughter.

“Oh nooo! Dude, you should’ve read the fine print! Oh god, that fucking sucks bro. Don’t worry, you’ll only have stomach issues for a couple of days and some rashes around your forearms but you’ll be fine otherwise. Next time, wear gloves.” Dave's voice sounded… Deeper. Like he was tired but happy. “I was just calling to check in on you, how’s it all going so far?”

“Fucking superb. I’m marrying the second to last toilet in the mens room, fuckers made me cream my pants via words, I got called a lot of slurs by a nine year old girl, I had maggots crawl up my arms  _ twice _ and I passed out at some point. So, it’s actually going smoothly.” He grumbled sarcastically, sipping his drink as he watched one or two cars pass.

“Ouch, sorry bro. I’ll buy you lunch today, how’s that sound?” 

“Uhh….. Shouldn’t you be spending time with Dirk? I mean, that kid looks like he’ll cry if you even go near the front door so maybe it’s best if you just stay there. But I appreciate the offers.”

“Dude, Dirk would be coming with us. I’m not some dick that just leaves a sixteen year old home alone-” Karkat decided it was best not to mention he did exactly that for a whole month.. Or so. Timeline was still messy. “- Besides, I know spending your lunch break just eating outside is super weird so I’m taking you to some shitty fast food place that’ll give you diarrhea for two weeks and that’s final.”

“Damn, you run a convincing argument. I’ll go. Where are we meeting up? Wendys?”

“Fuck yeah bro! Lets do the one near my house, the one next to the fuckin’ uhh….. Nerd store, you know what I’m talking about. Anyway, meet up at that Wendys for lunch, I’ll pay and you get whatever the fuck you want, my treat.”

“What are you, my sugar daddy?” Karkat snorted, rolling his eyes, oblivious to the smile that was stuck to his face.

“Oh hell yeah baby. Gonna take you to the finest fast food place in town, shower you in fries and lick chocolate frosty off of your naked body like I’m a parched Great Dane and you’re a horse feed bucket full of water. Just gonna slobber everywhere and we can make sweet, sweet love in their weirdly sweet smelling bathrooms while my lil bro plays with his shitty plastic kids meal toy in the booth.” Dave purred into the phone, his voice going deeper as he tried to sound seductive but he just sounded congested.

“Oh, a booth? You spoil me too much. I expect to be paid full the second you see me but I want the payment to be food.”

“Hot. Scale from one to ten, how grossed out would you be if I told you that the thought of fucking y-”

“Bye Dave.” He hung up before his coworker could say anything else and put his head in his hands for a few seconds, his smile not even wavering. This fucking idiot and his stupidly affectionate and sexual jokes. He was gonna end up getting punched in the face one day.

He managed to compose himself and opened his phone back up, smiling again when he received a text from Dave. It was a simple picture of him laying on their futon with a pile of blankets surrounding him while Dirk sat next to him, looking heavily invested in the show they were watching, obviously mid rant. He ignored the way his heart fluttered when he saw it.

He went back to his stupid puzzle game, occasionally telling ghostly customers to fuck off with their stupid wails and actually had to check out real people a few times which was new and slightly startling. He kept expecting them to suddenly burst into flames or tear him apart limb from limb for no reason but they just seemed…. Normal which just set him on edge for a good hour.

Speaking of the hours, they seemed to creep by at a snail's pace and he thought he was just imagining things until he actually set a timer and noticed that a second was now a minute and a minute was now two minutes and so on and he was very not happy about that fucking shit so he decided to take his lunch break early. He closed down what he needed to, got the strong feeling to bring back fries for the boss and left. He decided not to even give the boss a second thought, not wanting to break the fabric of the entire universe or discover something he really didn’t want to discover.

Turns out, when someone says they’re just bringing their little sibling, they mean their little sibling and everyone else on the entire fucking planet apparently. When he got to the place, he saw Dirk and Roxy already engaged in what seemed like a very heated debate about Zootopia and two other kids who just sat next to them awkwardly, looking vaguely guilty while Dave just stared at his phone with a very…. Sad look. Karkat decided to ignore the way Dave brightened up when he spotted him.

“Karks! Hey! Sorry I have a whole posse of children with me, John suggested bringing them along and I couldn’t say no. Oh. John is the guy that called us and um…. You met him when we first got home.” Dave explained happily, his entire face glowing goofily. He looked happy, well rested but still a bit stressed. He was probably going through a lot, better not pry.

“Oh, yeah. Did you guys already order?” He questioned, knowing he sounded just as tired as he felt. He felt a bit awkward just standing next to a table full of kids and exactly one adult that was barely functioning and looked hungover.

“Nah, we were waiting for you dude! Okay, that’s a lie. I was waiting for you, Dirk and his friends already ordered. Oh. Dirk, introduce people to Karkat.”

Dirk looked up at Karkat, glared at him for a few seconds before he gestured to the very uncomfortable kids sitting across from him. “That's Jane and that's Jake. Jane, Jake, Karkat. The guy that  _ didn’t _ snitch on me for no reason.” Okay, that was more information that Karkat needed to know.

“Dave.” He whispered/hissed, wanting desperately to get away from the upcoming argument. Something told him that these kids would not pull any punches and go straight for the throat and if Dirk's attitude matched his insults, he did not want to get caught in the crossfire.

“Karkat and I are gonna go order and start a grownups table. Please, no yelling inside or physical fighting. Take that shit out into the parking lot like mature people.” Dave told them, quickly scooting out of his seat and hopped up, grabbing Karkat's wrist and taking him to the front. The second the kids were out of his sight, he heard angry ‘hushed’ whispers and a lot of angry sounding shuffling. “Sorry.” Dave whispered, his hand slipping down to hold his.

“It’s fine, I just wanted to get away from that before they tore me to shreds. I can handle the nightmares but fuck, I am not ready to handle some teens insulting me. Those fuckers go straight for the throat and I am not emotionally ready for that.” He tried joking, his eyes scanning the menu of greasy food. “Don’t let me forget to bring the boss some fries.”

Dave nodded and leaned on him slightly as they both looked over the menu, the two mostly just enjoying each other's presence. It was nice to be around Dave again. Comforting in a way he wasn’t familiar with yet anxiety inducing at the same time. It was confusing but filled with warm feelings that reminded him of stupid romance novels but not quite. They soon ordered, getting the exact same thing and they found a nice booth to sit in while they waited. There was a nice, comfortable moment of silence until Dave spoke up.

“Thanks for covering my shifts. I know it’s like, hella annoying and scary but I really needed this break.” He said quietly, suddenly looking exactly like he did when they were in that stupid fucking department store. Tired and ready to give up just to get an ounce of rest. He finds himself much more familiar with that look than he’d like.

“Of course, dude. You deserve a break after all the shit we went through and honestly, I really don’t mind having to do all of the work. It keeps me from, you know, drowning in my thoughts.” He tried to reassure him, not wanting him to feel guilty. “Dude, you deserve this break.”

Dave sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Honestly, it’s not much of a break. I feel like I’m being judged by everyone… Hell, my sister? She’s psychotic and she judges me for leaving Dirk alone and you know, keeping myself alive. She fucking writes her own bible, how the hell am I more crazy than she is? And don’t get me fucking started on John. He means well and I love him but he fucking told Dirk he looked like a corpse. I nearly punched him in the face when I heard that! God, what the fuck is wrong with all my friends… Honestly, I just brought you here because everyone else is driving me fucking insane.” He laughed quietly, running a hand through his hair. “I’m getting grilled every few minutes, getting asked some very fucking personal questions and like, I’m just-” Dave sighed, resting his head on his fist. “Tired. I’m just… tired.”

Karkat nodded, feeling his heart twist uncomfortably in his chest. Dave didn’t deserve this shit. Yeah, he did leave Dirk alone but he didn’t have a choice. “You know, you can just hit me up at any time and I’ll be right there to give you a break from everyone else.”

Dave nodded and stayed quiet until their food came, smiling at their waiter and tipping him a twenty before he started messing around with his fries, making a sad face with them with a little ketchup teardrop. Karkat couldn’t look away from him, too concerned to look away for even a second but before he could prompt Dave to speak about his issues some more instead of just bottling them up, a highlighter of pink hair scooted into the booth next to him, forcing him to scoot closer to the window.

Roxy sat next to him, looking sad which was a very fucking weird look to see on her usually peppy face. Well, he’s only ever seen her once before this but seeing her sad still felt very out of character for her. It was almost like she was a human that experienced emotions other than ‘bubbly and/or drunk’. Shocking.

“Hi. Dirk n the others are arguing so I decided to come over here.” She said quietly before putting on her headphones. “Don’t mind me.” She started playing Temple Run on her phone, looking just as sad and exhausted as Dave. Fuck.

Karkat felt like this was getting a bit out of hand and out of his abilities to help. Dave being a mess he could handle but some teen girl who clearly did not have a stable parental figure in her life? Fuck. This was not going to turn out well and he could already feel the upcoming doom creeping up on them. It reminded him that he could back out of this at any moment and just be done with this. Never have to deal with this ever again but the thought of never remembering Dave just…. Hurt.

He was gonna have to fix this shit, huh?

“Dave, quit playing with your food and eat. Roxy, have you eaten today? Have you had some water?” He asked nicely, using the voice Kankri used to use when he was ‘taking care’ of someone. If there was one thing he learned from Kankri, it was how to diffuse a situation before it could become a situation. Roxy slowly shook her head, just looking even more guilty.

“Alright. Go sit with the other kids, I’m getting you some chicken nuggies and water.” He got up, strolling up to the cashier, politely asking for chicken nuggets and a large water. When he got it, he went over to the kids table, pulled up a chair and sat down. “Alright kiddos, I have no idea what is going on here so either all of you can suck up all this drama through those shit covered faces of yours and fold it off until Dave isn’t getting threatened with a CPS call or we can talk it out right fucking now. Which would you like to do?” He asked, handing the drink and nuggets over to Roxy. “Eat. When I’m done dealing with this, I want all of that water gone, okay?” He smiled when he got a nod and turned back towards the other kids, raising an eyebrow. “Well?”

Jane, a short little black haired girl, spoke up first. “I wanna tell my side of the story first.” She demanded, crossing her arms. She looked like a guidance counselor.

Karkat shrugged and agreed then immediately regretted it.

“Dirk called me in hysterics, talking about how Dave abandoned him-” “I didn’t say that!” Dirk interrupted, stomping his foot under the table.

“Dirk, you’ll get to tell your side after this. Jane, continue.”

Jane huffed a bit and seemed a bit smug that Dirk got shot down. Okay, red flag. “Thank you. He was sobbing and I could barely make out what he was saying but it was something along the lines of Dave abandoning him, how Dave was probably on some drug binge and how he was gonna leave forever so obviously, I called my cousin John so we could get there right away and keep him from hurting himself. When we got there, Dirk went ballistic and started yelling at us, still in hysterics and he even hit John when he tried to restrain him for everyone else's safety.” She explained, her tone professional and mature for a sixteen year old.

Karkat slowly nodded and turned towards Dirk. “Your turn, buddy.”

Dirk immediately launched into it. “First, I meant to call Roxy but I accidentally called Jane and no, I was not in hysterics or sobbing, I was having a panic attack about Dave not coming back from his trip this time! I never even mentioned anything about  _ drugs _ but I can see how Jane would think that cause she’s a fucking racist, uptight, conservative little prissy pussy lick-”

“Dirk! No insults.” Karkat scolded, holding back on the urge to praise him for a good insult. It wasn’t that amazing or creative but the look on Jane's face sold it.

“Fine. She called John and they just came over without any warning and I assumed the worst. She was talking about sending me to a fucking orphanage or calling CPS which did not fucking help with my, let me remind you,  _ panic attack _ but did that stop her from getting up in my face? Nope! She was the one in hysterics, fainting and going around, being fucking sneaky like the fucking white mom she secretly is!” Dirk ‘explained’ his side of the story, still upset about it. “Obviously, I got a bit pissed at her because she kept getting everyone involved and John didn’t fucking help either and suddenly, everyone was in my damn business and I was expected to act calm and rational while people were in my space twenty four seven!”

Karkat slowly nodded. He could see both sides and he could see why they were both pissed. “Jane, apologize for overreacting and invading Dirks privacy. Dirk, apologize for being mean and not trying to see her side of the story. Both of you are in the wrong and in the right at the same time so both of you are to be blamed. I want to remind you that the adults that are in control of this little hormonal posse of scathing insults, are stressed beyond hell, okay? I’m not gonna get into it and I don’t want y’all to blame yourselves because guess what? People get mad over little shit all the time and even though this isn’t little, it’s not very important right now. I’m only telling you guys to take it easy on them, okay? They’re trying to take care of all of you and keep you happy while dealing with a lot of intense things at once and a lot of problems that are very similar to this one. So, Jane, Dirk? Apologize and if I see more of this drama, we’re having a talk.” He lectured, keeping his voice level and calm so they would know he was just an impartial mediator.

Dirk sighed semi dramatically and rolled his eyes behind his stupid, pointy anime shades. “I’m sorry for being a dick, Jane. I should have heard you out and explained the situation and my feelings before jumping the gun and getting upset.” He mumbled, picking at his fingers.

Jane sighed as well, folding her hands in front of herself, looking like a small politician with acne. “I am sorry for jumping the gun as well and being a.. Tad bit dramatic. I should have let you explain and I should have comforted you instead of jumping to conclusions. I apologize.” She said stiffly, looking a bit awkward.

The guy sitting next to her meekly raised his hand, looking guilty too. “I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions too… And invading your space and not giving you a chance to explain yourself…. And for eating all of the fruit in your house.”

Before Karkat could question that apology, Dirk’s anger was renewed just like that. “THAT WAS YOU?!” He shouted before reaching over the table, trying to grab at him which quickly led them all to dissolve into chaotic play fighting.

Karkat sighed and got up, heading back over to Dave, sitting down with a huff. He was never having kids ever. That was fucking exhausting.

Dave stared at him, smirking like a little shit,

“What?” He groaned, knowing he was gonna say something stupid.

“You know,” Here we go, “the bathrooms are empty and I am hard enough to cut diamonds-”

“Dave, oh my god.” He laughed, mildly grossed out and embarrassed.    
“What? I think it’s hot how good you are with kids! That sounded pedophilic didn’t it? Damn, okay, I take that back. Let's just go back to flirting without mentioning children. I wanna fuc-”

“Dude, eat your fucking burger before I shove it up your ass.”

“Kink- Oh fuck! Okay okay! My  _ lord,  _ you are fuckin’ aggressive today.” Dave chuckled, sipping his frosty while looking at him with a look that he couldn’t quite identify but he just brushed it off.

“Oh, maybe it’s because I had maggots covering my hands twice today.”

“How long are you gonna be mad-”

“Every fucking day till I die.”

“..... Dramatic ass.”

Karkat snorted and rolled his eyes, stuffing his burger into his face, ignoring the fond look he was getting. Dave was fucking stupid and idiotic and somewhere, deep in his heart, Karkat missed seeing that dumbass face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah yes. humor with healthy doses of hints of angst. my favorite!  
> well. sorry this took so long, my guys! i have no excuses. feel free to message me on my tumblr valerian-valentine-2 or over discord at valerianvalentine#9395 ! feel free to send memes, fanart (everything is cherished, even stick figures), cute pictures of animals or if you just wanna get a Hot Scoop on this fic!


	19. People don't always despise their abusers.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat gets a call and has to play out yet another trope.... And has to deal with the usual vomit inducing crap. (read notes before reading)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW!!!! Maggots, flies, larvae, severe gore, skin falling off, nails falling off, trauma, sexual assault mention, necrosis

Karkat sighed. “Yes, I know, I know. Listen, I’ve just been busy as of late and it’s kinda hard to call-”

“Oh, you’ve been busy? Doing what, Karkat? Avoiding me? Doing nothing? Or trying to get into Hell? Because from what I’ve observed, you are constantly doing all of the above! Honestly, I’m concerned for you, Karkat! I haven’t gotten a call in months and suddenly, when you do finally answer your blasted phone, you sound like you’ve been doing  _ drugs _ , Karkat!” Kanrki’s semi shrill voice hurt his ears. It was too early for this shit and his patience was already wearing thin despite only being on call with him for three minutes. Record time. He’d have to tell Kanaya about that later, she’d be impressed.

“Kankri, you’re fucking thirty years old for godsake. Get a life and stop worrying about mine.” He hissed, tugging on some of his curls as he paced his dirty floors. He really needed to clean this place up at some point but the thought just.. Hurt. There was a long moment of silence before Kankri sighed, the microphone barely picking up the sound of him sitting down.

“I’m coming to town this weekend for a charity event. I would like to spend one afternoon with my little brother before I die, is that too much to ask for? We can get lunch and pretend to be close friends, just for a few hours and then we can act like it never happened and you can go back to avoiding me.” He sounded exhausted and defeated, the noise hurting Karkats heart in a pathetic way. His brother was fucking pathetic and he knew it but he still pitied him, still felt bad for cutting him out of his life. Why?

“Fine. But I’m bringing a date.” He said the words before he could even process them or stop himself. “I don’t trust you to not try and kill me. Sunday, one thirty P.M.. I’ll text you a location meet up.” He said curtly and hung up, immediately putting his face in his hands, wanting to scream at his past self for his stupidity. What the fuck was wrong with him? Why did he say he was going to bring a date? Why the hell did he say that? He should just cancel or fake another break down, anything to get out of this. Who the hell would even want to go meet his stick in the mud brother and pretend to be his partner?! What kind of blind, idiotic masochist would want to put themselves through that?!........ Oh god. He was so going to hell. He sighed and shakily unlocked his phone, his fingers moving in slow motion as he dialed Dave's number. This was so stupid and it was such a bad plan. He probably wasn’t even awake yet, it was stupid early and-

“Yo.”

“Oh thank god.” He sighed with relief when Dave picked up, his shoulders relaxing. It felt like twenty pounds were just lifted off his shoulders which wasn’t a lot of weight but still. His face heated up when he realized how relieved he sounded when Dave picked up and once again wanted to go back and punch himself in the fucking nuts for being so stupid.

“Uh, good to hear you too? Haha, what, did you just call me to do something weird like jerk off to my voice? Haha………… That’s really weird, don’t do that please. I mean, I’m down for some sexy call time but just doing it out of the blue with no warning and before marriage no less is honestly just weird and low-key makes me high-key uncomfy. I mean, we haven’t even kissed yet Vantas! You perv… Hahaha… Hah…. Ha..” Dave sounded a bit flustered but honestly, he didn’t care at the moment because he was trying to summon up all his courage to ask Dave to be his fake date.

“No dipshit. I called because..” Wait, he couldn’t just ask him to be his fake date. He knew how that trope went and he knew that Dave knew how that trope went and he knew that Dave knew that he knew how that trope went. They were going to end up accidentally falling in love with each other and going on a real date but they play it all off as some kind of joke and then- Oh god, Kankri was going to fucking freak. He was going to yell at them or he was going to call him later and yell at him, tell him he was going to hell and holy shit they were going to hell for this, he was going to hell for this. This specifically. What if Dave accidentally thought all of this was a really weird way of actually asking him out for real and only agreed to make him feel good? What if Dave thought he had feelings for him? What if this made things super awkward between them forever? He would have to quit and forget him forever!

“Dude!”

“WHAT?!” He unintentionally yelled, flinching at his own volume. Fuck. Why couldn’t he be normal?

“Dude, relax.” There was the faint sound of a door sliding shut. “Hey, tell me what’s wrong, babe.” Babe? “Do you need me to come over? I can, John and Jade are here, they can take care of the kids for a little while.” Dave's voice sounded so calm and sweet and romantic… It hurt him, knowing he wouldn’t be able to hear that voice in a real romantic context but he pushed those feelings aside. He was just a hopeless romantic, Dave wouldn’t see him that way and he was fine with that. They were just friends and he liked it that way… Right?

“No, no, I just…. I did something stupid.”

“Okay, you’re worrying me. Where are you?”

“I’m at home, dumbass! I didn’t hurt myself or cause some end of the world scenario! Jeez, I’m not that fucking incompetent!” He was stalling.

“Okay then tell me why you called! Wait, did you just wanna hear me talk? Awh, that’s so adora-”

“I told my brother I was bringing a date to our meetup and I don’t have anyone else to call so could you be my fake fucking date?!” Karkat yelled at his phone, holding it with both hands. He was only going to say that shit once so he hoped Dave heard that well enough because there was no way he was repeating it. There was a moment of silence before Dave spoke up again.

“That’s it? Yeah, of course dude. I’d love to.” What. “What kinda meetup is this? Should I put on my fancy clothes or my homeless white guy clothes? Makeup or no makeup? Should I bring Dirk? Scale from one to fifteen, how jealous and bitter do you wanna make him?”

“Wha- fifteen, obviously, but wai-”

“Fuck yeah, see you then babe! Text me the deets!” Dave hung up, leaving Karkat alone to process everything that just happened in silence. What the actual, genuine fuck just happened…. Maybe it wasn’t too late to say sike.

The rest of his before work routine went by in a haze and he only came to when he was in the parking lot, on minute five of staring at himself in the mirror. It didn’t look like him. He didn’t know why but it just… Didn’t look like him. Honestly, he wouldn’t be surprised if his little mirror was haunted. That was the least of his worries at the moment. His biggest worry? Why did he look so damn fucking ugly? How could he pass off as Dave’s boyfriend when he looked like he just crawled out of a cave and Dave looked like a model? He looked like he belonged with someone that looked fifty percent less attractive than Dave, it just wasn’t going to be believable. Fucking shit. He needed about two months to lose twenty pounds, a fuck ton of acne and learn how to cover up his dark circles because those fuckers weren’t going anywhere any time soon no matter how much he slept or how many vitamins he took. These bitches were designer and meant to stay for a long fucking time.

He forced himself to look away from the mirror and got out of his car, his legs a little bit weak from sitting down for so long. He looked over at Dave’s parking spot. Empty. It still hurt to see it empty yet he didn’t know why. He went up to the front of the store and unlocked it, going inside. He shuddered as a wave of cold air suddenly surrounded him, making goosebumps appear on his skin. He knew this was just going to be a shitty day, he could feel it in his bones and he was not looking forward to working. Hopefully all of the heavy lifting would be done already.. His arm ached at the thought of heavy lifting and the pain begged him to just take the day off but he had a job to do and money to get. He went inside, turning on the lights. The windows were fogged up, covered in a thin layer of frost that didn’t seem to be going anywhere any time soon and he was already dreading having to scrape that shit off by himself.

He made his way to the employees only room and clocked in, his feet almost sliding on the ice covered tiles and he barely had enough time to wonder what the fuck was going on before he became overwhelmed with the familiar presence of the boss drawing closer and closer. He looked towards the door, ice cold fear enveloping him as he noticed it was closing but no matter how fast he ran to the door, the room just seemed to grow longer and longer, keeping the exit just out of his reach no matter what he did and right as darkness started penetrating the corners of his vision, right as he felt his eyes begin to slip shut, right as he was about to fall and let himself be taken by the void, he was out in the middle of the store. It was considerably warmer. In fact, it was a bit humid. It felt like a breeding ground for mold and he sure fucking hoped nothing was going to grow in there. Not today. He couldn’t handle some weird mold zombie today. He made his way through his chores, a bit shaky from the sudden brush of death but he was fine, it’d go away soon and probably just leave him with trauma that would last multiple lifetimes. The monsters in the dumpsters were, very unfortunately, a bit bigger and less skittish than before which he very much did not enjoy and the maggots that appeared on his hands afterwards were a lot bigger than before as well. They were fatter and made a quiet popping noise when he stepped on them, exploding with what looked and smelled like pus. They even managed to create noise when they squirmed because they were so big, a bit rounder than his thumb and he took a moment to examine them on his hands before he suddenly felt them start nibbling on his skin and panicked, brushing all of them off before running to the bathroom and washing his hands. He had small, raised bumps all over his skin from where the maggots nibbled on him and the sight almost gave him a panic attack. Instead of freaking out completely and quitting right then and there, he went to the front of the store and sat behind the counter, shaking just a touch from the sudden panic of having maggots try to eat him. He slowly grabbed one of Dave’s many, many notebooks from under the counter and opened it up, wanting to distract himself from that whole fiasco while feeling closer to his coworker but there was no way he was going to call Dave and interrupt his family time just because some maggots nibbled on him. No fucking way.

He flipped to a random page and started reading, hoping this was something that could distract him.

_ ‘Date: 9/12/ _ _ ████ _

_ What it is; A walking corpse on the verge of becoming a zombie, seemingly unaware of the severe necrosis all over their body. Will act casual even if limbs fall off and won’t even notice. Not hostile but will try their best to physically touch you to infect you under the guise of sexual assault. Avoid when possible. Will only buy a single Faygo and anything easy to decay then will collapse outside and let the maggots on their body consume the ‘food’. _

_ Weaknesses: Fire, the cold, anything that could kill an infection or keep mold from spreading. Firearms and blunt force trauma will not affect the victim and will only spread the maggots which are the main things to worry about as they will try to eat through your skin and eat you from the inside out. _

Below was a picture of one of the ‘victims’ and the sight made Karkat gag. A person was simply looking at a bag of chips with a blank expression while the bones in their leg were exposed and covered in flies, everything below the exposed bone completely black like it was burnt off. Everything above the exposed bone was covered in maggots that seemed to be wiggling into the skin while flies covered any sort of exposed wound that didn’t have any skin to protect it. The person was completely unaware of their body decaying. There was a picture next to it that showed a close up to the victim, a fly laying larvae directly on their eye while mushrooms sprouted from their gums and a sack of larvae was just sitting on their tongue. The person was smiling, looking completely normal like they didn't even notice the maggots eating what was left of their head. There was no logical explanation for how they were still up and walking but that was part of the job, he supposed. No logical explanations for anything. It was.. Confusing and disgusting.

Karkat closed the book before he could be exposed to more pictures of bodies going through severe necrosis, barely holding back the urge to puke out his guts. He took a few deep breaths and straightened up when the door chimed, signalling someone entering. He didn’t greet them, knowing better than to engage in conversation with someone in the store and simply pulled out his phone, texting Dave to tell him off for taking pictures of those horrifying corpses. They weren’t even human anymore, just walking piles of flesh, bone, skin and decay.

Karkat was startled out of his furious texting when someone cleared their throat in front of him and he looked up, immediately paling. There in front of him stood one of the decaying people from Dave’s notebook. A young woman with her left jaw completely exposed and surrounded by a barrier of black, hardened flesh that smelled exactly like a rotting corpse. Her shirt was in threads, the skin on her right breast sloughing off when she took a deep breath causing her chest to move. Maggots were crawling and squirming on the exposed skin, digging into it and eating away at it while flies buzzed by the back of her head and he didn’t dare try to look behind her to see what the fuck they were trying to consume. He gasped when her skin hit the floor with a wet slap and closed his eyes, shaking as he tried not to puke all over her. She didn’t know. She didn’t know. The faster he got this done, the faster she’d fucking leave. Before he could compose himself, he felt something hard touching his arm and his eyes snapped open to look down at what was touching him. Four black nubs that used to be fingers were touching his skin, the maggots on her body starting to quickly move and swarm down her arm in a way that resembled water.

“Are you okay?” She asked with concern in her perfectly fine voice and before he could respond, she accidentally brushed her nails against his skin and they just.. Fell off. Fell off like they were just cheap stickers. He moved his arm away from her before the maggots could reach him and watched as they hit the counter with a couple of thumps.

“I’m fine, sorry. Difficult day.” He managed to keep his voice steady as he took the purple Faygo, a package of peanut butter crackers, a bag of potato chips and… Mushrooms that he assumed she grew herself. Organic and free range, lovely. He rang up the soda and the food before putting it in a bag, handing it over quickly before she could touch him again.

“Your total is fifteen fifty.” He told her, flinching when she put a slime covered piece of paper on his previously clean counter.

“Keep the change!” She said happily before walking right out, the maggots that fell off quickly following her as if they knew she was the host. He decided against touching what he assumed to be currency and grabbed the hand sanitizer, just squirting it all over his hands and the counter. He didn’t even bother touching the counter, just letting the alcohol based gel sit. He grabbed his phone once he was sure his hands were clean and called up Dave, not caring about interrupting his family time.

“Yo-”

“Maggots.”

“Mag-...... Okay, I deserve a better greeting than that, dude.” Dave’s voice provided comfort but it wasn’t enough. He still felt disgusting.

“The decay. The… The corpse people. Oh my god-” He broke down sobbing, feeling infected and overwhelmed. This poor lady was dying right in front of him and he couldn’t do anything to help her. She didn’t even know about it. She was probably in so much pain, she needed to be put out of her misery but he couldn’t bare the thought of looking at those fucking maggots again. He just couldn’t fucking do it. It was too much.

“Woah, hey, relax. What do you mean corpse pe-...” Dave sighed. “Oh. Here, I’ll come pick you up, okay? We’ll go to the park and chill out for a little bit, look at some funky ducks.”

He nodded and sniffled, making a quiet noise of confirmation once he remembered Dave couldn’t see him. This was all too much. It was just too much and he wanted to just go home or something. He wanted to be anywhere but there.

Waiting for Dave was the worse part. Once he looked at the woman, he couldn’t look away. He watched as the maggots squirmed all over the food, eating as fast as they could while the flies pumped out larvae and eggs all over the woman's body until she was more larvae than human. The entire time, she just smiled up at the sky, completely unaware of her rapid decaying and that was the most disturbing part. Just seeing her completely calm and relaxed while flies laid eggs on her eye was disgusting and freaky. He wanted to help her but he didn’t dare go outside, terrified of the flies surrounding him or the lady getting up and cornering him so she could… Infect him. Infect him by violating him. Fucking him while maggot squirmed and crawled into his skin, eating away at his flesh so the flies could lay eggs on the vulnerable wounds. The thought had him throwing up into one of the puke bags behind the counter. Not so shockingly, people tended to puke a lot when they were faced with unimaginable horrors so it was best just to have puke bags handy to prevent more work.

Once Dave did show up, he ran out of the store and into his truck before the flies could catch up to him and buckled up, almost bursting into tears when he saw the woman start to get up. Her skin started sloughing off and hitting the concrete, revealing thousands of larvae squirming on her exposed body, digging through her flesh to consume her and use her body as much as possible.

“Oooohhh… Yikes.” Dave sucked in a breath and locked the doors, quickly backing out of the parking lot and driving away before she could catch up to them. “Damn, I did not expect her to get back up. Huh. Well, at least she seemed happy, right? Right? Karkat? Right? Dude, I made a jo- Oh.” Dave went silent when he finally seemed to notice the tears sliding down Karkat's cheeks and kept quiet for a while before finally reaching over and gently holding his hand. “You’re okay.” He whispered, his words bringing comfort and safety.

Karkat cried the entire drive to the park while Dave comforted him the best he could while driving. That poor woman… She didn’t even know what was wrong with her. She didn’t even know what was going on and she wasn’t allowed to die, she wasn’t allowed to escape her torment. What if that had been Dirk or Roxy? What if that had been Dave? What if it had been Kankri…? Despite the years of bullying and abuse, he still didn’t want Kankri to end up like that. Alone, unaware of what was happening, unable to die and be at peace.. He wouldn’t want that for anyone, no matter who they were.

“Karkat..? You wanna go see the ducks..?” Dave asked quietly, still holding his hand, gently squeezing it to bring him back to the present.

“What if she had a family…?” He asked quietly, sniffling. “What if her family saw her like that? She would be surrounded by people crying and grieving and she wouldn’t know why.. What if her family found her decaying body by the side of the road, covered in maggots like that? What if the police had to bring her family there and have them identify her? They would have to see her or what was left of her.. The flies.. The maggots… Why..? Why would they do that, Dave?” He questioned, his voice wet and weak.

Dave sighed and unbuckled, leaning over to hug him even though it was awkward. “She doesn’t have a family, Karkat. She doesn’t know anyone, no one knows her. I found out those maggots… You see, these bodies appear in our dumpsters in various forms of decay. The flies lay their eggs in the body and it reanimates itself. It hides out somewhere for a while before returning for food and then the body completely decomposes outside our doors. I’m sure she wasn’t suffering, Karkat.”

He sniffled and leaned into Dave’s touch. “That just makes it worse! She’s probably confused and she doesn’t know where she is and- and-!” He dissolved into another crying fit, shaking apart in Dave’s arms.

“Shh… Shh… It’s okay, I know. I know, babe.” Dave comforted him, gently rubbing his back. 

When he finally settled down, the sun was in an entirely different position and it was officially his lunch break if the clock on Dave's dashboard was correct. He had been crying for what felt like hours, his body sapped of energy and craving normalcy.

“You feelin’ better?” Dave asked, smiling at him hesitantly, his hands on his shoulders. He was such a grounding, comforting presence no matter what. He was always there for him. It was.. Amazing. He was so lucky to have him in his life.

“Yeah… Lets go look at ducks..” He mumbled and smiled back, feeling his heart skip a beat when Dave put his hand on his cheek. They stayed there for a couple of seconds before breaking apart. He really wished Dave would have kissed him...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was a p disgusting chapter if I do say so myself! the gore part was inspired by my friends in a discord server and my own fears lmao  
> sorry this was kinda late but it's full of gore! we've been missing that, havent we?  
> Well, feel free to follow me on my tumblr @ valerian-valentine-2 and ask me questions there. I don't post a lot on there but i'm more likely to answer questions there to avoid spoiling things for others


	20. Suits and Dates.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat finally takes Dave on a fake date. It goes bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW/TW: gore, cannibalism, religious trauma, abuse, ableism

It was hot and humid, the air stagnant and disgusting against his skin. He stared up at the ceiling, looking for the odd shapes and patterns in the shitty paint his landlord insisted on using. Off colored white that never seemed clean and hurt his eyes in the light. God, he fucking hated this stupid place. The air conditioning was shit, the walls were shit, the roof was shit, the floor was shit, the everything was fucking shit. He sat up, skin unsticking grossly from his bare mattress. The exposure to air helped his body cool off but only for a few seconds before it went right back to hot and gross. It was just warm, uncomfortably warm but he didn’t dare open up a window, terrified of what could enter his room while he was unaware. He glanced over at said window, eyes running down the various locks and coverings on it. Black out curtains he purchased the second he got home, cardboard covering it so nothing could possibly look inside, various locks hidden under the cardboard and curtains that kept anything outside out. Nothing was coming in without waking him up.

He slowly got up, cringing at the warm, moist feeling of his thighs touching one another and started navigating his dark room, the fan above him doing nothing to cool him off and only seemed to circulate humid air. His footsteps were light as he made his way to his bedroom room door, gently pressing his ear against it and listened closely, listening for anything that could be on the other side. He knew nothing could have gotten inside without him knowing but he had to be safe and careful. The doorknob was cold in his hand but the sweet change in temperature was fleeting and soon, it was uncomfortably warm and slick with his sweat. He managed to open it after a few seconds of struggling, his skin unable to grip the now slick, cheap metal of the knob. Time seemed to slow as he opened the door, his heartbeat pounding in his ears as he looked for intruders, his eyes easily betraying him in the dark. Stars and multicolored sparkles shifted in the void of his hallway, creating unknown shapes and creatures that looked ready to kill but he had grown used to the small hallucinations, able to decipher from a monster and a simple trick within the blink of an eye. He stepped out from the stagnant bedroom, sweet and comforting cold seeping into the soles of his feet. It was a welcome change. If they were warm, he would have simply gone back into his room and barricaded himself in until sunrise. There was no reason for a room to be warm when there was nothing there to warm it. His trip to the bathroom was odd but not out of the supernatural world. Just.. Odd in the normal way, the odd feeling you get when you try walking to some other part of your house when you’re half asleep and your bones feel heavy and your muscles feel like they’re full of water. That kind of odd. The type of odd Karkat welcomed into his life with open arms and teary eyes.

The bathroom tile was cold and the light was harsh on his eyes, black spots forming and making him disoriented, his head aching from the sudden change in light. He looked in the mirror with squinty eyes, black spots continuing to dance in the corner of his eyes, demanding he go back into the sweet darkness. His reflection however… It wasn’t there. Right. He forgot he covered up his bathroom mirror once he noticed his own reflection sometimes ‘lagged’ and the longer he looked, the more it morphed and changed. Showing everything from bloodshot eyes to fangs and swarming flies. The white sheet stared back at him, silently mocking him for even trying to look at his own appearance. Maybe he should have gotten a red one… That would hide the blood that leaked behind it. He turned on the sink and waited patiently as he watched the water go from clear to pure black, the eldritch color of it flowing easily down the sink until it finally went clear again and he leaned down, splashing his face with the cold water. It was refreshing and helped soothe the ache of his eyes but having his sight gone for more than a few seconds made him paranoid, worried something was going to sneak up on him despite  _ knowing _ nothing was in his apartment except him. It was just him. No one was there, not even Dave. He opened his eyes, the water stinging almost pleasantly as he looked around the bright bathroom. No one. Just him. He grabbed the nearby hand towel, patting his face dry with the scratchy fabric before he set it down and started walking to the kitchen to get an ice pack. Fuck. He stared at the long, dark hallway and was reminded why he preferred sleeping with all the lights on. He couldn’t see a thing and the sparkles in the darkness threatened him with horrible creations, much too skinny men with impossibly wide smiles and drooling dogs that threatened to nip at his heels, creatures that hid in the corners of his eyes and simply watched as he walked into the void with his head held high, feet shuffling along the cheap, water damaged floor so he could find his way, arms outstretched. His muscles shook with nerves and uncertainty, his hands searching for a light switch as the void of darkness enveloped him, surrounding him on all sides and suffocating him while leaving him surrounded by emptiness. The void was crushing and freeing. Free from the weight on your bones, free from walls and floors keeping you from moving but the darkness pressed up against you instead, keeping you trapped there, trapped in uncertainty and paranoia.

And then, there was light.. Or something like that. He never really seemed to absorb those types of phrases properly. Now that his shitty light was on, it was a lot easier to navigate and the multicolored stars in his vision finally backed off and the monsters disappeared into the corner of his eyes. Just little flickers of shadows that made his heart rate spike. He honestly preferred just seeing them right in front of him, it was a lot less anxiety inducing but he supposed the monsters would never work with him in such a matter.

He made his way to the fridge, passing his dumpster couch and opened up the freezer, grabbing an ice pack to cool himself off with. It was a moldable one, one that could easily rest on his head while he tried to get some rest. He glanced at the clock on his microwave, flinching when he saw The Text and felt waves of pain go through his stomach. God fucking damnit. He fell to his knees from the pain, shaking on the cold tile with the ice pack in his hand. This is what he gets for trying to see what time it was. He should have just looked at the moon like a normal person. He really needed to start covering that thing up with some duct tape but he had the strange feeling that wouldn’t work.

Pain pulsed in his abdomen, his guts twisting and churning around, writhing inside of him. Well, they weren’t but that’s what it felt like and it fucking hurt. It hurt like a motherfucker and he hated it. He hated this stupid world, he hated this stupid job and he hated the stupid Text. It was frustrating, everything was so fucking frustrating and he was supposed to see Kankri in the morning and he was going to be so tired and it was all just too much.

He ended up falling asleep in his kitchen, in pain and crying.

  
  


Turns out, Dave Strider had no idea how to dress himself and needed help deciding on a fucking  _ suit.  _ He liked giving Dave the benefit of the doubt but sometimes, he couldn’t help but wonder how the hell Dave has survived this fucking long. He knocked on his coworkers apartment door, shockingly not tired due to the fact coffee and Monster Energy existed. Don’t ask how he wasn’t fucking dead yet, he wasn’t sure. He adjusted the cuffs of his grey, light sweater, glaring at the way the cloth showed his stomach just ever so slightly. He fucking hated that. He would need to get a bigger one.. He knew it was stupid and childish to be so self conscious of his stomach of all things but the way it seemed to bulge out made him sick and embarrassed. Getting off track.

The door opened and instead of Dirk or Dave or even ‘John’ the guy who yelled at him after he experienced one of the most traumatic field trips of his life, it was simply just a woman who looked like she was straight from a goths wet dream or a vampire smut book. Her dress was… Garish, back and pastel purple stripes with what seemed to be a scarf as a belt. It was.. Tragic, to be kind. Kankri would say she looked like a dead goth doll.

“H-”

“You’re Dave's coworker, right? Jesus, he never stops talking about you.” She sort of grumbled, squinting at him. She didn’t seem unfriendly or grumpy, just a bit jarring. “I thought you’d be taller and more feminine but that may just be because I’m a lesbian. Anyway, I’m Rose. Dave’s my cousin slash brother.” She stuck out her hand, smiling goofily.

He slowly shook her hand, trying to figure out the family relations in his head. “How-”

“Dave’s dad got around and took the saying ‘keeping it in the family’ much too seriously.” She dropped the truth bomb on him like it was nothing, shaking his hands eagerly before leading him inside, never letting go of his hand. He couldn’t help but feel oddly relaxed when she held his hand, feeling like he was holding Dave’s if he was younger.

“Oh. That’s…. Gross.”

“Yeah. DAVE!” She suddenly yelled into the apartment, startling the pile of pillows and blankets on the couch. A highlighter poked her head out, glaring sleepily at Rose.

“Roooose, hush!” She complained before retreating back into the mass of polyester. Once she was gone, another head of hair popped out of the pile, big chunky headphones squishing his usually spiky hair. He pointed to his phone which showed a cartoon horse bouncing across the screen, probably talking about the cupcakes in her… Hoof. Instead of complaining verbally, he just went back under the pile with Roxy and presumably more teenagers. How did they all manage to fit under there? Was… Was that chewing?? Did they fucking have  _ snacks _ under there?!

“Sassy. It always confuses me how expressive Dirk can be without… Expressing.” Rose commented idly before dragging him along, leading him into a small hallway with only three doors. The area seemed ominous and unusually quiet… Until Rose pounded her fist on one of the doors, making a person on the other side yelp with surprise. “Put your dicks away, we’re coming in!” She said bluntly before opening up the door, and

Fuck.

Okay.

New information. Dave looked ridiculously good in a suit. Like, ridiculously good. The sight of Dave standing there, the artificial light making his white hair glow on his head like a halo just took his breath away. The suit hugged him in all the right places, making him look much more masculine and like a young CEO instead of some minimum wage worker. Dave stared at him, his pale cheeks slowly turning pink as he felt his eyes rake over his body, taking in his casual outfit and suddenly, he wished this was a real date.

“You look like a tent.” And the moment was ruined.

“And you look like a child CEO. Are you proud of the work you’ve done, David? Taking advantage of the less fortunate, avoiding your taxes, suppressing the people.. You should be ashamed. When the revolution comes, they’re eating you first.” He crossed his arms, avoiding eye contact with the guy sitting on Dave’s bed. Last time he saw him he was yelling about drugs and he wasn’t looking forward to a repeated experience.

“He’s not wrong, Dave. Hi,” The man held out his hand, smiling with two big buck teeth. “My names John, I’m Dave's friend and Dirks uncle. Sorry about our first meeting, I was a bit hysterical from worry.” He laughed off the awkwardness but something in Karkat's gut told him not to leave Dirk alone around this guy for too long. He just seemed… Childish.

“I’m Karkat, Dave’s coworker.” He replied, shaking John's hand and fuck, that was a grip. It was like his bones were being bent.

“I know who you are! Dave never shuts up about you! ‘Oh and he has the fluffiest hair, I just wanna run my hands through it! Have I told you that yet? Have I told you about how cut-” Before John could finish mocking Dave, there was underwear in his face.

“Dude, shut up! I never said those things!” Dave’s face was bright red, looking silly with his black suit. “Get out, get out, Karkat needs to help me pick out what to wear!” He demanded, making shooing motions at Rose and John, who was gagging comically and rubbing his face in an attempt to ‘rub the sin off’.

“Fine fine! Bleck, never throw your nasty underwear in my face again or I’m poisoning you!” John threatened dramatically, standing up and holy fucking shit he was a big man. A very  _ very _ big man. If he didn’t have such a babyish face, he’d be borderline terrifying. He quickly moved out of John's way, avoiding eye contact out of instinct and sat down on Daves bed, taking the chance to look around. His bedroom was pitifully small, cramped in with only a twin sized bed and a desk that held an old computer that seemed… open on one side, almost exposing the sensitive insides. The room smelled like apple cider and he took note of the candle burning on his desk, filling the air with the sweet scent. His window was open ever so slightly but was otherwise disturbingly similar to the one he had in his own apartment. Covered in locks, cardboard and black out curtains. Poor guy.

“So.... I’m guessing that the suit is out of the question?” Dave spoke up, his voice shockingly smooth. When was the last time he smoked something? Was it even his place to ask?

“Unless you want my religious brother to think I have a sugar daddy that is, conveniently, my age then yes, the fucking suit is out of the question. Dave, we’re going to  _ lunch _ , you don’t need a suit.” He face palmed, trying to wrap his head around Dave’s thought process. Did no one stop him?

“Okay, suits are always appropriate, okay? It’s a fucking power move but I guess you don’t wanna be the alpha Chad here.” Dave grumbled, closing the door before he started stripping, handling the suit with a shocking amount of care. He usually just threw his clothes off- Wait a fucking minute.

“Dude!” He shouted in protest, covering his eyes as his cheeks heated up and he silently thanked his father for giving him a skin tone dark enough to hide his blush. “You don’t just start stripping in front of someone!”

“Dude, you have literally cuddled with me before. You have seen me without my shirt, how is this any different? I’m not- Dude, literally just fucking relax.” Dave started rambling, complaining about how Karkat needed to relax and he knew for a fucking fact that if he uncovered his eyes right now, Dave would be as red as a tomato.

“Alright Mr fucking uhhh…… Virgin. I dunno. I’m wearing underwear now, you can open your eyes.”

“You-” Karkat took a deep breath. Of course Dave wasn’t wearing underwear before, why would he be? Why the hell would he be wearing underwear? He uncovered his eyes, his blood rushing in his ears as he slowly took in Dave's mostly naked body. He was pale, as to be expected, his long limbs kind of reminding him of the monsters they see on the near daily.. He was covered in scars but they were far from pretty. Raised pink skin, ugly and jagged from years of getting tossed around like a ragdoll, a few spots of his skin uneven and ‘dented’ from being bit. It wasn’t pretty or romantic like in his novels where the main protagonist told their love interest their scars were beautiful despite the story behind them. This was reality and it was scary, disgusting and heart breaking but he was starting to get used to it. He’s seen people with maggots crawling out of their face, he could handle some scars.

“Just wear something casual.” He finally broke the silence after who knows how long, crossing his arms. This day was already starting to annoy him and he hasn’t even seen his brother yet. Maybe he could just cancel, say Dave died in a car accident or something.

“Okay but business casual? Friend casual? Party casual? Karkat, you aren’t thinking of the possibilities!” He rustled through his closet, holding up random pieces of clothing that were supposedly different types of casual.

“Jeans and a t-shirt! Maybe a nice button up? Dude, I don’t fucking know! Make it seem like you have absolutely zero anxiety about this meeting!” He threw his hands up, glaring at his coworkers back.

“See, this is where the suit-”

“WE’RE NOT USING THE SUIT!” He shouted, jumping when someone pounded on the door with their fist, rattling it.

Dave huffed and opened the door, glaring down at Dirk who was glaring at him with enough force to make a Marine flinch.

“Zip it! I’m trying to watch anime with my friends and I’m tired of hearing you two fuck wads flirting!”

“Wha- Who- We- We’re not flirting!” Dave sputtered out, his face once again turning red except this time the flush spread down his neck and to his chest. Karkat couldn’t help but think it was a bit cute.

“Uh huh, then why do you always get all red when Karkat comes ‘round? And why are you in your boxers? Check mate, brother.” Dirk replied smugly, even puffing out his chest a little bit in pride.

“Whatever, twerp! Just answer this; Suit or no suit?”

“Dirk don’t you fucking dare answer that question.” Karkat threatened, glaring at the younger Strider because he knew Dirk would say suit, he knew it, he could see the answer in his stupid little eyes and if Dirk said suit then Dave would never wear something else.

“Dirk, don’t listen to him. I’m your brother, the one who-”

“Dave, don’t you fucking dare try to guilt trip him into saying suit. You aren’t wearing a suit!”

Dave raised his hands, glaring at him now. “It goes with EVERY occasion! Fake dates included!” He protested, lowering his hands to cross them, his blonde eyebrows furrowing.

“Wait,” Dirk interrupted, frowning. “I thought you said this was a work thing-” Dave slammed the door shut in Dirks face before the poor boy could even finish his sentence.

“Lies. He is a liar. A little piss baby liar. Never believe a single word he says, ever.” Dave was red almost all over, looking like he spent way too much time out in the sun.

“Uh huh… Whatever, you’re not wearing the fucking suit. Just-” He got up and moved past Dave, looking through his smallish closet and ignored the pillow and blanket in the corner. That wasn’t his business. He grabbed a light colored red tshirt that would flatter his wide shoulders and make him look a bit more masculine while using traditionally feminine colors. He needed to make Dave look masculine enough to not annoy Kankri but feminine enough so Kankri wouldn’t pester him about Dave ‘faking it’ AKA not being gay. It was sad and annoying but it had to be done to make this entire fake date as easy as possible for everyone. He got some nice looking jeans, making sure they didn’t have any holes or stains before tossing the outfit to Dave.

“This. Wear this and brush your hair, comb it back so it looks nice. Brush your teeth, put on cologne if you have some and..” He looked Dave over, examining him through Kankri’s eyes. First of all, they would need ten more months to get Dave to gain more weight and muscle, maybe he… Hell yeah. “Do you have any nail polish?” He asked, already knowing he probably did.

“Huh? O-Oh yeah.. Dirk should know where it is..” Dave mumbled, his cheeks still red. Weird but okay.

“Alright, you get dressed and I’ll find it. I don’t trust you to do your own hair so come straight to me when you’re dressed.” He told him, only leaving when he nodded. He made his way back to the living room, looking for the lumpy pile that was Dirk and his friends. He found it where it was last, on the couch, occasionally wiggling around. Teenagers were weird nowadays. He poked the lump, jumping when he got Jake instead of Dirk or Roxy. Jesus, how many children were in there?

“Huah?” The boy questioned, squinting and slurring his words, clearly just on the verge of sleep.

“Sorry. Can you get Dirk for me?”

“Yeah yeah…” He mumbled and went back under the blankets. The whole pile squirmed and there was some groaning, wordless complaints about having to move around. Dirk eventually poked his head out of a completely different end, glaring at him.

“What?” He practically spit out the question, his chunky headphones still on, his face contorted into one of pure annoyance.

“You have any nail polish that’ll suit Dave?”

Dirks eyes brightened when he asked that question and Roxy poked her head out from under the blankets as well, bright eyed and ready to paint some nails.

  
  


As it turns out, it’s very fucking difficult to get a bastard with ADHD to hold still long enough for his nails to dry.

“Dave, look at me.” He grabbed his coworkers face, the squirming ceasing immediately. “I will cover you in blood and throw you into the woods if you keep squirming. Got it? Do you want Dirk to see your skull licked clean from the monsters in there? Do you?” He questioned, making direct eye contact through the shades while Roxy made quick work of getting his nails repainted. This was the third time he smudged them and they weren’t fucking repainting it again. The black stained so fucking easily.

“N-No- You’re very close.” Dave stuttered out, his cheeks growing warmer under his hands.

“I know. Now, if you smudge this nail polish again, I am cutting your dick off with a knife and hanging it in my window as a decoration then taking your little buddy in the kitchen and using him as my fake date. Got it?” He whispered, his nose touching Dave's. He needed Dave to know that he was willing to commit fucking war crimes against him and his family if he ruined this little fake lunch date for him. He needed Kankri to know he was doing perfectly fine and he wasn’t going to let anyone step in the way of that without a gunshot to the kneecaps.

“Holy shit I am discovering so many new things about myself today. U-Uh, I understand, I will stay still under the polish dries.” Dave squeaked out, his voice multiple pitches higher and his cheek warm as hell under his hands.

“Good boy.” He whispered, pulled away and gently kissed his nose before standing up, looking at Roxy’s handy work. “How’s it going?”

“Great! It’s applying evenly and should be dry in about a minute or so!” She said happily, standing up once she covered up the smudge. “Sooo…. What’s this fake date thing about?” She questioned, looking up at him with her weird, neon pink eyes. Man, no wonder she got what she wanted a lot, Those contacts were fucking disarming.

“My brother is an asshole and hates gay people so I’m going to get revenge by having Dave be my fake date.” He explained it simply, shooting Dave a glare when he saw him start twitching his hands.

“Oh sweet….. Well, you did a good job with him!” She praised, admiring his handiwork. The outfit worked exactly as he had hoped, hugging Dave's shoulders and complimented his biceps while the feminine color and the nails made him more feminine, more stereotypically gay. His hair was combed back nicely, styled in a way that complimented his angular and sharp features without being too intense. Dave was… Attractive. Very, very attractive.

“Yeah, I guess. I did the best with what I had.”

Roxy nodded solemnly. “You know, there’s still enough time to switch him out with John-”

“Hey!” Dave interjected, glaring at them. “I make the perfect fake date!”   
Karkat sighed, ignoring Dave's whining. “I’ll stick with what I have for now. Next time though, I’ll be sure to get John the first chance I get.” He lied, suppressing a grin. He hated teenagers but Roxy was the one exception.

“What does Karkat need me for?!” John voice called from the kitchen, casual as random pots and pans were moved around. Was their house always full with all these people?

“Next time Karkitty’s brother comes into town, you’re gonna be his fake date!” Roxy responded, a bit louder than she needed to be but she got the message across.

“Ohh, dress up! That’s fun!” John exclaimed, sounding like he didn’t mind the idea of being someone's fake boyfriend for a few hours. Honestly, by the looks of him, John was people's fake boyfriend a lot. He was big, attractive and goofy, he would be the perfect fake. Roxy skipped off to the kitchen to hover over John while he cooked, leaving Karkat and Dave semi alone in the living room. Jake, Jane and Dirk were still in their blanket… Pile? Cave? Church service? Hard to know what was going on over there. Knowing Dirk, he was probably showing them conspiracy theory videos about various topics, possibly ranting about fictional worlds or simply just sitting there in silence. To be fair, he didn’t really know Dirk that well.

“So, when does this shit dry? Do I have to keep it, like, stable while we’re there?” Dave questioned, glaring down at the black polish on his nails.

“It should only be a few seconds and no, just don’t scratch it off completely and do not scratch it when we’re at the table or leaving. I don’t want Kankri to think you’re a druggie or something.” He told him, sitting down in the broken and abused chair across from him.

“I am a druggie, technically speaking.”

“Yeah, that’s why I’m having you down at least two cough drops and a few mints before we get there. Kankri is like a bloodhound, he once kicked my sister out of the house for a few hours just because she had some sage on her. It was fresh and grinded up so it looked and smelled like weed but he didn’t listen to her when she tried to explain.. Yeah, mom was pretty upset about that incident.”

Dave frowned, leaning forward a bit but kept his hands firmly on the chairs arms. “Few hours? That’s fucking crazy. I mean, I’ve been locked out for a few hours before but that’s because my supposed father was batshit crazy. Not even joking, he is legally and medically speaking, bat shit crazy.”

“I believe you. It was the middle of summer so it was still light outside and it was still light by the time mom got home but it was still pretty bad. I told you, he’s fucking insane with that shit.” He shrugged, suddenly remembering something. “Don’t forget to take any smoking products out of your pockets when we get there, hide them in the glove compartment or something, he will snoop through our windows.”

“Okay, hear me out, what if you just-”

“The suit would change nothing.”

“It could change everything! You let me go there as my authentic me and scare the fucking daylights out of him. Hell, I’ll be the asshole that smokes in public. Imagine it Karks, I walk in there with the suit and I pull out my beaten piece of shit vape pen and just smoke a fat fucking cloud right there.”

“What is it with you and the suit?!”

“He likes the suit!” Dirk chimed in from under his blanket church, his voice slightly muffled.

“See?! Dirk gets it!” Dave smirked, assuming his brother was on his side.

“What? No, the suit is weird. I’m with Karkat on this one.” Dirk’s hand, or what he assumed was Dirk's hand based on the fact that there was no other kid under there with that dark of a skin tone and it gave Dave the middle finger… Well, kinda. He was pointing it in Dave’s general direction so that counted.

“Betrayal! What happened to blood is thicker than water?!”   
“THIS DICK IS THICKER THAN WATER!” Roxy helpfully shouted from the kitchen, causing the blanket church to erupt into hysterics while Rose slept just a few feet away from them on the floor, not even twitching from all the noise.

Dave sighed, shaking his head with disappointment but had a small smile on his face. “Hey, I think the nail polish is dry, can we go now? I’m sick of all these idiots crawling up my ass twenty four seven.”

“Yeah, yeah, fine. Are you sure John can handle all four of these guys by himself? We won’t need to rush back because they all got into a fist fight again?” He questioned, kind of feeling like a married person asking their spouse if the babysitter would be mentally prepared enough to take care of their four insane children and the thought of being married to Dave didn’t…. Disturb him. But it was still crazy and there was no way it would ever happen.

“Yeah, they’ll be fine. Don’t worry about it.” Dave reassured him, giving him that smile that did weird things to his brain late at night. “And if we do have to rush out, I can make up some lie about being a single dad because my sister died in childbirth and I decided to adopt her son because I am a good brother although I didn’t find out I even had a nephew until years later, when he was already eight and his drunk of a father died in a car accident. The kid went to me and I am trying my hardest to teach him the good ways of my main man Jesus.” Dave put his hands together in a praying motion, smirking smugly.

“Oh really? What’s your son's birthday?” He decided to quiz him, wanting to make sure he was fast enough to lie easily to Kankri.

“December twenty sixth, my late Christmas present of joy.”

“How old is he now?”

“Ten, he still has a lot of behavior problems he needs to be working on and I am working my tookus off to afford him a good Christian therapist to make sure he stays on the path of righteousness.”

“Damn, okay. You’re good at this.” Karkat grinned, getting up off the wobbly old chair and reached out, grabbing Dave's hand and pulling him up as well. “You think you can stand my brother for a few hours?”

“Fuck yeah, I was made to stand assholes.”

“Perfect. Wait, that- How is one made to stand assholes? That sounds really weird and creepy, dude.” Karkat cringed, raising an eyebrow as he watched Dave flushed.

“It’s only weird because you’re making it weird! Stop giving me that look!” Dave complained and stormed out of the apartment, his stomps getting muffled by the carpeting. It was kind of adorable to see him so dramatically angry to hide how embarrassed he was.

Karkat soon followed after thanking John for watching the kids and grinned when he saw Dave waiting there patiently for him, his cheeks still red from embarrassment. Dave locked the door behind them and as they were heading to the elevator, Dave decided to start talking once again.

"You know, if you decide you ever want to grab me and threaten me like that again, I'd totally be down." Dave grinned, obviously trying to play off his embarrassment with jokes.

"You are so fucking weird."

"I'm just saying, I'm totally going to be using that for masturbation material tonight. I dunno, you just seem so hot when you're angry and grabbing my face like that? Woo, hot damn!"

"You have to be majorly fucked up in the head to be into that type of thing and stop talking about masturbating to me!"

"I'm just saying, if you threatened me like that again, I'd cream my jea- OW! Dude!"

He grinned, watching Dave double over in pain dramatically from getting slapped in the stomach. "Weirdo." He teased but internally, something very dark was raving about the idea of getting up close and personal to Dave, watching him shake under him and cum in his pants just from his words.. 

  
  


Karkat sat in his car, his stomach churning and flexing uncomfortably from beneath his skin and once again he wished that he lost weight when he was anxious instead of getting impossibly painful stomach aches and the shits. “What was wrong with the fake death idea again?” He asked, staring out the windshield, wishing the ground would swallow him whole.

“Karkat, that would be so hard to pull off and you’d have to get your sisters on board with the idea. You can do this, I’m right here with you and if it really gets to be too much, we can just leave. I’ll pick you up like a knight in shining armor and carry you the fuck out of there and we can head over to your apartment and chill out. We can watch T.V., I can get some ice cream from the store and we can spend the night tucked in and safe. John will understand if we need to take the night off.” Dave reassured him, gently rubbing his bicep in comforting circles. “You can do this.”

He took a few slow, deep breaths to steady himself and pulled the key out of the ignition. He could do this. He’s faced off giant death worms, he’s fought IKEA workers to the death, he has smacked a ‘ghost’ in the face with a shoe, he’s dealt with zombies and maggots and the fucking void itself. He could handle his big brother. He unbuckled and got out of the car, his knees feeling weak as everything slowed around him. This felt like a bad dream and he had to hold back the urge to run and hide. His brother was only a human, like him. Only human. He couldn’t hurt him, not anymore.

The walk into the restaurant was slow and full of shaky half steps, whimpering and almost crying but he made it. The restaurant wasn’t very full inside, other patrons not even glancing at them as they walked inside. Why would they? It’s a restaurant, people walking inside is normal. Luckily, Dave spoke to the hostess for him, all smiles and polite words all while holding his gross, sweaty hand. They probably looked weird. The hostess probably thought he was just a very tired child. They should just go home, just go back to the apartment and watch stupid cartoons with the kids but before he could suggest this brilliant idea, he was being lead to a booth where his brother was sitting.

Kankri hadn’t changed. Not one bit. His curly hair was trimmed short and neat, obviously straightened to look less ‘ghetto’ and his formally darker skin was paler, much paler than it used to be. He wore a red button up, buttoned all the way up like some maniac and he wore fucking brown slacks. His sense of fashion has degraded significantly over time and as per usual, he had that fucking cross around his neck. The cross he clutched whenever someone so much as uttered the word ‘crap’ under their breath, the cross that dangled around his neck when he was saying says that he had no right to say, the cross that shone in Karkat's eyes when he was begging his brother to come see a drawing he did. He probably saw that necklace more than he saw Kankri’s eyes.

“Karkat.” Kankri greeted stiffly when he finally noticed him, a cold dead stare on his face. “I see you’ve brought a friend.”

“Haha, is that what people are calling it nowadays?” Dave joked with ease, holding his free hand out to Kankri, not sitting down just yet. “I’m Dave, Karkat’s boyfriend. It’s nice to finally meet you!” He said happily, smiling oh so brightly, not even faltering when Kankri turned his dead eyes onto him.

“I don’t shake hands. Too many germs.” Kankri explained monotonously. “Please, sit and lets go ahead and order before it gets crowded with degenerates.” 

Dave slid into the booth, leading Karkat along. This all felt like a dream and he fucking hated it. Why couldn’t they just leave? This was just going to resort to a screaming match like last time and there would be no progress for anyone. No one would leave a better person if they stayed. The only thing keeping him from running off was Dave’s hand in his, holding him tightly despite the quite frankly shocking amount of sweat on their hands. Turns out they were both pretty nervous. He took a deep breath, grounding himself before he slipped into the attitude Kankri wanted from him.

“I hear the salad is good here.” He mentioned plainly and nearly gagged in his throat, watching Dave cringe slightly in the corner of his eye. This type of boring conversation was the only thing that kept everyone calm and happy so even though it made him want to gag, he was doing it.

“Oh, really? Sounds interesting, you do need to watch your weight a little bit.” Kankri commented passive aggressively, opening up his menu. He’s always been ‘concerned’ about anyone that had a bit of meat on their bones. “Don’t want you to end up in a wheelchair.”

Dave squeezed his hand, opening up his own menu, glaring down at it. “I don’t see why Karkat would need to lose weight. He’s strong enough to pick me up so he’s in perfect shape to me.” Dave’s frown melted into a smile and he leaned over, giving him a little peck on the temple. Okay, maybe having Dave be his fake date was not such a bad idea.

“You are in public, keep the PDA to a minimum.” Kankri scolded, glaring at Dave from over his menu. “I’m just concerned about his health. You know, father was always in shape and I’m shocked those genetics did not pass down on to you.” He sighed, scanning the menu items. “You should get the raisin salad here. It’s only five hundred calories and it’ll also count as dessert.”

Karkat was in hell. This was his hell. “Kankri, I haven’t eaten all day, I’d like to have something that will keep me from passing out.” He grumbled but the comment hurt and forced his eyes to the salad section on Dave’s menu, scanning the calorie approximates.

Dave sighed quietly, scooting closer so they could look at the same menu and Karkat already knew he was judging the meals based on prices, not calories or taste. “Well, the burgers sound nice… Oh snap, they have chicken fingers?” He asked excitedly, looking over the kids menu.

“Dave.” He shot him a little glare, trying to subtly remind him that this was  _ lunch _ at a very fucking fancy restaurant and he was not getting chicken fingers.

“Fine fine, no chicken fingers..” He grumbled, leaning against him as revenge for cock blocking his opportunity to eat chicken fingers. Eventually, Dave just scooted the menu over, patiently waiting for the waiter to get there, leaving him and Kankri to scan their menus like a couple of idiots.

When the waiter did get there, he ordered himself the chicken caesar salad because he needed the protein and also needed to keep Kankri from shaming him. He didn’t even listen to what Dave or Kankri ordered, too focused on the straw wrapper on his table from Kankri’s straw. It was weird how they wrapped everything in plastic all the time. Just crumpled up plastic with one single use that would never serve any purpose once it was done covering the thing it was supposed to cover. He found himself relating to the plastic, finding himself often thrown away once he was done being ‘useful’.

“So,” Dave’s awkward voice snapped him out of his thoughts. “What do you do for a living, Kankri?” He asked, his legs rapidly shaking from nerves.

“I’m a special education teacher, substitute for now. I tutor on the side as well. Those kids barely know anything, it only makes sense that I’d teach them as much as I can.” He replied tonelessly, sounding bored and condescending. “What about you, David? What do you do for a living?”

He saw Dave flinch ever so slightly when he was called David, squeezing his hand to keep him from also panicking or going apeshit. He needed at least one of them to be calm and sane during this interaction.    
“I’m an accountant.” He managed to say, leaning against him slightly.

“Oh? How did you become friends with Karkat then?” Kankri questioned, crossing his legs, sitting there all smugly. He looked like an evil villain.

“Weirdly enough, at a convenience store. I was there just to get myself a snack and a drink before I headed off to work and I found Karkat and the first thing I thought was…. Wow. He looks really tired.” Dave chuckled, relaxing a bit. He got this weird little look in his eyes that made his heart twist in his chest, threatening to burst out and just get blood everywhere. Man, that would be embarrassing. “Then, the craziest thing happened! The toilets exploded and somehow ended up starting a fire. It was huge and it smelled horrible, like the gates of hell just opened up and the reckoning was starting so Karkat and I ran outside right as an employee started calling the police department. I forgot to pay for my stuff as I ran out, I was so panicked and just desperate to get away from there and the fire department pulled up soon, thank God and Karkat and I stuck around so we could pay for our things once they put the fire out. We sat there for an hour, two? Maybe even three and they wouldn’t let us get back to our cars because the fire was too close supposedly and when I was looking at Karkat I just…” He looked over, smiling at him. “I realized that he looked beautiful in that lighting. Heart stoppingly gorgeous.” He admitted, his smile slowly fading as he realized that he was telling the truth and Karkat couldn’t help but squeeze his hand once more, heart aching to ask him if that was true but before he could, Dave looked away and the spell broke. “He caught me staring and ended up swearing a storm, I’m telling you, a sailor would be offended by the language he was using but we ended up talking, discussing the fire and how scary it was and something just told me to get his number, get his number no matter what and I did. A week later, we’re dating and having the time of our lives. We even took a road trip together recently, we had so much fun running around that we lost track of time and got home a month later but.. I’d do it all over again if he wanted to.”

Kankri’s blank, dead stare was really ruining the mood here. “Hm. How nice.” He looked over at Karkat, still cold and dead inside like always while Karkat was trying to process his newly discovered feeling for his fucking coworker. “How long have you two been dating?”

“Three months.” He managed to reply with ease, his mind still reeling at the recent discovery. “I know we’re moving pretty fast but time flies when I’m with him. We just work so well together. I wouldn’t trade anything in the world for him.” Dave squeezed his hand and he wished he could kiss him.

“Good for you two. You know,” He already knew where this was going, “homosexuality is just as bad as bestiality.” Kankri ‘pointed out’. He just loved saying that.

“Kankri, just say you hate the gays because Latula won’t fuck you.” He snapped, glaring at his brother. Supposed brother, they never had a DNA test to prove they were related.

Kankri inhaled sharply, clutching the cross around his neck. “Karkat, I am trying to have a nice evening with my little brother and you are ruining it. Why can’t you just do this one thing for me? We can pretend this never happened the second we leave the restaurant, okay? Then you can go back to your dog fucking, alright? Just pretend like we love each other and you aren’t gay.” Kankri practically spat out the words, the only emotion in his eyes being hate.

“Kankri, listen, you seem like a nice guy but if you imply that Karkat fucks animals one more time then I’m going to beat you up until you can’t see.” Dave smiled, saying the threat casually. “I get it, I’m a single dad that works long and hard hours, I’m gay, my boyfriend here has anger issues and a piece of shit brother. You’re obviously angry but keep those snide comments to yourself. Let's all just pretend like we’re happy and healthy, okay? Okay.” Dave was still smiling, tapping his fingers on the table while they waited for the waiter. As he predicted, this was going horribly… But it was better now that Dave was there at least. Hopefully they wouldn’t get banned from the restaurant this time. They’re food soon arrived and Karkat lifted his head up and...

It was guts. Intestines, human most likely, thrown on a plate and just… Served. The waiter set the plate and bowls full of intestines right in front of them followed by their drinks and something just didn’t feel right. Kankri wasn’t screaming, no one was even taking note. Was it just him? Was he the only one that could see the fucking guts right in front of him, even squirming like they were still inside of someone but he felt just the slightest bit of relief when Dave's nails dug into his hand, the sweat probably dripping from their hands by now. 

It was horrifying. The squish and squelch of the intestines moving around on his plate was enough to make him gag but he held back on the urge, his stomach churning below his thin layer of skin, fat and muscle.

"Aren't you going to eat?" Kankri asked from across the table once he noticed they weren’t going to touch their plates, eyebrow raised with a piece of intestine dangling off his fork. The fork was covered in blood at this point, dripping with the bright red liquid as he tried to formulate a response. It didn’t even have to be good, it just had to be a response, something normal and oh fucking god something just ploped out of Kankri’s ‘meal’.

"Yeah." He swallowed thickly around the lump in his throat, looking over at Dave who unfortunately seemed to be struggling with not dissociating, leaving him to deal with this issue by himself. "Just surprised that it looks this good." He slapped on a fake smile, grabbing his fork with shaking hands. None of this made any sense. It didn't... It didn't make any sense. Why..? Did no one else notice? How could they not see what was going on? What WAS going on? This didn't make any sense,  _ someone _ has to notice that it doesn't look right or taste right. Maybe it's all just... A.. Hallucination! Yeah, yeah, just a hallucination... It has to be. Karkat repeated the idea it was just a hallucination over and over again as he slowly stabbed the intestine, forcing down a gag when his fork punctured the thin flesh, allowing the insides to spill out. Dave was struggling next to him, squirming in his seat as he watched him slowly lift the intestine to his mouth and bit down, forcing his mind full of happy thoughts and... 

Salad. It.. It tasted like salad. But the texture.. It was the exact same as the intestine. Grainy and squishy, the flesh stringy and difficult to chew but it tasted exactly like a fucking salad. This was a fucking joke. This had to be a fucking joke. What kind of monster caused this? Why? What was the fucking point? He huffed quietly, glancing over at Dave. "Tastes good." He knew he was grumbling but he didn't have enough mental strength to not be angry at this. Why would something cause them to hallucinate this?  _ What _ was causing them to hallucinate this? Dave gagged quietly next to him, quickly covering his mouth with a napkin. "Apologies, I have a very sensitive stomach. Strong's smells tend to kinda set it off." He lied easily, brushing off Kankri's concerned look. Once Kankri was looking away, he stabbed the guts in front of him and quickly took a bite so he could just get this over with, cringing but soon relaxed when he realized it didn't taste like guts or blood, although neither of them knew what guts tasted like. Well.. Karkat didn't know. He knew for sure that Dave has done some horrifying things so it wouldn't surprise him if he 'accidentally' ate guts at some point. Seeing his co-workers mouth start slowly dripping with blood was.. Unpleasant. Disgusting. It made his heart race with concern, his mind screaming at him to pry Dave's mouth open so he could see where the wound was and fix it but he knew there was no wound and no blood just... Simulated blood. Fuck, he probably had blood on his face but he just couldn't feel it. When he touched his chin casually, pretending to scratch it,

pulling his hand away to check for blood and felt another wave of cold fear pass through him when he saw bright red blood on his fingertips, getting into the crevices of everything it could reach. He quickly looked away from the horrific sight, focusing on his older brother which was also a mistake. Kankri sat there, eating the intestines in front of him like it was nothing, blood covering the area around his mouth and his hands. Even bleach wouldn't be able to get rid of that.

"So." Karkat started, wanting to distract himself. "How's teaching going?" Kankri immediately huffed quietly, getting an angry look that made him regret his decision in seconds. "Kids these days don't know how good they have it. I get into arguments with them every single day and they simply are so disrespectful. They tried lecturing me about agave just a few days ago, claiming it was harming the planet more than honey and supposedly, I was a horrible person for not wanting animals to suffer." As he spoke, specks of blood and chewed up 'food' got spat out, getting on the table. This was hell. This was his own personal hell. He was in hell for being gay, for sucking dick and falling in love with his coworker. He deserved this.

“Agave is really high in fructose. They artificially flavor it because the plant isn’t nearly as sweet as people would like it and companies regularly abuse their works and the environment to get more agave plants and more of their leaves. Honey is naturally sweet and if you buy locally it will support the production of natural wildlife, support pollination and can help save bees which are vital to our lives. Without bees, we have no plants and with no plants we have no herbivores and if we have no herbivores then we have no carnivores and before you know it, we have no food at all.” Dave rambled next to him, staring at a speck of blood on the table.

“Those studies aren’t backed up by anything, they’re done by idiots who think going vegan is bad for you.” Kankri scoffed, taking a big bite of his intestine and suddenly, Karkat realized he could just leave. They could leave this. They could just run away and never have to see this fucking shit ever again.

“Dad would fucking hate you if he saw you right now.” He stared at his older brother, shaking as he saw the blood covering his face. This wasn’t fair. Why did he have to get stepped on just because Kankri wanted to pretend the abuse never happened? Why did he have to look his older brother in the eye while he ate fucking guts? Why him? Why Dave? Why them, why did they have to do this?

“Pardon me?” Kankri frowned, setting his fork down.

“You are everything he fought against, Kankri. He wanted us to be proud of our skin color and yet you lighten it, don’t think people haven’t noticed. You’re fucking ableist, racist, classist, sexist, homophobic and overrall, you’re a fucking bitch. The only reason you took that vow of celibacy is because you are a fucking psychopath that keeps trying to manipulate a girl into dating him when she is already happy with her boyfriend. You’re only ableist because her boyfriend has fucking brain damage and you’re homophobic because you took it up the ass once and  _ liked it.  _ Dad would spit on you if he had the chance, he would lock himself in his room and cry because he raised a fucking pussy with a savior complex and next time you try to get me to starve myself again, I’m cutting you out of my life for good.” He hissed, getting up and dragging Dave along with him. “You’re sad and pathetic and I’m ashamed to be related to such a fucking loser.” He got the final word before storming out with Dave, shame and guilt already starting to eat him up inside. Before they got into the car, he puked on the passengers side, legs shaking to hold himself up as Dave rubbed his back reassuringly.

“There we go, that's it..” He whispered, wiping his mouth with his sleeve when he was done puking his guts out. “You did amazing.”

“Thanks, I’m one hundred percent going to regret this decision for the rest of my life.” He muttered bitterly, leaning into Dave's touch for just a second before getting in the car, grabbing some baby wipes from the glove compartment to clean the blood off himself. He started just carrying some around after the toilets at the store splashed blood on him again and the water mysteriously stopped working.

Dave got into the drivers side, taking a few baby wipes too, cleaning the blood off himself. “You know… I can’t help but think all of this wouldn’t have happened if you had just let me wear the suit.”

“I’m going to fucking kill you.”

“I’m just saying, the suit has some power and it would have prevented the ghost guts from being served, I’m sure of it-”

“Not in the mood. Please just… Take me home.” He whispered, hugging himself. He knew Kankri had tried their best growing up and he just didn’t know any better but..

“Sorry. I’ll ask Rose to pick us up a few nice drinks and a lot of ice cream.” Dave reassured him but his voice was fading already and the hand on his leg felt like a faint memory. He just wanted to rest and never think about this ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy fucking shit this was a long chapter uhhhh  
> thanks for the support y'all and don't be afraid to ask questions, leave comments or provide some constructive criticism! you can also follow me on valerian-valentine-2 for random thoughts, feelings and updates


	21. the boy who cried wolf except not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, it's best to abandon those who are aiming to hurt you, no matter how much they plead and beg for you to stay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!CW!!  
> r*pe but only implied, death, hella sad and disturbing themes. proceed with caution.

Karkat collapsed on his couch, sighing quietly into the rough fabric. He really needed to buy a new one, the fabric on this one was rough and torn, worn down by his years of movie marathons. “I’m fucking exhausted.” He admitted into the flat cushions, lifting his head up to look at Dave who wasn’t paying attention, focused on exploring his apartment and the decor. There was a sweet look on Dave’s face and there was an air around him, a sort of… Intimate air. Like they were hitting third base or something like that but much more domestic and platonic. They stayed silent for a while, Dave looking at the walls with an innocence about him and Karkat looking at his coworker with tired adoration. But, the sweet moment didn’t last long.

“So.. Lunch was fucked up.” Dave broke the silence with that, looking over at him. They both had pink areas around their mouths, stains from the blood they unwillingly consumed. No matter how hard either of them scrubbed, it didn’t come off.

“Ugh, don’t. I don’t ever want to think about that shit ever again.” Karkat groaned, leaning back on the couch, grabbing his blanket from where it laid on the arm of the couch, wrapping the scratchy cloth around himself to ward off the memories of their gory lunch.

“Fair. But if I ever hear your brother talk about food ever again, I think I’ll end up punching him in the face.” Dave walked over, sitting on the little bit of space left on the couch, looming his head over Karkats. His hair framed his face nicely, providing a sort of privacy curtain between the two of them and it was kind of romantic… Until Dave's shades fell on his face.

“Ow!” Karkat grunted, sitting up after he handed Dave his shades back, his nose scrunched up. “Fuck, dude, was that planned?”

Dave was grinning, his albino eyes quickly covered up by his shades. “Nah but it should have been. You look cute when your face scrunches up like that.” Dave complimented him, stilling grinning but his face slowly turned red once he realized what he said.

“You think I’m cu-”

“Fuck uh- I gotta call John!” Dave quickly scrambled away, going into the other room so he could call John and Karkat was left alone with his thoughts.

He smiled a bit as he grabbed the remote, Dave’s red face burned into his brain. It was always so easy to get his coworker flustered and blushing, he wondered if he got lightheaded if he was flushed for too long. He should figure that out. He opened up Netflix on the TV, wanting to watch something sweet to get his mind off of their overwhelming lunch date.

Sometimes, he wondered what his life would have been like if he had just left his job. Just left the store the second he woke up from getting blood, guts and shit splattered on him. Went to some other place and applied, worked at a different store, did anything else and the toilets exploding would be a faint memory. He wouldn’t know who Dave was, he wouldn’t have gotten caught up in the complicated and terrifying life Dave led, he wouldn’t know anything about the horrors that happened just under the surface of the normal world. He could have spent his time going to therapy, repairing his relationship with his brother, he could have learned how to cook or be able to sleep normally at night, not plagued with hallucinations and paranoia. He wouldn’t have met John, Dirk, Jane, Jake, Roxy or Rose, he wouldn’t know that Roxy's favorite color was pink, he wouldn’t know that Dirks favorite gas station snack was sour candies, he wouldn’t know that Jake could eat pounds of fruit in a day, he wouldn’t know Jane was double jointed. He wouldn’t know Dave’s favorite color, he wouldn’t know Dave’s favorite food, he wouldn’t know that Dave talks when he’s nervous or excited, he wouldn’t know that Dave enjoyed the paranormal because it made him feel less strange, he wouldn’t know that Dave made cute squeak noises in his sleep, he wouldn’t know what Dave’s hand felt like in his own, he wouldn’t even know what color Dave’s eyes were.

He would spend his life, unaware of the little world Dave made for himself. He wouldn’t even be a part of it. Yes, he wouldn’t have padlocks on all of his doors and windows and he wouldn’t know what guts tasted like but at what cost? These thoughts kept him up at night, distracting him from the whispers and movements in his home and helped him really figure things out. Why didn’t he just.. Leave? It was a real trolley problem type situation. Cons outweigh the pros but the pros..

“Dude, your watch history is fucking embarrassing.” Dave teased next to him, scrolling through his Netflix watch history. He didn’t even realize Dave had walked back in or took the remote from him. Shit, he needed to stop spacing out so hard.

“So is your sense of fashion but you don’t fuckin’ hear me talking about that, now do you?” He snapped, taking the remote from his coworker. “I’m not in the mood for banter, we’re watching something I wanna watch and you aren’t going to complain.” He went to the search engine and started typing up a good romance movie, one that would comfort him. No blood, no gore, no nothing. Just… Love.

“Sorry… John should be here with some ice cream soon and dinner.” Dave told him, his dejected face pulling at his heart strings but he simply didn’t have the energy to deal with him right now. He just fucking called his brother out on his bullshit and ate  _ guts _ . Dave could handle being snapped at for a few hours.

He played the movie and brought his knees to his chest, wrapping the blanket around his body tightly. It was a nice blanket, heavy but scratchy. It was his comfort item, he’s had it for years and there was no way he wasn’t using it after the entire fucking ordeal he just went through. The familiar opening music relaxed him, almost like a Pavlovian response and he relaxed just a little bit, letting his mind relax and just watch the movie. Dave was twitching and fidgeting next to him, clearly feeling out of place in his apartment. He kept tapping his fingers on the arm of his old beaten up couch, his leg bouncing rapidly and the old couch shook ever so slightly from all the movement, just enough to piss Karkat off some more. He knew it was a bad idea to keep Dave here, to bring him home but they were both disturbed and he knew that both of them would just suffer if they were separated right now but something deep in his mind was screaming and yelling, demanding he throw Dave out. He’s been around Dave too fucking much, he needed to be separated from him some more, just to fucking breathe but the fucking last thing he wanted was to be away from Dave. God, this was just a fucking mess.

“Johns here.” Dave said immediately after the bell rang and the high pitched noise grated against his sensitive ears, his throat clicking when he grunted in acknowledgement. Dave got up, quickly making his way to the door to welcome John in and the quiet background noise of the two talking was both soothing and irritating. The plastic bags rustled loudly as they were taken to the kitchen and Dave’s and John’s voices became much more clear.

“What happened..?” John ‘whispered’, unaware Karkat could hear him.

“Just… Family troubles. Poor guys brother is a dick and not like my dad was, like.. A religious dick. I have no idea how he put up with that crazy nut job for so long, I would have cut him off years ago..” Dave’s voice responded like he knew everything, completely unaware of the many times Kankri was an actually good brother and something inside of him hated hearing them fucking gossip about his family issues when they couldn’t even spend ten minutes apart without getting into an argument.

“Yeesh, he must be a nut job if you even think he’s crazy.” John chuckled. “So what, did he tell you guys being gay is a sin or something? Did he look like he was from a cult? I always thought Karkat had a former cult member vibe..”   
“Oh fucking definitely. He said being gay was just as bad as bestiality and he wore this ugly as fuck necklace-”

Karkat couldn’t take it. Kankri might be a dick but he was still his brother. He got up, his blanket falling to the floor as he stormed to the kitchen. “HEY! You have no fucking right gossiping about my brother when you two can barely be in the same room without bickering and manipulating each other!” He snapped, glaring at the two idiots in his small kitchen.

Dave gave him a stupid shocked look and held his hands up defensively while John moved to stand in front of him, acting as a barrier in case things got physical.

“Hey, we weren’t trying-” Dave started but his stupid pathetic look just got on his nerves.

“That doesn’t matter! It doesn’t matter what you were trying to do, you still fucked up! You have NO fucking clue what Kankri has been through and why he is the way he is, you don’t get the right to judge him no matter how fucking mean he is! Honestly, I thought you should fucking know better Dave!”

“Karkat sorry, but your brother sounds like a fucking abusive dick to both himself and everyone around him. Aren’t you always complaining about him anyway? Why aren’t we allowed to do the same thing?” John crossed his arms, glaring down at him and something deep inside of him just  _ seethed _ .

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize we were allowed to be dicks to everyone and their family members! John, your niece is a fucking bitch and you have a savior complex which is frankly, disgusting to be around. You act like your better than all of your friends and you genuinely believe it but in reality, you’re just an asshole like the rest of us! You live in this world of ignorance which I’m frankly jealous of because how far does your head have to be up your ass to not realize that your own fucking friends are sick and tired of you?! Next time you want to talk about me and my family issues, take a look at your own and decide if you even get to tell me what the fuck to do. Now, get the FUCK out of my apartment!” He shouted, his head and his body hot from the anger swimming through him, his judgement clouded.

Dave opened his mouth, hurt painted all over his face but before he could say what he wanted, John grabbed his arms and started dragging him out of there. “Wait- Karkat-”

“Don’t. I’ve heard enough of your stupid voice for several fucking lifetimes!” He snapped, slamming and locking his door once they exited. He didn’t need Dave, he could handle everything by himself. He could run the store, he could comfort himself, he didn’t fucking need Dave. 

.

.

Karkat sat in his car, feeling like absolute shit. Why did he get so pissy at them? Why? He’s never cared about people talking shit about Kankri before, why was this time any different? He’s never cared about Dave talking shit about Kankri either, why, why was this time the one time he snapped? No matter how many hours he agonized over it, he never seemed to come with a good conclusion. Maybe he should just quit his job now and let Dave continue his life without him in it. Dave probably would be so much happier if Karkat had never entered his life. He wouldn’t have gone to that fucking IKEA, he wouldn’t have had to travel across the fucking country to get home, he wouldn’t have to put up with so much of this shit. Karkat sighed and got out of his car, avoiding his cosmetic mirror for once, going straight in to begin the opening process. The store felt cold and empty, the loneliness seeping into his bones and making his heart ache. He deserved this, he had been such an asshole last night and it was only fair he had to open up the cold, unwelcoming store. He clocked in, even the presence of his boss faint and weak despite the fact the boss was always there. He began the opening up process, tired and chilly. It was kind of scary, the lack of activity around the store. No maggots, no mysterious creatures, no ghosts in mirrors calling him slurs… It should have been comforting but the loneliness only increased and he felt almost crushed by it. Crushed by the lack of another being. It suffocates yet empty, empty air surrounds him. God, this was fucking stupid. His own internal monologue was beginning to sound depraved and clingy, like an incel that likes poetry and emotionally abuses people and thinks he’s deep when in reality he’s just really fucking weird.

He shook his head to shake off his idiotic thoughts and sat behind the counter of the shop, eyes scanning the many different labels of snacks, drinks, candy and everything in between. He knew he was reaching new lows now that his own mind sounded cringey. He should just call Dave and apologize for blowing up on him so suddenly. This was turning into a stupid childish game.. But why was he so affected by his own actions? Why was he so torn up about yelling at Dave a little bit? It wasn’t like neither of them saw it coming, they were both starting to get tired of each other… Right? Looking back on it, it seemed that he was the only one wanting space and Dave was just an innocent bystander that got caught in the crossfire between him and his own issues. The thought of Dave not seeing this coming kind of.. Hurt in a weird way. Like sympathy but stronger.

He grabbed his phone, hyping himself up to call Dave and apologize when it started buzzing in his hand, displaying the name ‘Super hawt hunk from work ;)’ on the bright screen. Dave must’ve gotten into his phone at some point and changed his ID to that. The idea made his heart warm up in some sappy, disgusting way. He answered the phone, getting ready to apologize and move past this but Dave interrupted him the second he pressed the little green icon.

“K-Karkat, oh thank fuck- I need help, please, I’m hurt!” Dave’s desperate voice filled his ears, his heart automatically beginning to pound in his chest as his anxiety rose.

“Where are you? What happened?” He questioned, grabbing his keys, practically sprinting to the door.

“Outside. Please, Karkat, I- Oh God, it hurts so much, fuck… Please, help, I’m in the woods and- Oh god, please help!” Dave’s voice begged him, garbled from the sobs and Karkat's hand froze, inches from the door. Dave’s truck wasn’t out there and there wasn’t a bus stop for miles.. Why would Dave be anywhere near the store without calling first? And why would he be giving such vague answers?

“Um… Can you walk?” He asked, tense. His gut was yelling at him, demanding he stay inside while his heart ached, begging him to help his coworker. To help Dave. To save him, help him, make him better.

“No! My legs are broken and- oh fuck, it’s coming for me, please!! Karkat, please, you have to help me! Please, there’s so much blood, there’s-” Dave got cut off with a coughing fit, his breathing short and quick. He sounded like he was choking on his own tears.   
There was just something wrong with this, he just couldn’t place it. It just didn’t seem like Dave or.. Human. He would have given him a good location other than ‘outside’ and he would have seen his car out there if he was nearby. He swallowed thickly and slowly put his hand on the door handle, shaking a little bit. He stared out at the glass, the outside looking cold and foreboding. “Where are you? Are you close?” He asked quietly. Maybe… Maybe Dave could drag himself closer, he could drag himself closer to the store and he could help him..

“I don’t know, I don’t know, it’s so dark and I’m so cold- Please Karkat… Karkat please, don’t you believe me..?” Dave’s choked sobs made his heart  _ hurt _ . Not in a mild way, but like he was stabbed in the chest with a fucking stake. He wanted to help, he really did but..

“I…” His hands were shaking, his voice quivering as he slowly moved his hand towards the lock. “Who are you?”

“I… What..? What are you going on about? Karkat, it’s me! Please, just come and help me, you can ask me questions later!” He begged, his desperate voice making his eyes well up with tears, his vision blurring.

Karkat slowly locked the door with a click, tears beginning to stream down his face, his eyes stinging from his salty tears. “I can’t do that…”

“Karkat? Karkat, where are you going?” The desperation in Dave’s voice made his blood run cold. He wanted to run out into those woods and fucking save him, he didn’t even care if this was fake. “Karkat, please! Please, don’t leave me! No no nononononono! PLEASE!” Dave begged, his screams penetrating his brain like spikes, desperately trying to drag him to his doom. “I don’t w-wanna die alone!” Dave sobbed, the phone crackling from his harsh breathing. “Please… Please, don’t leave me….” There was a moment of silence, only filled with Daves harsh panting and pained gasps. “Are you still there? Karkat?”

Karkat grabbed the journals from behind the counter and quickly started making his way to the back rooms where he would feel the need to run outside a little bit less. He set the old, beaten journals down on the stained desk and sat in the shitty chair, scanning the live feed from the cameras. “I’ll save you if you tell me who you are.”

There were a few seconds of heavy breathing before the monster on the phone snapped. “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, KARKAT?! I have saved you hundreds of times and this is how you repay me?! Letting me die alone?! Fuck you! Fuck you! I was fucking right about you, you fucking bitch! You’re fucking useless, I bet you couldn’t even fucking breathe without my goddamn help! Do something useful for once in your life and HELP ME!” Dave screamed at him, his anger hitting him hard, like a blunt dagger right to his chest.

“He would never yell at me.. You aren’t him.” He said to reassure himself mostly, crying quietly as he held the journals close. He had planned on using them to figure out what this thing was but right now they acted as his only thing anchoring him to this reality and keeping him from running out there.

“Shut up shut up shut up! Get your fucking ass out here and help me, please! You’re fucking heartless, you know that right? You’re a selfish, cruel little bitch and I hope your brother fucking rapes you, you goddamn whore! Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you!”

Karkat sat in the chair, quietly sobbing as Dave’s insults and screams filled his head. His heart ached and he held back the urge to cry out, to scream, to run out there and just get away. This wasn’t the real Dave, Dave would never yell at him like this and he would never say such horrible things but.. But he sounded  _ so much _ like him. He sobbed as the screaming continued, watching the cameras for movement. This wasn’t Dave. It wasn’t! It was just some sick, twisted monster! It had to be!

The screams slowly began to fade, the only thing filling the silence being Karkats own sobs and the heavy, staticy panting coming from his phone. He sniffled and wiped his snot away with the back of his hang, cringing at the gross slimeyness of it but he didn’t let that stop him. He opened up the journals, beginning to search for anything related to fake phone calls, monsters trying to fool him and lure him outside.

“Karkat…?” Dave’s soft, sweet voice called from the speakers. “Are you still there…? Please don’t leave me, I’m sorry…”

He choked down a sob, his body shaking from the effort. “Go away! You aren’t him and you never will be!” He demanded, flipping through the pages faster, desperately searching for something that will help him. The sobs, cries and begs started up again, Dave’s voice begging for help, for company, for comfort but Karkat forced himself to simply tune out the words. He could do this. He could make this monster go away.

He finally came across a page that mentioned monsters impersonating people and started reading, flinching when Dave started screaming again.

‘ _ i don’t know what these things are but you shouldn’t trust a word they say. they will try anything to get you outside but you can’t listen to them, no matter how much they scream or beg or flirt. you have to stay strong and just ignore them. hanging up will only cause them to appear outside in a deformed, slightly off version of the person they have chosen to impersonate. they will bang on the doors and windows, begging to’  _ The text was smeared, covered in water stains at this point. There was another passage, random letters missing from what Karkat assumed to be tears.

_‘they take the frm of the prsn you_ _love_ _love_ _Love the most ad are mot vulnerable to’_ The words stared at him dead in the face, presenting him with something he has avoided thinking about for a long time. He couldn’t ignore the way his heart ached and raced around Dave, he couldn’t ignore the way his body felt hot around Dave, he couldn’t ignore any of that anymore. Who knew a few broken words could force him to confront a deep, deep secret he barely even knew he had? He continued to read, stopping dead in his tracks. 

_ ‘im so sorry john’ _

Oh.

He slammed the book shut before he even had the chance to acknowledge the feelings coursing through his chest, aching and demanding attention, demanding to be acknowledged after months of ignoring. He couldn’t do this. He could only handle so much, he couldn’t take this on as well. Dave screamed and begged from his phone, calling out to him, demanding help. Spouting out confessions of love and promises of a wonderful, domestic future if he just unlocked the door and  _ stepped outside _ .

He hung up on the monster. He knew he shouldn’t have done that, he knew he just made everything worse but that’s what he did best, right? That’s what he always did, he fucked everything up and ruined it for everyone. He wasn’t going to be able to leave this place ever again, he was going to have to quit his job and run away, force himself to forget about Dave and his family, force himself to forget about the horrors he’s faced here but no matter what he tried, he couldn’t get the words out. Every time he tried to say it, he sobbed instead and made pathetic, disgusting whining noises that could only be interpreted as distress. He needed help, he needed someone, anyone. He needed Dave, he needed Kankri, he needed his dad. They would know what to do, they would be able to save him but they weren’t going to. Loneliness surrounded him like a thick blanket, the isolation already started to get to him. Through the cameras, he saw a bloody, crying, deformed Dave scratching on the front door, begging to be let in. His movements were jerky and wobbly, like his bones had been removed and replaced with bugs.

He sobbed and cried, begging the fake Dave to go away, begging the real Dave to come help him, begging Kankri to help him, begging his dad to come back and protect him. In the end, he didn’t even know what he was begging for besides help. He wasn’t sure what ‘help’ would be at this point but he didn’t care, he just needed another human there with him. Someone real to hold him and tell him it was okay.

.

.

He ended up falling asleep in the scratchy office chair, his face sticky and crusty from his snot and tears that had flowed freely while he slept. The first thing he did was check the cameras for the anomaly, his hands shaking as he zoomed in on every inch of the screen, searching for any sign of movement. It was dark outside, the only noise being the buzzing of the lights and the whirr of the fans quietly doing their jobs. He already knew he wouldn’t be getting home that night. He simply couldn’t not with the sky darkening and the parking lot empty. He hoped he wasn’t going to get his pay docked for this or something..

He cleaned himself up a bit, rubbing his eyes and grabbing a corner of his shirt to clean his face off while he debated calling for a ride. He shouldn't, right? After a whole ordeal like that, he shouldn’t call anyone and risk inviting the wrong person over but.. That monster wasn’t Dave and it was obvious. Maybe.. Maybe he’d get lucky and get the real Dave. He couldn’t sleep here, he would get killed or worse! He slowly grabbed his phone and unlocked it, looking at the many missed calls from ‘Super hawt hunk from work ;)’. Fifty missed calls in total, two hundred and five unread text messages from him. He shakily opened his contacts, letting out a choked sob when he saw ‘Dave’ as one of the first options. This fucking monster even used a fake contact? He scrolled through the list, unable to even find ‘Super hawt hunk from work ;)’ anywhere. He should have known. He should have fucking known, Dave would have never fucking go through his shit like that. Why was he so fucking stupid?

He opened Dave’s contact information and called him, quietly biting his lip while the phone rang in his ear. He should just stop now, it was late, Dave was probably having fun with his family or getting ready for bed or having di-

“Hello? Karkles?” Dave’s hopeful voice came from the speakers, soothing his eardrums like a balm and forcing a choked sob out of him.

“I-I’m at the store a-and-” He sobbed, shaking as he tried to ask for a ride home. 

“Hey hey, woah, relax. Take a deep breath, you’re okay. Calm down and tell me what happened.” 

Karkat forced himself to breathe, in and out at a slow pace. He couldn’t fuck this up with his crying, he needed to get out of here as soon as possible and he didn’t care if it was by helicopter, death or car. Once he managed to calm down a bit, he spoke again. “I need you to come pick me up. I…. There was a fake you and-” He shuddered, remembering Dave's desperate voice begging him not to leave. “I need you.” He whispered, almost falling into shambles when he didn’t get an immediate answer.

“I… I need you to tell me who you are and where you are exactly.” Dave’s voice was quiet but soothing, the questions reassuring him that this was the real Dave.

“My name is Karkat Vantas, related to Kankri Vantas and I’m at the store. I’m in the back room with the cameras, when I see you on the cameras I’ll move out to the front and we can go. Please, I just.. I need to get away from here. I’m sorry for yelling and blowing up, I was just overwhelmed and heated from Kankri and I didn’t mean what I said-”

“Shh, shh, it’s okay. We can talk when we get home, you’re staying the night. Let’s stay on call while I drive, okay? I don’t even want you to breathe without me knowing about it.” 

“O-Okay…” He replied meekly, sniffling like a cold kitten as he listened to Dave get to his car. He could hear the muffled sounds of conversation on the other side of the phone, flinching when he heard John’s voice sounding displeased. He really was just a burden on all of his friends, huh?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a BIG thanks to @kavisilence for giving me the idea of impostor dave and another thanks to my writing buddy @albapuella !!  
> my tumblr is valerian-valentine-2 if you have questions, comments, ideas or anything like that! I love talking to people and i love hearing y'alls opinions! :)


	22. Arguments and Pining.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave's got it baaaad.

Dave drove as fast as he could without risking getting pulled over by a cop, heart throbbing in his chest as his foot almost touched the floor from how hard he was pressing the gas. His fingers were going to dent the wheel from how hard he was gripping it but he couldn’t give two shits, his mind plagued with thoughts of what the monsters surrounding the store could have done to his coworker. What if that  _ thing _ got in and hurt Karkat? What if Karkat went outside to wait for him and the monsters got him? What if Karkat fell for its trap? What if Karkat got hurt and was waiting for help all alone? The scenarios raced through his head, each one making his foot press against the gas more and more as he drove. He knew what it was like listening to those fucking freaks on the phone and he didn’t want Karkat to have to bare another second of it, not alone at least. He yanked the steering wheel, nearly crashing into the store as he drifted into the parking lot and hit the brakes, grabbing his sword out of the back seat the second the car stopped. His sword wasn’t the most perfect weapon but he was skilled enough to do some damage. He hated the familiar grip of the handle, how easy it was to hold it now and how it filled him with cold fear, fear that he would hurt the wrong person but he ignored those thoughts for now. This wasn’t the time or the place to get sad over some shit that happened years ago.

He got out of the truck, anger starting to fill his veins. How FUCKING dare some pathetic little asshole try to trick Karkat?! Karkat has done nothing to warrant this treatment and the injustice made his blood boil, his fingers gripping the handle of his old sword as he stormed to the side of the store, looking and watching for the little fucker that dared to prey on his coworker. He was going to wreck it's shit.

However, when he saw it, he faltered. It looked like a funhouse mirror version of him, the sternum sticking out too much and almost piercing the skin while it’s movements were jerky, like a deer with broken legs. It’s arms were too long, it’s nails were too sharp, it’s teeth were too few and too sharp, it was.. Terrifying. The creature slowly started morphing when it noticed him, taking on Karkat's appearance while mimicking his voice, begging for help, begging for comfort. This didn’t stop him.

“HEY! Get the fuck out of here!” He shouted, lifting up his sword and started charging, his vision going red as he chased the monster, chasing it back into the woods where it came from and would hopefully stay while it ran from him once it noticed his sword. He almost ran right into the ominous woods, stopping right before he could be qualified as in, leaves rustling around him while he watched the monster disappear into the darkness, the creature running on all fours despite still looking like a human, it’s bones shifting and changing, filling the silence of the woods with audible cracks and rips of flesh and bone. It was horrific sight but something dark inside of him hoped it was in pain from the transformation and it purred at the thought of causing that monster harm, purred at the idea of getting revenge. He took a moment to calm himself before walking back to the store, unlocking the back door with his key. The store was silent, seemingly empty but he knew Karkat had to be in there.

“Karkat? It’s Dave!” He called out to the emptiness, raising his sword just incase anything decided to fuck with him or he needed to defend Karkat. The door leading deeper inside of the store slowly creaked open and instead of a terrifying monster, it was Karkat, shaking from head to toe like a small tree in a storm. He looked exhausted- Well, more than usual. His eyes were bloodshot, his eye bags were bigger, his lips were dry and cracked, he just looked like shit in general but instead of saying that, Dave dropped his sword and ran over, enveloping his coworker in a tight hug that was more of a crushing tackle rather than a hug.

“I’m so fucking sorry..” He mumbled into the crook of his neck, having to lean down to hug him properly.

“Please just take me home..” Karkat whispered, his voice scratchy and thick. It wouldn’t have surprised him if Karkat had ended up passing out from fear or pure exhaustion at some point. He sounded exhausted.

“Alright, alright. I’ll get you home, I’ll keep you safe.” He whispered back, gently kissing Karkat's head while he pulled away, happy he was okay. He grabbed his hand and led him out, picking up his sword on the way just in case. It took a lot of forehead kisses, a lot of hugs and a lot of convincing but Karkat followed him outside, jumping at every noise and practically clinging to his side like an injured puppy. He wouldn’t even allow Dave to let go of his hand to get to the other side of the car, he had to crawl over him which was super fucking awkward but he’d do anything to make sure Karkat was happy in that moment. He would do anything for him.

The car ride home was quiet, Karkat staring out the window in silence, obviously watching for the monsters that inhabited the woods, the nightmares they experienced every day. Every so often, Karkat would glance over, his pupils little dots in the middle of his eyes, watching his every movement like he was a monster instead of his coworker, instead of his friend. He looked at him with paranoia, pure terror in his eyes unlike the usual playful annoyance he had. It made him feel like a monster, a thing to be feared instead of a human. It hurt but he understood the feeling. The feeling of being watched, the feeling of not knowing if the person next to you was a human or a monster.

  
  


The ride was painfully long but worth it to see Karkat finally relax once he saw the familiar apartment building Dave inhabited, the tremors finally coming to a stop when they got to the top floor but that didn’t make Karkat stop gripping his hand like it was the only thing keeping him from falling to the monsters, into the darkness. He unlocked the door and led Karkat inside, being gentle and quiet with his coworker, just like all the times they’ve comforted each other. He helped him take off his shoes and put them in the right place, speaking in sweet whispers and soft touches.

“Dave, is every- Oh.” John stood in the entryway, staring at Karkat with disdain then worry. “The fuck happened to him?”

“I’ll tell you later.” Dave reassured his friend, standing in between his coworker and his best friend, acting as a sort of barrier to help Karkat feel safer. “Karkles, you wanna go sit on the couch while John and I talk?” He asked his coworker, gently squeezing his hand.

Karkat looked up at him, eye boogers crusted around his eyes, red dots from burst capillaries just making his eyes look even more sunken in. He looked exhausted, dead, like he’s been through hell and back but somehow, he was making it work like always. “Okay…” He whispered, his voice still croaky from lack of use. He looked so beautiful and he sounded perfect, even when he was exhausted. It took him a few moments but Karkat finally let go of his hand and shuffled to the living room, hugging himself tightly to comfort himself. Letting go of Karkat's hand was worse than all of his gore dreams combined, including the eye socket one. Especially the eye socket one.

Dave sighed, watching Karkat walk away before he followed John to the kitchen to talk, his heart beating loudly in his chest as he worried about his coworker. He really hoped Dirk and Roxy would be nice to him, Karkat didn’t deserve anymore stress. He leaned against the counter, watching John pace along the cheap tile.

“John, just relax.” He sighed, running a hand through his thin hair. He was starting to get a bit tired of John bossing him around and stressing out about his life so much. Dude needed to worry about his own life.

“Dude, I know you have some weird crush on him-”

“Just because I’m bi doesn’t mean I have a crush on every person that's nice to me!”

“I’m not saying that! I’m just saying, he could end up hurting the kids!” John huffed, glaring at him, his arms crossed. “I mean, if his temper is so short around us, what’s to say he won’t lash out at Dirk? Or Roxy? C’mon Dave, think about this. You know Dirk is sensitive and can’t really pick up on social cues.”

“Hey, don’t fucking bring up Dirk like that. He can handle himself and I highly fucking doubt Karkat would snap at a kid for making an honest mistake. He was the only one who managed to take care of their group drama! Listen, if he ends up doing some fucking stupid shit then I’ll take responsibility for it, okay?”

“Dave, you can’t just invite every random person who seems sad into your house! What even happened to him? Why does he look like someone just got murdered in front of him? Is he-” John glanced at the door, lowering his voice before he continued. “Is he on drugs?”

Dave scoffed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Not everyone I know is on drugs, John. Listen, some bad shit happened at the store and-”

“Here we go again!”

“-and I don’t want to talk about it because you always do that! I’m telling you, this shit is fucking real! I’m not fucking crazy, you just have to believe me on this one.”

“Dave, you need help. You can’t keep dragging everyone into your little fantasy world where you randomly appear into IKEA and get chased by horrible monsters and you have to do all these stupid little things to prevent nightmares or something. You are damaging Dirk’s mental health just by being around him and you need to stop this shit!”

He opened his mouth to retort but quickly shut it when Dirks voice piped up from behind him, not wanting his little brother to hear them argue. That was the last thing he needed right now.

“Is Karkat gonna sleep over?” Dirk asked quietly, his chunky headphones hanging around his neck.

“Uhh… Do you want Karkat to sleep over?” He asked, glancing over at John who shot him a glare. Tough shit, Egbert.

“Yeah. He’s cool. He put oil on my head and now it isn’t itchy.” Dirk gave him a thumbs up, a little smile on his face. Dirk was always the best at judging people's character and if he was saying it was okay for Karkat to sleep over then maybe John would accept it.

“Alright then. Go tell Karkat he’s staying over.” He smiled, watching his little brother quickly run back to the living room to tell Karkat the good news.

“Dave-”

“John, don’t even try to argue with me about this. I know how you feel but Karkat is a good dude and he wouldn’t lash out at the kids or hurt them, okay? You just… You have to trust me, okay? I’m trying and getting help, I promise.” He sighed, looking at his best friend. Honestly, he loved the idea of Karkat staying over. He was really hoping his John could get to know him better and the idea of being able to watch over Karkat all night long satisfied his paranoia. If Karkat was around, then he could protect him all night long.

“Fine. But if he fucks up  _ once _ I get to say I told you so.” John grumbled, leaving the kitchen with a huff.

Dave sighed and followed, his sour mood immediately dissolving like baking soda in vinegar when he saw Karkat talking with the kids, a tiny smile on his tired looking face. He looked so at peace when he was around them despite going through trauma not even two hours ago. Dave took a moment to appreciate Karkat’s looks, admiring his jawline that seemed even more defined with the window behind him, his soft looking skin practically glowing. His thighs looked softer than any pillow he’s ever seen, he just wanted to get his head squished in between them while they rested together. God, it was a damn fucking shame Karkat always wore those shitty sweatpants that hid his pretty legs and maybe he should stop staring at Karkat and thinking about his legs, this was getting a bit weird.

“-and we can make popcorn and watch some spooky movies together and oh! Dirk can tell you all about the house rules! He has all of them written down just in case Dave forgets.”

Dave flinched at Roxy's excited words, embarrassed about the mention of his ‘rules’. He’s been fighting these monsters for years, it made sense he had rules that kept them from getting into his home but that didn’t make him any less embarrassed about them. They made him seem crazy, delusional and paranoid which he was but that didn’t stop his feelings from getting hurt.

“Rules?” Karkat questioned and before Roxy or Dirk could answer, he stepped in, interrupting them.

“Knock it off, germs. Karkats had a hard day and needs some rest, not two oompa loompas annoying him. C’mon Karkas, lets go get you tucked in, okay?” He made sure to soften his voice when addressing his coworker, gently touching his arm to let him know he was there and ready to help. He helped Karkat up, smiling when he immediately held his hand, guiding him to his room with slow steps and encouraging whispers while he felt John's eyes bore into his side. He could explain later, he needed to get Karkat horizontal first before the poor guy ended up passing out on his feet.

“House rules?” Karkat questioned once they were behind a closed door, yawning quietly. He, as always, looked beautiful in this lighting. The cheap, yellowish light bulb would have made anyone else look horrendous but Karkat looked like an angel under it. Well, he looked gorgeous in all lighting but something about having Karkat in his room, bathed in his cheap little light, with his hair all messy and a cute sleepy look on his face just hit him differently.

“Uhh… Yeah. Kinda like the rules we have back at the store, they’re there to protect us. Like umm… The kitchen. You have to pass through until it feels right or else your food will spoil without you noticing and give you severe food poisoning. Similar to telling off the toilets at the store so they don’t explode.” He explained nervously, staring at Karkat from behind his shades like some weirdo. Fuck, he’s only ever told Dirk about these rules and he promised not to let anyone else know about them but just being around Karkat brought down all of his defenses, like an arsonist in a dry wood building. It was going to crumble and bring everything else down with it. Like two straight white people having a baby shower or something.

Karkat stared at him tiredly for a few seconds causing his heart to race before he sighed and turned around, flopping down on his small bed. “Great. Dude, that sounds like some fucking OCD shit and I’m not about it. Is….. Is it actually about the monsters or..?” He questioned, raising his head slowly.

“Yeah, why the fuck else would I do it? You think I wanna lock my door exactly sixteen times every night or count the doors every morning and night? Last time I didn’t follow the rules, I got the same call you did.” His mind forced images of that night into his head. When he was hopelessly enamored with his best friend and completely vulnerable to anything he wanted.. His best friend's face, squishing against the glass, smeared blood and guts across it as he sobbed and begged for help. Phone calls begging him to come outside with the promise of sexual pleasure, the promise of sweet kisses, the promise of dates and sleepovers and comfort in each other's arms. Of course, after a few weeks of crying and sobbing and having panic attacks over that moment, his crush faded and he returned to only being best friends with John.

Karkat nodded, barely able to keep his eyes open. “‘M sorry that happened…” He mumbled, his voice muffled by the cheap pillow. His heart melted when he saw him, aching and threatening to burst out of his chest. Fuck, he has it so fucking bad.

“Don’t be.” He reassured his coworker and mentally told his heart to knock it the fuck off before going over and helping him get out of his jeans and socks, tucking him in and gently kissing his forehead when he made sure he was comfy. “You’re safe here. I’ll make sure nothing gets you, I promise.” He whispered against his skin, holding back the urge to lean down just a bit further and brush his lips against Karkat's. He probably wouldn’t even notice, just a small little touch of their mouths and he could blame it on a loss of balance or something.. 

“Keep the door open.. Please… Wanna make sure you aren’t gonna leave the house…” Karkat whispered, his eyes shut now. He looked so beautiful like this.. His hair was strewn all across the pillow, his mouth was open slightly and his chest rose so slowly. Something about seeing Karkat like this made his heart squeeze and his face heat up, the urge to just watch him sleep all night strong but the creepiness factor of that was way too fucking high.

“I promise.” He whispered, gently touching his coworkers cheek. His skin was a bit oily, covered in stubble and he was already imaging it rubbing against his cheek or chest or neck while they cuddled.. He wanted so badly to just lean down and kiss him but Karkat was already half asleep and already had such an overwhelming day, he couldn’t do that to the poor guy. Some other time, once the dust has settled. He got up before he could give into the urge and left, turning off the light and leaving the door open just a crack so Karkat wouldn’t feel closed off and lonely. He should have been there with him, he should have been with Karkat to protect him, he should have gone into work and just fucking checked up on him or something, he should have at least called him last night to make sure he was okay. He should have done  _ something _ to prevent this from happening. He took a shaky breath as worrying feelings swarmed inside of him and quickly went back inside his room, moving silently to his nightstand and grabbed his vape before leaving, swiftly making his way out of the apartment. Karkat wouldn’t care if he left for just a few seconds, he would be back in less than twenty minutes anyway. He went up the stairs, to the roof and made sure the door was closed behind him before he took a hit off his box mod, the crackle sending pleasant tingles through his scalp and the first hit relaxed him automatically. It wasn’t because of the drugs, it was the stupid way he’s Pavlov’d himself into finding comfort just from the smell of the fucking smoke. The apple cider taste was pleasant and burned his lungs in a way that he knew he deserved. He sat down on the gravel, back leaning against the scratchy concrete wall and he let his thoughts drift out of his body along with the smoke. He knew he could probably get the same pleasure and release through meditation without destroying his body but what could he say, addiction ran through his veins and fuck did he love drugs. He probably shouldn’t think about that for too long though or else he’d end up throwing himself off the roof like an idiot.

He forced his mind to turn into static, just a constant buzzing of all the memes and facts he learned this week, the drone preventing the intrusive thoughts from sneaking in. He stared at the skyline, watching the clouds move and shift through the sky, imagining cute little animals playing on the soft tufts of white and soon his cute fantasy was ruined by some bitch opening the fucking door.

“Dave?”

He sighed, resting his head against the scratchy concrete. “Yes, John?”

“You wanna talk about why Karkats staying here?” John questioned, sitting next to him on the hot gravel.

“Silly me, I thought you were coming up here to apologize to me. Nope, you’re just here to berate me and my choices once again. Thanks for that, best friend.”

“Dave, you know I only have your best interest-”

Dave huffed, cracking his knuckles. “No, I don’t think you do. John, just relax. I’m not a dumbass, okay? I know what I’m doing and you just… You have to believe me. Karkat is a good guy and you need to chill out and mind your business. I’m not being reckless, I’m a fucking adult, okay? You have to start treating me like one and stop babying me, we’re the same age, dude. I know you enjoy taking care of me and you get stressed out but maybe Karkat was right! Maybe you need to look at your own problems before butting into mine!”

John stared at him, a frustrated look on his face. He hated this, he always hated making John upset but it had to be said. “Fine. I’ll just let you turn into your bro, huh? Discard all of those promises I made years ago and let you turn into a sad, bitter old man.” He hissed, his words feeling like hot white iron against his skin and ribcage. He ignored the tears stinging his eyes and stood up despite his mind screaming at him to get down on his knees and beg for forgiveness.

“John, I am never going to turn out like him because unlike him, I don’t  _ want _ to be a bad person and you are truly fucked in the head if you try to use my own fears and insecurities against me. John, I love you. I really do but I think it would be best if you didn’t contact me again until you’ve realized how royally you have fucked up.” He said shakily before yanking open the heavy roof door, storming down the steps as hot tears threatened to spill over. He knew John didn’t mean it, he knew he would be getting an apology soon but it still hurt to hear those words leave his best friend's mouth. This wasn’t the first time John got pissed and said something like that but he would like it to be the last time. He took a deep breath, schooling his expression before he went back into the apartment, feeling exhausted despite it not even being close to any sort of reasonable nap time.

He watched Dirk and Roxy chill out on the couch, the two teens playing an aggressive game of footsie while casually talking about some sort of internet drama or something. He knew what had to be done. He really, really didn’t want to ruin the good mood but he didn’t have a choice at this point. The two deserved to know what was going on. He hyped himself up before strolling into the living room, sitting on the trash chair next to the couch. They got it off the side of the road, that’s why they called it the trash chair. It was an ugly peach pattern but it was nice enough to nap in and it didn’t have fleas so whatever, they could deal with it.

“Kids, stop that for a sec.” He spoke up, his voice quiet and pathetic sounding. God damn it, he couldn’t even bring himself to sound tough for once.

Dirk frowned, sitting up, looking at him with a worried look that hurt his chest, made his ribcage squeeze and constrict around the soft tissue of his lungs. “What’s wrong? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything is fine but..” He sighed, rubbing his face. He shouldn’t tell them this, they should just live in their little bubble of ignorance and not have to face the challenges of adulthood again. They were too young, they shouldn’t have to deal with all this adult shit. “John and I had an argument so he’s not gonna be around for a few days.” He finally blurted out before he could lose his nerve. “It’s not gonna be forever so don’t worry about it, it was just a small disagreement.”

“Is it about Karkat?” Roxy questioned, her pale eyebrows furrowed together. Despite not technically living there, she always acted like his little sister. “I kinda heard you two talking about him earlier… And John was telling us not to be around Karkat too much… And he said some other things about you…” She admitted guiltily, picking at her fingernails while she spoke, obviously scared of being in trouble for eavesdropping.

“Wha-” He stopped himself before he could lose his temper. Of fucking course John was telling the kids not to talk to Karkat, why wouldn’t he? “Yeah. It is but don’t worry about it. We’re going to work it out, I just wanted to tell you guys what was going on so you wouldn’t get worried. Now, Karkat is probably going to stay with us for a few days so you’re going to have to be nice, okay? He went through a lot at the store so he needs rest.” He explained, hoping the teens would understand.

“Oh… Okay, so like a sleepover?” Dirk questioned, frowning. God, he was too fucking smart for his own good. He knew Dirk would find out the truth at some point, he would find out about all the monsters that constantly surrounded them but for now, Dirk was just going to have to deal with being his little bro. Just for a little while longer.

“Yeah, like a sleepover. It’s gonna be fun, I promise but if either of you feel uncomfortable and don’t want him here, tell me. I’ll take care of it, okay?” He smiled when the two nodded, understanding the situation completely. They were both so fucking smart. “Now, what do y’all want for dinner tonight? Anything you want, I’ll get it.” He promised, holding up his hand in some sort of mockery of boy scouts honor or something. He let himself space out while the two teens quickly dissolved into bickering, arguing over what to get for dinner. It didn’t matter what they decided on, he was going to get it for them even if it was hundreds of dollars. They deserved a bit of a treat for being so calm and responsible while he was off fucking around with monsters and his own affairs. Speaking of his affairs, he should get himself a doctors appointment and see what kind of therapists were covered by his insurance.. He should get one for Dirk first though. He could simply ask Dad for some money but the thought made him feel guilty, like he was taking advantage of the old man's kindness despite knowing Mr Egbert would adore being able to help Dirk get some professional help. He could probably pick up a second job or something, skip a few meals and work up enough money to have on hand just in case he couldn’t find anyone that took their insurance.. Or if their insurance didn’t even cover the cost of a child therapist. Did Dirk even need a child therapist? God, he didn’t fucking know.

“Hey, you two decide on something before dinner time, okay? I’m gonna take a quick rest, if you need anything just holler and I’ll get to it eventually.” He got up, his knees cracking in protest. He should get that checked out. He made his way to his bedroom, letting the teens voices fade into quiet background noises. He slowly pushed the bedroom door open further, smiling when he saw Karkat exactly how he left him. Tucked in, looking like a fucking piece of art. He snuck his way into his room, setting his vape on his nightstand before taking off his shirt so he wouldn’t get too hot and stretched, groaning quietly when his joints ached in protest and his vision blurred, black dots swimming through his eyes, making his temples ache threateningly. He probably needed to drink more water or something.. Whatever, he could deal with that shit later. He sighed, rubbing his face to clear up his vision before he crawled into bed with Karkat, staying above the covers and blankets to prevent him from freaking out or something. It just felt wrong to slip in shirtless while Karkat was still asleep, like something a creep would do.

“Hey..” He whispered in greeting, knowing Karkat wasn’t even close to consciousness and couldn’t even hear him. He let his eyes wander across Karkat's facial features, allowing himself to indulge just this once. He was so beautiful.. Well, he was always beautiful but something about seeing him all sleepy and relaxed just amplified his angelic like features. It was a whole new level of beauty that made Dave’s heart pound in his chest and his hands shake and his stomach fill with butterflies. The bumps and curves of Karkat's nose, his beautiful jawline, the crows feet in the corner of his eyes that he just wanted to kiss, even the stupid ache on his forehead was somehow attractive. Fuck, he had it so badly but no one had to know that, right? No one would know he was watching Karkat, imagining a much more peaceful life together, no one would know how tempting it was to just lean over and kiss him to wakefulness, to gently run his fingertips over every inch of his skin twenty times over and then some. No one would have to know, right?

He sighed, pressing his face against his cheap, stiff mattress, his shades digging into his skin unpleasantly. This was getting out of hand. He felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest and he was only laying next to Karkat, what was wrong with him? When did this happen, when did he become so fucking uncool? God, he couldn’t even try to pretend he wasn’t having these feelings. There was no way he could ignore the total body ache and tingle he got when Karkat just touched him or when he got to gently kiss his face. This was so stupid. He felt like a stupid kid with a crush, not a grown ass man with a bit of a likening to his coworker. Listen, he couldn’t help this! He couldn’t help the way his brain turned to mush when Karkat’s hand touched his waist or played with his hair or how his knees threatened to buckle every time Karkat smiled or laughed at him, how his guts squirmed beneath his skin every single time he caught a glimpse of Karkat's body under his layers and layers of baggy clothes. Anyone would feel this way! Right? He wasn’t being weird, this was normal.

He groaned into the mattress, unable to lie to himself this time. He was definitely being weird. Who even fantasized about their coworker like this?! Not normal people! But he just couldn’t help it, Karkat was just… Perfect. Even his imperfections were fucking perfect. He lifted his head, his shades foggy from his stupid decision to make out with the fucking mattress and he looked over at Karkat who laid there peacefully, his chest slowly rising and falling with every breath and he had to admit to himself that he had it so fucking bad for him. God, he just couldn’t catch a fucking break. One day, he was going to end up dying from the way his stupid heart sped up around this lovely, grumpy, perfect specimen of a man. He reached out and gently brushed his fingers along Karkat's cheek, sucking in a breath just in case his breathing would disturb Karkats sweet sleep. One day he’d be able to just… Touch Karkat without being fucking weird about it. One day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LIIIVE!!!! sorry y'all, life has been fucking insane and i have been HELLA unmotivated but eh whatever  
> my tumblr is valerian-valentine-2 if you wanna shoot me a message or just yell at me, whichever


	23. They kiss, probably.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave gets unbelievably aroused by fluffy domestic acts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: an infected cut, mention of anger issues and abuse

Karkat slowly opened his eyes, his eyes crusty and tired, already aching despite just being opened. He was already feeling a lot better than earlier but he needed a shower and soon, he was so sticky and crusty from passing out on the store's floor. He stretched a little bit, his joints aching and popping as he adjusted himself. There was a nearly molten hot lump next to him that he automatically recognized as Dave but before he could fully process where he was and who he was, someone was hissing at him in the vague direction of the doorway.

“Karkat! Psssst!” Dirks voice stage whispered at him from the door, his head peeking in with a mildly distressed look. Oh god damn it, he couldn’t go a day without someone having a crisis.

“What’s up?” He stage whispered back, rubbing the eye boogers away. Dave’s arm was wrapped around his waist preventing him from sitting up, the asshole. The room was comfortably warm and dark, tempting him back to the land of sleepiness.

“Can you help us with dinner?” Dirk asked, shifting around nervously. “Don’t wake up Dave, he’s really tired.”

Karkat nodded, waving Dirk off. The second Dirk closed the door, he relaxed into the mattress, grunting in pain. His joints ached and protested, begging for just a few more hours of rest, of relaxation. He rolled over, smiling when he saw Dave's dumb sleeping face. Drool was dripping out the corner of his mouth and seeping into the cheap pillow, his face was slightly flushed from his own body radiating heat and his hair was sticking to his sweaty forehead. Something in his chest clenched when he saw the dumbass, something warm spreading throughout his body. He knew it was fucking stupid but he adored knowing Dave felt so safe around him, knowing Dave would rather sleep and cuddle with him in a cramped bed than sleep on the couch by himself. He leaned over, gently brushing Dave's hair out of his face, smiling softly as Dave started slowly waking up. His coworker and friend groaned, shifting around a little bit before relaxing once again, sniffing.

“Mmmng…. What did Dirk want..?” Dave asked quietly, keeping his eyes closed, his beautiful and strange eyelashes resting on his eyebags. He was sleeping on top of the blankets like a fucking idiot, his long legs curled around Karkat's like some cuddly koala.

“Just wanted some help with something.” He whispered back, playing with Dave's hair to keep him relaxed and sleepy. “I’ll handle it, you keep sleeping.” He sat up, gently pushing Dave's arm off of him, crawling over Dave's warm body to get out of bed despite the protest from his joints and heart.

Dave pouted, rolling over on his back. “Do you have to go? I wanna keep snuggling..” He grumbled before grabbing his shades and shoved them on sleepily. “Fuck….” Dave whispered under his breath once he laid his eyes on Karkat, his voice rough and deep with sleep, causing something to squeeze his heart.

“What?” He questioned, pulling the blankets out from under Dave so he could tuck his coworker in. He couldn’t help the way his heart fluttered when he felt Dave's eyes on him, the way it felt like it was doing flips when Dave spoke in such a deep voice. He pulled the blankets up to Dave's chest, raising an eyebrow when Dave just stared up at him. “What? Are you still asleep? Possessed? Dude, if you’re possessed then you have to-” He got cut off when Dave put his warm hands on his neck, caressing his jawline with his thumbs.

“You’re really fucking hot.” Dave whispered, his eyes flickering between his lips and eyes right behind his shades. He felt his face warm up, hot enough to melt ice. There was a few tense seconds before he snapped out of it, realizing he was way too fucking close to Dave to be considered appropriate but fuck, just seeing Dave all sleepy and pliant.. It made his body clench and warm up and his heart race a thousand miles a second. He wanted so desperately to just crawl right back into bed and cuddle him, rest his head on Dave's naked, pink chest...

“I..” His mouth was stupidly dry. “I gotta go help Dirk..” He whispered, gently putting his hand on Dave's to keep them from wandering. What the fuck was happening? Why was he molding like clay under Dave's stupid, warm, comforting hands…

“He can survive twenty minutes without us..” Dave leaned up, his nose brushing against his own. “It’s unfair how fucking gorgeous you are..” God, he was so close and his breath was so hot, it was intoxicating.

“Dave…” He got closer, close enough their lips would touch if they made one wrong or incredibly right move. “Stop being a horny idiot. These jokes are getting annoying.” He whispered before pulling away, patting Dave's side. “Go back to bed, dumbass. Your homosexuality is showing.” He teased, standing up and stretching before walking right out of the room despite his heart pounding in his chest, begging to go back and kiss Dave on his stupid, stupid face. What the  _ fuck  _ was that god damn shit? He took a few deep breaths, gathering himself before he walked out to the living room, his knees cracking and creaking every few steps.

“Karkat!” Dirk greeted him from the couch, clearly excited. His stomach rumbled right after he spoke. “We’re hungry and Dave said we could have anything we want for dinner but what we want requires someone to actually make it.” Dirk explained, crossing his arms, trying to look in charge.

“Alright, what do you two- Where’s Rox?” He asked, looking around with a frown. He hasn’t even been up for twenty minutes and he’s already lost a child, great.

“She went to the park to catch some frogs with Jake, she’ll be back by dinner.”

He frowned, his instincts screaming at him. A young teenager girl walking to the park by herself? Not on his fucking watch. “Will someone be there to escort her home?”

“Yeah, Jake is gonna bring her home. Don’t worry about Jake getting home either, he’s got a ride.” Dirk reassured him, his stomach growling again. “Now. Food.”

“Alright, uh.. What did you two want?”

“Salmon, roasted sweet potato and brussel sprouts and basmati rice. We have none of the shit we need to make it so you’re gonna have to go to the store with Dave and make it cause Dave’s the only one who knows how to make it right.” Dirk got a look of guilt on his face when he explained what he and Roxy wanted for dinner. “Is that too much?”

“Nah.” Karkat responded immediately, knowing the anxiety kids like Dirk had with asking for food. “I’ll go get Dave up, you.. Do your thing and grab a snack before we go, shopping while hungry is never a good idea.” He advised, stretching again before shuffling back to Dave's room. He knocked softly before opening up the door, his heart stopping when he saw Dave standing in the middle of the room, shirtless, stretching his arms and back. His muscles moved beautifully under his skin, his bones occasionally poking out in a way that made him worry slightly. His white, pale skin was slightly flushed around his shoulders. Fuck, he wanted to kiss his shoulders so badly.. Wait, no.

“Dude, you’re staring.” Dave interrupted his thoughts, a grin on his dumbass face. His hair was all messed up, sticking out everywhere and it was stupidly adorable.

“Yeah, staring at how stupid you look. Get dressed, Dirk wants salmon, rice and veggies for dinner so we gotta go get some shit.” He crossed his arms, trying his hardest not to let his eyes wander down and down…

“Mhm.. Hear me out, Karkles. What if you get undressed, come over here and we get to know each other's bodies on a very intimate and adult level. You know, I failed biology in middle school and I’m a very hands on learner.” Dave smirked, moving closer.

Karkat stared at his coworker for a few seconds before pinching his nose, sighing. “That was your worst one yet. It physically pained me to hear you say that. Oh, wear the blue and white striped button up in your closet, the thin one and your cargo shorts because I have a feeling Dirk is going to be collecting random rocks he finds throughout the store and parking lot.” He advised, walking in and closing the door behind him, killing Dave's hopeful look by walking right by him. He picked up Dave’s blankets and shook them out, starting to make the bed while Dave grumbled behind him, loudly rustling through his closet.

“You’re so mean Karkles! I’m gonna die of blue balls one day and it’s gonna be all your fault.” Dave complained, his voice muffled in his closet.

“Poor you.” He tucked the cheap blankets under the mattress and turned around, taking the blue and white shirt from Dave's hands and started putting it on him himself, making sure it was smoothed out before he started buttoning it up. “I don’t trust you to get this on by yourself.” He explained.

Dave sucked in a sharp breath when Karkat's hands brushed against his nipples which was honestly pretty fucking funny and he was definitely going to do it again later. “God damn, maybe I’ll start purposely dressing myself up like an idiot.” Dave joked, staring down at him with a stupidly fond look.

“Wait, you weren’t doing that shit on purpose? Here I was thinking you were an actual idiot that couldn’t dress himself if his life depended on it.” He teased, keeping a few buttons unbuttoned just because. Dave had a nice chest and he needed to show it off more. “There. Now, get some fucking pants on before your thighs blind me.”

“Awhh, is someone jealous?” Dave cooed, wrapping his arms around Karkat's waist, bringing him closer. “Bet you wanna…” Dave trailed off, his face slowly going red and his body temperature spiked up. He knew because Dave’s hands started sweating.

“Dude, stop looking at me like that. What were you gonna say?” He questioned, his heart beginning to pound in his chest from either nerves or...

“Was gonna say that you should get down on your knees and give me a few hickeys down there but uh…” Dave gulped, tensing up a little bit. “Lights in my head went red and the PornHub theme started bumping it up on fucking loud speakers like a- like a teenager alone for the week and has full access to the internet and god damn, is it hot in here? Is it getting warm in here?” Dave laughed nervously, his hands beginning to shake on Karkat's lower back.

“No, it’s actually kinda chilly… You know what? I’ll uh…” He cleared his throat, Dave’s hands suddenly feeling red hot on his back as he thought about kissing Dave's thighs, leaving dark hickeys all over his pale body. “I’ll go get my shoes and get ready to go.” He said but made no move to step back, wanting to stay up in Dave's space, maybe push him back into the closet and make out with him until they couldn’t breathe or get away from each other.

“Yeah.. Yeah..” Dave whispered before quickly moving away like Karkat burned him, his face bright red. “Uhhhh… Could you go make sure Dirk eats something before we go? He tends to shop when he’s hungry and it’s just not a good idea because I’m easily tempted and Dirk is excellent at manipulating people when it comes to snacks.” He explained, crossing his arms like he was trying to keep his hands to himself, prevent himself from making a bad decision or grabbing the wrong thing.

Karkat nodded and quickly rushed out, almost slamming the door behind himself. Holy fucking shit. He felt hot, like his blood was boiling through his veins, begging and imploring him to get back in there and give Dave a bit of color on his pretty, pale skin. He shuddered away the ‘bad’ feelings and quickly made his way to the bathroom, splashing his face with cold water before he could make any rash decisions he’d regret for the rest of his life. He needed to get himself together before he ended up doing something extremely stupid. Dave was his  _ coworker _ . Getting together with him would just make their job even more complicated and that was the last fucking thing he needed. If they got together, it would just make everything more awkward and more scary, if they got back into another life or death situation everything, every feeling, every injury, every jump scare would be amplified by a thousand. Just the thought of seeing Dave dead, knowing they both liked- no,  _ loved _ each other, the idea hurt him. It hurt him so much his stomach rolled, hurt him so much that he wanted to race back into the room and hug him until their bones cracked and their lungs ran out of air and-

He forced himself to breathe, drying his face off with a dirty wash rag. He took a deep breath to steady himself and looked around the bathroom, hoping to find something that would distract him for now. The bathroom was pretty dirty and dark, the only natural light in the room being from the small window in the shower which was covered in a frost or something that turned the light shining through into rainbows. Nice. The shower/tub combo was pretty clean and full of different travel size shampoos, body washes.. Wait, was that…. “Dirk, do you use three in one?!” He called out to the apartment, slightly offended by the plastic bottles existence.

“Nah, that’s mine!” Dave responded from his room. “John visits  _ once _ and suddenly Dirk refuses to use the cheap shit!”

“Sorry I don’t wanna have bald spots by twenty unlike someone I know!” Dirk retorted, causing Karkat to snort.

He continued to snoop around the bathroom while Dave and Dirk continued to shout at each other in their weird brotherly way. It kinda made him jealous, the way they could yell at each other and not hurt each other's feelings or end up getting into an actual fight, exchanging biting words that pierced deep and didn’t leave for months, their ability to fight each other and still love each other by the end of the day was.. Enviable at the least, jealousy/rage inducing at the most. Once he looked closer at the products around the bathroom, he could see some actual hair care products which was good, it meant he could take a quick shower here without completely ruining his hair or skin. He made a mental note to buy Dave some newer, softer washcloths and organized their bathroom counter a little bit. It was filthy, covered in used Q-tips and paint stains, loose hair and general dust/dirt. He was going to be doing a lot of cleaning while he was here, huh? He sighed and walked out of the bathroom, passing Dirk and Dave fighting their hearts out on his way to grab his shoes.

“I hope you two are ready to go!” He called out while shoving his dirty, falling apart shoes on. He really needed to get some new pairs.

“Dirk started it!” Dave yelled, now holding Dirk upside down and shaking him from side to side. Neither of them even looked close to ready to go. Well, they had shoes on and clothes but their hair was beyond messy, Dave still had a drool stain in the corner of his mouth, Dirk had cheeto dust all over his fingers and neither of them seemed even remotely clean.

“Dave! You aren’t trying to get his lunch money, put him down. Safely!” He added before Dirk accidentally broke his neck or something. He crossed his arms despite the cut on his arm aching when he did so, putting on his stern face before he spoke again. “Are you two ready to go or not? I am exhausted and would like to get this done so I can nap again.”

Dave tossed Dirk onto the couch like it was nothing, his face flushing red with embarrassment. “I’m ready to go, sorry Karkitty.” He looked guilty but immediately shoved Dirk back down when he tried to get up.

“I’m- Hey!” Dirk shouted when he was pushed down and kicked Dave in the thigh before rolling off the couch, hopping up. “I’m ready!” He announced, wiping cheeto dust on his jorts. God, who raised these two?

  
  


Grocery shopping with two Striders was a lot fucking harder than he thought. Dave didn’t stop talking and Dirk regularly interrupted to either insult Dave or have a rap battle with him and it was beginning to get on Karkat's nerves. Scratch that, it got on his nerves the second they got in Dave's truck and it was starting to infuriate him by the time they actually got into the store. He tried his best to tune it out as he pushed the cart, their animated talking and running around exhausting him and slightly embarrassing him. Multiple people stared, mostly staring at Dave because, well… Dave was just weird and a few older people glared at Dirk which earned them a classic Vantas glare back. These two might be annoying fucking idiots but they were his annoying fucking idiots.

“Karkles? Karkitty? Buttercup? Karkat? Light of my life? Sweetheart? Baby? Babe? Darlin’? Love? Sugar? Pumpkin? Bunny? Sweetiepie? Love bug? Honey? Hun? Lover? Hot stuff? Sugar butt? Angel eyes? Sunshine? Gummy bear? Baby doll? Stud Muff-”

“What?” Karkat questioned, trying to convey all of his tiredness in just one look at his coworker.

“Wait, give me a few more seconds. Angel? Sweets? Handsome? Hunk? Sweet lips? Amore? Thighs from Popeyes? Honeybunch? Love and light of my life? Knight in shining armor? Pet? Precious? Object of my affections? Beau? Schnookums?.... Daddy-”

“Dave!”

“Alright! I was gonna ask you if you were feeling okay. You seemed tired and grumpy.” Dave asked, putting his hand on the small of his back. His hand felt like it was burning through his shirt, marking his skin, branding it. What the fuck was going on with him?

“Yeah, I’m fine, you two are just.. Really high energy and it’s hard to keep up with.” He explained quietly, leaning into Dave’s touch. “After dinner, can we.. Talk in your room?” He asked, his voice barely above a whisper as he looked up at Dave.

Dave, once again, flushed and his hand started sweating very very obviously, the sweat seeping into his shirt. It would be gross but he was kinda used to Dave’s weirdly sweaty hands. “Uhhh… Do you mean…?” Dave trailed off, raising his eyebrows.

“D- No! Dave! Get your head out of the gutter, Jesus!”

“Well sorry! You’re just very attractive and you gave me a bedroom look so I thought we were gonna get freaky! Listen Karkat, I haven’t gotten a good moment alone so I’ve been kinda lonely and  _ really _ fucking desperate, like, my dick is about to fall off-”

“Dave!”

“I’m being serious! My dick has been more neglected than me when I was six and you have an amazing fuckin’ ass, I’m talking like  _ perfect _ so I haven’t been able to stop thinking about-”

Karkat gave Dave a quick slap to the stomach to get him to shut the fuck up, smiling when Dirk ran up to them so the teen wouldn’t have any clue what they were just talking about.. Hopefully.

“Can we get these?” Dirk asked happily when he held up a bag of doritos, giving the two his best impression of a sad puppy.

“Of course, get whatever you want but don’t let us forget about the stuff we need for dinner, okay? I wrote it down on Dave’s arm but I don’t think that's enough. Maybe we should just tattoo it to his face.” Karkat joked, ignoring Dave’s offended gasp.

“Hell yeah. I’ll go get the rice!” Dirk announced happily, seeming happy just to be doing something. The poor kid has been cooped up in that apartment for far too long. The second Dirk was out of sight, Karkat grabbed the front of Dave's shirt and yanked him down.

“No more talk like that out in public, Dirk is going to end up overhearing and we’re going to traumatize him.” He hissed, glaring through Dave's dumb shades.

“You’re really hot when you’re mad but you got a deal. I’ll tone down my horny levels until after dinner, then all bets are off and I will be spreading peanut butter all over your sweet, sweet body and licking it off like a.. A starved dog, getting slobber all over you and it won’t even be sexy, it’ll just be fucking weird and we can hot box it in my closet right after so you’ll be sticky beyond the point of return then my hands will mysteriously be unable to detach themselves from your thighs and oh, what's this? We’ll only be able to separate by true love's kiss? Damn and I got my vape right here, we can-”

Karkat tuned Dave out at this point, not wanting to hear his ridiculous ramblings. He was too tired and the possibility of Dave actually liking him was too much for his heart to handle at this point. “Dave.” He put his hand on his friends arm, his exhaustion seeping into his decision making skills.

Dave immediately shut up, concern taking over his features in an instant. “What? You okay? Did I go too far?” He questioned, holding his hands up.

“We are in the middle of a grocery store, have you no shame? Remind me to talk to whoever the fuck raised you, I just wanna exchange a few words and try to find out what made you so messed up.” He grumbled, pushing the cart along so he could get this shopping trip over this. His joints still ached every time he moved and if he stretched his arm too far, he could feel his cut beginning to reopen and you know what, he was not about that shit.

Dave chuckled next to him, following closely. “Good luck with that, I’ve forgotten most of his features at this point. You get a couple of old, abusive Asian men in a line and I will not be able to identify my father.”

“That’s racist.”

“I’m…. Karkat, I’m literally Asian. You’ve seen my monolids.”

“You can be a person of color and still be racist.”

“How?!”

“Like, I could narrow my eyes and call myself Ling Ling and replace my l’s with r’s. That’s racist. Extremely racist.”

Dave paused for a second, frowning. “Wait…. Have you ever done that?”

Karkat stopped, thinking about it for a second. “God, I fucking hope not. Not only is it racist but it looks so fucking stupid.” He shook his head, grabbing a can of chicken soup from the shelves and putting it in the cart. It was one of his comfort foods.

“Huh… Sorry, I’m just realizing a lot of my old friends are really fucking racist.”

“Yeah, once you learn what those kinda jokes are about then shit really starts making sense.” He sighed again, smiling when Dirk ran up to them again with a bag of rice that he quickly and gently put in the cart.

“Lets go get the salmon!” Dirk demanded, tugging and pulling at the cart, leading them towards the fish… Area. Counter? Whatever that area was called. “Why does Dave look like that?”

“Some people are just born that way. Is Jake gonna be joining us for dinner? I wanna know cause I might have to get two fish. I have a hunch that that kid eats like a starved werewolf.” Karkat followed Dirk, trying to strike up some casual conversation with the teen. He actually wanted to get to know him a bit better.

“You aren’t wrong and yeah, I think he will. Aunt Jade isn’t really good at cooking for him and the stove scares him. They have a gas stove.” Dirk was shockingly talkative, he usually just gave one worded answers or just glared at him.

“Why can’t Aunt Jade cook for him?”

“She can, she just has really bad memory issues and narcolepsy so it’s kinda hard for her to focus on something like cooking for such a long time. It doesn’t really affect others that much but it kinda sucks when Jake has to stay over with her for a while, that’s why he’s so independent.”

“Oh. Well, don’t tell Jake but I’ll make some extra so he has to take some home. I’m scared he’ll revert to cannibalism if we let him go without a solid meal for too long.”

Dirk nodded, looking almost wise as he went up to the glass, looking down at all the dead fish. “He would feel bad but he’d definitely be the first to convert to cannibalism if we got deserted on an island without food. We’ve talked about this, we’re gonna eat Jane first. She’s rich and should’ve seen it coming. Grandpoppa will be kinda sad though… But eh, she kinda deserves it.”

Karkat raised an eyebrow, handing Dave his credit card to buy the fish. “Why does she deserve to be eaten first?”

“She’s rich- Karkat, I’ve already told you this, keep up!”

“I’m trying! You kids nowadays…” He fake complained, grinning when Dirk huffed.

“Hey…” Dirk got closer, eyeing the fish on the scale. “What should we name our dinner?”

Karkat stared at the dead salmon for a few seconds before speaking up. “Reginald.”

“Reginald?” Dirk asked, frowning.

“Yeah, he looks like a Reginald.”

“Huh…” Dirk took the packaged fish from Dave the second it was paid for, setting it gently in the children's seat. “Sorry Reginald but we gotta eat. I hope you lived a nice life but I highly doubt it. I bet you were stuffed in a tank with thousands of other fish and force fed then killed before you could escape. Sorry. This is capitalism. I hope you managed to nibble a few guys on your way out. Swim in peace.”

“Dirk, you’re scaring me again.” Dave stared at his little brother with an uncomfortable look, putting his hand right back on the small of Karkat's back.

“Dude, have some respect.” Karkat shook his head disapprovingly. “Swim in peace, Reginald.”

“Don’t encourage this!”

“You heard Karkat! This is completely normal behavior and you're being the weird one here!” Dirk accused, pointing right at Dave.

“I’m not the one having a funeral for an already dead fish, Dirk! You never even knew this fish!”

“His name is Reginald!” The two were making a bit of a scene now, using grand gestures and talking a bit too loudly but Karkat was honestly beyond caring at this point, even finding their stupid argument endearing.

He led the two blondes to the vegetables, grabbing a few sweet potatoes and brussel sprouts while they argued, gathering stares from others as they debated who was the weird one here. Dirk didn’t have any solid arguments but his confidence made up for it while Dave's anger gave him a pretty bad disadvantage but Dave did bring in good points which earned him some good leverage. Overall, the general reading was dumb as shit and they were both losing.

“-well, I’m sorry your dick is too small to understand the value of salmon lives!” Dirk insulted right before Karkat cut in.

“Boys. We got everything we need?” He questioned, his heart squeezing when he realized they were his boys. His boys!

“Yeah, I think I got everything I want. Besides  _ justice! _ ”

“Dirk, stop being weird.” Dave scolded, shoving Dirk's head which just earned him a couple of warning snaps from Dirk.

“Babe, you’re both weird. Let's get going before we get kicked out, alright?” Karkat suggested, pushing the cart in the direction of the check out, trying to avoid the eventual confrontation from Dave.

“Did you just-”

“No.”

Dave had the biggest, stupidest grin on his face, puffing his chest out proudly as they walked over to the checkout aisles to terrify some poor employee.

Karkat really, really hoped that cooking with Dave would have been completely and utterly uneventful, no heart racing moment, no heart squeezing moments, no domestic fluff or cutesy shit he would read in his romance novels….

Yeah he was lying to himself. He wanted those fluffy moments, heart squeezing tension, maybe even an almost kiss…? But now that he was here, wearing an old and stained apron with Dave's back pressed against his stomach, he was starting to feel a bit overwhelmed.

“Karkat- Karkat, you’re gonna cut off my finger.” Dave pointed out shakily, his chest shaking.

“Huh? Oh, yeah, uh sorry..” Karkat mumbled, letting go of Daves hands so he could continue cutting up the vegetables. It was kind of hard having a classic romantic moment like this, Karkat was too short to properly make Dave feel sexily cornered.

“Hey!” Dave pouted, grabbing Karkat's arms and wrapping them right back around his skinny little waist. His skinny waist wasn’t attractive or hot, it was kind of concerning and it made him wanna feed him more, get him to gain a bit of weight so he was nice and healthy and maybe, just maybe a bit chubby. “I didn’t say you had to let go.”

Karkat blushed, resting his head on Dave's shoulder as he hugged his waist. “I gotta go cook up the rice.” He mumbled, not even protesting properly at this point. He wanted to stay here and kiss Dave's neck, give him a hickey or too, help him chop up the veggies.

“You can do it after I finish cutting these up, I like feeling you on me.” Dave practically purred, leaning back against him. It wasn’t a sustainable position but fuck did it make his heart flutter.

“You’re such a weirdo.” He mumbled, nuzzling Dave's shoulder before he let go and went to get started on the rice, his body already beginning to miss Dave’s warmth. “Make sure you get even sized, otherwise they're not all gonna cook evenly.” He warned, cutting open the bag of rice and pouring it into a pot so he could wash it.

“I know, I know. Man, you’re so grumpy! You’ve been grumpy ever since Dirk woke you up, are you feeling okay? Still tired?” He questioned, glancing over with a slightly concerned look.

“Yeah, I’m fine, I’m just… Tired and achy. Shockingly, I don’t get very peppy after hearing a close friend scream and beg for help.” He grumbled, knowing he was getting snappy but he couldn’t help it. He was hungry, tired, his everything hurt and the tension between him and Dave was starting to really fucking annoy him.

“Oh.. Uh… Sorry, do you wanna go nap until dinner is done? Dirk and I can handle it, we’ll be okay and I’ll get you up right when dinner is hot.” Dave reassured him, his chopping of veggies slowing down.

“Nah, I can stay up for a little while longer but I will end up crashing immediately after dinner and if I’m not allowed to do so then I will get snappy and grumpy.” He sighed, measuring the water with his finger before setting the pot on the stove, turning it on and covering it up with a lid.

“What, snappier than usual? Fuck, I better go buy a straightjacket and a gag ‘cause if you get any snappier or grumpier than usual then we’re fucked.” He could hear the smirk in Dave's voice and it made his heart do stupid things in his chest.

“Oh, haha. So funny. I’m going to piss myself from laughing so hard.” He rolled his eyes, grabbing a cooking sheet from one of the cabinets, handing it over to Dave. “Salt and olive oil, make sure the veggies aren’t overlapping and we’ll have dinner in no time.”

“Sweet. You know, olive oil can be used-”

“As a substitute for lube, you’ve said that every time I even bring olive oil up and we’re alone together. You’d think it wouldn’t happen often enough for me to predict your response but unfortunately, that is not the case.” He grumbled, putting the salmon in the preheated oven so it could cook with the veggies.

“Damn.” Dave cursed quietly, spreading olive along the baking sheet before he shoved the veggies on it, salting them then putting them in the oven. Making dinner was quick and fairly easy but having to be so close and cutesy with Dave was doing some weird fucking things to his head and his chest.

“Sooo…” Dave popped his lips, leaning against the counter, eyeing him. “Um… You come here often?”

“I wish I didn’t.”

“Ouch?” Dave scoffed, putting a hand on his chest. “You saying my baby brother is annoying or something? Because he is but what a dick move! You know, I invited you here from the kindness of my heart-”

“Dave, oh my god, if humans had a word limit in their lives then I’m sure you’d find it.” Karkat groaned, rubbing his face to hopefully rub off his sleepiness.

“Ouch, again but fair and understandable. You want me to make you a cup of coffee or something? There’s a corner store nearby, I can also get you an energy drink. Whatever you want, I’ve got it. I don’t want you getting too tired, otherwise…” Dave trailed off, stiffening up.

“Otherwise what?”

“You me yew a dick…” Dave mumbled, his words coming out as complete nonsense.

“Dave, speak up, you aren’t a child in trouble. Or have you been lying to be and you’re actually a really fucking weird ten year old?” He scolded, crossing his arms.

“You might yell at Dirk and that’s one of the last things either of us need right now.” Dave finally said, tense with his face all squished up like he was waiting for Karkat to yell at him or explode.

Instead, Karkat sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, ignoring the facial grease that made his fingers slick. “Yeah, that’s… That’s actually a really good idea. Thanks. If you could make me a cup of coffee, that would be perfect. Two teaspoons sugar, two tablespoons of milk. Please. I’ll uh.. Go clean something.” He mumbled, already feeling bad. Was it obvious that his temper was getting short? Was he getting snippy with Dirk? Shit, how afraid was Dave? Has his temper been so bad that Dave was too scared to bring it up?

“Uh, no?” Dave spoke up, frowning. “No cleaning for you, you’re a guest.”

“I’m taking up resources, I should give something in return.”

“Taking up- Karkat! This isn’t the eighteen hundreds and you aren’t a sexy mysterious guy that my father hired to take care of the cattle and in exchange we give you a bed and warm food then we get attached, so attached we make love in the hayloft during the day and make even sweeter love in my bed at night, keeping each other warm but then you notice bruises, bruises that could not have been made by you, myself or the work and you realize that my father is not the crude but kind man you once thought so we run away together to open up our own bakery in town where no one from my past life can find us! This is real life and you don’t have to do physical labor in exchange for a home and food. An extra hand making dinner is quite enough, we don’t need you to be our maid.” Dave ranted as he made hot coffee, being a bit aggressive with the making process. 

“But I feel bad!”

“Then suck it up, Vantas!” Dave glared at him, his mouth pressed into a hard frown. “You’re practically family, Karkat. You’ve saved my lives more times than you know and I will  _ not _ have you playing maid around here because you think you don’t deserve it. If you want to clean, do it because you want to, no because you think you owe us.”

Karkat stared at him, his head starting to ache as he felt his frustrations grow. He hated being angry, he hated being frustrated and most of all, he hated being pissed at Dave. It was a vicious cycle that just expanded and expanded until he snapped or found a way to release his anger. So, instead of blowing up and making a huge mess of things, he took a deep breath and stormed up to Dave, hugging him hard enough to bruise his ribcage. The strength of the hug was to symbolize his annoyance but the hug itself was to symbolize his gratitude. “Thank you..” He mumbled into Dave's shoulder. There wasn’t a huge height different between them, maybe just four or five inches so hugs were heavenly for both parties. Although, what wasn’t heavenly was feeling his cut finally reopen and drip blood down his forearm, the thick liquid tickling his skin.

Dave just hugged him back, rubbing his back. “Don’t ever make me that emotional again, okay? I sound fucking stupid when I make good speeches and it makes me look smart which in turn, ruins my look and then people are going to expect me to be smart or something and I’m just not ready for that pressure yet, Karkat. I mean, you know me-”

“Uh, Dave-”

“-I’m pretty smart, I know economics pretty well, I’m fucking amazing at math and I’m not half bad at making some catchy ass rhymes but I’m just not ready for people to realize I’m a secret genius. I’ve had this persona on-”

“Dave-”

“For too long, I’ve gotten a bit soft but it’s nice not being expected to know things, ya know? The most I have to do is help Dirk with his homework sometimes and even then he doesn’t really need my help but Karkat, listen, if my friends know I’m great at math then they’re gonna make me do their taxes and quite frankly, I don’t wanna do more taxes than what I have to. They take the fun out of math, Karkat!”

“Dave!”

“Dude, what? I’m giving another speech and you’re really killing my vibes, as the kids would say.”

“I reopened my cut.”

Dave pulled away from the hug, frowning. “What cut- HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!” Dave squealed, jumping away when Karkat showed him exactly what cut he was talking about. “Oh my god, I’m gonna be sick-” He gagged, covering his mouth.

“Chill out, I just need to know where your first aid is.” Karkat grumbled, examining his wound. It was ugly as all hell. The area around the skin was red, lining the cut with dead white skin while the ‘inside’ was yellow with some very suspicious black spots that kind of reminded him of insect eggs. Man, he was never going to fight a ghost ever again, even if it made him seem cool.

“No, we’re taking you to the ER.” Dave ordered, grabbing some paper towels. “DIRK! Karkat needs to go to the ER, grab your shoes!” He shouted, wrapping Karkat's arm up with the paper towels before he could object.

“We can’t go now! We have shit in the oven!” Karkat protested, trying to resist Dave's pushing.

“Fuck… Roxy and Jake will be home any minute, I’ll tell them to get shit out of the oven and help themselves.”

“Do they have keys? What about Jake, doesn’t he need to get home after he drops Roxy off? Do they even know how ovens work?” He protested, trying to put his shoes on quickly while Dave just shoved on some sandals despite wearing socks, the sick bastard.

“They’re sixteen, Karkat, if they don’t know how to work an oven then it’s just natural selection at this point and Roxy has a key, she’ll be fine and if the apartment burns down then I can afford to replace everything in it, I can’t afford you losing an arm or worse! DIRK, WE’RE LEA-”

Dirk came racing down the hall right as Dave opened the door, nearly tumbling into Karkat. “Let’s go!” He had his jacket on with snacks sticking out of the pockets, his shades not even on his face. Instead, he had a pair of chunky, wire framed glasses that looked practically brand new. When did he get those?

Note to self; Never let Dave see your injuries. Ever. Because he will panic and cause a fucking riot around him. Karkat learned this the hard way when they arrived at the ER and Dave claimed that his limb was ‘going to fall off any second now’ and usually, men don’t overreact when it comes to injuries so Karkat was in a room ASAP. The doctor that saw the cut was surprised by the level of infection but extremely disappointed by Karkats lack of limb loss urgency.

“I’m sor-”

“Don’t talk to me.”

“It looked supernaturally infected!”

“I don’t wanna hear about it.”

“I get nervous around wounds, forgive me for freaking out!”

“Dave, you nearly gave Dirk a heart attack!” Karkat scolded his coworker, glaring at him. They’d been sitting in this room for twenty minutes now, waiting for the doctor to come back while Dirk was out in the car, probably eating the snacks he had in his pockets and playing a video game. The kid was smart, knew when he was going to be somewhere for a while. Meanwhile, Karkat was left with Dave’s neurotic ass in the greenish/bluish room with cheap motel art staring into their souls while Karkat shifted awkwardly on the examination bed, trying not to slip off.

“I know, I know but Karkat-” Dave grabbed his hand, looking genuinely distressed. “You know how I get around wounds.”

“You were fine when we ran through zombie town, population way too many.”

“That’s different and you know that!”

“How is it different? Those people were genuinely falling apart and you couldn’t care less but god forbid the day I get a small infection!” Karkat snapped, taking his hand away from Dave. He was exhausted, stressed and dreading this bill. He knew there were going to be way more than three digits and he was not happy about it and having Dave constantly on his ass, fretting about this and that was not fucking helping.

“Because I don’t care about them, Karkat! I don’t care if everyone in this place dies on the spot, what I do care about is  _ you! _ I can’t afford to lose you Karkat.”

“Why does it even matter, Dave?” He asked, sighing. He was tired, so very tired and he wanted to rest. He didn’t want to hear some bullshit about how he was special, about how much he’s done for Dave, none of that shit. “We’re coworkers. We’ve been through a lot together, we know each other a lot more intimately than any other coworkers, we’re able to even sleep in the same bed and trust each other in life or death situations but we’re  _ coworkers _ . We aren’t best friends, we aren’t soulmates, we aren’t twin flames and we aren’t family. We’re just coworkers.” He glared at Dave, hoping he was getting his message across. It hurt, it hurt almost too much to keep saying it but he needed to cut off this stupid little puppy love shtick now before either of them got hurt. They dealt with the supernatural almost every day, they dealt with cold blooded murderers, they couldn’t afford to become too close because otherwise they would be used against each other in a heartbeat and he couldn’t let Dave go through that kind of pain. Not ever.

“We aren’t just coworkers, Karkles..” Dave’s voice was weak and wavering, his legs wobbling slightly when he stood up from his weird, slightly green chair.

“Yes, we a-”

“Karkat, you know my family. You know about my dad, you know my closest friends, you know I vape and smoke, you know I hate seeing blood from people I love, you know I could write a full report on which apples are best for any sort of dish, you know I hate cheap velvet, you know nearly all of my fears, Karkat, we aren’t just coworkers.” As he spoke, Dave got closer and closer until he was in Karkat's space, standing in between his legs, his breath spreading hotly over Karkat's face.

“Dave-”

“Karkat, don’t you dare prevent me from doing something incredibly stupid. I have thought about you way too much for us to be considered coworkers, I have had my heart race too many times for you to call us coworkers and I have stared at you for way too long for you to call us coworkers. You know, my skin feels like it’s on fire every time you touch me and every time I think about seeing you, I get unreasonably excited and end up having to go for a run just to calm myself down so I highly doubt we’re just coworkers, at least not on my end.” He whispered, gently holding Karkats face in his hands.

“Dave… You’ve got to stop giving weirdly intense and emotional speeches, this the second time today.” Karkat whispered, leaning into his touch. He still wasn’t sold on this whole idea of Dave's but there was no fucking way he was going to have Dave do something genuinely romantic in a serious tone.

“You know, it’s excellent that you pointed that out.” Dave smiled, his nose brushing against his. “Because this was actually the final test. You know I hate doing serious shit.”

“I know. You look like a cyclops and it’s starting to ruin the mood.”

“Then close your eyes, dumbass.”

So, he did what he was told and closed his eyes, sucking in a breath as he felt Dave move closer. His hands were hot against his cheeks, his nose was pressed against the side of his, his hips were keeping him from closing his legs and he could feel Dave get even closer, so close that in just one move their lips would be touching, one word or flinch and they would be officially kissing, a slight nudge and their fate would be sealed with a kiss and they would finally give each other a solid answer to their billions of questions. At this moment, Karkat could only focus on Dave, his mind completely blank.. Almost. In the background, his thoughts ran rampant, screaming and pulling up old romance novels he’s read, information on how to kiss correctly, all he’s eaten today, when the last time he brushed his teeth was but mainly, his thoughts were of Dave and how their facial hair was practically touching at this point and he should just  _ kiss him alrea- _

.

.

.

Oh, well that was just cruel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't apologize


	24. Relationships aren't always black and white.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat is exhausted and needs his family. The issue is: Will Dave even let him see his family?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heres my (late) halloween gift to y'all!

Passing out was never very fun. No one really had a solid idea of what exactly went down inside someone's head when they passed out because the experience was overwhelming, frustrating and unique to everyone. Some people described it as a nap, some people described it as being aware of everything around them but unable to open their eyes. Karkat just hated it. He didn’t even give a shit about how he was feeling at the moment, he just wanted to go home and nap. Fainting, shockingly, didn’t make him feel well rested or more energized, it just made him feel more like shit and he fucking hated it so he was quick to force himself to wake up right as doctors and nurses were rushing in the assess him. Nausea washed over him, voices around him muffled and nearly non-existent as he tried to stay awake, slowly blinking as he tried to get his bearings. He was laying on his side, the creaky observation table uncomfortable yet impossible to leave, the plastic crinkling under him as someone came into his field of view, waving their hand in front of his face, the light behind their hand blinding him and making him squeeze his eyes shut. Their words were garbled and someone was holding onto his hand for dear life, tugging on him. There was a commotion around him definitely but someone else needed to handle it, he was done. He was done fixing other people's problems, he just wanted to rest but someone's cold,  _ cold _ hands were shaking his bicep and god damn, they just weren’t going to leave him alone, huh?

He moved his jaw around a little bit, wiggling his fingers and toes as he forced himself to retreat the sweet embrace of cozy sleep so he could communicate. “Fuck off..” He managed to groan out, slowly forcing his arms to push his useless torso up, squinting against the harsh lights above him. He heard Dave’s voice nearby speaking at a million words per seconds, desperate for his attention but right now he needed to see why everyone was surrounding him like he grew a third arm or something. Couldn’t they just let him sleep for a few minutes?

“Mr Vantas? Mr Vantas, you can’t rest here, okay?” Someone told him, sounding sympathetic and kind. Alright, he’d tolerate whoever the fuck this was for now but god, he really didn’t want to. Sleep was so tempting and the idea of being pulled away from it was enough to make him tear up.

“You have  _ no idea _ how  _ tired _ I am..” He murmured, feeling frustrated as tears welled up along his waterline. He always did this when he desperately needed sleep, it was fucking ridiculous and pathetic but he just needed some fucking sleep, some fucking rest.

“I know, Mr Vantas but your partner is here and they’re going to take you home, okay? They’re gonna get you back to your nice, comfy bed and you can sleep there. Can you do that for us?”

He groaned and leaned to the side, knowing Dave would catch him and he did, holding him tightly and snugly. Maybe they’d let him sleep just like this.. His ear was pressed against Dave’s chest, letting him feel the vibrations of Dave's voice, his racing heartbeat and the weird noises that his body made internally. It was calming and reminded him of his dad, all the times they cuddled when he was younger, when everything was better.. Reminding him of the times Kankri was actually sweet to him and held him until he fell asleep in those first few nights at his aunt's house, protecting him from any type of danger just like a brother should. Reminded him of the times his aunt would hug him close and refuse to let go, singing lullabies while he cried in her arms or offered wise advice to a teenager that would refuse to listen, too focused on his own problems to worry about others. He really wished he listened to her. He missed his aunt. He missed his dad. He missed his brother, he missed his sisters, he missed his family. He needed to call them soon, his aunt must be worried about him and he knew his sisters were no better.

He knew he was being moved but he didn’t have the energy to open his eyes and see where he was being moved to, simply letting people manipulate his body how they wanted it while he tried to rest. People talked around him, the chatter nothing more than a quiet hum while his mind wandered around, taking in each sense slowly to avoid overstimulation. He managed to work up enough energy to walk so Dave didn’t have to carry him, not that Dave even could carry his heavy ass. He spent his time leaning on Dave, letting him lead him around different places. It felt like forever until he was in the car, warmed from the sun and he was laying down in the back seats while Dirk and Dave talked together, speaking in quiet voices that quickly became background noise as he finally drifted off into peaceful sleep.

He was rudely awoken by someone poking at his face, his mind and body now well rested as he cracked an eye open, groaning immediately when he saw Dave’s face inches from his own. “What.”

“You passed out.”

“... No I didn’t.” He mumbled, rolling over in bed so he didn’t have to stand for this bullshit. Unfortunately, Dave didn’t take the hint.

“Yeah, you did, fuck nugget. C’mon, get up and come eat a little bit of dinner. I miss you.” He got in bed, spooning him from behind, his weirdly cold arms wrapping around his waist, causing his stomach muscles to tense and quiver.

“Sounds like a you problem right now.”

“Bruh.” Dave poked his side, huffing quietly. “C’mon, get up. Please? I’m worried about you.” His voice was what gave Karkat the strength to kick off the blankets and sit up despite his everything yelling at him not to. His arm fucking hurt, a throbbing pain radiating through it whenever his pulse thumped and the room was chilly, ruining the beautiful warm cave he created with Dave’s shitty blankets. When did he even get here?

“You’re lucky you sound so pathetic.” He grumbled, scratching his cheek while Dave rolled out of bed with ease. The lights were off and it was dark outside, providing a perfect ambience for sleep.. God fucking damn it.

“Thank you, I worked hard on my begging voice after being neglected for so long. It’s almost twelve AM so get your ass up, okay? I’m lonely as shit and the kids are gone so I can’t go bother them.”

That’s what sent Karkat jolting awake, his eyes widening. “What do you mean the kids are gone? Where did you put them? Did you fucking lose them? Dave, how do you lose a whole ass human? Oh my fucking god-”

“Chill! I sent them to stay with Jade for a while and yes, I do know Jade isn’t capable of handling three more kids but Jake is and John is still in town so if there is an emergency they can call him. I’m not a complete dumbass, babe.” Dave grinned, holding his hand out to him, an offer to help him out of bed.

Karkat sighed and took his hand, regretting the decision the second Dave started pulling him up. He gasped when pain shot up his arm and his skin felt like it was being torn apart, quickly bringing his wounded arm to his chest to comfort it and protect it from further injury while Dave launched head first into the panic pool.

“Fuck! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I- I forgot and fuck, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize until it was too late, are you okay? Did I reopen your cut?” He fretted, his hands hovering around Karkat's body like he was terrified of touching him. He looked so sad, so hurt.

“I’m fine, just startled me..” He mumbled, getting out of bed without assistance. His arm ached and throbbed but it was dulling down pretty quickly, his body getting used to the pain but that didn’t mean it still didn’t hurt like a fucking bitch. It was like his skin was slowly getting torn apart by the cold, needles of ice piercing his skin. “Really, I’m fine. I should’ve been paying a bit more attention.”

“You? Karkat, I-”   
“No no no, shut the fuck up. I’m injured, therefore you aren’t allowed to argue with me, asshole.” He grumbled, shooting his friend a glare.

Dave sighed, a cute pout on his face as he accepted his fate. “Fine. Need help getting to the kitchen? You were out for hours..”

“Dude, I hurt my arm, not my legs.” He made his way out of Dave’s bedroom, already knowing the layout of the place by now. To be fair, it was pretty small and there wasn’t really much to explore. His legs shook slightly, wobbly from just waking up. “Sorry for passing out and making you deal with that. I….” He felt his face heat up as he remembered the seconds leading up to his fainting. “I think I just got overwhelmed. I mean, I was already tired and then we were at the grocery store and then we were at the ER and it was all just a bit much for me, I guess.” He explained, sitting down on the creaky couch. His phone was on the coffee table, along with his chapstick and keys. Did Dave go through his pockets at some point? Damn. The thought of Dave being caring enough to go through his pockets so nothing was stabbing his legs while he slept filled his chest with weird fuzzy feelings.

“Don’t apologize, please.” Dave followed, sitting next to him, the couch dipping under his weight. “I was being pretty overbearing and I shouldn’t have tried anything while you were fucking injured and I should have paid more attention.” He sighed, rubbing his eyes with his fingertips, covering up most of his face. “I.. I’m sorry for coming onto you like that. You’ve been trying to let me down easy for months now and I should’ve just taken the L and left instead of continuing to try. That was sleazy, creepy and just plain stupid. I won’t bother you about that stuff anymore.” Dave was quiet, his elbows on his knees. He refused to look in Karkats direction and this moment right here was the fucking last thing he needed or wanted right now. He already didn’t know his feelings towards Dave and he didn’t know if he even wanted something with Dave if he had feelings and.. It was too much for right now.

“I.. I need to call someone.” He mumbled, grabbing his phone from the coffee table and unlocked it, his heart clenching in his chest when Dave mumbled another apology and left for the kitchen. He ignored the urge to go after him and called his emergency contact, rubbing his temples in preparation for the oncoming headache.

“Hello..?” Kanrki’s exhausted voice crackled through his phone, a pang of embarrassment running through him as he remembered what time it was.

“I’m sorry, I just…” He sighed, taking a deep breath. Despite everything, he always went back to his brother when he needed help. Maybe he had Stockholm syndrome. “I fucked up. I’m overwhelmed, overworked, my everything fucking hurts and I just… I need you to come back.” He whispered, trying to stop the tears from escaping his eyes. He knew this was pathetic, he knew Kankri would just dangle this over his head for years but he needed his family. The pause was almost deafening, his heart beat thumping as he waited, relaxing when Kankri finally sighed.

“Alright but I’m bringing Porrim, Kanaya and Auntie. I don’t care about your lack of calls nearly as much as they do. They’re worried, Karkat and I’m sure they’ll love to help. Is there anything you need? Is…. Is Dave treating you well?” There was a hint of protectiveness in his tone. At least now he knew that no matter what gender he was dating, Kankri would kick their ass if they tried to abuse him. Apparently the only person allowed to abuse him was Kankri and Kankri alone.   
“Kan, I’m not getting hit, I just… I got into another fight and the son of a bitch-”

“Language.”

“-cut my arm. Apparently, it’s a lot more infected than I thought and Dave forced me to go to the ER and I uh…. Ended up fainting due to the stress.” He admitted, leaving out the details of Dave almost kissing him, the fact the cut was made by an angry ghost and he didn’t actually get into any sort of fight, he was just attacked.

Kankri sighed again, his voice exhausted and worried. “Karkat… Alright, stay with Dave if you can. I don’t want you being by yourself if you’re just passing out all over the place. I can get there in two days, you just sit tight, okay?”

“I will. Promise.”

“Alright. I love you, stay safe… Don’t be an idiot, we can text out the details after I’ve slept. Bye bye.”

“Okay… I love you too. Bye.” He hung up, setting his phone back on the coffee table. Fuck. The last time his entire family was in one place was… Probably when Kankri first moved out. He announced it on Christmas and the entire thing led into a huge fight. Vases were thrown, words were exchanged, even the cops were called because the neighbors thought they were getting robbed or something. It was horrible. It happened years ago.

“I don’t want you to go.” Dave spoke up suddenly, standing in the entry of the kitchen with a horribly sad look on his face that made his heart ache and his exhaustion grow.

“Dave-”

“No! Karkat, if this is about me almost kissing you, I swear I’ll never do it again. I won’t even sleep in the same bed as you, I-I won’t make any flirty jokes, I promise I’ll leave you alone the second you get better but please, I can’t have you just leave-”

“Dave, please, it isn’t like that.” He tried to calm him, holding his hand up to keep him from talking so he could explain.

“Then what is it?! Is there something else I did wrong?! Karkat, please, I know I’m a fuck up but please let me take care of you, I don’t trust your brother to not hurt you! I’ll do whatever you want, just don’t leave me alone, please. You’re one of my closest friends, I can’t let you deal with that infection and the store and your brother all at once and I can’t just let you go without talking our relationship through!” Dave begged, stepping closer every few words. He was frantic, almost insane with anxiety.

“Dave!” He shouted to get him to shut the fuck up. “I  _ need _ to see my family!” He stood up, glaring at his coworker despite how much it hurt to do. “I haven’t called my sisters in days, my auntie is probably worried to death about me and you got your chance to relax with family, now it’s my turn! You can take care of the shop while I’m gone, I need a fucking break because I’m tired of dealing with shit from my nightmares without being anything to fucking vent about it! It's always one crisis after another! I just want to visit my aunt for a while, okay? You can still come over and spew bullshit, I just need to take myself off your plate and take you off my plate.”

“I don’t trust them to take care of you!”

His anger levels increased to dangerous levels and he knew it, the familiar feeling of rage trying to burst out of his head, threatening to punch, kick, hit and bite anything that was causing him a slight inconvenience. Despite what everyone else thought, he hated being angry and he will always hate it. “Dave. I know my brother, he is more than capable of taking care of me and if he can’t, I can. I just need him around, alright? He might be a religious freak but he’s still my brother. Not everyone has a black and white relationship with their abusers like you, Dave.”

Dave’s mouth snapped shut and they stood there, staring daggers into each others head, probably looking stupid before Dave took a deep breath, prompting Karkat to do the same, and spoke again. “Don’t ever bring my br- my dad up in an argument. Never. Karkat, I just…” He took another deep breath, running his fingers through his hair, waiting a few seconds to calm down before he spoke again. “I have a stupidly massive crush on you and I can’t stand the thought of being away from you after being so fucking close to doing the thing I’ve been thinking about for months, okay? And I know this is just a thing that would be simple if I didn’t feel the need to control literally everything but I just.. I know it’s asking for a lot but I need you to be patient with me. I know I’m being stupid and you do need family time, you need to catch up with your sisters and I’m… I’m in the way but I just..” He furrowed his eyebrows, looking at him with frustration and so many other emotions. It was like a poorly blended smoothie of emotions. “I’m scared that once you leave my sight, you won’t come back or you won’t know how to come back.”

Karkat sighed the second Dave admitted his worries, storming over and hugging him. It wasn’t tight like last time, it was loose and he put extra attention into making sure his cut wasn’t even close to tearing open even more. “That’s such a fucking stupid worry. You know for a fact that I’ll be calling you every damn day because my family is driving me insane. We can go out for lunch every day and you can call me at any time, it doesn’t matter and I’ll be there to help you.” He comforted him, resting his chin on Dave’s shoulder. People really didn’t appreciate hugs like this. A slight height difference to the point it was fucking perfect. His head wasn’t snuggled up against Dave’s chest and Dave wasn’t towering over him, it was just.. A perfect fit. Dave's nails dug into his back, his arms holding him close and tight as his worry rolled off of him in waves. He could practically hear Dave's anxiety and paranoia telling him that there was no way he was coming back, there was no way he was going to be safe so to silence those thoughts he pulled away just a little bit and with a big breath for courage, he kissed Dave’s cheek. Just like that. His skin was rough and bumpy with acne and ingrown hairs but he couldn’t give less of a shit about how gross it was. His friend needed some affection and reassurance.

“I know it's eating you up inside but you really need to stop overthinking that almost kiss, dumbass. If I wanted you to stop, I would’ve beaten your ass up a long time ago. I don’t… You know, being raised with a religious freak kinda makes it hard to accept feelings for someone of the same gender and it sucks but I can’t sit back and let you wallow in confusion and undrawn boundaries so..”

Dave nodded slowly, all of his attention focused on him like a bored kid with a laser pointer on a hot day, like he could watch him for hours and hours without getting tired of him.

“So,” He continued, “instead of being boyfriends or whatever… We were just bros? That maybe kinda held hands a lot and maybe gave each other accidental homie kisses?” He suggested, knowing Dave would accept the idea immediately.    
“God, fuck yes.” Dave whispered before leaning forward and their lips smushed together, Karkat’s entire body exploding with a tingling sensation. He gently moved his hands up, one resting on Dave's rib cage while the other held his elbow and it felt like the high of the roller coaster was over and they were just hurtling down, holding hands and screaming at the top of their lungs. It wasn’t like his romance novels, there were no fireworks or sexual feelings it was just.. Intimate. Quiet. He was reminded of the short moment they spent together in that stupid honeymoon display in IKEA, both of them fully planning on sleeping in the same bed despite barely knowing each other. It was comforting, loving and it was relaxed. No romantic responsibilities, no tension or uncomfortableness, it was just.. Relaxed. No romantic status, no platonic status, just.. Partners. They weren’t boyfriends, they weren’t friends, they weren’t anything. Just partners. 

Dave was the first to pull away, nearly trembling in his arms, a tiny smile on his face. “I’m gonna be honest with you…” He whispered, gently putting his hand on his cheek. “It’s like kissing sandpaper.”

Karkat snorted and pushed Dave's face away before breaking out into a fit of laughter, holding his stomach. “You asshole!” He shoved Dave's shoulder again for revenge, making more snort noises as he laughed uncontrollably. He knew he sounded gross as fuck but there wasn’t anyone there he was afraid of. Just Dave. He always felt comfortable around Dave, always felt comfortable showing his insecurities and knowing that any teasing he would receive would be from love.

“I’m just saying! You could’ve put on a little bit of chapstick beforehand, you’re kinda turning me off, bro.” Dave teased, giggling like an idiot.

“If we’re being honest then you taste like you just drank some Kyles cum.” He teased right back, his laughter dying down as Dave settled his arms on his shoulders.

“Oh fuck off.” Dave mumbled, grinning as he leaned in, gently kissing him again. It was better this time, still intimate and comfortable. The action was already barreling into casual territory and he could already see them doing this just as often as they held hands. It was a comfort, a reassurance, a ‘I’m still here’. He kissed back, letting his arms wrap loosely around Dave’s waist, gently rubbing the area to comfort him. He kissed Dave's top and bottom lip individually, giving them an equal amount of love as they parted and connected every few seconds. Hell, he wasn’t even sure if he was doing this right but Dave seemed to be in the same boat as him so it was all just a matter of doing what the other was comfortable with which was everything. He was comfortable with everything right now. He would be willing to do anything just to keep kissing Dave like this. It was intoxicating, his thoughts seeping out of his brain, everything becoming more liquefied after each kiss. The kiss wasn’t a side dish leading up to the main course, the kiss was the main course and the side dish all together. It didn’t get heated, it didn’t get desperate, it just remained the way it was. Comforting.

“I don’t want you to leave..” Dave whispered in between kisses, his arms lazily moving so he could hold his face. Dave’s hands were cold. Why was he always so cold?

“I know.” He whispered back, giving him a kiss of reassurance before he continued. “But I don’t want you to deal with them here. Last time we were all together, the police were called.”

“Ugh, don’t talk about cops while we’re macking on each other.” Dave grumbled, running his thumbs along his non-existent cheekbones before kissing him again, their hands never leaving the others body. Karkat tried to speak again but only managed to get a few centimeters away before Dave was capturing his lips again, refusing to separate again for unnecessary talk. Well, it was unnecessary in Dave’s eyes but they needed to discuss this so Karkat turned his head to the side, smiling when Dave whined quietly.

“Dude, stop interrupting homie kissing time.” Dave grumbled, kissing his cheek.

“You started this, idiot.” He murmured affectionately, gently rubbing Dave’s back. “Listen, we’re still going to be hanging out every day but I can’t subject you to my stupid family drama. Not all at once, not when everyone is under the same roof.”

Dave sighed, swaying from side to side in a stupid mock dance, his greasy nose pressed against his cheek. He, shockingly, didn’t mind. “Alright… But I get to be a fucking attention whore, okay? Not a moment alone for Karkat Vantas, I need my daily dose of homie makeouts before I burn down the store or wander into the fuckin’ woods.”

“Fuck nugget, we’re gonna be having lunch together every day, I’m not moving across country.” He chuckled, tilting his head back when Dave started kissing his jaw bone. Weirdo.

“It’s gonna feel like it. Ever read ‘Give a mouse a cookie’? Give Dave a kiss and he’s gonna be hounding that ass for more. Can’t just cut off the supply now that I’ve got a hankering for it, now that I’m all addicted to that shit. It ain’t fair, I’m gonna be going through fucking kiss withdrawal while you’re fighting it up with your fam. So, here’s my solution.. You stay here.”

“Dave-”

“Hear me out, Karkitty! You won’t have to be around your fam twenty four seven and I get direct access to those sweet lips. Think about it.” He mumbled against his skin, his hands holding onto his shirt for dear life. He knew Dave was genuinely scared to be by himself, having to work at the shop without him but this needed to be done.

“Dave, you’re going to be fine. You can call me at any moment, we’ll eat lunch together and hey, maybe I can even arrange a family dinner? We can take the kids, some of your friends, and I’ll..” He sighed, his mind rushing to the possibilities of getting everyone in the same place. “I’ll bring my family. You can meet them, honestly this time. No stupid fanfic tropes, no gore, no nothing. Just us and them and if shit goes south, we’ll grab the kids and come back home.”

“.... Will I get to wear the suit..?”

He opened his mouth to scold his partner for still going on about the suit but then he remembered what kind of people they would be dealing with. “Actually, yeah, probably.”

“Wait, really?” Dave perked up, his eyes bright behind his smudged sunglasses. 

“Yeah but don’t make-” He tried to warn Dave but their lips were connecting and Karkat could practically taste Dave’s excitement and there was no way he’d be able to ruin that now. He simply pulled Dave closer by pants and returned the kiss with just as much passion, smiling as Dave pushed against him, trying to get and remain as close as possible.

He hummed against Dave's lips as they backed up, blindly stumbling to the couch together until the back of his legs hit the arm rest and he nearly fell, his nails accidentally digging into Dave’s sides which just seemed to encourage him more so he let himself fall back, bringing Dave down with him and grunted at the sudden weight on top of him.

“Fuck..” Dave whispered before kissing him again, reaching up to take his shades off so they would stop getting in the way. Karkat took his shades and held onto them just in case they needed to pull away and Dave needed his sight back. They remained like that for a while, just touching each other slowly and gently while they kissed, never going further or getting heated. He had no idea how long they were there until Dave finally pulled away to adjust himself, his knees resting on either side of his hips while his arms bracketed him in comfortably. Instead of stopping the makeout session, Karkat leaned up slightly to kiss Dave’s pale neck, grinning when he sucked in a breath.

He pulled away and scooted up a bit, bringing Dave with him until they were both more comfortable and went right back to what he was doing, kissing Dave’s neck like he’s done it a thousand times before while Dave was nearly frozen above him, the only sign of life being his breathing and hammering pulse. Speaking of pulse, he found it and gently sucked the area, wanting to make Dave happy and bring him a bit of pleasure.. In a non sexual way. But before he could leave any sort of lasting mark, Dave was lightly pushing his shoulder and he stopped, confused until he saw Dave’s face. He was bright red, his lips parted slightly as he panted, his eyes still closed to protect himself from the harsh light of the world.

“Beautiful..” He whispered, grinning when he felt Dave shudder. He unfolded Dave's shades and gently put them back on his face, holding them in place while Dave got used to sight.

“Karkles, you fucker..” Dave murmured, looking love drunk as his eyes finally settled on his face.

“What?” He questioned teasingly, a stray thought of anxiety telling him he fucked up and should be ashamed for just sucking on Dave’s neck without permission.

“Just..” Dave reached up, gently touching the place Karkat was sucking on before he spoke again. “Don’t want this to lead to that right now. Not yet.” He murmured, looking slightly nervous as he set the first boundary.

“Of course, I’m not fucking insane.” He smiled, letting his hands fall back so Dave wouldn’t think he was coming onto him like that. “Wanna watch some movies and eat?”

Dave sighed, his tension visibly leaving his body as he smiled back. “Yeah. I’d like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i expect so many fuckin thank yous for this chapter. y'all are fuckin welcome.  
> as always, feel free to shoot me a msg on my tumblr valerian-valentine-2!


	25. Family.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave worries about meeting Karkat's family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: parasites, worms, talk about expired things, racism

Making out with the person you’ve been crushing on for the past few months was always pretty shocking, especially when they genuinely reciprocate your feelings and want the exact same thing you do. It’s like a match made in heaven, it’s like everything is finally coming together and all the suffering you went through is starting to fade, becoming worth it, only appearing in nightmares and vague daydreams. It was nice. Too nice. Way too nice and that's why Dave was sitting in the empty bathtub, his vape box warm in his hand, the weight and feeling comforting him through his anxieties, allowing him to invite and welcome comfort.. Sort of. He wasn’t thinking of anything positive but his negative thoughts were dulled, like he was experiencing someone else's instead of his own. The fuzzy, disconnected feeling was nice but he really needed to start seriously worrying about this before all of his anxiety hit him all at once before said anxiety-inducing event happened. The anxiety inducing event?

Meeting Karkat's fucking family. Who the fuck gets anxious about meeting their best friends and romantic partners family? Dave, apparently! The worst part? He had to bring along Dirk who would probably end up causing a whole ass fight by accident. The kid didn’t do well in social situations, sue ‘em! But don’t. You shouldn’t sue children. What was he saying, Dirk wasn’t a kid anymore.. He was sixteen and he needed to stop treating him like a little kid. Fuck. Instead of taking another hit from his box, he bit his thumbnail to calm himself. He needed to start clearing up before Karkat woke up and got that sad look on his face that made his heart feel like it was about to explode out of his chest. Could someone die from seeing another's sadness? Probably. God, that was pathetic. Bro would gag if he saw how much of a pussy he’s become.

He shook his head. No, he’s not a pussy for experiencing emotions and if anything, Bro is the- He forced himself to take a deep breath.  _ His dad _ is the pussy for thinking it's unmanly to care for two kids. Dave was the farthest thing from a pussy right now. He got out of the empty bathtub, struggling a bit before getting to his feet and looked in the mirror. Who was he fooling? Hiding in the bathroom to have an almost panic attack about meeting his boyfriend's family was the pussiest move. He looked like a fucking pussy too. His hair was a mess, his face still hadn’t been washed and he just looked like a twink in general, his years of muscle beginning to get covered up in fat and decaying away from lack of use. Sometimes, the sight made him happy, showing him he was getting soft in a good way. Sometimes, he wanted to punch the mirror and work out until he threw up blood. Sometimes, his reflection made him cry and pull at his hair, pull at the thin skin around his eyelids, pinch his cheek until they were bruised and red. He reminded himself too much of his dad sometimes. He reminded himself too much of a woman sometimes. No matter what the mirror showed, he wouldn’t be happy with it and he knew it.

He sighed and set his vaping box in his sweatpants pocket, turning the cold faucet. He really needed to get cleaned up, at least a little bit. Karkat was surely about to get tired of seeing his greasy ass face. He splashed the freezing cold water on his face before grabbing the bar of soap next to the sink and lathered it up, slapping some of the foam on his face. Yeah, it was bad for his skin or whatever but worrying about your skin was for sissies. He was a man. He huffed quietly at his own thoughts. He sounded like a fucking douche sometimes. He was glad Rose made him self aware.. Sometimes. Sometimes being self aware was suffocating. 

He washed the foam off of his face, ignoring the sting from his various invisible cuts and turned off the water, roughly scrubbing his face dry with an old t-shirt that’s been on the floor for god knows how long. He really should clean this place up but…

He left the bathroom. He hated the fact his dad lived in his head rent fucking free. He really should start charging that fucker. He shuffled his way to the kitchen, passing Dirk who was fast asleep on the couch, his pants sweeping the dirty floor, picking up dust. He did his morning routine, stepping in and out of the kitchen around thirty two times before it felt right and he was allowed to make himself some coffee without hair or worms in it. He knew his thought process was fucking stupid but it worked, didn’t it? He hasn’t had maggots in his coffee since he left his dad and started doing his rituals, the idea solidifying in his head as ‘correct’ and ‘right’. He made extra for Karkat and Dirk even though he knew neither of them would probably want it. Dirk preferred iced coffee, the fa- He stopped that thought in its tracks, scolding himself. Dirk wasn’t anything for liking a fucking drink. He grabbed the sugar jar, checked for the cotton ball in there before putting two spoonful's in his coffee, carefully checking for bugs before getting the milk from the fridge.

_ Expired. Curdled. Gross. Nasty. Worms, there’s worms. Parasites, sniff it, you need to sniff it and pour slowly to check for the worms. _

Yes, he was aware that it was stupid to follow this thought train but if the milk did have worms in it and it got into his coffee, he’d have to throw the entire mug away, drink and all and that would be so fucking wasteful. He did what his thoughts told him to do, sniffing the milk, checking the expiration date, sniffing again and you know what? He didn’t want milk anyway, it’s fine. The thought of parasites squirming in the creamy liquid ruined his appetite. God, what was fucking wrong with him.. He sighed, grabbing his warm mug and slowly took a sip, a burst of dopamine rushing through his head. The black, bitter coffee was free of bugs.

It was odd how certain tastes and textures seemed to be immune to disease in his mind but he wouldn’t question it, couldn’t risk his safe foods no longer becoming safe. Speaking of safe foods, he should eat…

Nah. He’d wait till Dirk did, just in case they didn’t have enough to feed the both of them. He quietly made his way to the window in the living room, the only sound coming from him being the rub of his sweatpants. He didn’t like how quiet he was sometimes. It was frustrating. He opened up the curtains, the plastic thick and heavy as he raised it up, sun hitting him immediately. Asshole. The sun never favored him but the light felt nice against his skin, warming him and making his brain buzz a bit with happiness. Pleased. He was pleased, a rare emotion that he was hopefully going to experience more. He sipped his coffee again, purposely making a slurping noise to fill the silence and make Dirk aware of his presence. 

Back home, Dirk would have never fallen asleep on the couch, no matter how tired he was. The couch was vulnerable, there were no walls to keep him safe so seeing Dirk peacefully resting on their shitty garbage couch made him… Uneasy. Okay, he knew he should be happy! He knew he should be proud that he made Dirk comfortable enough to sleep out in the open but that didn’t override his own instincts, his own habits. Hell, he still slept in his closet most nights because it was secluded and safe. A sick part of his brain demanded he scold Dirk for sleeping out here, for being such a pussy and exposing himself like this. Show him what happens when you let your guard down like this… As always, his own thoughts disturbed him. Violent, gory images flashed through his brain, demanding attention but instead of acting them out, he continued to stare out the window and tapped on his mug. Noise helped the thoughts become less suffocating. He’d open the window but just standing near it was enough to tell it was too chilly to do so. Maybe later, when everyone is fed.

He should probably go wake up Karkat… He should wake up Dirk first though. If Karkat woke up, Dirk would get startled awake and he didn’t need that. He needed everyone to be in a good mood before everything went to shit so he shuffled away from the window and set his coffee down on the shitty coffee table they had. It was riddled with stains. He liked it. Now, how was he gonna wake Dirk up… The thought of rubbing Dirks back till he woke up came to mind, reenact a move he’s seen in movies and shows but Dirk always got startled when he was touched in his sleep. He couldn’t blame the kid, he got startled from it too, so he did what he’s been doing for years. He picked his coffee back up, went behind the couch, leaned on it and prepared to get punched in the face.

“Dirky, time to wake up bud.” He wasn’t loud, just a soft tone would do and he flinched when Dirk jolted awake, his entire body stiffening up to prepare for a beating.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“Don’t apologize. You were just warming it up for me.” He grinned at his little brother, relaxing as Dirks' worry melted away. “C’mon, I made coffee.”

“Gross.”

“Look who's talking, asshole.” He chuckled, reaching over to lightly shove Dirk's head away and a burst of warmth spread through his chest when he was allowed to do so. He was allowed to do that. “What time did you get home? Sorry we didn’t get to greet you.”

“‘Round uhhh…. Twelve or so. We um… Didn’t have a lot of fun all together.” Dirk admitted quietly, his good mood falling away much too easily for Dave’s tastes.

“Wanna talk about it? If English did something, I’ll…. I’d say kick his ass but I’m pretty sure he could toss me.” He joked. He knew he could take Jake in a fight. He hated that fact.

Dirk huffed quietly, a mock of a laugh. “Just…. They were all pressuring me and I got pissed and I…. I did the thing where I say things that I don’t mean, so…”

He nodded in understanding and moved around to the front of the couch, lifting up Dirks legs before he sat down, letting said legs flop into his lap once he was settled. “What were they pressuring you about?”

Dirk huffed again, glaring at his knees. “They don’t understand, they don’t understand anything. They never have! I- It’s just- Ugh.” Dirk groaned, rubbing his face. It was amazing how he could wake up and just go right into a whole conversation. “They were all born into stableness. Everyone else had routines. I’m not saying my life was worse than theirs, I will never say that! I’m just saying, their families had routines. Roxy knew that she just shouldn’t call Auntie Rose after certain times cause she’d be trashed, Jake always had to deal with Auntie Jade’s adventures and shit but…. They could always tell what their…… It just feels like I was raised on a ship that was calm and steady then going through a fucking hurricane the next second and they were raised on predicable ships, ships that would go through expected storms. No sudden swings…” Dirk rambled, still glaring down at his knees. “And know they’re telling me how to fix my problems when I already know how to fix my problems, I just can’t afford the tools to do so and it- it-”

“It makes you wanna tell them that some people just can’t afford therapy. Makes you wanna yell and scream and call them rich pieces of trash.” Dave sympathized.

“Yes! It just- They refuse to understand that we just can’t go to therapy or get a lawyer because that shit costs money, money we don’t have and it’s not as simple as taking money from them! It’s so much more complicated than they realize and they wanna keep trying to treat me like I’m just some dumbass ghetto black kid!”

“Did they say that? Did they call you that?” He spoke up quickly, anger shooting through his body at lightning speed. 

Dirk hesitated before huffing again. “Kinda…? Jane doesn’t seem to think I’m all that smart ‘cause we were raised in the ghetto and when she does think I’m smart, she kinda treats me like a little kid….”

“Hold on, who told you we were raised in the ghetto?”

“Uhhh… I dunno, I kinda just assumed..?”

Dave sighed, rubbing his temples. “Dirk, we were raised  _ next _ to the ghetto. You know, lower middle class. Also, we had  _ one _ POC neighbor! And they were Mexican!”

Dirk flushed, glaring at him in embarrassment. “How come we heard gunshots at night?!”

“Because we were next to the fucking ghetto- Dirk, gunshots aren’t fuckin’ quiet. Also, it was  _ Texas. _ No matter where you are, you’re gonna hear gunshots. But, yes, we grew up very poor and the schools weren’t very good so I can see how Jane got it into her head that we were from the ghetto.. Jesus, one day she’s gonna say that shit to the wrong kid..” He murmured, running a hand through his hair. “But don’t you ever let her underestimate you ever again, okay? It’s doesn’t matter where you grew up or how shitty the education was, you are smarter than her by ten fuckin’ mega tons.” He sighed, pinching his nose. “I’m- Yeah..” He sighed again, sipping his coffee. “I’m gonna have to call John about that. I’m not gonna let her push you around or continue that lowkey racism and if she keeps it up, I’m calling fuckin’ Jade to set her straight.”

Dirk shuddered, giving him a horrified look. “Woah now, I don’t think Jane deserves that kinda treatment.” He tried to calm him, a tiny smile on his face. He was enjoying the protectiveness and it was so obvious.

“Next she’s gonna call me Ling Ling and tell me I’m a bad driver.” He joked, getting up. Seems like this is mostly resolved.

“But you are a bad driver?”   
“Watch it.”

“What are we talking about?” Karkat interrupted, yawning right after, stretching his arms above his head, exposing just a little bit of his tummy and Dave  _ melted _ inside.

“Racism in friend groups and stereotypes.” Dirk responded for him, his face going blank and stoic the second Karkat made his presence known and fuck, was it a presence. It seemed he just made the room warmer, homelier,  _ perfect _ . Holy fuck, he had it bad. Just seeing Karkat was making his mind fuzzy and gooey, his thoughts moving through the honeyed mess of his mind like happy, fat bumble bees.

“-ve? Dave? Fuck, he’s broken. Guess we gotta throw him out and get a new one.” Karkat joked, earning himself a snort from Dirk.

“Huh? Hey, you can’t just toss me!” He complained, snapping to attention.

“Dave, you weigh ninety pounds. A determined dog could toss you.” Karkat informed him before making his way to the kitchen, holding his injured arm awkwardly. It was probably sore. Did they have any Advil?

“Ouchie.” He grumbled before grabbing the remote off the coffee table, handing it over to Dirk. “Pick something nice to watch.” He instructed his little brother before getting up, following Karkat to the kitchen. He wasn’t going to be eating anything in here so he didn’t need to enter and renter an absurd amount of times.

“So.” Karkat started, pouring himself a cup of coffee with copious amounts of sugar and milk.

“So..?” Dave questioned, setting his own coffee next to the sink. He wasn’t going to finish it, it was way too fucking bitter. What kind of sane person enjoys fucking black coffee?

“Dave, my family. Don’t forget, Kankri is coming here today for a kinda family reunion which-” Karkat sighed, looking like all of his responsibilities were being piled on his shoulders as he remembered them. “Which means I need to get back to my place to clean it up.” He grumbled, squeezing his eyes shut and rubbing his face.

Dave frowned, moving up behind Karkat and wrapping his arms around his waist. “I don’t-”

“Dave, if you say you don’t want me to leave one more time, I’m pouring coffee into your eyeballs.”

“... Dirk and I can help you clean up..?” He suggested instead, gently rubbing Karkat's stomach. It was so soft and squishy.. Maybe they could just go back to bed and cuddle for a  _ few _ more minutes?

“Nah, I can do it but thanks for the offer.” Karkat leaned back awkwardly and kissed his cheek, the action sending a spike of cold fear through him.

“Uh, not ‘round Dirk…. Or, like, anyone…” He murmured, nervous. He didn’t want Karkat to think he didn’t like kisses or anything, he adored them, he loved them TOO much, in fact! It was just.. Getting beaten over and over for behaving ‘gay’ kinda did things to a guy.

Karkat looked a bit confused at first but just shrugged and nodded. “Alright. Are you okay with people knowing or..?”

“Fuck…. Honestly, I don’t want anyone to know anything but I also want the entire world to know everything.” He mumbled, resting his head on Karkat's shoulder. Physical affection like this wasn’t marked as ‘gay’ in his head. It used to be, until John squeezed that shit out of him, quite literally. Now he was one cuddly motherfucker. “Telling family and my friends is okay but.... My dad and..”

Karkat nodded again, making a quiet ‘ah’ noise. “Internalized homophobia and fear of getting your ass beat, yeah, I understand that.”

He melted against Karkat, praising the non existent heavens that he understood. “ _ Yes _ .” He sighed out, squeezing him before pulling away and leaning against the counter instead, his chest already missing the feeling of Karkat's body. “I know it’s stupid but-”   
“Dave, you’re talking to me.” Karkat raised an eyebrow, sipping his ice cream colored coffee. “The only time I want everyone to know I’m gay is when I’m going it out of spite. Every other time, I spend hours yelling at myself for ordering stereotypically feminine things off of menus. If anyone understands stupid shit like that, it’s me.”

Dave relaxed, allowing himself to smile. “God, you’re the fucking best..” He praised, knowing he probably looked like a pussy, a ‘beta male’. God, why did he ever take his dad seriously when he said shit like that? “Alright, what’s the plan for today?”

“I get home and clean up, prepare to suddenly have four more people in my apartment and you get in contact with your friends, ask if they wanna meet my family and make sure you debrief the kids and your friends about what to expect before I debrief them about what to and not to do, alright? I will not have everyone meeting each other without someone being in control.” Karkat handed his mug over once he noticed Dave’s hungry look, smiling as he slurped it up. Karkat's smile could fucking cure cancer, his snaggle tooth catching on his upper lip oh so cutely. “I might actually need help with cleaning up, because of my arm and all but for now let's agree I’ll just call if it gets to be too much for me. After I’m done cleaning, I’ll contact the fam and workout some more details and the plan for you, specifically.” Karkat put his good arm on his shoulder, forcing him to pay attention. “You contact your friends, see if they wanna go and if they do, bring them over here, at your apartment for a debriefing on what will happen so they aren’t overwhelmed when I come in and give them the second debriefing and to make sure their trip here isn’t in vain, I’ll get all of us some lunch. Alright?”

Dave nodded, trying his hardest to drill all of that into his head. “Friends, tell friends not to say fuck around your family, maybe help you clean, lunch together.” He repeated a shortened version, smiling.

Karkat nodded, looking so proud. “Good boy.” And there he goes. He could feel his legs wobble underneath him and his heart swell to unbelievable sizes, his entire body swimming in the warmth and glow of Karkat's praise. He would kill a man just to hear Karkat tell him that for the rest of his life, for Karkat to call him that every time he did something as simple as standing up. God, he was so fucking blessed…. He should get to work. Get to work to continue being good for Karkat. He handed Karkat his coffee flavored sugar and walked into the living room, pulling his phone out.

“Dirk, we’re having a meal date with Karkat's family in, like, a day or so, I’ll explain details in a sec.” He unloaded that package on his lil bro before holding the phone up to his ear, listening to the dial tone as he made his way to the entryway, slipping on his sandals so he could talk on the roof. Best reception up there.

“Hullo Uncle Dave! It’s Jake, Jade is a bit in a zwodder mood at the mo’.” Jake greeted, sounding stupidly chipper. Right, the Harley-English folks were morning people. Weirdos.

“Uhhh okay… Hey, I guess. I was just wondering if you and Auntie Jade wanted to have a meal date with Karkat's family. Fairly informal, mostly just having fun and getting to know each other. Y’all don’t have to but we might need help preppin’ Karkat's apartment to house ‘em all.” He explained as he made his way to the roof, shoving open the heavy door.

“I’ll ask Jade when she starts comin’ ‘round but it sounds like a deal! What’s Karkat’s family like? Have you met them at all yet?”

“Jake, I’ve got a busy day and I’ll debrief you when you get here or if you don’t, just- Bye, tell Jade I said hi.” He hung up before Jake could speak more, already exhausted from listening to Jake talk. The kid was exhausting to be around, with his funky accent and weird words. He scrolled through his contacts, pausing when he saw Johns. They hadn’t talked since they had that argument… But John was his best friend and he wanted him there to meet his boyfriends family so he called him, his heart pounding in his chest. He missed hearing John's voice.. No homo.

“Dave?” Fuck, he sounded so hopefully and confused and-

“Hey.... Um… Karkat and I are dating..” He slowly allowed himself to smile, feeling stupidly warm inside. He knew it was real when this happened, when he got all stupid and giddy when talking about it with his best friend. “I’m… I’m meeting his family…” He added on, biting his lip. He knew he sounded stupid as all hell but this shit was important to him, extremely important.

The microphone crackled from John's sigh and he could hear his smile in his voice. “Meeting his family already? Are you speedrunning this relationship? Did you become a lesbian without my knowledge? When did all of this happen, huh?”

“Last night.”

“And you didn’t contact me immediately? Asshole.” John teased, sounding relieved. 

“I was callin’ you cause I want you to meet his family with me.. Along with the brats and everyone else. It sounds cheesy but….. I want my family to meet his.” Dave admitted, running a hand through his hair. God, this really was real, huh? He was meeting Karkat's  _ family. _

“..... Does Karkat want me there..?”

“Does it matter? You’re like a brother to me, John, if Karkat isn’t willing to make it work with you then that’s a deal breaker.”

“Do… Do you want me there….?”

“John, you’re just being stupid now. You….” He sighed, sitting down on the rough gravel. “We have an argument like this, what, once or twice a year? When have we ever been so upset with each other that we can’t make up? You fucked up. You really did and it fuckin’ hurt but you were just trying to help. You were raised to be passive aggressive and hurt people when things don’t go your way, you can’t help it, it’s a habit but.. I need an apology. Face to face because you know becoming my dad is my worst nightmare.”

“I understand completely and I’m so sorry, I was angry and.. I found myself a good therapist. She’s expensive but she kinda helped me realize how fucked up I was.. And yes, I did thoroughly read out how confidential she was, she legally can’t tell anyone shit without me sueing her to hell and back. I… What I said was fucked up and-”

“In person.” He interrupted. “Apologize officially in person, please. You can come over right now if you want to but the place is a mess and Dirk is kinda upset cause Jane implied he was ghetto.”

“She did W-” The mic cut out, making him wheeze with laughter.

“Dude! Chillax, you can interrogate Dirk when you get here, he’ll be delighted to vent about the whole situation.”

“Alright, fuck, I’m heading over right now, just give me a bit. Will Karkat be there? I need to apologize to him too.”

“Probably? He needs to clean up his place ‘fore his family gets here but I’ll tell him you wanna apologize face to face.”

“Perfect. See you soon.”

“See you soon.”

“..... I love you.”

“Dude, gross.”

John's laughter made the microphone crackle. “Get used to it because we’re going to have such an intimate talk when I get there! There's gonna be apologies, there’s gonna be huggin’-”   
“I’m hanging up now, loveyoubye.” He blurted out, his ears warm as he quickly hung up. He should call Rose as well so she could save some room in her stomach for dinner alcohol. He should also pressure her into seeing a therapist and actually stick with it instead of having one meeting with someone who is perfectly fine as a therapist then dropping them. Ghosting their asses. He kinda feels bad for all of the therapists Rose has ghosted but to be fair, he had a record of doing so as well. He shook his head, clearing it as he dialed Rose’s number, listening to it ring.

It was kinda nice up here. Chilly, like he predicted, but it wasn’t too unpleasant. He was definitely cold and he was one hundred percent going to touch Karkat's neck with his cold ass hands the second he got inside but it wasn’t too terrible. Just chilly. It was rare he got to enjoy weather like this.. He hoped he could enjoy it more.

“Hullo….?” Rose's tired voice rang through his empty head, bringing him back to the task at hand. 

“Rosie, we’re having a meal date with Karkat's family soon, you wanna join us? It’ll be pretty informal but I hear they’re kinda judgmental so you’ll have to come over today ‘round lu-”

“Woah, woah, slow down.” Rose groaned, the sound of sheets rustling around accompanying her. “I seem to be a bit under the weather so I don’t think it would be wi-”

“Rose. Karkat is very important to me. You can suck it up and deal with it for an hour, alright? I go to those stupid conference things and let you dissect my brain, you can meet someone's family with me while  _ sober _ . You hear me? Sober.”

“David,-”

“Don’t call me that.”

“- I really don’t think I’ll be able to make it. I’ll have someone drop Roxy off but I am feeling very ill so I think it’s for the best that I stay home.”

“Rose, you have to be shitting me.” He chuckled in disbelief. “Is this how everything is now? You can’t be sober for one god damn hour? Rose, if you keep this shit up then I will end up calling Child Protective Services.”

“David, are you really threatening to call CPS just because I won’t go to some boring party? Here, I thought you were better than your father.”   
He grinded his teeth together, beginning to pace along the roof to work out his building frustration. “No. I know I’m better than him and it seems I’m better than you as well, Rose. You have problems and you need to fix them before I force you to. Hell, Roxy has a favorite paramedic and a favorite fuckin’ traffic cop because of you! Get your fucking act together for  _ once _ or else I’ll have to take Roxy from you. I know you’d do the same for me if I was unfit to care for Dirk. I don’t give a shit if you do heroin or fuckin’ coke, I don’t care how badly you destroy your body but I will not let you destroy a  _ child _ in the process.” He seethed, his fists clenched tight. “I expect to see you here at around lunch time and if you aren’t sober, Roxy will be staying with me until you are.” He hung up before she could protest and put his phone on do not disturb. He knew it was cruel and rash but seriously, this was getting a bit ridiculous. She didn’t even remember going to Dirk’s sixteenth birthday party! She didn’t even fucking remember giving him a gift or fucking anything. The look on Dirk's face when he realized was heartbreaking for everyone within twenty miles.

He took a deep breath, shaking his head. Rose would shape up soon and if she didn’t, he’d make her. He put his phone in his pocket and made his way back down to the apartment, a bit ticked off but the chilly weather and deep breaths were helping a lot. He couldn’t afford to get visibly upset now, that would just be unfair to Karkat who was already stressed out… Probably. He seemed pretty collected this morning although his assumptions about Karkat's mood flew out the window when he opened the door and heard Karkat shouting at his phone, holding it in a crushing grip while Dirk watched with curiosity written all over his face.

“Karkat?” He questioned, raising an eyebrow as his partner. Dirk didn’t seem very disturbed by Karkats yelling but that could change in an instant and there was no way he was letting Karkat scare his little brother, accident or not.

Karkat glanced over, getting the memo and held up a finger. “Gotta go. Just… Please, be civil with each other.” He grumbled his goodbyes before hanging up, taking a deep breath. “Jesus fucking Christ, I’m starting to think my family needs professional help.”

Dave huffed, mocking a laugh. “It’s easier when you know they need help. I’ve got a John and Jade on board and I’m sure the kiddos are..?” He trailed off, looking over to Dirk who wiggled his phone.

“They’re good. Well, Jake is and I know Roxy is but…” Dirk trailed off, his eyebrows furrowing.

“Oh no, no no no no mister!” Karkat interjected once he got the whiff of drama, glaring at Dirk. “Tell your friends to shove that elitist shit down their throats until my family is out of the damn state, alright? I can only deal with one elitist fuck at a time.” He practically spat out the words as he put on a hoodie, one of Dave’s hoodies. It was slightly too small on him. Dave wanted to give him every single hoodie and jacket he owned now.

“Alright, Karkat, deep breath. Dirk, I called Uncle John, told him what happened and if she doesn’t apologize today then she just won’t be coming. Karkat, speaking of John-” He watched Karkat grab his various things, feeling the urge to go over and kiss the worry lines off his face. “He’s coming over to apologize to both of us face to face and he’d be more than happy to help you clean up and get everything organized, get all of our rubber duckies in rows.”

Karkat huffed, glaring right at him but he wasn’t mad at him specifically, just overwhelmed and frustrated. “Unless he shows up right now, he’s going to have to apologize in passing because Kankri is making great time, as per usual, and I can not have them see how wrecked my place is.”

“I’ll tell him to go with you.”

“No? Dave, are you fucking stupid? I don’t need John-”   
“Babe, listen.” He gently put his hands on Karkat's biceps, feeling like he was crossing a line. “He won’t judge how messy your place is or what you own. Just let him help, he’s really good at this last minute stuff.” He reassured him, smiling as he watched his frustration slowly melt away.

“Fine. But if he annoys me, I’m kicking him to the fucking curb.” Karkat grumbled, his face still angry looking. It was cute.

“Are you two dating?!” Dirk shouted from the living room, an eyebrow raised.

“Uhhhhhh…..” Dave glanced towards Karkat who was red faced, staring at the wall like it was the only thing keeping him from being seen. “Yeah? You good with that..?”

“No. Karkats out of your league, it’s no-”   
“Okay, that's enough of the Dirk Show!” Dave announced, shooting his little brother a glare before returning his attention back to Karkat. “So.”

“So.” Karkat mumbled, his ears red.

“Are you two gonna kiss or..?” Dirk piped up again, earning another glare from both of them but it didn’t even budge Dirks mischievous grin off his face. On one hand, he was glad Dirk wasn’t intimidated by him. On the other hand, it was fucking annoying.

“Shut it!” He told his younger brother, opening the door up for Karkat to get on his way before Dirk got even more annoying. John was standing there, fist raised to knock on the door, a mildly surprised look on his face.

“Oh! Perfect timing. Hey Dave, hey Karkat.” John greeted, looking a bit guilty now. He always got that look on his face when he knew he was in the wrong about something. “Oh, you leaving? Here, we can walk and talk!” He proposed once he noticed Karka'ts ‘I’m about to leave' rushed look.

Dave walked down the hallway with Karkat and John, holding Karkat's hand and swinging it as he walked. “Sooo…”

“I wanted to say sorry for everything.” John started, his eyebrows furrowed as he looked at the area in front of them, clearly a bit frustrated at himself. “Karkat, I apologize for being a dick in general. I should have trusted Dave's instinct with you and instead, I distrusted you for no reason and was a dick because of it. I still don’t trust you fully but.. It’s not my business. You two are clearly happy together and just because it doesn’t look ideal to me, doesn’t mean it isn’t ideal for you two. Dave is an adult and so are you, you two have more than enough maturity to handle a relationship without my interfering. Now, this doesn’t mean I like anything about this or how it happened or how… Suspicious it all is to me, it just means that I’m not going to voice my own worries and anxieties. You two know what you’re doing and I need to respect that. I won’t be perfect at first, I’m still going to be a meddling fuck but..” John looked over at Karkat, distressed and worried. “Dave’s my brother and if he says you’re okay, you must be pretty cool.”

Karkat gave him a genuine smile, his kind eyes practically sparkling in the shitty lighting. “Thank you. I’m sorry for snapping at you back at my apartment, I was just-”

John shook his head, holding his hand up. “Don’t apologize. I should’ve known better. Dealing with family can be stressful and I’ll be sure to do better next time. Now, Dave…”

“Nah, don’t apologize to me, bro. I know you just say things when you’re upset and the fact you acknowledge you fucked up and actively tried to fix your own issues just because I asked you to speaks way more than an apology. It takes a real man to admit when he’s wrong.” He nudged his bro, grinning at him. “You fuckin’ sap.”

John smiled back, his buck teeth digging into his bottom lip just a little bit. “Says the one holding his  _ boyfriend's _ hand.” John teased him right back, nudging him. “So, where are we headed anyway?”

“I gotta clean up my apartment before my family gets here.” Karkat explained casually while Dave flinched, knowing this would tumble right into Johns meddling zone.

“When are they getting here..?” John questioned, clearly confused.

“Today.”

John wheezed, putting a hand on his stomach. “Tod- Oh lord, my fuckin’ word. Today?! And- Dave, are you even going to help him clean up?!” John looked distressed, his eyes wide behind his glasses.

“Uhh…..”   
“Oh my god. Oh my god. So, Karkat is just going to clean an entire apartment with what I assume is a very injured arm and the deadline is… Today? Holy- I know I just said I’d stop meddling but I just can’t let you do this, Kat.” John shook his head, already calling Karkat nicknames. “That’s just cruel and unusual punishment at this point! I’ll help you clean up and- How many people are we expecting?” He launched head first into planning mode, his mouth pressed into a thin line.

“Uhh...Four..?” Karkat mumbled, looking a bit surprised John was so willing to help.

“Fo- Oh my god! Why didn’t you two call me immediately?!” John started going off, almost completely taking over the planning process in seconds but he did occasionally check in with Karkat as they walked down the many, many stairs in his apartment building. It was.. Shockingly nice having John meddle in Karkats life. It meant Karkat was a part of the family now and the thought made his chest unbelievably warm, almost bursting with happy feelings. When they got to the exit of the building, he hung back a little bit, semi patiently waiting for goodbye from Karkat and John.

John, with his hand on the door, finally looked at him with a smile on his face. “Okay, the plan is I go help Karkat clean up, you debrief everyone else on how to behave with the Vantas’ and Maryam’s and feed them lunch, then Karkat and I will come back over and- Alright, nevermind. You debrief everyone and we’ll fill you in from there.” He explained, noticing Dave's confused and anxious face. This was why they were best friends.

“I’ll be sure to text or call right when we’re done and coming over, okay?” Karkat asked, concern lining his features in a way that made him feel pathetic and loved.

“Of course, y’all go ‘head and do whatever you need to do and if I forget the entire plan… Well, I’ll just rely on Dirk to remind me.” He shrugged, brushing off their worries of him forgetting the entire plan. Honestly though, the likelihood of him forgetting this entire trip was high and John seemed to know it. This was also why they were friends.

“Okay, I’ll just text you when we get on the bus.” John compromised, nodding to himself. “Let's get going, we really don’t have a lot of time.” He prompted, opening the heavy door for Karkat who had to lift himself up just a tiny bit so he could give Dave a kiss on the cheek, that made warmth spread through his body like a wildfire, before leaving.

“See ya later, Dave.” Karkat waved goodbye before getting on his phone, heading to the bus stop. John gave him a shit eating grin before following Karkat, continuing their conversation of confusing plans. 

Dave stood there stupidly, feeling his cheek tingle and his heart flutter around his chest like a very upset hawk in a much too small cage. He let out a dreamy sigh before heading back upstairs, not even worried about people seeing the dumb happy look on his face. Today was going to be a good day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i got this out so late!!! ive been dealing with a lot lately so my energy has been a bit up and down.  
> i didn't actually review this in its entirety so any constructive critism is welcomed!


	26. Paranormal Experiences.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting to know your boyfriends/partners best friend is always a good idea but maybe not such a good idea if your job involves life or death situations a lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: vomit, gore, blood, animal abuse(?), talk of abusive parents, blood

For the first time in a while, Karkat was nervous and ashamed to have someone in his house. The last time he felt this was… Fuck, last time his family visited him which should have been a few years ago. The only reason he was ashamed was because, at that time, it was pretty bare bones compared to his Aunt’s house. Now, he was ashamed because of the blackout curtains and the pieces of cardboard covering the windows and the various ‘traps’ set up around the house to discourage monsters and demons from work. But instead of giving him a disappointed and judging look, John went right to work, collecting the jackets and socks strewn about on his dirty floor.

“This is a lot better than what I was expecting!” John said happily, his arms quickly filling with clothes. “Does your building own a washin’ mat?”

“Uhhhh…” He stared at John, tense and a bit confused. His nerves were still alight, the flesh just below his epidermis tingling with electricity. “Sorry, I was just… Expecting a different reaction.” He murmured, taking off Dave's hoodie. It had Mountain Dew flavored chapstick in the pocket.

“Oh… Do you want me to act disgusted? Just to let your body feel like it’s anxiety was justified.” John suggested, standing in the middle of the living room like a dork.

“Yeah, that might actually help.”

“Disgusting!” John launched into the act immediately, shaking his head sternly. “Karkat, I am disgusted by this pigsty! Why is it not immaculate?! Where are the Bath and Bodyworks candles, hmm? Have you no shame?! Why is this floor not _spotless?_ Are you trying to give me allergies?!” He dropped the act, grinning. “How’d that feel, you any better?”

He chuckled quietly, shrugging. “Kinda? And no, uh, I already own a washing machine and a dryer.” He informed him, feeling a bit useless already. “It’s in the bathroom which is just down the hall, first door on the left.” He got to work, picking up his various socks and towels that he’s tossed around. He was grateful for John's lack of judgement but it was kind of confusing. Wasn’t he wondering why he had so many locks? He shook his head, making a pile of dirty clothes/towels before he grabbed shoes and put them at the entryway. He should also get the cardboard off the window but…. What if something.. Happened? What if something from work invaded his room just because he didn’t have that barrier of cardboard? Besides, he was getting used to the darkness, maybe he just… Didn’t need to take them off? He could say his window was broken. That was normal, right? Being on the twelve floor with broken windows..

“Can I ask you a question?” John suddenly piped up, back from shoving his dirty clothes in the washing machine.

“Uh, yeah.”

John frowned, his eyebrows creasing in the middle as he thought about what to say. That, or he was constipated. Hard to know. “Are… Okay, so, this is going to sound insane but hang with me here. Dave told me about the various… Monsters around your guy’s store and he.. He used to do stuff like this.” He gestured towards the windows and locks on the front door. “I think he still does, he just tones it down whenever I come by. Is… Jesus fuck, I can’t believe I’m asking this but is what he says true? Are you guys fighting these horrendous horrors every time you go to work? Like, fuckin’ zombies and-and exploding toilets and maggots and horrendous creatures that even God fears… I want to believe Dave, I really do but.. I can’t believe in something until I see it and.. I honestly thought he was on drugs or some shit when he told me, or maybe he was just losing it from stress but now that I’m here at your place… It seems a bit more realistic. You have no evidence of drug use and you seem like a rational person when it comes to that kinda stuff so.. Is it true?” John asked, worry painted all over his face. It made his heart clench in his chest, barely able to keep beating from the sudden pressure.

“I… Not every day but yeah, a lot of the times. Well, technically every day but.. It… You get desensitized pretty quickly..” He murmured his answer, avoiding eye contact with John. He didn’t want the guy to worry but he also didn’t want to lie right to his voice. Something just compelled him to tell the truth around him.

John sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “That’s the stupidest shit I have ever heard…. I mean, I believe you but fuck, it pisses me off. Why not just leave?”

“We’ll be forced to forget. We’ll be forced to forget our time there, forget it existed and.. We’ll forget about each other.” He explained, rubbing a cloth towel between his thumb and index finger. The texture was nice.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“... That’s… No bueno.” John murmured before he got back to work, taking the cardboard off of his windows with no hesitation. The action sent a spike of anxiety and fear through him but it only lasted a second, John's presence being naturally relaxing along with the simple act of cleaning. He wouldn’t admit it until he was on his deathbed but cleaning made him oddly happy. It relaxed him, left him alone with his thoughts. He took a deep breath before he lifted his pile of dirty laundry and carried it to the bathroom, his arm aching slightly in protest, promising to be even more sore tomorrow. God, Auntie was going to kill him.

“So!” John started cheerfully while Karkat shoved more dirty clothes into the powered down washing machine. “Mind telling me where you got that cut?”

“Work!” He replied, slamming the door shut before making his way back out to the living room where John was spraying the now uncovered windows with Windex.

“Ohh… So, what got you? A demon?” John teased, wiping the grime off the glass with a paper towel. He didn’t even know how John found the cleaning supplies that quickly.

“A ghost, actually. I uh… We were in a hotel, running away from some weird zombie and a ghost just fucking appeared and.. It was all over the place. Felt forced. But this ghost or whatever tried something so I just hit it with my shoe and yelled at it to fuck off. My shoe was fucking _dripping_ with corpse juice, it was disgusting and-” He shuddered, opening the closet where he kept the cleaning supplies and grabbed a broom. “It was nasty. I had to just throw away my pants and shoes, that smell would not leave.”

“Corpse juice…?”

“Yeah, you know, when a corpse gets out of the bloating stage it explodes, just a little pop, and the expired juices just.. Leak everywhere. It’s horrendous.” He shook his head, letting the plastic straws on his broom sweep up all the dirt and stray hair. Man, he should have done this a long time ago.

John shuddered, making a gagging noise. “Gross! I mean, I knew that was what happened but it's completely different to know it in the back of your mind and then actually have someone tell you!” He shook his head, nose wrinkled in disgust. “Bleck. Onto better and less disgusting topics, I say we tackle the living room first, top to bottom then go for the kitchen, then bathroom, then bedroom. I think the goal should be to get the living room and kitchen done by lunch time! If we start struggling, I’ll call Dave on over.” He smiled, heading to the kitchen and returning with the trash can. “And I can’t have my best bro’s new boyfriend working himself to the bone when he’s injured so I’ll be doing most of the work! How are you feeling? How far can you move your arms?”

He watched, not unfamiliar with this behavior but it’s been a while since someone dotted over him like this. “Uhh… Can’t lift heavy things, um… I think the wound is pretty dry so mild stuff like sweeping, mopping, vacuuming and scrubbing only. Can’t do much else.” He felt a bit useless, not able to work as hard as John but Dave would get so upset if he ripped open his arm again. Besides, he was pretty sure the wound was haunted at this point… How a wound could get haunted, he didn’t know but by the way it seemed to ache with a vengeance was enough evidence for him.

“Great! All the stuff I hate, this worked out perfectly! Alright, you keep sweeping shit up, I’ll clear up some of the clutter and dust!” John gave him a thumbs up before he went to work, sorting through his cleaning supplies, grabbing a dust mitten and set to work.

“So um… How long have you known Dave?” Karkat asked stupidly, feeling awkward as he swept up the dust bunnies and dirt around his living room.

“My whole life! Well, not technically… We met when we were… Nine or so? Maybe older, I can’t really remember but we met online and started texting every day! We didn’t like each other at first but we grew on each other over time. Man, I used to think he was such a dick! He would spend hours and hours arguing with me about the most stupid shit until we went on a Minecraft server together and just… Stuck with each other! We only knew each other and everyone else was so scary! We built these amazing houses, we would spend hours mining together.. It was amazing. Sometimes we play together but now it’s our kiddos that are playing together! Man, I would give up everything just to hear Jane go on and on about the shit she makes with Dirk on her little server.” He sighed happily, wiping dust onto the floor for him to sweep up while he collected dirty dishes, not one insult coming out of his mouth.

“Wow… I had no idea I was dating a gamer.” He commented monotonously as he swept, navigating around the various little tables he got half off at garage sales.

John chuckled, rolling his eyes. “I’m surprised you didn’t figure it out sooner! He has a total gamer vibe, as the kids would call it nowadays. So… Can you tell me what your family is like? I know that seems like a jump but Dave is practically family to me, I wanna know about yours, especially after wrongfully assuming shit about your brother.”

Karkat shrugged, sighing. “Well, you weren’t actually wrong about him. He’s a strict Christian freak but… He’s still my brother, ya know? He’s done a lot of good and almost everything he says or does is because he thinks that's what’s best for everyone. I uh…” He cleared his throat, preparing for condolences. “We lost our dad a while ago so that kind of affected us both pretty hard. We moved in with my Aunt at a pretty young age and that was even more difficult but I gained some sisters out of it. My auntie is a pediatric nurse, my sister is a model and a punk singer and my other sister is a fashion designer who dabbles in astronomy and my brother is training to be a priest like our dad, ‘cept my dad accepted everyone from everywhere.” He felt.. At ease. Usually he got anxious and frustrated when talking about his family but John just seemed to have this weirdly relaxing presence around him that caused him to just.. Unclench. Like heating up crystalized honey or hard candies, the thick syrup warm and inviting to anyone who walks by.

“Wow! Man, I wish I had that much diversity! My dad is just a regular office worker, I used to be the heir to a huge ass fortune but my little cousin snatched it out of my hands the second she was born! I don’t mind, I didn’t want it anyway. I think money turns people into weirdos. ‘Sides, I’m convinced my Gramma is immortal.” He shrugged, taking off his dusting gloves. “And yeah, my dad is kind of a penny pincher and yeah, my little cousin is a bit of a spoilt brat but that’s because we were all raised by assholes, not because we’re Jewish! My great Grandpapa was a dick about money, constantly waving it over my dad's head as some sort of powerplay and my Gramma isn’t any better. She STILL tries to baby my dad! And my cousin was mostly raised by my Gramma so she became a spoiled brat with more entitlement than I was ever allowed! Man, sometimes I wish I could just tell them that we’re all walking stereotypes..” He grumbled.

Karkat shrugged, sighing. “I understand. My brother and I are mixed. I’m aggressive and have anger issues while he’s a fucking preacher. It kinda of humiliating for both of us to be out together because that shit is obvious as fuck.” He huffed, sweeping up the dust John knocked on the floor. “He also bleaches his fuckin’ skin which just fuels peoples fires but you didn’t hear any of this from me.”

John nodded, miming locking his mouth shut and throwing away the invisible key. “And you never heard anything from me. So… Why are you so stressed out about this? Your brother seems like the only one to worry about, really.”

“Well… I just want everyone to be prepared for the inevitable fight. It always happens when we’re all together. Either Kankri shames Porrim, my older sister, for her punk appearance and tattoos and she tells him he has a small dick or I snap at my sister or I snap at Kankri and.. It’s just a lot to deal with, I guess. I also really want everyone to be prepared for my sister's judgement. Everything Kankri does pales in comparison when my Auntie asks what you plan on doing with your life or when my sister asks what brand you’re wearing or when my other sister just.. Exists around you. I mean, I’m not going to make Dave just sit there and take shit, that’s some pussy shit but I don’t want him to…” He trailed off, dumping the full dustpan into the trash. “I don’t want to remind him of his dad..” He mumbled quietly, feeling guilty for mentioning him.

“Oh, you don’t have to worry about that.” John brushed off his worries like it was nothing, tossing his dusty gloves into the bathroom.

“Huh? I thought his dad, like,... Hurt him..?”

“Yeah but not in the way you think. I mean, Dave’s dad was a walking stereotype too… Kinda. The cold Asian dad that refuses to praise or raise his children but the guy chugged like ten beers a day and worked a shitty nine to five. Honestly, he was a greedy little fucker that said idiotic shit like ‘alpha male’-”

“Disgusting.”  
“Oh, it’s even worse when Dave says it. But his dad would punish with silence and physical abuse. If your family is loud and boisterous, Dave will do just fine but don’t tell him you’re worried about him or that man might actually murder someone for you. Not joking. I saw his face, he cares a lot about you and if you show him that kinda love then he will mentally prepare himself for murder. The first time I comforted him emotionally he was like a rabid dog for a straight week before I got him to chill it a little bit.” John chuckled, looking fond as he reminisced. 

“I’ll keep that noted. Only do shit like that when I need to murder someone, got it. Thanks for telling me by the way. Since I’m a pretty loud and aggressive person, I get really worried about accidentally triggering him or Dirk. I think I’ll just ask him what his triggers are a day or two after we meet the family, just so he’s settled and comfortable.”

“Hmm.. I’d suggest before we meet the family? Just so you can stop triggering behavior sooner and thanks for not asking me about his triggers and shit!”

“Of course? I mean, they’re _his_ triggers.”

“Exactly! Man, I’m glad Dave chose you. You seem like a pretty good dude. But if you hurt him, I will rip off your toenails and shove them into your cornea.” John threatened and suddenly his presence went from gentle giant to territorial Viking. Why was this man built like he made houses for pretty women in the woods?

“Oh no, if I hurt Dave you’d have to do a lot more than that. Depending on the crime, that is. Honestly, I think toenails to the cornea is too plain for hurting him, I suggest something a bit more violent and painful. I want to violate a few Geneva Conventions, you know? I mean, it's only a fair punishment for hurting Dave.”

John grinned at him, his threatening aura melting away and dissolving that hardened sugar in a hot car. “Glad to know we’re on the same page! So… How did you and Dave really meet? Did you two get along well? Dave says you two met at work and you got along perfectly but knowing him and now knowing you, I think he’s lying right through his teeth!”

Karkat chuckled, rolling his eyes as he put away the broom and dustpan. “Of course he said that… Well, I hated him the first time we met. I thought he was just some weirdo that I’d be stuck with but… He grew on me. Like a fuckin’ infection. He talked almost constantly and the only time he’d shut up was when he was working and listening to music, it was the only time I could just chill out until… Well, there was an accident and I grew to enjoy his voice pretty quickly. This’ll sound absolutely insane but-” He paused. If he told John… Would that make The Foundation appear? Erase his memory? Or worse..?

“You don’t have to talk about it.” John reassured him, smiling brightly. He was so understanding.

“No, it’s not that. I want to, I really do, I just… The government was kinda involved? A sort of supernatural branch of the government, I guess but it was insane and I really don’t want them to show up and erase your memory or something. Long story short, we got stuck in a haunted IKEA and ended up on the other side of the country.” He explained, pulling the vacuum out of the closet. Man, it’s been a while since he used this…

“Oh, yikes… I guess that kinda makes sense.. I’m sorry for not understanding that earlier. It’s just hard to believe that a store can transport you to the other side of the country so quickly but… Dave’s never lied to me about that kinda stuff before, why would he start now, ya know? Sorry for assuming you two just went on a drug.” John apologized guiltily, standing there awkwardly. “I guess I was just kinda stressed from having to take care of Dirk so suddenly and… He was really concerned about Dave so I guess some of his anxiety got to me as well.”

He nodded, plugging in the vacuum. “I understand. Dirk can get…. Intense. It’s hard not to get anxious around him sometimes. Man, when I first met him I thought he was going to kill me!” He admitted, shuddering at the memory. “I’m pretty sure he’s always ready to murder someone though… I have no idea where he gets that intensity from, Dave never acts that way!”

“Oh, he does.” John shook his head. “Dave would do these weird things where he would mentally corner someone. Bring up dates, times, facts in general and basically back someone into a mental corner until they cried and never spoke to him again. It… Didn’t really work on me though.” He chuckled, looking embarrassed as he rubbed the back of his neck. “It's kinda hard to intimidate me, both physically and mentally. I guess that's what happens when your dad doesn’t really do a good job on teaching you emotional intelligence.”

Karkat smiled, raising an eyebrow. “Honestly, the day someone manages to intimidate you physically might be the day we all die.” He joked before turning on the vacuum cleaner, moving it over the rug. The device was pretty quiet compared to other activities but it definitely ended the conversation. He ran the thing over the small carpet he kept in front of his couch, his nose wrinkling as he saw all the dirt it was picking up. He wasn’t nearly as strict as other people were when it came to shoes in the house and it was showing but with two or three passes with the vacuum and he was done. The rug was a whole new color. He really hoped John wouldn’t comment on that.

“Could you get some hot water started for me?!” He called out to John, who migrated to the kitchen to get started on dishes while he got the small mop bucket out of the cleaning closet. He had no idea how he managed to keep so much in there, it wasn’t all that big. It was originally made to be a coat closet or something but Karkat decided that was fucking stupid and shoved his cleaning supplies in there on day one. He was glad he did. He poured a good amount of purple Fabuloso into the bucket before he rolled it into the kitchen where the faucet was rushing out hot water and John was putting away the dry dishes. He rolled the bucket closet before detaching the faucet, letting it fill the bucket.

“Thanks for helping, I know it’s tedious as hell but I would’ve been on the ground by now if I had to do it myself.” He gave John an awkward smile, not nearly as self conscious about his smile as he normally would be. John was fucked up teeth too, he wasn’t allowed to judge.

“Of course! Honestly, I can’t believe Dave just left you to do all this cleaning by yourself, while you’re injured no less! I might have to have a talk with him about manners! Leaving his poor boyfriend all alone, shame on him.” John shook his head, a small smile on his face.

“Shame on him. Someone else might just come along and snatch me up and he wouldn’t even be here to prove himself. You should call him and tell him that, let him know how pitiful I am. Look at me, I’m in ruins. Boohoo, wah wah.” He replied sarcastically, turning off the water once the bucket was full enough. He chuckled with John before returning to the living room, dipping the mop in the bucket and got to work. John was definitely a lot nicer than he thought, he could see how him and Dave became friends and stayed that way.

  
  
  


Cleaning two whole areas of an apartment was exhausting. Even if his apartment was pretty small, it took them a few hours just to get the kitchen and living room done. It seemed like every time they thought they were done there was just one little imperfection that needed to get corrected. Dust on the tv, his DVDs looking unorganized, his shelves looking dusty, food bits on the coffee, everything was just getting overlooked! By the end of it, his feet and arms were aching, his cut pounding with heat and pain. It was, for lack of a better term, _throbbing_. Like he’d imagine some of the dick in his romance novels to be throbbing but in a much worse way. It just plain hurt and it felt fucking weird as hell.

He sighed, leaning his head back on his now fluffed and cleaned couch, his muscles aching at the small stretch. His hands hurt too, his skin feeling tight around his flesh from all the chemicals and hot water he was handling. He didn’t have any cleaning gloves. He stared up at the ceiling, letting himself lazily eavesdrop on John's conversation with Dave. He had called him a whole ten minutes ago, what were they even talking about?

“Just- Dave-...... Yeah, yeah, I know but-..... Yeah…. Okay, just chill for a second. You’re going to be just fine, it’s just a small meeting and- Yes, Karkat is _fine._ He’s sitting on the couch right now, you wanna talk to him? Oh so you’re fine with bothering me but not him?... Okay, okay! He’s fine! Jesus, we need to get you some therapy.. Alright, I’m putting him on the phone.” Suddenly there was a phone being shoved in his direction by a very frustrated looking John and he took it without question, holding it up to his ear.

“Dav-” He cleared his throat, his voice sounding ridiculously tired. “Dave? You need something?”

“Are you okay? You’re okay, right? You’re you?” Dave spoke quickly, the phone muffling his voice a little bit but it was still pretty clear that Dave was worried about something.

“Yeah, we just got done cleaning. I’m pretty tired but I’ll be-”

“Is your cut okay?”

He sighed, tensing up his legs and stretched, his joints popping and creaking in protest. “Yeah, it kinda hurts from moving around and shit but that's to be expected. Why? Are you okay?”  
Dave laughed, his voice high with nerves. “Good question. I’m- I feel like I’m going fucking insane over here. I’m at work right now and… Fuck.” Dave went quiet, his breathing uneven and frantic.

“Talk to me, Dave.” He prompted quietly, standing up. He mouthed ‘I’m going to my bedroom’ to John, getting a thumbs up before he left, his heart clenching at the sound of Dave’s scared noises. 

“I… I… It’s so fucking scary without you. It’s so lonely, I have no fucking idea how I tolerated it all these years. I-I miss you, I miss you so much, I feel like they’re everywhere, I feel like I’m being watched constantly and… I just need to listen to you.” Dave breathed harshly into the phone, his voice shaky.

“You’re okay, take a deep breath. You aren’t going anywhere without me, okay? Nothing's gonna hurt you. Promise.”

“... Pinkie promise..?”

“Pinkie promise.” He whispered, a small smile on his face as he sat down on his bed. Dave was beyond cute sometimes, even when he was panicking. “Why don’t you tell me what’s going on?”

“Alright.... You know I’m used to the maggots and stuff at this point but… There’s definitely something stalking the place. I saw it when I was taking out the trash and nearly shit myself, it… I felt like a fucking rabbit in the middle of the woods and there was some fucking mountain lion screeching it’s head off at me. I-I’m in a corner in the back right now but.. I feel so _exposed_ , you know? It just feels like there’s not enough layers between me and it and I just… What if I don’t have enough layers? Oh fuck, did I… Fuck. I can’t remember if I locked the doors or not.” He admitted quietly, sounding broken and terrified. Instinct wasn’t something they weren’t familiar with but that didn’t mean it didn’t scare the shit out of both of them at times. Feeling hunted was something that you just couldn’t get used to.

“Davey,” The nickname slipped out before he could stop it. It made him cringe. “You’re going to be okay. You just need to stand up and go check on the doors. You can do it, I believe you. I’ll be on call with you the whole time, you’re going to be okay and if we suddenly can’t communicate, I’ll be right there. Faster than the boss can revive you.” 

“Okay....” There was a moment of silence before there was some shuffling and a door creaked open. “Mother of God, this is nerve wracking…” Dave muttered bitterly, clearly a bit more relaxed now that he had someone to talk to.

He chuckled, closing his eyes so he could hear Dave better. “The anticipation is the worst part of our job. Being alone just makes it worse… I still have no idea how you managed it for years.” He joked, trying to praise his partner. The thought of Dave being all alone with no help just hurt his heart, made his body want to run to him and protect him. He’s always been like this, with all of his friends and even romantic partners but… The feeling to protect was just different with Dave. There was a pre established layer of trust that allowed his own protectiveness to drop a little bit, allowed him to trust Dave to protect himself.

“I honestly don’t know how I managed either.. I’m guessing it was probably due to the fact I used to be high a lot more often before you came ‘round.” Dave chuckled quietly, his footsteps loud enough to be heard. The floor was, as always, sticky and the noise made Karkat cringe a little bit.

“Try to avoid running, that’ll just increase your adrenaline.” He advised, holding John's. phone with both hands like it would help him. He wanted so desperately to squeeze through the phone and go comfort Dave but the thought was stupid and illogical.

“I know, babe. I’ve been doing this for how many years now?”

“Five?”

“Exactly. So chi- ou- K-” The phone crackled in his hands, popping a few times before going silent. Well. This was… Not ideal. He sighed and started making his way back to the living room, his legs aching from the sudden weight on them. “I’m pretty sure Dave just got attacked by… something? So maybe we should go to the s-”  
“What do you mean attacked?!” John was up in seconds, looking panicked and frantic as he took his phone back, holding it up to his ear. “Dave?! Dave! Oh shit, oh fuck.. Is this some of your weird job shit? We- We have to go get him! He could be in trouble!” John insisted, on the verge of a full blown panic attack.

“John, breathe. This isn’t his first rodeo, he’ll be okay. The Boss is protecting him and as long as he’s on the property, he won’t die and if his life is in genuine, horrible danger, then our boss will just.. Take care of it.” He explained, lying about that last part. The Boss only ever interfered when there was a risk of the store getting wrecked but John didn’t need to know that. “Let’s grab Dave some lunch on the wa-”

“Are you insane?! We’re leaving now!” John demanded, already shoving his shoes on, stumbling a bit as he searched for his phone which was in his hand. “Where is it?”

Karkat just grabbed two Cokes from the kitchen and got on his flip flops, grabbing his keys. “We’ll take my car, it’ll be faster. There’s no bus stops around the store and taxi drivers don’t know where it is.” He explained, opening up the front door. “Phones in your hand.”

John flushed when he realized his phone was indeed in his hand and cleared his throat, quickly moving past him. “Lets go! Dave could be in danger!”

  
  


Dave was, as expected, not dead. At least, Karkat hoped so. Having John right next time him, blabbering about all the horrible possibilities that could be happening right at that second was not fucking helping. He pulled into the parking lot, right next to Dave's truck and grabbing Johns arm before he could scramble out of the car.

“Wait, dumbass.” He scolded, scanning the area. Nothing seemed out of place, nothing wandering in the woods… “Alright. We can go.” He let go of John, unlocking the doors before getting out. “Don’t go rushing into this kinda thing, it could be a trap.”

“A trap?” John questioned, sticking by his side. He looked weirdly nervous.

“Yeah.. You know, like, a fake phone call that was made by a demon or something that wants to kill either both of us or one of us. Or worse.” He explained, opening the front door. “Dave?” He called out, ignoring John's distressed noises.

“Oh thank God!” Dave replied, his voice coming from the bathroom. “Turns out I’m very good at-” He paused as he was coming out of the bathroom, eyes locking on John. He was covered head to toe in blood, his face and hands stained pink from him trying to wash it off. There was a long stretch of silence before John broke it by gagging, a shudder running through him.

“Okay, uhh… I’ll help you get cleaned up, John, you… Can you go get us some hydrogen-” Karkat didn’t even have to finish his sentence before John was taking his keys and heading right back outside, looking as pale as a ghost. “Uhh.. ‘Kay. So, what happened?” He questioned his partner, swiftly making his way around the racks of candy and snacks so he could go help him.

“Some infected big cat of some kind. You know the Not Deer? Yeah, kinda behaved like that. Anyway, just before I could lock the doors, I guess some entity cut off my signal and my phone basically crashed then after a good few long minutes of absolute panic, I found it just.. Staring at me. We stared at each other for a while before it finally moved, I made a move towards the bat we have on hand, long story short and I bludgeoned that motherfucker. Yeah, pretty gorey. Gave me a few good scratches on my arms and legs but that’s about it. They aren’t bleeding too badly right now but I’ll definitely need to keep an eye on them.” Dave explained away, moving back into the bathroom so he could continue cleaning himself off. “Hopefully this stain doesn’t last too long… I don’t wanna look all pink when I’m meeting the Vantas household!”

“Vantas and Maryam.”

“Maryam? Man, I think I’ve heard that name before… Tall girl, wears hijabs, really quiet?” Dave questioned while he took off his blood soaked clothes, leaving on his boxers.

“Yeah, that’s my sister. Well, one of them. Kanaya is eight months older than me, then Kankri is two years older than I am and Porrim is a year older than Kankri.” He explained while opening up one of the cokes he brought, sipping it. “I brought you a coke, felt like you might have needed it. Still a bit chilly from the fridge.”

Dave nodded, smiling bright at him. “Thanks, Karkles! Hey, can you clean my shades real quick? I got a good amount of the flesh off but the blood just won’t come off and I kinda need my sight.” He handed over his shades, eyes closed tightly to protect himself from the harsh light.

“Course. How’d you know my sister?” He asked, running the sunglasses under the cold water, using the hand soap to clean them off properly and get the smears off.

“I don’t really know her, John mentioned her a few times though. Apparently they were in the same class for a while or something, can’t really remember but it was… Damn, around high school? Maybe fresh out of school…? College? I can’t really remember, I uhhhhhhhhhhhh-” Dave continued the awkward noise, stiffening up.

“What?”

“Uhhhhhhh…. I uhm, used to have a sort of…… Attraction to John, so I never really paid attention when he was talking about girls… I’m over it though, swear! Honestly, he’s not really my type anyway, so you don’t have to worry!” Dave explained frantically, making wild and awkward gestures to try and play it off.

“Dude, chill.” He chuckled, drying off the shades before he gently placed them back on Dave’s face, smiling at him. “I don’t care about past crushes because right now, it’s you and me. I like you, you like me. That’s all that matters.” He murmured, holding Dave’s pink face in his hands, bits of blood getting on his hands.

Dave gave him the same weird expression he gave him that morning, the one where his body just shivered and he relaxed. “Can we kiss..?” He asked, sounding like he was melting.

“No, gross. Dave, you’re still covered in blood and I really don’t need more cryptid shit in my bloodstream. I’m pretty sure I’d die if I got some weird mountain lion blood in me on top of the ghost cut.” He patted Dave’s cheek before letting go to grab some paper towels. Someone needed to clean up these bloody footprints.

“Curses!” Dave pouted, throwing his hands up dramatically. “Cock blocked by the supernatural once again. Next thing you know, I’m gonna be getting sent to Super Mega Gay hell or whatever.”

“What?”

“I don’t know, Dirk keeps saying shit along those lines and I just go with the trends.”

Karkat snorted, rolling his eyes as he cleaned the bloody handprints off the door and counter. He was really hoping all this blood wouldn’t stain… Otherwise Dave would go around looking like a strawberry and despite how cute that sounded, it wasn’t ideal for meeting the family. “You shouldn’t just go around saying things without knowing the meaning or context behind it.”

“Why not? Politicians do it all the time!”

“Now would be the worst time to tell me you’re secretly a politician.”

“Damn, here I was planning on making you my first man. Instead of first lady-”

“I got it Dave.” He chuckled, unable to wipe the smile off his face. It’s been too long since he was able to smile like this. Before he could do much more or make a sassy comment, the bathroom door opened, revealing John who still looked terrified.

“I-I got hydrogen peroxide and.. Uhm, alcohol and some bandages…” John mumbled in a weak voice, handing over the plastic bag, his eyes darting away from any speck of blood. “Also got a change of clothes…”

“Thanks. You wanna hang out in here or…?” Karkat trailed off, not wanting to pressure John into being around a lot of blood.

“Yes.” The answer surprised both him and Dave, the two watching John shuffle inside. “What uh… What happened..?”

Dave sighed, resuming his process of getting most the blood off of him. He already had his legs and arms pretty much clean. “A… Uhm…” Dave glanced over at Karkat, obviously nervous.

“I told him about this place, it’s fine. Dave was being hunted by some demonic mountain lion, it got inside and attacked him, he killed it first.” Karkat explained, leaving out the part where Dave bludgeoned it to death. He opened up the peroxide and Band-Aids, kneeling down. “Get over here so we can clean up your cuts.” He poured the clear substance on Dave's right leg first, the one where the scratches seemed to be the deepest and watched as the liquid bubbled and fizzed, clearing out bacteria.

“A demonic mountain lion…?” John asked quietly.

“Yeah. Don’t worry too much about it, it only gave me a few scrapes!” Dave tried to be positive, giving John a thumbs up but the reassurance was ruined by his blood stained skin.

“So… You have to deal with this kind of stuff every day..?”

“Nah, not anymore. Karkats been covering my shifts all by himself as of late and we don’t deal with… Aggression like this. Not a lot anyway, maybe once or twice a week. It’s mostly just gore and fear.” Dave explained, moving to the side to help Karkat reach his left leg. 

“How can you have gore and fear without aggression?”

“Maggots.” Karkat piped up, shuddering. “Lots and lots of maggots.. They aren’t aggressive, just fucking disgusting.”

“Yeah, Karkat has to deal with maggots a lot. We also have people come in here already injured and they’re just… Doing their thing while severely injured. It’s gross sometimes, sometimes you’re just immune to it. I think this place feeds off of fear or something but I think it’s best not to question it.”

Karkat got up, his knees popping in protest at the activity. “Oh lord, one day I’ll have good knees."

"You talk like a fifty year old dad sometimes."

"Oh shut up, so do you! 'Karkat, my back hurts can you please rub it? Karkat, my feet hurt, can you rub them? Karkat, my shoulders-'" He mocked his boyfriend, grinning when Dave shoved his face away.

“Asshole.” Dave rolled his eyes but had a huge grin on his face, his cheeks flushed.

“Yeah, yeah. Hey John, can you look up how to get blood stains off of skin?” He asked as he put a band aid on the last of Dave's cuts.

“Hm? Oh, oh yeah. Yeah, sorry. There’s just…” John made a vague gesture around the room. “A lot. Like… A lot.”

Dave nodded, giving him a sympathetic smile. “I understand, it’s overwhelming at first. You’re doing a lot better than I did when I first experienc-” Just as he started complimenting John, John gagged and threw up into a nearby sink, his body shaking and heaving.

“Oh- Yeah, that’s a good reaction.” Dave patted John's back, rubbing soothing circles while he emptied his stomach.

“Poor guy..” Karkat muttered, washing his hands with soap and water a few sinks down from John. “Don’t forget to breathe.” He reminded him, drying his hands off before grabbing his phone. He googled how to get blood off of skin, found a semi good answer and made a mental note before he went back to John, holding his hair out of his face. Nothing was grosser than getting vomit in your hair.

“Thah- Thanks..” John panted, shaking a little bit as he spat into the sink, turning it on to wash away the semi chunky liquid.

“Of course, buddy. You need to sit out for a while or..?” Dave suggested, handing him a paper towel to wipe his mouth off with.

“No no, I’m fine..” John mumbled, wiping the spit and tears off his face. “Fuck… I don’t understand how you two keep working here..”

“It gets easier.” Dave reassured him, still rubbing his back.

“I, somehow, doubt that.” John shook his head, his shaking coming to a stop. “Alright, let's get you cleaned up. Sorry for not helping-”

Karkat held up a hand. “Don’t be sorry, this shit is overwhelming and new. I think our best course of action should be getting Dave’s arms and face cleaned off, getting lunch then taking him home so he can get a shower in. Our lunch breaks are pretty long, especially after an event like this so we’ll have time if we kinda rush it.”

“Alright uhhh… You two go wait in the car, I need to get dressed and take out the trash, the usual shit.” Dave told them, glancing at Karkat with a look that told him to just agree and go.

“What about-”

“We’ll get the car warmed up. C’mon John.” He interrupted John, grabbing the soda cans before leaving. He spotted the ‘corpse’ of the mountain lion a while ago but he’d hardly classify it as a corpse. It was more of a puddle of flesh than anything else. It was covered by shadows, easy to look over and almost invisible unless you knew what a puddle of flesh looked like. The idea kind of made him sick but he ignored it, keeping on a normal face while he led John out of the building. “So,” He started, not wanting John to pay attention to his surroundings. “Once we get lunch, we’ll head straight over to Dave’s place and get settled, take a short break then head back to my apartment so we can clean the rest of it up, sound good?”

“Uhh.. Yeah, sounds great. Sorry, this entire thing is just making my head spin a little bit.” John laughed awkwardly, trying to make the atmosphere more organic. “What do you wanna grab for lunch?”

“Since you’re the one who’s had to deal with the most change today, I say you get to pick. It’s on me so don’t worry about price or anything.” He got into his car, starting it up so it’d be warm for Dave.

“Karkat, I can’t just take your money! We’ll get something cheap, like McDonalds or something!” John insisted, getting into the passenger's seat.

“Uh, fuck no, Mickey D’s- _McDonalds_ is disgusting, we aren’t getting that. We’ll ask Dave when he gets back.”

“Karkat, that’s the stupidest thing we could do. Dave always acts like a starved man whenever I bring up food, he won’t know what to pick! Let’s just split this down the middle and get something light but cheap. Oh, and it has to be vegan and gluten free, preferably. Vegan is the hard boundary but I’m willing to eat gluten.”

“Fair, now I know why you’re built like a lumberjack. There’s a great sandwich place nearby that has vegan options and gluten free options that aren’t just salads, we can go there.” Karkat went ahead and gave John the name of the place so he could punch it into his maps app.

“Fuck yeah, I heard a lot of good things about this place. I hear it’s-” He went ahead and tuned John out, watching the doors for his partner. Partner? Boyfriend? He didn’t like the constraints that ‘boyfriend’ implied but partner was kinda awkward.. He didn’t have a problem with the commitment of ‘boyfriend’, he’s never had a problem with remaining loyal to one person but the idea of only doing romantic things with Dave and keeping his platonic life separate from Dave was just.. Weird. He was friends with Dave first and even if they broke up or something lame like that, he still wanted to have that platonic love.. He’d have to integrate Dave about it later. He’d probably end up saying something like ‘Oh, let's be pardners then! Just two cowboys makin’ their way through life, having awesome gay sex in tents’ and then go on a tangent about how gross that would be and how many diseases they would get. He could already imagine the two of them trying something like that then Dave screaming like a little girl and destroying their tent because a scorpion touched his foot or something. The idea made him smile, his heart swelling up in his chest. Why’d he have to fall in love with one of the biggest dorks in existence?

Karkat snapped out of his fantasy when the doors opened up and watched as Dave locked up the store after ‘taking out the trash’, his heart beating loudly in his chest. The next few days were going to be absolute hell but it was all worth it just to see Dave’s goofy looking ass every day and to be able to just.. Love him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i know, when is dave gonna meet the family!! when!! listen, you gotta be patient. we'll get there eventually.  
> follow me on tumblr valerian-valentine-2 for updates, random shit, writing tips, etc or just to talk!


	27. The Flesh That Hates.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat experiences his family and then the supernatural. He questions his job and his relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: skin disease, flesh, disease in general, pus, infections, graphic depictions of infections, sickness  
> I recommend listening to this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ie5koh4qvJc while you read :)

Karkat loved his family but sometimes, that love was put up to the test and questioned more than a POC who was going a mile over the speed limit. For example, the second they had all gotten to his apartment, Kankri insulted him about how small it was and then his own mother scolded him for ‘the lack of food’ despite there being a whole casserole in the fridge plus more. Then, Kankri and Porrim nearly broke his vase because they had gotten into a stupid argument about religion or whatever and Kanaya did nothing to stop them from wrecking his place which made him yell at Kanaya who yelled right back which led to a whole nother argument. Then, no one would shut up when he was on the phone with Dave who was just as anxious and stressed as he was, possibly even more and wouldn't express himself for fear his family was listening in on their conversation. Now, he was enjoying the rare moment of peace with his sister while Kankri and Porrim ran errands, his mother/aunt taking a nap in his room.

“So…” He started, staring right at the TV while she knitted next to him. She and their mom, Auntie Dolorosa, were working on some sort of project.

“So.” Kanaya replied shortly, not taking her eyes off the tv either. Witch.

“How’s… Life?”

“Would be better if you checked in more often, Karkat.”

He rolled his eyes. “Don’t start that, I’ve already had enough of Porrim and Kankri at each other's throats.”

She chuckled, her shoulders bouncing slightly. “Alright. Well, so far, school is going great and I’ve been meeting a lot of lovely girls but they never seem to.. Fit quite right, you know? Always too much of one thing or just plain average. Never quite enough. Although, the girl I was dating a while ago, she was just too much of everything. So… Explosive. She threatened to burn my fabrics when I broke up with her.”

“No!” He gasped, astonished. “Fuck, is she still alive?”

“Physically, yes but mentally no and that is all I will say on that matter. The poor girl did not realize that under my many layers of clothes are muscles strong enough to fight an ox so I got her out of my apartment pretty quickly. Speaking of apartments…”

“Yeah yeah, I know. My place is pretty pitiful.”

“It’s stale, Karkat.” She informed him, sighing. “How often is your boyfriend over here willingly?”   
“Uhhhh….”   
“Exactly. You need to get some plants or some new décor, this place is so stale with old energy that your darling doesn’t even want to stay here. I’ll get you a list of easy plants that’ll filter your air and maybe..” She looked around dramatically before leaning over. “You two should get yourselves a cat.” She suggested, her voice barely above a whisper.

“Kanaya, I can barely care for myself and I’m never home, that would just be cruel to the cat.”

“Then stay home more and take care of yourself. Have your darling come over and help you. A practice kid, so to speak.”

He scoffed. “He already has a kid, he doesn’t need a practice one!”

“Oh right, tell me about that. How fun was that for you?”

He rolled his eyes, glaring at her. “You know I don’t mind kids. Besides, the kid is sixteen so I don’t have to constantly keep my eye on him. It’s… Nice. Domestic.” He trailed off a little bit, the tv playing soft and calming music to fit the mood.

“Sometimes domesticity can make our skin itch, waiting for a fight, for more drama and it never comes.. How often does Dave make your skin itch, dear brother?” She questioned wisely, her lack of judgement soothing, like a balm of lavender and honey.

“Too much. I’m always waiting for the yelling and the joking and the passive aggressive insults but… He’s so  _ quiet _ , Kanaya. He looked terrified to make any sort of noise at all and it freaks me out, chills me to my core sometimes. He talks a lot, never has much trouble on that front but sometimes he gets this look in his eyes and it just… It feels like he wants to scream at me but in a good way. Like there’s noise trapped inside of him that he doesn’t know how to get out and it just… It hurts me to see. His brother is like that too. Quiet. So quiet. It’s just… Weird, a stark contrast to how we were raised.” He rambled, moving his hands and gesturing as he spoke.

Kanaya nodded, listening as she knitted. “Karkat… You sound like a poem book right now and you need to stop before I wake up mother dearest with how loudly I will be gagging.”

He snorted, rolling his eyes. “Oh fuck off.” He joked, grabbing his phone off the coffee table right as it buzzed and continued to buzz in his hand. Dave was asking to hang out for lunch and right as he was sending his agreement, Kankri and Porrim burst through the doors. Perfect timing.

“Gotta go.” He got up, putting his phone in his back pocket and made his way to the door, sliding on some shoes.

“And just where do you think you’re going?” Kankri questioned him snootily, glaring at him while Porrim moved past and into the kitchen.

“I’m going to have lunch with my boyfriend, it’s no big deal.”

“No big- Karkat, you are barely fit to drive!” Kankri scolded, blocking the door with his weak body. “You are staying here and resting until you get better.”   
“You- No. Kankri, I’m more of an adult than you ever will be, move before I make you move.” He practically hissed out the words, frustrated and upset.

“Yeah Kanny, just let him go fuck his boyfriend!” Porrim called out from the kitchen, the sound of rustling bags following her.

“Just- I-” Karkat covered his ears while Porrim and Kankri got into another shouting match, overstimulated and upset. He just wanted to see Dave and get out of the fucking house, was that so much to ask for?

“Children, hush up. Kankri, let Karkat go visit his boyfriend. You are an adult and so is Karkat, he can take care of himself just fine.” His aunt spoke up, glaring at the two from her spot right in front of the hallway. She could sense an argument like no one's business and her glare made guilt grow like a weed in his stomach. “Don’t back talk me, young man. I am not too old to hold you down and wash your mouth with cloves.” She threatened when Kankri went to protest. Despite being a senior citizen, she was always ready to smack some discipline into her kids.

“Thank you, momma. I’ll bring home some more yarn for you and Kanaya while I’m out.” He thanked her and quickly made his way out before he got stuck in some boring conversation. He adored his mother but he didn't want to spend the next few hours talking about yarn. While he walked down the hallways of his apartment, he debated paying John to make him some cookies to give to his neighbors. He was sure they were all tired of the yelling and shouting by now, especially the stomping. It took Karkat years to unlearn his stomping habits and his siblings still haven’t unlearned that shit and it didn’t help that Porrim seemed to wear Doc Martens all day everyday.

Oh, whatever. It didn’t matter, his family would leave soon enough. Hopefully. Kankri seemed to adore the attention ‘taking care’ of his ‘little’ brother got him. Hopefully Kankri would soon realize that he could lift his body weight as a warm up but lets let go of those thoughts for now before it gets a bit too… Violent. Now, he just needed to focus on picking up Dave who was probably pacing circles around the store, forming his own little circles and patterns by wearing down the cheap ass tiles. Just the vague thought of his seeing partner brought a comfortable warmth to his chest that melted away his anxiety, warming him to his core. He couldn’t wait to see him, it’s only been a day since they last saw each other but in his opinion that was far too long and according to the 100+ messages Dave is sending him every hour, it’s been far too long in his opinion as well. Good to know they were on the same page. Speaking of messages, his phone buzzed for the millionth time that day and he already knew it was Dave spamming his phone with his random thoughts and opinions without even needing to look at it. He didn’t pull out his phone until he was in the cold, echoey parking garage but the device wouldn’t turn on no matter how hard he pushed the power button and he got the all too familiar chill down his spine. Is this really how this is going to go? Really? He couldn’t have one day-

He rounded the corner, stopping in his tracks when he saw.. Flesh? Slimy red mounds that pulsed on the cold floor but on closer inspection, there was no floor under them. It was just more flesh, radiating so much heat that it was steaming. He shuffled closer, his boots making a horrible noise against the concrete but he couldn’t stop himself, he couldn’t lift his feet up if he tried. This was.. Disgusting. He’s seen some gross shit in his life but the slimy flesh that was slowly spreading closer and closer to his shoes was just a bit too much for him but unfortunately, this was the only ramp up and he needed to get to his car.

So, he stepped on the flesh. It squished and squirmed under his boot, desperately grabbing at it as he quickly started stepping through the squishy substance, trying to just get past but it was too slippery, too slick, too malleable and he fell right on his ass, landing in the squishy muscle like tissue. He had closed his eyes in apprehension while falling and laid in the puddle, unwilling to open his eyes and face the fact he just did the stupidest shit ever but his thoughts got interrupted by his leg just starting to itch. A specific spot right on his ankle bone. It… Hurt. Felt like his skin was stretching, cracking and hardening, it just felt uncomfortable but forgettable until he realized he was in a puddle of flesh and that was gross as fuck.

His eyes snapped open to inspect the source of his new itch but instead of a cement ceiling, he was greeted with fleshy, pulsing, oozing walls and void as a ceiling. Well. This was new. He sat up, taking in his surroundings. There were flesh walls all around him, some radiating heat, some covered in raised bumps that ooze a weird liquid that he would like to have nowhere near him. When his eyes finally landed on his ankle, he was met with the thing that was now one of his biggest problems. A red, hot lump had made itself home on his ankle, clearly irritated with white ‘heads’ covering the skin on top. It was kinda small, only a few centimeters wide but holy fucking hell did it hurt. It hurt to move his foot at all and moving his ankle made the skin on the lump tighten, threatening to break open and expose his body to the many, many diseases in this place. Well, this was just fucking spectacular, huh? Just what he needed. A huge as whatever that was threatening to burst at the slightest of movements while he was surrounded by flesh.

He huffed and forced his body to get up despite it’s new aches, taking in his surroundings a bit more. When he peered around a corner, he noticed more turns and corners, indicating a maze like pattern. Now, he could handle a lot of things but he drew the line at a fucking flesh maze. Unfortunately, he didn’t have a fucking choice in the matter so he got to walking, his ankle protesting at the action but it would just have to deal. He needed to go see Dave and there was no way he was letting his family or some fucking monster stop him.

He turned a corner and nearly ran right into a squishy wall that was oozing with… A liquid. Possibly? Did that even count as a liquid? Whatever, he just needed to get out of here. He turned around and went left, following the current path. This wasn’t too bad but he really hoped it wouldn’t be like this forever because there was no way for him to tell where he has or has not been.. Unless you count his foot prints. His shoes made shallow indents into the tender flesh which gave him a bit of hope until he saw the fleshy floor start spasming, tensing up which caused the prints to disappear pretty quickly. Well… He’s been through worse. Kinda. This was definitely starting to make it on his top ten grossest monsters list though. The actively decaying lady was hard to beat but this maze was really starting to give her a run for her money. He continued his trek after witnessing the odd spasming of the flesh, not particularly scared or anxious. This was, unfortunately, his normal and it was going to take a lot more than this to scare the shit out of him.

* * *

Boils had started appearing on his skin about ten minutes into this whole maze thing. Small things, irritated and tender but easy to ignore. He was starting to get a small fever but it wasn’t too bad, nothing he couldn’t withstand but the sights however… It was a lot to handle. It just seemed to get worse the further he got into the maze and it was the only way he could track where he was going because he couldn’t just count the amount of cysts this one wall had compared to the millions of pus filled, sweaty, oozy walls. This sucked and the smell of infection was thick. Luckily, he was still in the ‘early’ stages of the maze so the smell wasn’t too bad but he had a feeling it was about to get even worse. The skin around his ankle was tight, threatening to burst at every step but that's fine. He just needed to get out of here. 

He took so many turns, got so turned around, went in so many circles that he was sure he was going crazy. He wanted to step on some of the lumps closer to the walls so he could glimpse over but the idea of those lumps bursting under his feet was enough to discourage him and make him abandon the idea altogether. This maze was.. Weird. It didn’t make any sense but mazes never made sense when you were inside of them with no way to track where you’ve been. He tried cutting an arrow into one of the walls but the flesh just attached itself to his knife, looking like it was thrown on so he gave up pretty quickly on that idea. His body temperature was rising with every boil that appeared on his skin and for one delirious moment he convinced himself he was boiling on the inside and these were his bubbles but his skin was too thick to let it out and he needed to get his insides to cool down before his whole body just popped. The thought, of course, wasn’t urgent or scary to his fevered brain and it wasn’t concerning until he snapped out of his haze, finding himself in a place he was unfamiliar with. How long had he been walking? Did it matter? It was hot. His insides were boiling.

* * *

Walking was getting painful and tiring, his mind no longer able to block those facts out. His injured arm was itching, begging for attention, the bandage feeling like it was just tightening around him while his stomach seemed to be covered in chicken pox, red scratches now covering the delicate skin because he just couldn’t stop fucking itching. It felt like bugs were crawling around in the top layers of his skin, nibbling on all of his sensitive parts so he could scratch them out. He was so hot and itchy but he had to get out of there, he couldn’t give up. This was all temporary, he was going to be okay and after this he could get lunch with Dave and possibly get high off his fucking ass.

The walls were actively pulsating now, jerky movements from the infected flesh causing him to jump every few minutes. It was so hot here, the walls around him burning up from their own infections, bits of hair and such stuck along the slimy walls. He couldn’t give up, not yet. He could do this. He really could. He just needed to tolerate this for a little while longer and he’d be done. His joints ached and protested as he went on, making the same turn over and over again, hundreds of times and he deliriously thought of a mouse stuck on a wheel. Doing the same thing over and over and over again, making the same turns and moves with no real end goal.

He groaned as pain shot through him, snapping him out of his thoughts, his ankle throbbing and demanding attention. He had wrapped his sock around it hours ago but he was too scared to check up on it, to even look down at his probably purple feet. Every foot step was either squishy from his own bodily pus or squishy because of the disgusting flesh underneath him. He just wanted to take a break but he couldn’t. He was almost there. This had to be the worst of it, right?

This part of the maze was much more different than the beginning. It was boiling hot, heat radiating from all sides while stuff oozes from different wounds and pores. Sometimes he occasionally got squirted with something that just popped and sometimes he could hear the mounds, the infections around him pop or bubble. It was disgusting but it had to be done… Right? Someone had to do this, right? There was a reason for all of this, there had to be. There had to be a reason why he woke up every night to demons whispering horrid things in his ears, there had to be a reason why he’s had to see others experience death, there had to be a reason why he’s seen people rot away, there had to be a reason why he had to face his deepest darkest fears… Right? It wasn’t just for nothing.. He was doing something, right? He was doing something, he was saving someone, he was preventing others from living this fate, right..? That had to be it. There was no way he was doing all of this for no reason, there was no way he was walking through a fucking flesh maze while pain shot up his legs, causing him to debate an impromptu amputation for no reason.. Right?

He leaned against a hot, throbbing wall to take a break, just a short one. His thoughts were spiraling and he could feel himself getting delirious from the heat and pain. He needed to stay strong and just fight through this. He could do it. For Dave.

* * *

He officially wanted to quit. He’s been walking for who knows how long now and he was in pain, his skin hot and irritated, dry and cracking with every movement. He had blisters on his heels, boils on his stomach, cold sores along his bleeding lips, bumps and bruises all over his body that ached. The bandage on his arm had fallen off long ago and exposed his spider veins, red lines running up his arm and right to his heart, infection and disease running rampant in his veins. The bump on his ankle had only gotten worse and burst a few wrong right turns ago, a yellow crust now surrounding the pulsing wound. The sock he had used to bandage it had turned into a rat that was nibbling at his skin so he tossed it far away and left it so he had no idea where it was nor did he care. He was exhausted, burning up and his entire body was aching, deep in his bones in a way that felt good and exhausting. He just wanted to sleep but the longer he was here, the more bumps appeared on his body, the more disease started taking him over. He turned a corner, moving his shoulder in the wrong direction and felt something pop on his back, the liquid soaking his shirt. He wasn’t even aware there was stuff on his back. He stumbled a little bit, almost gagging when he caught sight of his feet which could barely be described as such anymore.. Could they? He felt like he was boiling again. His stomach acid bubbled and his blood followed suit, more boils rising to his skin. He was reminded of a tea kettle.

As he was walking, he had encountered multiple ‘bodies’ or things that had once been bodies, now covered in the flesh that was surrounding him and he refused to just sit here and become one of those mysterious mounds. He panted quietly, the smell of pus and infection sitting on his tongue like a damp, moldy towel he found in the hospital trash, the infection and disease in the air laying thickly in his lungs, suffocating them. Everything ached and urged him to rest but he kept going, the only sign that he was even still going being the squish of flesh under his sore feet. It was so malleable and squishy, you’d think you could just tear your way through this place but his experience with monsters told him not to, told him he would only make things worse if he didn’t play by the mazes rules. He gasped and groaned as he felt more hives appear on his formerly uninjured arm, now covered in raised skin and scratches. He couldn’t scratch. He was going to end up scratching his own skin off at this point, blood dripping down his fingers in slow, lazy waves and the sight brought hot tears stinging in his eyes. Why was he even still working at this stupid fucking job? It wasn’t even worth it anymore. The only good thing to come out of this job was his relationship with Dave and even now, this disease covering his body, he was debating if the relationship was even worth it.

His inner thighs chafed and screamed with agony as he continued walking, his mind blanking from the hot spikes of pain roaring through his body while fever fueled thoughts continued in the back of his mind, offering a kind drone to relax to. He was producing equal amounts of sweat and pus at this point, his body slick from both liquids. He just wanted to go home, he wanted to quit. He wanted to quit so badly. He wanted to run into his mothers arms and forget this entire experience, please, he was so tired and he just wanted to forget. Forget the nightmares, be oblivious to the pain and monsters, be unaware of the suffering. He didn’t care anymore. He adored Dave but it just wasn’t worth it, it wasn’t worth all the pain and suffering. This maze wasn’t the only driving force to his urge to quit, it was the rotting corpses, the monsters constantly hunting him, the cannibalism, the maggots and worm, hearing the only man that could sympathize with him yell at him through a phone, telling him dark and horrible things. He’s wanted to quit since he got this job and the urge has only grown. He just wanted to quit and forget.

His foot hit solid ground and cold air filled the space around him, soothing his fevered skin.

He blinked the tears out of his eyes and looked around, finding himself right next to his car in the parking garage. His skin was irritated and hot but there wasn’t a single irregular bump or boil in sight. Just scratches on his arm from his own nails. He made it out. He did it…

Why didn’t he feel accomplished?

He slowly pulled his phone out of his pocket, not even surprised when it turned on and exposed multiple missed calls from Dave. He called him back, his fingers moving slowly over the greasy, streaky screen and he held the device up to his ear with shaking hands.

“I want to quit.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, a bit shorter than usual but i think that just adds to the creepiness!  
> will this be the end? will karkat quit and forget about his memories of dave? find out at... some point!  
> im not really sure if this is genuinely scary or disturbing as my writing bones are a tad bit rusty so please, any advice or constructive critism is welcomed!


	28. The Ending... Kinda.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat confronts Dave about their future together and whether or not it involves them being together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: talk of paranoia, not eating, panic attacks, arguing

Karkat sat with Dave in silence. It’s been silent for thirty minutes now, Dave’s eyes digging into his skull, trying to find answers. They should’ve been at their family lunch hours ago but here they were, deciding their fate.

“Why…?” Dave asked quietly for the tenth time. His voice was so quiet and weak, betrayal making it shake.

“It’s… Dave, it’s not worth it anymore. Clinging to this, going through hell every day just so we don’t forget each other, it’s… It’s becoming impossible to do and it will only cause trouble within our relationship and our lives.” He explained for the tenth time, finally looking up at his boyfriend. They’ve been sitting outside the store for so long that Dave’s cheeks were red, sunburnt. He always forgot to put on sunscreen before leaving the house, the idiotic asshole.

“Did I do something wrong?” Dave questioned, tears already beginning to slide down his hot cheeks. He knew it stung.

“No!” He replied immediately, reaching over to hold Dave's hand but Dave pulled away like he would burn him. The motion made his heart ache, tears welling up in his eyes but he held them back, not wanting to seem manipulative. “No, Dave… I’m not trying to forget you, I promise. I want to hold onto the memories we’ve made together for the rest of my life, I swear but is… Are those memories really worth it? Are they worth destroying ourselves over?”

“Yes!” Dave snapped, glaring at him. “I’ve done this for years, Karkat, I-”

“Why? Why have you stayed here? The pay is mediocre, you’re constantly away from Dirk, you face death and horrors beyond what anyone could ever stand to conceive every fucking day! Why?!”

“Because I can’t risk losing you!” He practically snarled the words, running a hand through his thin blonde hair, the setting sun making it glow like a halo. “It’s worth it to me! It’s worth all that fucking shit just so I can fucking kiss you a-and wake up next to you and hold you and be around you! I would die every damn day if it meant I could still be with you for the rest of my life!”

He couldn’t stand arguing with him. He felt like his insides were being torn open. Nothing, absolutely nothing could hurt him worse than this. “Then you’re selfish.” He told him shakily, the words burning his throat like acid. “There are ways we can remember each oth-”   
“Shut up.”   
“This isn’t the end! We can-”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Dave shouted at him, his hands clenched into fists. He looked beautiful, even when he was mad. “How am I selfish?! I’m doing all of this for you! I’ve only lasted this long because of you! I would die every damn day for you, how does that make me selfish?!” He demanded, his face getting redder and redder as he yelled, tears now rapidly spilling down his perfect, wonderful face. Even when he was furious, he was beautiful.

“My life, our  _ relationship _ , doesn’t matter when you aren’t with your friends and family! Dave,” He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself while fighting back his own tears, “I’m asking this with nothing but  _ love _ in my heart. Please, quit with me. It hurts me and everyone else to see you nearly die every week, to see you get traumatized over and over for no damn good reason. It’s… I’m doing this for our own wellbeing. You have a brother to think about, what if something happened to you? What if you die across seas and Dirk didn’t even know it? You know him, he would spend the rest of his life either hating your guts or convinced you would come back to get him with some amazing story to tell! He is a  _ child _ , you need to be there for him a-and your friends! They need you, they need you to keep them in shape!” He was pleading, his hands gesturing around wildly. “I need to take care of my family too. It’s selfish to keep our families out of the loop, to constantly look death in the eyes without our family knowing it. Please… If there was another way, I would take it in an instant but… There just isn’t, baby.”

Dave stared at him, his anger melting away as he spoke. He looked so weak, so.. Small. He hated that he was familiar with this look on him, hated how he could count all the times he’s seen that look, hated how he was the fucking cause of it. “But… But I love you…” He protested quietly, his voice cracking as he stepped forward. “I don’t wanna forget…”

In an instant, they were holding each other like it was the end of the world and fuck, it kinda felt like it. He held Dave so tightly, tight enough he could feel Dave’s back pop in protest, so tightly that neither of them could breath properly, so tightly they would ache and bruise, so tightly that it felt like the sorrow was being etched into his body permanently. He couldn’t fucking stand this. He couldn’t. He just wanted a normal life. He always just wanted a normal life. Ever since he was a kid, he just wanted to meet the love of his life and be  _ happy  _ together but nothing was ever that easy, was it? No, he had to meet the love of his life in the maws of some monstrous being, in the skipped seconds of the universe and the terrifying silence of the world. Despite everything, despite having his dad taken away from him, despite having his brother go from sweet and caring to narcissistic, despite going through his whole life having things being taken from him.. He couldn’t take Dave from his family. No matter how much he selfishly loved him, he just couldn’t.

“You’re… You’re the light of my life, Dave.” He whispered against his neck, inhaling as deeply as he could. He smelled like his stupid vape and it was so horrible, the smell burning his nose but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Instead, he just felt Dave impossibly tighter and listened to him quietly cry, felt his organs and bones  _ shudder _ with sobs.

“I don’t wanna…” Dave whispered, voice breaking like porcelain on concrete. He wanted to kiss the sadness out of him but he couldn’t, not now.

“I don’t want to either.” He admitted.

“Then why…? Why do you wanna make us forget?”

“Because when I finally warmed up to you and I realized how fucking deeply in love with you I was, I promised myself to always do what would  _ protect  _ you, not what would make both of us happy. That’s all I have ever wanted, Dave. I’ve only wanted to protect you in any way I could.” He whispered, slowly pulling away from the hug despite Dave’s pained whine and desperate grabs at his shirt. He held his partner's face in his hands, pressing his forehead against his, hoping he could feel the love radiating from his entire being. “I just want you to be safe and healthy, even if it means f-” His voice cracked, tears blurring his vision. “Even if it means forgetting you-” He finally broke, a sob bursting from his chest. He hated crying in front of people, he always looked so stupid. It was humiliating.

“No no no, no, please don’t cry..” Dave murmured, gently rubbing his side with one hand while the other lovingly wiped away his tears. “I’ll do it, I’ll do it, just please.. Please don’t cry.” He kissed the tip of his nose, a small smile appearing on his face as he tried to reassure him.

“I-I’m sorry..” He sobbed wetly, sniffling grossly. “I just… I don’t…” He trailed off, trying to convey his emotions through looks, knowing Dave understood the second he pulled him closer. Dave always understood, always. He was always so stupidly understanding and forgiving.

“I know. I know.” Dave whispered, kissing him gently. “Please stop crying… It’s really weird to kiss you when you’re crying.”

He laughed quietly, just a few puffs of air that barely qualified as a laugh. “Alright..” He conceded, leaning into Dave’s touch. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Dave replied immediately, holding his face so desperately, so lovingly that it felt like he was being burned, like Dave’s hands were branding themselves into his skin to forever remind him how he broke his heart. He wished Dave would burn him, melt away his skin and flesh, brand him forever and ever. He wanted to have him, everything about him, burned into his memories until it was the only thing he could remember.

“I adore you..” Dave whispered into the small gap between their lips, the words only burning him more, tearing him down until he was nothing but bones and pure, raw emotions.

“We’ll find a way to stay together. We always do.” He promised him, trying his hardest to pull him impossibly closer. He wanted nothing more than to just disappear with him. Run away and never look back, go to some abandoned island to hide from the monsters that plagued them. He wanted to take care of Dave for the rest of his life, hold him in his arms and sing to him, read him his favorite stories, he wanted to go on stupid fucking dates where they were awkward and stupid together and the longer he thought about it, the more the idea of simply falling in love with Dave again appealed to him.. They would finally be able to go on normal dates, he would be able to eat lunch with him without feeling watched, they could cuddle and sleep like normal people.. No waking each other up in the middle of the night because of nightmares or paranoia, no clinging to each other like it’s their last moments on earth, no… Unnatural lives.

“Baby, babe,-” Dave started grabbing at him, clawing at his shirt, pulling him as close as he could while still being able to breathe properly. “We can- We can write on each other. Write our names, tell our future selves that we’re fucking meant to be, we can ensure our paths cross again. I-I’ve got a sharpie in my truck!”

He grinned, feeling dopamine rush through his head like a fucking tsunami. “Let’s do it. Let’s fuckin’ do this.”

  
  
  


“Hmm…. Something just doesn’t look right here.” Roxy spoke up, staring at Jane, who looked like her tear ducts decided to produce milk today. They looked like the rest of the world right now, hazy, murky and milky. Like gross sink water.

“Oh really? Do you think it's the fact our entire family, nay, the world is completely frozen while the universe fixes the timeline or is it my outfit? Be honest here, Roxy.” Dirk replied snarkily, showing off his shitty outfit with a few shit poses. Rainbow dash hoodie, tank top with a picture of a skateboard on it and camo cargo shorts. He had no style yet all of the style, the mad man.

“Hmm…. I dunno. Maybe it’s the lighting but you look like absolute shit. When’s the last time y’all dusted in here?”

“Are we not going to talk about the fact they’ve been frozen for ten fucking minutes now?!” Jake finally snapped, his voice cracking from stress, clearly concerned about the wellbeing of their parents while Roxy was concerned about how hard he was frowning. If he frowned any more, that pimple on his chin might pop by itself and she… Kinda wanted to see that happen, in a gross sort of way.

Dirk waved away his concerns nonchalantly, returning to his puzzle. The pieces would just get scrambled again by the time everyone got back from the void, she didn’t know why he was even working on it. “Don’t worry about it. I’m just glad everyone’s shut up for a while. Was getting tired of John’s…. Johnning.”

She nodded in understanding. “Yeah, that was getting kinda annoying. But yeah, I’m sure everything is fine. This just… happens. Sure, it’s usually only a minute or so but this is probably normal too, nothing to worry about.”

Jake huffed, not having it. “Really? First of all, a human being aware of the universe fucking rewriting it’s bloody self isn’t normal by any damn standards! Second of all, this has gone on for bloody ages! They’ve been like this for ten damn minutes, that’s way longer than usual and this stuff,” He gestured to the air, “is disgusting, I hate it and it’s making me think I’m inhaling sink water which just isn’t FUCKING cool!” He ranted, his accent changing as he spoke, and that paired with his cracking voice made him nearly incomprehensible. This guy needed to come with an interpreter, maybe a guidebook.

“Well, maybe they’re just dying extra times.” Dirk suggested, ignoring their upset glares like it was nothing. “Wouldn’t be the first time they were attacked pretty heavily. One time this whole thing lasted, like…. Five minutes because The Boss was getting Dave out of a cannibal pile.”

Roxy huffed, staring at Jane who just gave her a blank, faraway look. She wasn’t technically present so she didn’t feel too hurt but she would much rather prefer to have Jane present with her. “I dunno… Just doesn’t seem right.. Do you think they finally…?” She trailed off and gestured with her hand, huffing when she noticed Jake and Dirk’s confused stares. “You two can never let me have my suspenseful movie moment! I was saying, do you think they finally quit?”

Jake made a quiet ‘ooohhh’ sound while Dirk scoffed. “No way, Dave’s been working there for fucking years, there is no way he’d quit just like that.”

Jake put a finger on his chin, crossing his legs. He looked stupid doing that on their shitty couch yet elegant and sophisticated at the same time. “I dunno... He seemed pretty upset when Karkat called him and a breakup wouldn’t cause a pause like this. Roxy? Maybe you can ask your good pal? I’m sure the secret holder of the entire universe would have some good answers.”

She rolled her eyes. “That’s not how that works and you know it, Jakey. I can’t just summon the void and get to chatting!”

“I can.” Dirk jokes, a small smile spreading across his face.

“We get it, you’re neurodivergent and can dissociate, here’s the world's tiniest orchestia. Playing just for you.” Jake rubbed his fingers together for a few seconds. “Can we move on and come up with a solution? Or try to figure this out?” He requested, crossing his arms tightly. “Uncle John is staring at me and it’s starting to freak me out a bit..”   
“Then move, Jakey!” She told him, poking Jane’s cheek, the indent from her finger staying due to the fact time was frozen. Her makeup was beautiful, as per usual, although dull due to the pause of time while the void/Boss worked on a new story. Like a fanfiction writer or something, erasing everything when the characters stray from the intended ending and creating a new one… Or something.

“But his eyes follow me!” Jake complained, leaning from side to side. “I swear… But really? You think they finally quit? It would make sense but Dave wouldn’t just up and leave like that..”

“That’s what I’m saying! Why would Dave just up and forget everything like that?” Dirk pointed out, not looking up from his puzzle, hunched over it like a gremlin. The idiot was going to look like a curly tortilla chip if he didn’t straighten the fuck up.

She huffed, popping her knuckles to release some of her stress. “I don’t know! The void doesn’t tell me everything! But… I have a strong feeling they did. I dunno, it’s like… It’s like The Boss is just  _ guiding _ me in the right direction!”

“Great, can The Boss tell me where this pink piece goes?” Dirk chimed in, holding up a blurry pink puzzle piece, streaks of green in it but it was kinda hard to tell what colors there were, the air still murky and gross.

“I’m going to take a wild guess and say with all the other pink pieces.” She replied sarcastically, rolling her eyes when Dirk nodded wisely.

Jake whined. “Can I please just help you-”

“No!” Dirk snapped, holding up the steak knife he grabbed earlier when Jake tried to ‘fix’ his puzzle. “You stay back, puzzle god! This is my challenge to face and my challenge alone!” He shouted dramatically, glaring at one of his closest friends like he just committed treason without inviting him.

“Oh my gooooood, you two are so stupid!” She shouted, threading her fingers into her hair. “You are driving me insane! Oh my god, why didn’t I just tell Janey about the narrative?! Jake solves all your puzzles  _ one time- _ ”

“HE MOVED!” Jake interrupted with a scream, pointing at Uncle John who seemed to be regaining consciousness, the milky substance in his eyes slowly bleeding out and evaporating into thin air, like it was boiling but the strange sight made Jake try to back up despite sitting, looking like a panicked deer despite having been through this process multiple times.

“Oh my god, you freak out everytime-” Dirk started, jumping when Auntie Jade jerked back to life.

“Both of you shut up and get ready to return to the timeline!” She snapped, sitting back down next to Jake. The second her ass hit the couch, time returned to normal. Their world went from murky and dull back to it’s normal hues, pieces falling back into place. Dirk’s puzzle disappeared, cups and mugs suddenly disappeared from the sink, the house smelled of clorox and cleaning supplies, they were all wearing pajamas instead of their ‘fancy’ clothes. The locks and curtains were gone from the apartment, the entire place bright and cheerful. Not a spot of mental illness in sight. It felt… So different. There were toys out on the floor, less blankets… It didn’t feel right. Felt like an IKEA display.

“What was I saying?” Jade spoke up, sounding frustrated. “I keep forgetting these bloody little details…”

“We were talking about maybe not letting the OCD riddled maniac take care of four kids for the week.” John replied sarcastically. He was pacing, like he had never stopped in the first place. 

“You let me take care of the kids and I’m disabled.” Jade pointed out, leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms. Despite her general caring and sweet personality, she refused to take shit from her friends. “John, they’ll be fine. They’re all primarily independent anyway!”

“I’m just-”   
“Uh, hey.” Dave interrupted, looking dazed and confused as he walked in. He must’ve been there for a good few seconds. He didn’t have his facial scars. He.. He looked almost exactly like he did before he got taken in by The Boss and she already knew Dirk was going to freak the fuck out about that. “Sorry I’m late, some.. Weird things happened.” He mumbled, long sleeves covering his arms but Roxy got glimpses of sharpie marks as he moved around. They must’ve found a way to keep in contact. Good, that’ll make her job a lot easier.

“Like… What?” John questioned, looking at him with concern and suspicion all over his face.

“Just ran into a dude who was weird as shit. Um… Yeah, don’t worry about me taking the kids for a week. You guys need  _ the break _ ,” He got that look, the look he always got when he was speaking in code words, “and I’m a lot better nowadays. ‘Sides, they need to hang out! Poor kids have been going out of their minds lately.” He chuckled, the laugh emotionless and freaky, hollow sounding.

John sighed, oblivious to Dave’s attitude change and the extreme amounts of anxiety radiating off of all of them. “I.. Guess that’s okay…” He mumbled, looking at Dave with a look that would make someone's knees weak. They were literally the roommates historians talked about except they were actually platonic buddies instead of lovers. “Just call if you need something, alright? I know they can all be a fuckin’ handful.”

“I’ll have you know I’m a delightful handful!” She interrupted, crossing her arms huffily while Jake made a hurt noise next to her. She wasn’t sure when Jake got an empty bowl in front of him but it must have happened when the universe started the story up again.

“I’m a handful…?” Jake asked, sounding like a kicked puppy and just pouted more when Jane came over to comfort him, no one denying his question.

“Dave’ll be fine, he deals with me on the fucking daily and I’m more like a hatful.” Dirk explained, now sitting in the recliner where Jake had been, doing a crossword puzzle now. She had no idea how he could switch from one puzzle to the other without getting extremely confused. She also kinda wondered where the void put his other puzzle… Hopefully in its proper place, and not precariously balanced in a closet, waiting to drop on someone.

“Jake, you’re a delight and we’re all happy you’re here. Dave,” John sounded exasperated, “Just… Call, okay?” He asked, giving him That Look again, so much care and love. She knew it well, she always caught herself giving her friends that look when they were being stupid little shits.

“I’ll make sure Uncle Dave calls, John. Don’t worry, I can handle everyone!” Jane reassured him, a big smile on her face. As always, her makeup was perfect, complimenting her mustache themed jammies perfectly.

John sighed, nodding. “I know Janey. Well, we’ll get out of your hair. Don’t forget-”

“Jake has a peanut allergy, I know. EpiPen is in our bathroom, I know exactly where it is just in case.” Dave reassured him. Watching them was borderline painful. If Dirk was acting weird like this, she would tickle him until he spat out what was wrong or he threw up, none of this pussy footing around. You’d be surprised how many times Dirk chose the throwing up option…. Ten. Ten times.

“I’m allergic to peanuts…?” Jake whispered beside her, earning a sigh from Jane who always took him too seriously.

“Dude, stop being so peanutphobic.” She nudged him, grinning wide. Sometimes it felt like she was the only one that understood his humor although it was kind shard to tell if he was joking or not sometimes.

“This changes everything… I thought the itching was normal.” He whispered, looking genuinely distressed.

“Four letter word for unintelligent.” Dirk spoke up. “‘Jake.’” He wrote down the ‘answer’ the corners of his mouth turning up.

“Hey! I can still beat you at any puzzle game, buttface!”

“Jakey, don’t be mean.” Jane chastised him but had a smile on her face. She hated the fact Jake was a puzzle god but loved the fact Dirk hated it more.

Roxy turned her attention back to the adults. She should probably try finding out her new backstory, why she was here and who she was now but whatever. She could figure it all out later. For now, she just wanted to hang out with her friends and not worry about her eventual fate of ‘match maker’, already feeling the void tug and prod at her, pressuring her into convincing Dave to call Karkat.

_ Later! _

She relaxed once the void stopped messing with her and tuned back into the conversation, smiling brightly. God, she hated being the narrative’s little goon…

The changes in the apartment and Dave were too overwhelming and she could already see anxiety cracking Dirks steel like poker face, his hands shaking. She needed to get him to a safe place ASAP before he broke down.

“Diiiiirk!” She pestered, shoving Jake aside. “Didn’t you say you had something cool to show us? C’mon, I’m getting bored!” She egged him on, hoping he would take the out.

“Hm?” He looked up from his crossword, his fingers rapidly tapping the pencil in his hands. “Oh yeah!” He got up, heading towards his bedroom and the three of him followed him obediently. “So, you’ve heard of the toaster..” He trailed off, opening his door and urging them inside his room before quickly closing it the second they were all in there. “What the fuuuuuck….”

Jake nodded rapidly in agreement, grabbing one of Dirks blankets and wrapping himself up in it. “He looks so different..”

“What’s going on..?” Jane questioned before sighing. “Did the… The thingy do it’s thing?” She asked reluctantly, shuddering when Roxy nodded. “Goodness! What happened? What timeline did you come from?”

“It’ll take too long to explain. What are the details of this universe? I think we’re gonna need an update of the past…” Roxy sighed, flopping on Dirks bed, Jake laying down behind her. “Ten years?”

“Goodness..” Jane muttered sympathetically, her eyes wide with shock and worry. “Well… Dirk, Dave works at the Starbucks down the street and also goes to JoAnn’s part time, mostly lifting heavy things so his arms and back hurt a lot. Um.. Not much else? You can fake not being able to remember things due to mental illness so don’t worry about that. He recently, maybe two weeks ago, snapped at Jade, Rose and John so they’re all still sensitive about it and you’re still kinda nervous to bring it up because it was actually kinda scary and you said he went quiet for a long time- A lot of this is just in our texts so you’ll be okay. Jake, you went to Puerto Rico, New York, Mexico, China and the Netherlands during the summer-”

“Locations, Janey!” Jake complained dramatically, completely submerged in Dirks blankets now, only his head visible from the cocoon. “Towns, cities, please!”

“I don’t know, Jake! Just keep playing dumb, you’ll figure it out. Roxy,” She turned to her, smiling kindly and grabbed her hands before continuing, “Rose is in therapy now, she’s doing pretty well so far but that’s just what she says to everyone and that's how she looks. You told me she wasn’t doing very well but didn’t elaborate, I’m sure you can find more information on your phone.” Her voice was so sweet and kind, as per usual.

“How come you never hold me, Jane?” Dirk pointed out, deadpan as he rapidly scrolled through his phone, holding a hand up when Jane opened her arms for a hug. “That isn’t an invitation to touch me, I’m just bitching. Now, is there any major political news? Who's the president?”

“Someone who’s competent, I’ll tell you that!” Jane chirped, letting her arms fall back to her sides while the three of them sighed with relief.

“We made it to the good timeline. Tell me, have they made Cats into a movie yet?” Roxy asked desperately and dramatically, leaning against the mound that was Jake.

“Cats…?” Jane questioned, frowning when they all silently cheered, Jake wiggling happily while Roxy punched the air and Dirk… Didn’t look miserable.

“You have no idea of our trauma, Janey.” Jake complained, pouting. “It was awful! Dirk ate all of the fruit in the house so many times! I was starving to death and they all laughed at me! I’m a growing boy, I need my fruit!”

“No, that happened multiple times this month as well.” Jane told him, shaking her head solemnly while Jake let out a weak, sorrowful cry.

“Do we at least have a little bit more fruit…? Maybe some veggies..?” Jake asked quietly, giving Jane a pitiful puppy dog look.

“Oh baby..” Jane sighed, shaking her head as Jake cried again, his entire body getting consumed by blankets as he rolled over, now just a sad lump of soft cloth.

Dirk rolled his eyes, sitting in his office chair. “How sure are we that Jake isn’t secretly a fruit bat?” He questioned, turning on his computer.

“I’m not sure but I have a theory he’s a.. Were-fruit bat. Like, he turns into one every full moon.” Roxy suggested, leaning against the Jake lump. “It would explain why all of our food goes missing around that time… I’m starting to think Jakey just comes over to steal our shit.” She patted Jake’s back area comfortingly, feeling like a vet tech comforting a Great Dane before a tiny little shot.

“Jokes on that fucker, Dave doesn’t buy that shit unless you beg for it.” Dirk joked, snorting. “Shit’s fucking expensive, you gotta ask three weeks in advance so he can prepare.”

“Uh, Dirk… Dave always has fruits and veggies. You-” Jane dramatically looked around, leaning over, dramatically whispering in his ear. “You cut them into shapes, like apples shaped like stars and strawberries shaped as hearts..” 

Dirk gasped dramatically, his face completely blank. “No.. That’s so gay, why would I do something like that?”

“C.. Cause your gay, Dirk. You’re very gay… Also, shapes are cool as hell. We made pineapple stars once, that was awesome. It was all we ate that day besides the occasional tiny bunny shaped apple slice.” Jane hovered her hand over Dirks shoulder, moving it in slow, comforting circles. Good to know Dirks boundaries were still respected here.

“Holy fuck. Jane, are we all gay?” Dirk asked mournfully, looking up at her, still deadpan.

“Well, Roxy is…. Not straight, Jake is.. Figuring that out, uhm, you’re very gay and I’m figuring my own stuff out as well.” She explained, nodding sympathetically when Dirk gasped.

“No. This can’t be.”

“It’s crazy, I kn- Okay, let's drop the act. What are we supposed to do to keep the universe from falling apart? Surely there’s something we kinda need to do, I can just…” Jane sighed, finally sitting down next to Roxy, leaning against Jake’s lump as well. “Dave has kinda been on a spiral lately, cleaning to hell and back, having… Paranoia episodes.. You told me he, uh, threw out all the milk, bread, basically anything that could rot quickly and...Uhm… And he put like, ten locks on your window so I assume that’s because of the void or whatever it’s called.”

“Wait, what?” Dirk quickly got up, opening his curtains but was quickly met with black paint all over his window. “What… The fuck. How am I gonna do my work in here, there’s no fucking ventilation?! What about sunlight?!” He whisper yelled, clearly freaked out.

Jake finally rolled over, peeking his head out of his blanket tamale. “You could break the locks off..?”

Jane quickly started shaking her head. “Oh no, no. That would just make everything a million times worse, I’m sure you protesting would only freak him out more. Besides..” She leaned forward. “You said you haven’t seen him eat anything besides plain rice in days.. I don’t think he’d be able to handle anything well right now, even if he was mentally sound.”

“Ohhh my god..” Dirk breathed, clasping his hands behind his neck. “The fuck am I gonna do?!” He whisper yelled again, clearly freaking out. Dirk never enjoyed having someone take control over anything that he deemed as his own personal thing, the combined with the way Dave looked must’ve freaked him the fuck out.

“Okay, okay!” Roxy finally spoke up, standing up. “We can do this! We just gotta get him and Karkat back together again and he’ll focus all that nervous energy on the relationship and not us!”

“There is no us! I’m the only one with locks on my fuckin’ window!” Dirk snapped, beginning to pace.

“Who’s Karkat?” Jane ignored Dirk, standing up as well while she made deep breathing motions with her hands to keep everyone calm and to remind the to fucking  _ breathe _ .

“Dave’s soulmate, they need to meet and reconnect so they can make the balance of the universe correct again. I’m sure they already figured out a way to cheat the system by-” She got interrupted by someone knocking on the door. Quiet, one two three. It was Dave. That was the exact way he knocked when he first moved out of his dad's house...

“Yeah?” Dirk replied immediately out of habit, forcing his voice to be deep and steady despite the obvious panic he was going through.

“Hey, just wanted to let y’all know there's cash on the table. I’m pretty tired so I’m mostly going to be napping in my room, let me know if y’all need anything.” Dave replied, his voice muffled by the door.

The four thanked him, almost all trying to sound normal while Jake still sounded sorrowful, mourning the loss of his fruit privileges while feigning being hurt due to their ‘bullying’. After a few seconds of listening to Dave’s footsteps retreat, they dropped right back into conversation

“Let’s…. Let’s all try to have a normal day and relax a little bit.” Roxy suggested, letting Dirk continue to pace back and forth. “We’ll discuss all of this at some other point, let’s just have fun! Play some video games, chill out, eat some chips! We can start discussing our plan of action tomorrow.” She smiled, hoping to convince everyone to just chill the fuck out.

Jake sniffled, slowly wiggling off most of his cocoon. “I could play some games..”

“Dirk just got Mario Kart and Mario Party! Roxy, you said you would bring your dating sim games and your Kirby games! They should be in your backpack.” Jane chimed in, noticing Roxy’s attempts to bring Dirk away from a panic attack and trying to help.

“I… I could go for Mario Party…” Dirk murmured, sniffling sadly. He looked stressed as hell as he switched his shades with his glasses, dark circles around his bloodshot eyes. Poor guy, was probably stressed as hell from Dave’s whole episode stuff.

“Let’s play Mario Party! No thinking, only bright colors!” Roxy cheered, kicking Dirks door open easily. “Oooohh, I didn’t think I could do that!”

“Roxy, this is the tenth time I’ve told you to stop. There’s already a crack in my door! I can’t not have a door and your dirty sock marks never come out!” Dirk protested, not really that upset. She knew he thought it was cool.

“Suck it, Dirk! Fuck the rules, we’re playing Mario Kart!” She cheered, quickly making her way to the living room on bouncy feet, passing the multiple brooms. Three fucking brooms. Why did they own so many brooms here? Was that normal in this universe? Oh whatever.

She wasn’t looking forward to fixing this entire mess but she pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind as she started up the TV, just wanting to spend the rest of her evening being normal with her friends. They needed a break and so did she.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .....so. hows that for an ending? not proud but its an ending. might make a little series of the Alpha gang trying to get Karkat and Dave back together? who knows?  
> also, since this is ending, i'm kinda opening up the idea to the public is that makes sense? feel free to make fanart, your own headcanons, your own drabbles, just as long as you credit me
> 
> now, thank you all for reading this and sticking with my fic for this long! i want to thank everyone who comments, everyone who shares, everyone who just clicks on this fic! i worked hard on it and i couldn't have finished this without everyones support!

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to follow my blog valerian-valentine on tumblr for updates and such!


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